


Stay Here Tonight

by Dayo488



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Doctor Clarke Griffin, Emotional Roller Coaster, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Firefighter Bellamy Blake, Minor Becho, Minor Flarke/Faven, Mutual Pining, Photographer Clarke, Slow Burn, angsty, but worth it, like a crazy achingly slow burn, not a lot but some
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-01-24 13:35:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 176,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21339076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dayo488/pseuds/Dayo488
Summary: Clarke goes with her best friend Wells to a wedding of one of his fellow firefighters, Raven. Come to find out when they get there, that the groom is none other than Clarke's boyfriend of a year, Finn. Stuck with having to blow up Raven's wedding day, Clarke has to deal with the guilt of being the other woman, even if she didn't know, and figuring out how to move on.Surprisingly, the worst day of her life, just might lead to more happiness,  family, belonging, and love than she's ever known as she makes friends with some unexpected people. But she has a hard time with one person in particular in her new circle. Bellamy happens to be more stubborn, hardheaded, and protective than anyone she's ever come up against, but she might also see a different, kinder side of him that she never thought he would have.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & John Murphy, Bellamy Blake & Raven Reyes, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Octavia Blake & Clarke Griffin & Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake/Lincoln, Raven Reyes/Kyle Wick
Comments: 449
Kudos: 889





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! This is my first fic and I am crazy nervous to be posting it, and I'm not expecting much of anything, but I'm going to be brave and put it out there anyway because I'm having such fun writing it. I got this idea in my head and it wouldn't leave me alone so here we are!
> 
> Please be kind, but critique and suggestions are for sure welcome, either on the storylines or the actual writing. I love discussing Bellarke and being a part of a fandom of such an epic couple. 
> 
> I have general plot points I want to hit and I know the major parts of where this story is going, but it's been a while since I've written anything like this, so I'm not sure how quickly updates will come, but I will try to always keep you in the loop on what's happening. I will say I have 4 complete chapters written, totaling about 17.5k words so far, with a pretty good plan for the next few.
> 
> Title is taken from Brett Young's "Here Tonight", which gives me major Bellarke vibes.

Clarke paused with her hand on the doorknob, having spent a good 10 minutes pacing out in the hallway trying not to talk herself into leaving and running and never looking back. Wells could only stall for so long. She knew she had to do this. Even never having met this girl, she wouldn’t wish what she was about to hear on her worst enemy. Which, she supposes, is what she will be after day. The one who ruined it all.

_No. This wasn’t your fault. This was all him._

Yeah, right. If only she actually believed herself. ‘Don’t shoot the messenger’ is a pipe dream in reality. Everyone always wants to blame the messenger. Not to mention, Clarke feels like she _should’ve known_. Should’ve seen something, anything, that would have prevented herself and this girl from being in this situation. In any case, no way she can sit by while this girl gets married to someone she has no idea has been cheating on her for a year. This girl, Raven, Clarke remembers from the sign out front. Some cutesy thing,

20 years friends  
13 years dating  
2 years engaged  
Forever soulmates  
Finn Collins and Raven Reyes 

Numbers she will never forget as she goes to drop the bomb on Raven. The sign that revealed the truth about Clarke’s boyfriend in swirling purple letters and numbers and whitewash wood will be forever seared in Clarke’s memory. Wells had noticed her staring and frozen where she stood. He followed her eyes to the sign and started yelling.

“What the hell?! Damn it!” He grabbed Clarke, who had barely even blinked since seeing him name up on that sign, and dragged her to the side. “Hey, you ok? Clarke!” He snapped his fingers in front of her face. She finally dragged her gaze up to his. Brown, and warm, like they’ve always been. Wells has been her best friend since birth, her brother, in every sense of the word except one.

“Am I ok? Are you freaking kidding me? NO, I’m not ok!” She starts feeling a panic attack coming on, something that came with quite a bit of frequency after her dad died, but had only simmered in recent years.

“Ok, ok, you’re right, come here, sit down.” Wells had directed her to a bench outside. “Deep breaths, Clarke, come on, you’ve got this,” he says as he rubs her back soothingly.

She tries to focus on her breathing. There were people everywhere, smiling, laughing, all the while Clarke felt like someone had taken a battering ram to her heart. No, not someone. _Finn_. “Wells, what am I going to do?”

“Clarke, you don’t have to do anything. Let’s just go. I don’t know Raven well enough anyway, it’s not like I’ll be missed.” Wells had just transferred to the local fire station after having been a couple states away for the last few years. He had only been there a few weeks when word of Raven and her _awesome fiance’s_ wedding got around and she had invited the whole station to come. He didn’t really know anyone yet, so he had invited Clarke to be his plus one. She was all too happy to join him, not having a good chance to catch up with her friend, even if it meant getting up early on her day off; the wedding was supposed to start at 11am.

Clarke felt ice flow through her veins, making her shiver, despite the 90 degree day. “No, I can’t leave.”

“Seriously, you don’t need to see this, see him. We’ll go get a drink or ten and deal with this later.”

Wells’ intentions were good, always only looking out for her, but Clarke was cut of a different cloth. A memory of her father taking her for milkshakes surfaced, one of the many lessons he taught her. _Tell the truth, Clarke, even if it hurts. The longer you wait, the deeper the pain._

“Wells, I have to tell her.” Tears had sprung to her eyes, just thinking of what this was going to do. She was supposed to come hang out with Wells, enjoy the free food, dance a little, drink a little, flirt a little. Her loving boyfriend was out of town for a couple weeks _for work_, and she wanted to reconnect with her brother after him being gone for so long.

“Um, no. No! This isn’t on you; this isn’t your responsibility.”

“I know. But if I was in her position...” Clarke had flashed to herself in a wedding dress, getting ready for the happiest day of her life. She banished the image before it could go any further. That image would never happen. Not anymore. 

“Are you sure? Do you want me to come with you?”

“No. To both questions. But I’m going to do it anyway. Because it’s the right fucking thing to do.” Clarke closed her eyes briefly, took a deep breath, and stood. She took a tissue out of her purse, _weddings always make her cry_, and she steeled herself towards the door of the church, pointedly ignoring the dreadful sign. 

After Wells had distracted the lone person standing in the hallway outside the brides’ room, one of his new buddies from the station, she slipped up to the door, pausing and pacing for a bit before finally entering.

“Hello?” Clarke squeaks through her lips. She clears her throat, she needs to sound confident if she has any hope of being believed. “Raven, right?”

“Yeah? What are you doing back here? Who are you?” Raven asked as she turned and gained sight of Clarke. She was dressed in a white gown that was fitted through her thighs, showing off her hips, and blooming outward towards the bottom, with a lace overlay. Her hair was half up, soft brown curls ending just above the corset back. She looked gorgeous. 

“Um, Clarke. I’m...Clarke. Griffin. A friend of Wells Jaha? I came with him.” Annoyed at how she can’t seem to stop her nerves from getting the best of her, she tries again. “I need to talk to you, it’s important.”

“Well, Clarke Griffin, I’m sorry, but I’m a little busy right now. I’m supposed to walk down the aisle in a couple minutes. How did you get back here? Murphy was supposed to watch the door for me.”

“I’m sorry, Wells helped distract him for a moment.”

“Damn it Murphy. I just wanted one freaking second to myself,” she muttered.

“No, don’t blame him. Or Wells, for that matter. Please. This is me. I begged him to help.”

“Ok, well can it wait? At least until after the ceremony? Preferably after the honeymoon though. Especially if it’s bad news.” Raven’s eyes narrowed towards Clarke, piercing and probing. 

Clarke ignored the image flirting with the edge of her mind of the mention of the honeymoon. “No, I’m so so sorry, it really can’t.”

“Fine, whatever it is, just out with it already.” Raven stood facing her with her hands on her hips.

“Your fiance, Finn, he...uh…” 

“Rave! You ready? I got to tell you, your future husband is looking pretty good…..” a girl with a huge smile and tattoos on her face walked in and interrupted Clarke. Raven’s own face erupted in a huge smile at the mention of Finn. 

“Just a sec, Emori. Clarke here has something life or death to tell me _right now_. I’ll just be a minute. Go tell your boyfriend he’s fired from guard duty and just hang out in the hallway for me for a second? Please?”

“Uh, sure.” Emori looked anything but sure as her gaze landed on Clarke and Clarke turned away, staring at the ground. “I’ll just be outside.”

Raven turned back to her, “Ok, seriously what is going on?”

“Finn and I have been dating for a year.” Clarke blurted out, not wanting to be interrupted again.

Raven stared at her with her mouth open. “What. The. _Hell?!_” 

“I’m so sorry, I…” 

“NO! Don’t you dare. Who the hell do you think you are to spew garbage like that? This is my fucking WEDDING DAY!” she roared.

Clarke stood her ground, refusing to shrink away, knowing that Raven’s day and life as she knew it has been burned to the ground. It would take her a hot minute to accept it. She pulled out her phone as calm as could with only a slight shake of her hands and pulled up her gallery.

“These were taken last week, before he left for a work trip. He said he would miss me. Wanted to take me out for an amazing night before he left in the morning for the airport.” She held her phone out towards Raven, not wanting to show her, to see the hurt on the bride’s face as she faced who Finn really was, but also wanting her to understand. “I didn’t know about you,” she adds quietly.

Raven stared at the device as if it would bite her, before stretching her own shaking hand out to take the phone from Clarke.

As Raven scrolled through the pictures, her expression changed from anger to sadness, back to anger, then finally to acceptance. She handed the phone back to Clarke. 

“Get out.”

“Wha-what?”

“I. Said. Get. Out.” Tears formed in the corner of her eyes and she turned away. “I need to deal with this now, you can go.”

“Is there anything I can do? I swear Raven, I had no idea. If I had, I would have never gone along with it.” Clarke tried to hardest make her understand. Raven stayed quiet, not even looking at her. 

Clarke wiped away the tears that had taken root in her own eyes, refusing to let them fall out. She turned away from Raven and made for the door. As she reached out to open it, she heard Raven whisper over to her. 

“Thank you.”  
Clarke stepped out into the hallway as Raven’s sobs reached her ears, not wanting to lose it herself until she was alone. She glanced down the hallway and saw Emori standing at the end of it, talking to a man who seemed to be angry and gesturing wildly. 

“What do you mean she’s talking to someone?! She does know that she’s supposed to be getting married right?” The man ran a frustrated hand through his wavy moppy hair. He was tall and well built and looked incredibly uncomfortable, albeit handsome, in his tuxedo. 

“Calm down Bellamy, I’m sure it’s fine. Raven can take care of herself.” Emori put her hands on his shoulders and was trying to get him to settle down when she noticed Clarke walking towards them. Bellamy spun around and faced her. 

“What’s going on? What are you doing?!”

“My name is Clarke, I needed to speak to Raven about something important,” Clarke said in a small voice. 

“What the hell is so important that you had to stop her before she walked down the aisle?!”

“I’m so...I’m so sorry. I think you need to go talk to her. She’s going to need you.” Clarke left them and rounded the hallway, ignoring the shouts from Bellamy and Emori behind her. 

Clarke didn’t stop walking until she was outside, needing the fresh air to breathe again. She closed her eyes, lifting her face to the sun, and took a deep breath. She knew once she started accepting what had happened herself, she wouldn’t care about the sunshine for quite a while. 

***

Bellamy arrived at the church early, wanting to double check everything was perfect for Raven’s day. Well, Raven and _Finn_’s day. Despite his objections over Raven’s choice in groom, he knew how much Finn meant to Raven so he put on a happy face for one of his best friends. They’ve known each other for almost as long as Finn and Raven have. After her mother died and the Collins family took her in, Bellamy and Raven became friends, living down the street from each other. She helped him with Octavia when Bellamy’s mother was gone for weeks at a time, and he was there as she figured out her grief for the mother that never loved her. There was never anything more than that though, just two kindred spirits stuck in situations that they didn’t choose. 

It was why she chose him to walk her down the aisle, why he was her man of honor. They were siblings. Maybe not like him and Octavia, but pretty close. Octavia was standing up for her too, although her distaste for Finn was more well known. He chose to stick to keeping a watchful eye and made it pretty clear to Finn when they had started dating that he considered her a sister and wouldn’t tolerate any pain he may or may not put her through.

He checked all the decorations for the millionth time, walking around the building to make sure people were getting in ok. It was getting close to the big moment and he was trying to shake the bad feeling that had plagued his mind all morning. 

He heard a shout and spun around to see Wells, the new kid in from Polis, in a rage over something, talking to his date, a blonde girl he didn’t recognize. Wells pulled her over to the bench and Bellamy was glad to see the disruption was over for the moment, though the girl was now bent over having some kind of attack. 

His hand twitched in some weird instinct to approach her and see if he could help, when Octavia called out to him. He snapped back to focus, and greeted his beautiful baby sister.

“Hey, O! So glad you could make it,” Bellamy frowned at her. She was cutting it awful close, considering her spot is up front with him and Raven. 

“Well, you know. Stuff came up, had to deal with it,” Octavia winked at him as she does when she thinks he’s overreacting.

“Better not be your boss. I’ve told you how many times to quit that stupid place,” he muttered to her. Octavia was a tattoo artist a few blocks away from the church. It wasn’t his favorite of her choices, but she loved it and was incredibly talented, so he supported her. Her boss Titus, on the other hand, was a jerk and demanded ridiculous hours from her.

“Gotta pay the bills somehow big brother. Besides, I’m here, aren’t I? So where’s our girl?” 

“In the back, come on, I’ll take you over to see her real quick.” He led her up the steps, sparing a quick glance back to the bench, seeing it now completely empty. Wells and his girlfriend must’ve either left or gone inside to take their seats. Whatever, he didn’t have time to waste thinking about them.

They wandered around the corner, having passed Wells and Murphy talking about how Murphy got the long scar down his right arm. Weird that Wells is suddenly over here, and without his girl, he just shook his head as he kept walking and saw Emori standing a little ways away outside Raven’s room. 

“Hey Emori, looks like Murphy found someone else to tell a new story about his scar. What’s it this time?”

“Metal shard sticking out of a car dangling off a cliff during a rescue.” She said distractedly. 

“Of course. Wouldn’t be too interesting to tell what really happened.” Bellamy rolled his eyes at the memory of how Murphy really got that scar. He had been drunk off his ass at another one of their Sunday family dinners and tripped over his own feet and sliced his arm open on a vase that had broken and joined him in his fall. “Anyway, O wants to say hi to Raven before she makes her big debut. She ready?” 

“Uh, yeah, almost, I think.”

“What does that mean?” Octavia said what he was thinking, having noticed Emori’s weird expression. 

“Hey Octavia, will you find Finn and the minister and tell them to hold off for a bit?”

“Hold off? Why? What’s going on?” Bellamy could feel his anxiety rising and the bad feeling from earlier getting worse. 

“Uh...sure? Ok, I guess I’ll just catch her in a minute then…” Octavia made a face at having to find Finn, and ran off the opposite way.

“Emori?” Bellamy turned back to his friend.

“I went in to go see if she needed anything last minute and there was someone there.”

“What?”

“Some fidgety blonde girl was in there saying she needed to talk to Raven and it couldn’t wait until after the wedding.” Ah. So that’s what Wells was doing, distracting Murphy. 

Damn it, Murphy.

“What do you mean she’s talking to someone?! She does know that she’s supposed to be getting married right?” he said exasperatedly, running his fingers through his hair, not caring that he messed up any sort of style he had attempted to wrangle it into today.

“Calm down Bellamy, I’m sure it’s fine. Raven can take care of herself.” Emori tried to calm him, but honestly that was just making it worse. Emori caught something out of the corner of her eye and turned. 

The blonde girl in question was walking towards them. He rounded on her. “What’s going on? What are you doing?!”

“My name is Clarke, I needed to speak to Raven about something important,” she said quietly, head ducked down. 

“What the hell is so important that you had to stop her before she walked down the aisle?!” Bellamy demanded.

“I’m so...I’m so sorry. I think you need to go talk to her. She’s going to need you.” With that, Clarke walked past them and headed towards the exit. _Sorry? What the hell does that mean?_

He exchanged a glance with Emori and they both turned in unison towards Raven’s room. 

The closer they got, the louder the sobs were. They rushed in the room and Bellamy’s heart broke as he saw his friend doubled over on the floor in sobs. She looked up at them and broke all over again. Bellamy and Emori rushed over to her. 

“Raven, what the hell is going on? What happened?” Emori asked.

“Finn...the bastard...he cheated on me. With HER!” Raven croaked out as she gestured towards the door.

“THE HELL?!” Bellamy shouted. “They did WHAT?! How do you know she’s not just jealous and trying to ruin today?”

“There were pictures of them.” Raven allowed herself to be helped up onto a nearby couch and grabbed some tissues off the table. “She said...she didn’t know.” So, not Well’s girlfriend, his brain noted.

“Oh I’m SURE she didn’t. I’m going to kill him.”

Bellamy got up to storm out, but Raven grabbed his arm and shook her head. “No. I have to do this. Go find him, Emori, and bring him here?” Emori nodded and left quickly.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Just, can you make the announcement and send everyone home? I sure as hell don’t want Finn doing it and I sure as hell don’t want to.”

Bellamy reached up and ran his fingers through his hair again. He figured his style doesn’t matter anymore anyway.

He waited until Finn and Emori got back and he stood as tall and as intimidating as he could muster and glared at him. Bellamy could almost taste copper in his mouth from biting his tongue and feel the cuts forming on his arms where his nails dug into his skin. 

“I told you. I told you what would happen. From now on, after today, you stay the HELL away from her. From all of us. Watch your back,” Bellamy bit out. 

“Bellamy,” Raven said quietly.

“I’m going.” Against his better judgement, he walked out. 

He ran into Echo and Murphy in the hallway, clearly looking for him. Bellamy and Echo had been dating for about six months now, casual for a few before that. 

“Hey,” she asks him softly. “What’s going on?” 

“Yeah, people are getting restless out there. I could stall with my jokes and good looks, but I’m a little afraid Raven might up killing me. I already let myself get sidetracked earlier,” Murphy joked. When the attempt at humor failed to land with Bellamy, he got more serious, “Seriously man, what happened?”

“Piece of shit Collins cheated on Raven. Wedding’s off.”

“Right. Well, at least she can take comfort in the fact that I’m now going to bash his face in,” Murphy started off towards Raven’s room before Bellamy grabbed his arm.

“Trust me, I’d like nothing more than to join you, but she said she wants to take care of this herself.”

“Of course she does.”

“What do you need from me?” Echo asked. “I can beat his ass too if necessary,” she added, her normal sharper tone slipping past the concern. Bellamy snorted.

“Thanks, nothing right now. Actually, find O for me and meet in the sanctuary? I’ve got some bad news for a lot of people.” She grabbed his hand and squeezed, nodded and took off to find Octavia and the other two of them left to take care of the couple hundred people waiting to witness the joining of two souls that would never be joined.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I am completely blown away that you guys have even given my crazy story a chance, let alone commented and liked it! 
> 
> I'm super excited as we get farther into this little universe. Just for reference, asterisks will denote POV change, and dashes will separate will be a way marking a time lapse, kind of like a skip ahead if that makes sense? Also, feel free to let me know if you spot any mistakes or have any questions and I'll try to answer as long as the answer isn't too spoilery ;)
> 
> I am thinking I will try to get it updated weekly? So I'm thinking I'll have Chapter 3 up around next Wednesday.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Wells found Clarke lingering around outside and insisted on driving her back to her place. To be honest, she would rather have gone anywhere else, but didn’t have the strength to argue with him. They picked up some lunch on the way and she spent the remainder of the ride gazing out the window at the sun. _It would have made for some lovely wedding pictures._ She hated that Finn did this to them. Hated that Raven was still probably unsure about her involvement. Hated that Wells is now getting caught up in the middle of the situation when he had _just_ joined that station. 

They pulled into her parking garage and had just gotten out when her phone rang and her knees felt like they would buckle underneath her when she saw who was calling. She stared at it for so long that it ended up going to voicemail and she couldn’t completely ignore the tiniest part of her that was disappointed.

She hated him, but also still loved him. Didn’t want him back, but wanted this whole thing to have never happened. 

They took the elevator to her floor and as they reached her door, she turned to him.

“Sorry about your new friends, Wells, I hope this doesn’t affect things down at the station,” Clarke apologized. 

“Stop, it’s fine. Look, I hate this, but I have to go. I should go make sure Dad took his meds this afternoon,” Wells looked down in shame, but she didn’t blame him. His mother had died when Wells was just a kid and his dad was diagnosed with liver cancer just a few months ago. It’s why Wells had come back. Clarke tried to tell him that he could hire someone to help, but Wells was insistent on doing as much of it himself as possible. 

“I’ll be okay. I’ll eat something, maybe drink a glass a wine, binge Netflix, eat some ice cream, you know.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks for waiting with me.”

“Of course.” He wrapped her in a hug, gave her an extra squeeze and turned around to walk away.

Wells had just gotten in the elevator, probably hadn’t even left her floor yet, when her phone rang again. She could feel the walls caving in around her and squeezed her eyes shut. She barreled into her apartment, threw her phone on the couch and the food on the counter and fell to the floor.

She couldn’t believe she let this happen. What was she thinking? Here was this gorgeous perfect guy saying all the right things and be romantic and pursuing her and all Clarke wanted was to feel loved. Feel that warmth that came from being loved so deeply by somebody. At least, that’s what she told herself.

There was definitely a rose colored glasses situation going on. 

Their whole relationship was playing on a constant loop through her head. 

She was fresh out of her internship and had just started her residency at her mother’s old hospital as an OB/GYN and the first week was grueling, but it was everything she wanted it to be. There were some beautiful babies born, new babies discovered growing, and women in general to help. It’s why she had picked this field. She wanted to help the next generation come into this world, and to make sure their mothers were as healthy as they could be. 

The job didn’t come with some heartbreak though. The first stillborn she delivered just about broke her. It was this wonderful couple, first child, and it was just nothing anyone could do. Just some freak occurrence of nature that would forever change their lives.

She had found some supply closet in the hallway of the birthing center, not wanting to show her tears to the new parents around her, when Finn walked in on her.

“Hey, sorry. I was just trying to find some more receiving blankets for room 6,” he said hesitantly. “Baby girl’s bowels are nice and healthy,” he added, chuckling. You okay?”

She handed him a few blankets from the shelf next to her. “Yeah. I just delivered a baby to the couple in 3.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I heard, I’m so sorry. I’m Dr. Finn Collins, I’m a pediatrician here. Just transferred in from a hospital one town over.”

“Dr. Clarke Griffin,” she sniffled.

He took a seat next to her and handed her one of the blankets. “You know that wasn’t your fault right? It’s awful, and horrible, and no one should ever have to go through that pain, but sometimes these awful, horrible things happen for no reason.”

“Yeah.” Then she added, “Thanks.”

“Anytime. Enjoy your stay in the closet here. I’m sure we’ll run into each other again?”

“Probably at some point.”

“You got someone at home you can talk to?”

“Not really, my best friend is a firefighter over in Polis and my mother and I don’t really talk anymore. I’ll figure it out.”

“Okay. Just in case, here’s my number. Use it. We’ll meet for coffee or something and...talk.” He winked at her and left.

She didn’t really have many friends, always opting to study, study, study. And when she wasn’t studying, she was off on hikes and to the beach to take pictures. Her dad was a photographer too so sometimes when she felt lonely or stressed, she’d take his camera out and just enjoy the quiet and the beauty that surrounded her. 

Finn became a staple very quickly. He wined and dined her. Took her to concerts, to plays, out to dinner. He seemed to enjoy spending time with her. And she had a friend, a _boyfriend_, who understood her and made her feel loved again.

But he’d leave at a moment’s notice, always blaming the hospital and since Clarke would it occasionally too, she didn’t think to question it. Didn’t think much of it when he would rarely spend the night or how they were always at her place. His was _too bachelor_ for her, he’d say, and he wasn’t a bachelor anymore so until he redid it, he thought they’d be more comfortable at her place.

She let the memories hang there as she picked herself up off the floor, grabbed the first carton of Chinese and some chopsticks and headed to the couch. Kicked off her heels, but left her dress on. She was too tired to change, too emotionally raw to think about making it any further than the couch right now.

She had just tucked her feet up under her when her phone vibrated against her foot. She can’t let this just keep going.

She hit answer and just held the phone up to her ear. 

“Clarke? Oh my goodness, you finally picked up. Clarke, I-”

“No, Finn. Just no. Don’t call me again.”

“But wait, Clarke!”

She hung up the phone and put it on the table in front of her. It vibrated very quickly again and she slammed her palm on it in frustration.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” she shouted at it, as if the phone itself was the problem. The vibrating had barely stopped when it started up again. She answered it again.

“So help me, Finn. Leave me alone, I mean it.”

“Clarke, I’m sorry about what happened, I was going to tell you-” 

Clarke cut him off.

“Excuse me? When? Before or after your fucking honeymoon?!” A knock sounded at her door and she furrowed her brow.

“Clarke, I love you!” he shouted into the phone, ignoring her honeymoon question. She got up and walked over to the door. _What now?!_

“No, Finn. This isn’t love. You don’t know what real love is like. Turns out I don’t either.” She opened the door, eyes widening in surprise when she saw who was at the door.

Raven.

“Don’t call me again. Ever.” Clarke hung up and lowered the phone and stared at the girl in the doorway.

“Raven? What are you doing here?” She was now dressed in jean shorts and black tank top, makeup clearly washed off her face and eyes red.

She breezed past Clarke as she let herself in. “I need some answers. I need to know how much you knew.”

“Raven, I swear on whatever or whoever you want me to swear on, I’m just as heartbroken as you are, I had no idea.”

“My friends think I shouldn’t have come, that you’re full of bullshit.”

“I’m not. What do you want to know?”

“How do you two even know each other? What were you doing at my wedding? You said you came with Wells, right? The new guy?”

Clarke took a deep breath.

“Yeah, we grew up together, mostly. He transferred to Arkadia because of his dad and when he got invited to your wedding, he didn’t want to seem rude to his new team so he decided to go. Took me as his plus one so we could get a chance to hang out and reconnect. I didn’t even know your name when we pulled up. I obviously didn’t know that it was Finn’s, of all people, wedding. He told me he was out of town for work,” she reminded Raven. “A patient from another hospital requested him, he said.

“Finn is a pediatrician at the hospital where I work as an OB. We met in January, last year, started dating a few months after that.”

“Over a year? It’s been over a fucking year?!”

“I’m so sorry Raven,” Clarke said, for what felt like the billionth time. “Wait, how are you here? How did you even know where I live?”

Raven waved a hand in the air, “Oh, I’m good with computers, whatever. Not hard to find you, you’re kind of in a lot of articles in Arkadia’s newspaper,” she added.

“Yeah, I‘m aware,” Clarke responded, referring to her mother’s fame as a neurosurgeon and subsequent quitting her profession well before expected. Her dad was in there too, but nothing like her mother.

Abby Griffin was infamous, being one of the few people in the world able and willing to do some of the procedures she did. It resulted in a pretty privileged childhood for Clarke, one that Clarke had actively shied away from in her teenage years after her dad died. 

Jake Griffin was renowned himself, for photography. His pictures hung in galleries and homes all across the country, including her own apartment. He was much more laid back than her mother, but those differences were never more apparent than when Clarke was sixteen and the truth about their marriage came out. They would try to hide their fighting, but it was impossible to do completely. 

The night her father died, they had had a family meeting, one where they were all in tears as they told their daughter that they were separating and filing for divorce. 

Clarke pulled herself out of those memories and addressed Raven again, “Look, this hasn’t exactly been easiest day - “

“You don’t fucking say.”

“ - but I’d really like to just be alone right now. Was there anything else you needed?”  
Raven stared her down for a moment, searching for something. When she seemingly found whatever it was that she was looking for, she responded, “No, I’m done. Thanks again for the info.”

She turned around and walked out, leaving Clarke alone with her thoughts again. 

No sooner had she turned to go back to her food and box of tissues, that her phone rang, _again_.

“SON OF A BITCH!” she railed, throwing her phone across the room, it shattering and breaking all over the floor. “Fuck this, I’m out of here.”After typing a quick message to Wells on her laptop so he wouldn’t worry when he wouldn’t be able to get a hold of her on her phone, Clarke grabbed her heels, wallet, and car keys and made for the elevator, slamming her door behind her.

\----------

Clarke drove around for a little while, trying to figure out where to go that she could get a drink, _or a hundred_, that Finn wouldn’t think to look for her. The bar he usually took her to, Tunnels, was out, clearly. Wells had taken her to a different one though a few weeks back, TonDC, that was really awesome and kind of out of the way, which made it perfect for disappearing. 

Finally finding it, she walked into the bar and straight up to the counter, plopping her stuff down and ordering a shot of tequila from the bartender, Lincoln, the name tag read. She downed one, two, three shots before she noticed someone was standing behind her. Glancing over her shoulder, she noticed the guy that was yelling at her at the wedding, _Bellamy?_, was standing there, arms crossed and glaring at her like she had offended him in some way.

She turned back, took her fourth shot, and without looking, asked, “Can I help you with something, or did you just want to watch the show? The idiot girl who ruined the day of a shitton of people getting hammered?”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry, are you dense? Hard of hearing? Confused, maybe, about where you are? I’m here to get drunk. Hopefully enough to forget the last 24 hours.” She took yet another shot and grabbed some peanuts from the bowl a couple seats over. She wanted to black out the day, but maybe not throw up all over the place. The rate she was going, she was going to get there in record time.

“You need to leave.”

“Um, no? If my presence bothers you so much, you can go.”

“Look, you say you didn’t know about Finn and Raven, and, regardless of whether I believe you or not, which I sure as hell don’t, you still ruined one of my best friends’ wedding day and we’re all here to figure out how best to help her and you just _can’t be here_.”

Clarke finally turned around, noticing the full table in the corner of the bar, filled with firefighters and other people she couldn’t place. Murphy, Emori, and Bellamy, obviously, she recognized, but the rest were new. Wait, one more she knew, Harper, a nurse in the birthing center she worked in. They had had lunch a few times, chatted about nothing deep, but they hit it off. Clarke had thought maybe they could’ve become friends eventually. Well, that’s shot now she guessed.

They all had drinks in front of them, and in various states of formal wear, staring or glaring at her and Bellamy’s reaction. She sighed, “First of all, _I didn’t know_. How many times am I going to have to explain that? I’m just as surprised and heartbroken as she is. Hence the drinking. Second -” he cut her off.

“I doubt that. They were together for 13 years, I think she’s got quite the leg up on you in the heartbroken department.” It irritated her, but he did have a point. Not that she’d concede it him though.

“Would you just shut up for a minute? Second, this is a free country and a public place. Just leave me alone to drink myself into oblivion and I’ll go on my merry way.” 

“How the hell didn’t you know?”

“Excuse me?”

“Well if your telling the truth, how many red flags did you have to ignore? No one is that stupid.”

“Did you really just call me _stupid_? Or _Raven_ stupid for that matter? You don’t think I feel that way myself?! You think I’m not rethinking every ridiculous time he said he had a work emergency or had to go out of town or was just plain busy? I loved him. He was all I had until Wells came back, of course I ignored the red flags! But still, and for the last time, I DIDN’T KNOW!” 

“Well, I -”

“Leave her alone Bellamy. I believe her.”

They both spun around to face the door to see Raven standing there, hands on her hips.

***

Bellamy could not believe she dared show her face in here. After ruining Raven’s day, he couldn’t be more furious with her if he tried. Never mind that she was telling the truth about the kind of man Finn had proven to be, _he knew he hated that guy_, she just had to do it as Raven was getting ready to walk down the aisle.

He was pretty sure he hated her. Although, he had to admit, he didn’t hate her as much as he did Finn. Who he had to actively prevent himself from going to and beating his ass.

And he certainly didn’t trust her. Not with this many coincidences. No way.

They had all gone to TonDC, their usual bar, after he and Murphy had made the announcement that the wedding was off. They made it seem like Raven and Finn had just changed their minds, wanting to give Raven some privacy, and made it clear that they were all welcome to head to the reception hall where they could enjoy the food that had been set up. When they had gone back to Raven’s room to check on her, she was gone. Finn stormed past them on his way out and he hadn’t been heard from since. _Good riddance_.

They all had taken turns calling Raven, texting her, trying to figure out where she had gone. She texted back that she was fine, that she’d see them later. They let her know they were headed to TonDC and that she should come by. 

Still, her showing up when she did, in the presence of this girl that ruined her day, _defending Clarke_, of all things, it threw him for a second. 

“Raven! There you are! We were so worried!” He gestured behind to their table where their friends who had conveniently started staring at their glasses as soon as he said ‘stupid’, suddenly were paying attention again.

“I’m fine, Bellamy. Pissed as _hell_, but fine. And stop yelling at Clarke. We had a talk earlier, and I believe her when she said today was the first she’d found out about it.” Raven turned to Clarke then, and said the very opposite of anything he wanted to hear right now. “Come sit with us, Clarke. Misery loves company.” 

“Rave -” _Come ON. No way_.

“She’s hurting too, Bellamy. She’s welcome with us.”

Clarke spoke up then, “Uh, thanks? I’m not sure I’m welcome with everyone though. Besides, I’m really kind of a drink on your own kind of girl.” She glanced at Bellamy and the table behind her. She’s perceptive of the mood in the room, he’ll give her that. 

“No, you are welcome. Ignore Bellamy. He’s a grump and overprotective. We never really liked Finn the douche bag anyway,” Murphy suddenly said from behind him.   
“Hey -” Bellamy protested. 

“Murphy -” Raven started.

“Sorry, Raven, we love and support you, but Finn was always more than just a little bit smarmy.” Raven gave Murphy a look, but didn’t say anymore as he continued. “And Bellamy, don’t even try to tell me I’m wrong about you. I’ve got a table full of people over there that will back me up. Clarke, right? Raven is right, we’ve definitely got room for one more.” 

Bellamy rolled his eyes but let it go. Not that he’d ever admit it, but he maybe did have a slight overprotective streak. And most people bugged him, his family at that table aside. Especially spoiled privileged people like the princess across from him.

The people at that table were his family. Growing up, he raised his sister Octavia from the time he was 10 and she was 4. Their mom had gone off and left them behind, on a bender, he found out later. It was the first time she had done something like that, but it definitely wasn’t the last. For fear of being split up, Bellamy never bothered to tell anyone but Raven. 

Aurora Blake came back eventually, but it was always a matter of time before she’d disappear again. Money was always tight, but there was at least enough to feed and clothe Octavia, and Bellamy made do okay. He was bound to have a bit of a grumpy streak. With Bellamy 30 now, and Octavia 24, they were out of her house and on their own. Aurora still lived nearby, clean, usually, but the damage to the relationship was still there, so they only saw her near Christmas time. 

So the people from his station, and a couple others, they _were_ his family. He loved each one of them and would do anything for any of them. Murphy was his oldest friend, aside from Raven. They went through training together and just happened to be assigned to the same firehouse. Murphy started dating Emori, a 9-1-1 operator, a few years ago, after meeting her through a call. Emori’s friends from her team, Monty and Jasper, just tagged along to a Sunday family dinner and fit in like they’d always belonged there. 

From them, Harper joined, their friend from college, a nurse at the local hospital. Monty and Harper had been flirting for a while now, and more than one night had been spent waiting for one of them to make a move. Finn used to join sporadically, though he always made sure they knew he had other places he’d rather be than with them.

Then, of course, Echo. She was a P.I., so she worked weird hours, but she was strong and independent and her and Bellamy got into their thing fast and heavy, not to mention passionately. He didn’t think it was going anywhere at first, but after a few months and her moving in with him, he had to admit that it was nice to have someone to come home to. 

They were a delinquent bunch, but they were everything to him. So when one of them got hurt, he was incredulous over the perpetrator just being invited in without any argument. Surely he couldn’t be the only objection!

He looked to Clarke to answer, chewing her bottom lip practically all the way through.

“Um, sure. I guess. I’ve got nothing else to do.” She ordered another shot and followed them to the table, sitting a bit awkwardly off to the side. 

“Wow, you sound so excited there, Princess.” Bellamy scoffed at her. So glad she found it in her heart to accept the unnecessary invitation. She glared at him for the nickname, and then rolled her eyes and picked a chair. Bellamy hadn’t even meant for the name to leave his head, but now that it was out, it suited her.

Bellamy for his part huffed and sat as far away as possible. Just because they were blinded to her, doesn’t mean he had to be. For Raven’s sake, he’ll just ignore her and pretend she wasn’t there.

“So, Raven, what do you want to do from here?” his sister asked her. 

“I can’t even think about what to do now. I was supposed to leave for the cabin tonight for our honeymoon,” she spit out.

His and Octavia’s mountain cabin in the woods wasn’t huge, but it was enough. He’d worked his tail off at the firehouse for years before managing to snag it. 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a living room, kitchen, and sitting room he’d converted to a library. It wasn’t terribly impressive, but it was his. Well, he had put Octavia’s name on it too, just in case something happened to him. He’d offered it to Raven and Finn for the week, knowing how much she loved it up there for their honeymoon. 

“Well, no reason why we can’t still do that! Let’s all go! I’ve got some time saved up and Lord knows I need a break from Titus. The rest of you were planning on taking the rest of the week off anyway and heading to the coast, so you’ve got your shifts covered already. The cabin with all of us would be so awesome!” Octavia’s voice seemed to grow higher and get faster and faster and when she does that, she’s about to dig her heels in and there’s no point even trying to argue.

“You guys don’t have to do that. I can just call down and go back to work.”

“Um, no, this sounds amazing! Monty and I will bring drinks!” Jasper exclaimed. Groans from just about everyone sounded as they now had to anticipate Monty and Jasper’s special batch of moonshine that would destroy everyone. 

“Is there enough space?” Echo asked. 

“We’ll make it work, just bunk everyone together,” Murphy winked at them. “Just not mine and Emori’s room, our’s is off limits to crashers,” he added. 

Bellamy rolled his eyes, “Whatever Murphy, we’ll be fine. There’s room.”

“You’re coming too, right Clarke? You look like you could use the time away yourself.” Raven elbowed her. 

No. Hell no. No fucking way was this princess being invited to the cabin. It wasn’t enough that she got invited to their table but now he had to put up with her the whole week?

“Uh, Raven? Maybe that’s not a great idea? Also, I’m sure she has work,” he tried.

“Oh give it a rest Bellamy. She’s hurting too, she needs this too.”

“No, he’s right, Raven. I don’t belong there. That’s for you guys to go and spend time together. I don’t belong there.” Clarke repeated. Well, at least she was right about that. 

“_No_, you do.” The rest of the table nodded in agreement. 

Seriously, he’s an island.

“You can even invite Wells!” Raven offered. 

“Oh, no, thanks, but he definitely has work. He has a bunch of stuff to catch up on. Since he just got there, he wouldn’t be able to get the week off.”

“Okay, well, you in?”

Clarke looked around, as if waiting for some reason to say no, but like his too-nice friends usually did, they hadn’t given her much choice. 

_Well, I guess we’re doing this then._

“I guess saying yes is my only choice, it seems like, and I haven’t taken any vacation days at all this year,” Clarke gave in.

“That’s an oxymoron,” Bellamy muttered under his breath.

Her head whipped around to address him. “What did you just call me?”

“Nothing, Princess,” Bellamy smirked. He hadn’t called her a name, but it wouldn’t be the worst thing if she thought he had. “So, Octavia, Echo, Murphy, Emori and I will get groceries. Monty, Jasper, Harper and Raven will grab games and drinks and whatever else.”

“Moonshine!” Monty and Jasper did their weird self-five, but Bellamy ignored them and moved on. 

“We’ll meet back here in a couple hours?”

“What should I bring?” Clarke asked. “If you’re letting me come along with you, I should at least be contributing.”

“No, don’t worry about it. Just, grab your stuff and we’ll swing by and grab you on our way out. Where do you live?”

“Oh, I know. I’ll direct you.” Raven offered up.

Bellamy side-eyed Raven’s knowledge of where this girl lived, but he moved on. 

“Okay then. Everyone head on out!”

“Um, I hate to ask this, but I don’t exactly have a phone to call a cab and I’m six shots in and probably shouldn’t be driving. Anyone mind giving me a ride?” Clarke piped up. Damn it, she was already causing problems. Great start.

“Oh I’ve got you!” Octavia offered. “Anyone that can go toe to toe with my brother without backing down is someone I need to get to know!” 

“What happened to your phone?” Bellamy asked, probably a bit too irritated. 

“It got into a fight with a wall earlier when some douche bag wouldn’t stop calling.”

He watched as Raven’s face fell for half a second before it turned to pissed off. “Well, good riddance! I’ve got an extra you can borrow while you wait to get a new one. Grab your SIM when you grab your stuff and I’ll transfer it on the way for you.” Off Clarke’s incredulous expression, like she couldn’t believe the way Raven was treating her, which to be honest, neither could Bellamy, “Good with computers, remember? It’s not even that hard.”

“Wow, thanks, that’d be great, Raven.” Raven just shrugged.

“Okie dokie, so where are your keys? I’ll drive your car to my place, grab my stuff and then we’ll head to your’s? That way we can just leave your car there when Bell comes to grab us.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yep, no problem at all.”

_Nope, big problem. Lots of big problems. _

Including that Bellamy had absolutely no idea what he was about to get himself into.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Here we are again! Thank you for the amazing responses, I can hardly believe people care about my little story this much! 
> 
> Enjoy, see you in a week for Chapter 4!

She never should’ve said yes.

To be honest, she probably wouldn’t have if it weren’t for the six shots running through her bloodstream. What was she thinking? Now here she is, being escorted home by some jerk’s sister as she gets ready to go into the middle of nowhere for a week with people she barely knows.

Seriously, _what was she thinking?_

“So, Clarke, right?” Octavia asked from the driver’s seat.

“Yeah,” Clarke replied. 

Octavia continued her line of questioning. “What kind of things do you do for fun? Oh, I’m Octavia by the way, I’m not sure anyone actually told you that.” 

“Um, well, I’m a doctor at Arkadia General. OB/GYN,” Clarke answered in a detached tone. 

“Wow, that does sound...fun.” Octavia raised her eyebrows and side-glanced at her. “You know I’m just trying to get to know you, right?”

“Sorry, my head is spinning a bit and I’m wondering if I should’ve said yes to this. Not that I’m not grateful, because I am. I don’t have many friends, Finn is... was basically all I had,” Clarke tried to explain, but she felt like her words were getting jumbled and, fuck, should she have mentioned Finn at all? What if they were close? 

Damn tequila.

“I’m sorry, Octavia, I shouldn’t have brought him up, like I said, my head is pounding.”

“No worries, I always had my doubts about him anyway. Raven seemed happy and in love so while weren’t shy about our feelings, we wanted to support her anyway. Maybe if we had spoken up more, she wouldn’t have gotten hurt…” she trailed off, getting a far off look of sadness in her eyes. “Anyway, there’s a bottle of water and some advil in my bag if you want it for your head. Don’t go anywhere without it,” Octavia winked at Clarke.

“Thanks.” Clarke reached down into the bag at her feet, grabbed the water and tried to go slow, but she hadn’t realized just how thirsty she was. Throwing up wouldn’t exactly make a good impression either. 

She was familiar with the guilt Octavia was feeling. _If only…_

Once they got up to the door, Octavia unlocked it and told Clarke to make herself at home, she wouldn’t be too long.

Octavia grabbed her stuff pretty quick, rushing around her, Harper, and Raven’s place like a tornado and throwing random stuff into a duffel.

Clarke hung in the entryway though, and watched as the brunette pop around. She was beautiful, and very obviously Bellamy’s sister. She had long, straight, brown hair, bronze skin, and green eyes. Octavia wore a white tank and jean shorts and ankle boots. Tattoos littered her arms and peeked out of her tank on her back. 

The apartment the three girls lived in, was a 3 bedroom, as far as she could tell. Clarke could just barely see the kitchen and living room up ahead around the corner. They had art up on the walls, a bunch of different styles all blending together, reminding Clarke of how it reflected the women’s different personalities. At least, what she knew of them. They also had a bunch of pictures of them and all their friends up in frames, some clearly of them younger, and some more recent.

There was one at Octavia’s graduation, of her and Bellamy. Clarke briefly wondered where their parents were. But then again, she didn’t have any graduation pictures with her parents in it either. 

Her father died before he got to see his only child graduate and since Clarke blamed her mother, she hadn’t even bothered to invite her. The only picture she has is of her and Wells.

“Ok, let me grab my charger and we are out of here!”

Clarke gave her a small smile and followed her out the door as they left.

“Rave and Harper had already packed, since they were planning on taking off after the wedding anyway,” she explained.

The ride to her place was another 10 minutes, and she listened to Octavia talk about her life and work as a tattoo artist.

“- so I want to open my own place at some point, but it’s a ways off,” she finished as they pulled into the garage. They took the elevator up and stepped off. As they started down the hallway towards her door, she became aware of a figure sitting and leaning on her door.

Finn.

She stopped in her tracks. No.

Clarke wasn’t ready for this. The advil had barely kicked in, she was with someone she barely knew, she hadn’t even talked to him since he left a week ago, while they were what she thought was in love. 

“The hell are you doing here Finn?!” Octavia had noticed him as well.

“O? What are you doing here?”

“Finn, you need to leave,” Clarke said quietly, barely finding her voice again.

“What? No!” He side glanced at Octavia who was glaring daggers at him. Clarke reminded herself never to get on her bad side. “Clarke, I love you,” he said quieter.

Octavia and Clarke’s eyebrows shot straight up. The time for timidness was over. Clarke was never good at staying quiet anyway. “Excuse me? You LOVE me?! What about Raven? And what part of love meant lying to me and to her?” 

“Please just let me explain!”

“No. There’s nothing you could say that would make this ok.”

The elevator dinged just then and another two people stepped out. One looking practically murderous. 

Finn looked over Clarke’s shoulder and his eyes widened as he saw Bellamy bounding towards him. He started backing up until his back was against the door and Clarke hopped out the way so she wouldn’t get mowed over. 

“You know Collins, I’m trying REAL hard not bash your nose in, but you just keep asking for it!” Bellamy roared, getting right in his face.

“Bellamy, he’s not worth it -” Raven started. 

“No, I think he’s worth a few bloody knuckles. What do you think you’re doing Collins? Why are you here?!”

“Um… I’m here…” Finn stuttered.

“He’s here for me. Although before you interrupted I was just about to kick him out myself,” Clarke piped up. He spared her a glance, briefly looking surprised to see her there.

“Oh?” Bellamy’s eyebrows raised, and turned back to Finn, “So not only do you have to ruin Raven’s wedding, breaking her heart, but you thought, what, that you’d rub it in by going straight to Princess here?”

“Stop calling me Princess!”

“No. As I explained to Raven earlier, I do still love her, but I love Clarke too!”

Raven looked away, and Clarke’s eyes narrowed.

“Finn, you’ve lost both of us. Completely. There’s no salvaging anything here! Now get the fuck out!” Clarke shouted at him.

“Oh, what? Suddenly you don’t love me anymore? Please. I don’t know what these three are even doing here with you, considering I was under the impression you didn’t even know this group,” Finn started. “But they are a toxic, codependent bunch and you are better than this! WE can be better than that!”

Bellamy shoved him, hard, against the door, and Clarke saw it rattle against the pressure.

“Bell, let him go, seriously. I hate him too, but don’t let your temper get the better of you. Like Raven said, he’s not worth it.” Octavia put her arm on her brother’s shoulder. 

“Listen up jackass,” Bellamy’s voice dropped a few octaves, as he got right in Finn’s face. “If I ever see you or hear about you getting anywhere near either of these women again, I won’t stop with a shove and a few harsh words. Don’t think, call, visit, or even glance in their direction ever again. Got it?”

“You don’t control me Bellamy. Clarke, Raven, as soon as your pitbull is gone, and you calm down, I’ll be waiting. I love you, both.” He squeezed by Bellamy and Clarke saw the muscles ripple beneath his navy blue fire station t-shirt (_Why is she noticing his muscles?_ She thought passively) and his hands form into fists so tightly his knuckles turned white.

Finn walked into the elevator, fucking _winked_ at them, and then he was gone. No one dared to move or breathe for a few seconds, until Bellamy slammed his hand into the wall, causing the slightest indent in the wall. 

“Damn it!” he exclaimed, clearly exasperated over the situation. 

“I’m… I’m sorry,” Clarke said for the hundredth time.

“It’s not your fault he’s too dense to know he isn’t wanted,” Bellamy said, not looking at anyone. 

“I thought you didn’t believe me?”

“I don’t...know. I just know that he shouldn’t be near either of you if you don’t want him to be and he needs to face that.”

“Well, thanks. I guess.”

“Look, did you finish grabbing your shit yet, or not? We’re all ready to hit the road. Want to get there before dark.”

“He was in the hallway when we got here,” Octavia told him. 

“Ok, well, get a move on. We’ll be in the garage waiting.”

Bellamy and Raven walked back towards the elevator and left.

“You ok?” Octavia asked her, concern in her features.

“Yeah. Are you sure it’s still ok I come? I’d hate to cause problems.” Despite Bellamy’s weird protectiveness a few moments earlier, which she was sure had more to do with Raven than her, he still seemed pretty anti-Clarke and she didn’t want it to be an issue if she did come.

“Of course it is. If anything, we know you need people now more than ever. Let us be your people.”

Clarke chuckled, but said thanks and unlocked her door to grab her stuff.

She had a few Facebook messages from Wells, making sure she was okay, and she typed back her response and plan for the week. She included that she’d get a phone up and working and call him sometime tomorrow.

Remembering to grab her SIM card like Raven told her to, and some clothes, she was set after only about fifteen minutes. She made sure the lights were off and the balcony door locked as she and Octavia went back into the hallway and locked the front door. As they started walking, her eyes glanced at the indent on the wall but walked by without mentioning it. She’s known Bellamy (and really all of the people she was about to take off for a week with) for barely half a day, but still, it seemed a bit weird for him to fly so off the handle about the whole thing.

Well, here so she goes anyway. 

***

The wall was the not first thing he slammed his fist into on the way back to the garage. The elevator saw its fair share as well. Thankfully, that had less damage than the wall did. Any more and he’d end up having to pay for repairs. And wouldn’t that be fucking lovely.

“So. You want to tell me why you’re so pissed? Other than the obvious?” Raven asked after she saw him 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Come on, Bell. You’re almost more pissed than I am. I know you’re the protective big brother and all, but really? You haven’t been violent in years.”

“Yeah, I’m pissed Raven, he used both of you and smirked and laughed while he did it. He loves both of you? Is he fucking kidding? Just...nevermind Rave. I’m fine, really, see? Deep breaths.” To show her he really was ok and under control again (and yeah, maybe to get her to stop this line of questioning, which was leading somewhere he wasn’t ready to face yet), he did indeed take a couple of deep breaths and forced his face into something he hoped resembled a smile. 

Raven just shook her head in disbelief and he knew she wouldn’t let it go that easily, but maybe he’d be able to delay the conversation a bit longer.

They got down to the garage and joined Murphy and Emori in his Honda Pilot. They, along with Bellamy, Raven, Clarke, and Octavia would be riding up together, while Monty, Jasper, and Harper took Harper’s Honda CRV with all the groceries. Echo had gotten a last minute lead on one of her cases and would try to join them for the second half of the week. 

After what was a much less amount of time than he expected it to be and some weird tense silence in the car, Octavia and Clarke appeared. Murphy and Emori had obviously known something was up and Raven briefly told them that they had run into Finn, and no further explanation seemed necessary, and they dropped it.

He got out to grab their bags and tossed them in the back while Octavia hopped in the passenger seat, and Clarke climbed in the middle row with Raven. Murphy and Emori were spread out on the 3rd row. 

“Hey guys. Thanks again for inviting me along. Especially after what just happened, I’m really grateful to have people to talk to and be around.” Clarke looked sheepish, which, for the one who was yelling upstairs, was a bit of a weird look for her. There was something about her he just could not figure out.

“No problem. Stick with us, we’ll get over it together.” Raven smiled at her. 

“Ok, road trip rules!” Bellamy declared as he started the car.

Murphy groaned loudly in the back.

“First off, no groaning at my rules! Second, I pick the music -” Octavia tried, and failed, to stifle a groan of her own, “-what did I say the first rule was, O? And third, you can eat, but if I find so much of a crumb, you’re sleeping outside when we get there. Capische?”

Murphy saluted, Bellamy and Emori rolled their eyes at him, Clarke and Raven both were already just looking out the window, and Octavia’s fingers were still twitching towards the radio. 

“Ok, ride is about 2 hours, it’s up on Mt. Weather,” he told Clarke. She gave him a small smile and turned to Raven, pulling something out of the purse she kept with her when she got in.  
“Uh, here is my SIM, if you were still willing to help me out,” Clarke handed the small card to Raven.

“Yes! For sure, I’ve got it!” Raven actually looked excited, which, it’s technology so of course she was. Bellamy didn’t know any device Raven ever didn’t get excited to tinker with.

The ride up was mostly uneventful, with him and Octavia bickering over the radio, despite his rules, Raven, Murphy, and Emori taking a nap, and Clarke watching out the window.

“Clarke, you agree, Muse is the best, right?!” His sister seriously had the worst taste in music. How he had raised her so wrong is beyond him.

“O, seriously, we’re not listening to Muse. It’s not happening.”

“It’s better than _country_,” Octavia shot back with an underlying hint of disgust. “Clarke, back me up! What kind of music do you listen to?” 

“Do I...do I even want to try to get into the middle of this?”

Murphy piped up from the back seat, eyes still closed, “No, you most certainly do not.”

Octavia rolled her eyes, “Shut up Murphy. Come on Clarke, Bell won’t get mad when you take my side! Right, Bell?”

“So confident,” Bellamy teased his sister.

“Actually, Octavia…” Clarke trailed off.

“Ah ha! Yes, I win!” Bellamy whooped. It was a good feeling, lighthearted, unlike the events of the day. Man he couldn’t wait to get to the cabin and pass out.

“Whatever. Country still sucks, no matter how many people like it.” Octavia pouted.

Bellamy couldn’t help himself from looking at Clarke in his rearview mirror. Her blue eyes were piercingly staring back at him, another one of her small smiles on her lips. She quickly looked away and Bellamy wondered what had gotten into him. He still didn’t trust her and he would do well to make sure to keep an eye on her. 

\----------

They arrived just as the sun was starting to dip low, the orange and pink colors illuminating the sky enough for them all to unload the bags and groceries. Bellamy put his stuff upstairs in the master that looked out at the trees, standing tall and old. He loved that room, that view. The peace he could get just from opening the windows in the morning and listening to the animals that they lived next to, the quiet radiating from all corners of the mountain gave him so much joy. Eventually, he planned to retire out here, but who knows if or when he’d ever be able to get there.

He put Octavia’s stuff in the room across the hall that she would be staying in with Harper, Clarke, and Raven. The girls’ room had two kings. Murphy and Emori had the other room with a queen and Monty and Jasper took the last room with another queen. 

After they all took turns mercilessly teasing Monty and Jasper about having to share a queen, they grabbed some sandwiches and went to get ready for bed. 

He picked up a book he hadn’t read in ages, _The Iliad_, and camped out by his window. The book brought back so many childhood memories reading to Octavia, trying to calm her down after their mother had left again. He still loved the classic, but there was a part of him that was always just a little sad reading it.

Before he knew it, he had lost track of time and it was 2 am. As if he wasn’t tired enough already. He sighed and put the book down, getting his stuff to head over to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

After putting his glasses on so he could actually see when his contacts were out, and he was changed, the events of the day finally started getting to him. He felt weary in a way he hadn’t in a long time. There were so many emotions simmering just below the surface, but he tried his best to push them down. He had too many other things to focus on, not to mention one of his best friends just down the hallway not having the night she expected when she woke up that morning. 

And a stranger that there was something about he just could not put his finger on. For now, at best, he didn’t trust her. He was probably being unfair, maybe a little too mean to this girl, but until he knew more about her, he just couldn’t help his hackles being up when she was around. It was his job to protect his friends, his family. No way was he going to let his guard down. He did it with Finn, and look what happened.

He opened the door to the hallway from the bathroom and ran smack dab into the girl he had just been thinking about.

“Whoa there Princess!” He exclaimed as they collided, reaching out to her shoulders to steady her as she started to fall.

She gave him a look. “Bellamy? I’m so sorry, I didn’t think anyone would be awake.”

“It’s fine. Got caught up reading.” It was then he noticed her eyes avoiding him, her face and eyes red and splotchy, despite being hidden by her own pair of glasses. He groaned, realizing why she would look like that. “You ok?” he asked before he could stop himself.

“What? Oh yeah, don’t worry about it, I’m fine. Just tired.” He realized his hands were still on her shoulders, passively noting to his dismay and confusion how soft her skin was, and dropped them. He should ask more questions, point out that she’s clearly lying, but he was pretty sure he knew what it was and he knew that wasn’t his place.

“Ok. If you’re sure,” he made sure to add, just to ease his own guilt for not pushing, despite it being none of his business. “Goodnight.”

“‘Night.” He moved past her and started down the hallway towards his room when he heard her voice again. “Bellamy?” He turned to face her. “Thanks again for letting me come. I know this is your house and you could’ve stood your ground and said no, but you didn’t. It really is such a beautiful house.”

“Thanks, Princess.” He walked into his room, shut the door and didn’t even bother removing the blankets before crashing on the bed. He thought his last thoughts would be of anger and plans of getting justice for Raven (_and Clarke_, his mind thought without his permission), but instead, they were of blue red-rimmed eyes and blonde hair.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again! This one took me a while, and I'm still not entirely happy with it, but it was necessary to get me where I wanted to go with this story. Don't hate me too much, I promise it gets better...wait until chapter 5, which I finished this afternoon. I think it's my favorite so far ;)
> 
> And I've got it right where I want it for Chapter 6 and beyond so I'm excited to get that started!
> 
> As always, let me know if you have any questions or spot something I need to fix! Thanks for reading!

Morning came way too early for Clarke. After what happened the day before, Clarke felt like she could sleep for days, weeks at this point. The other girls and her had talked for a few hours once the group had split for the rooms. 

They were incredibly kind and had made her laugh. Harper she had already known before, which brought a little more familiarity to her surroundings, so she shared a bed with her. Octavia and Raven, she found out, were very much sisters in their relationship, so they took the other king. 

Talking to Raven, hearing the way her life had gone, and the way she spoke of Finn, and the Blakes, made her heart hurt for them. Not pity, exactly, not that they would have ever wanted that anyway. But something more akin to awe. And guilt, too. It made her understand maybe a bit more why Bellamy seemed insistent on calling her Princess. She definitely would look that that.

She still hated it though. 

She’d always hated the privilege she grew up with and that was one more reminder. Hated that so many people went without while she grew up in fancy houses and never wanted for anything. She was grateful, understood how lucky she was, but still hated how different circumstances among her friends could be. That’s part of why she was a doctor. Helping people, regardless of wealth or childhood, that was what she loved. How dare he think it was okay to just throw that in her face, when he barely even knew her? 

She sat up and noticed that the other girls in the room were still sleeping. Everyone was in various states of passed out, Octavia snoring like a freight train. She smiled at her new friends and even felt a twinge of hope that maybe, just maybe, she had found some new people to share her life with. 

Although, just because she needed some new friends, doesn’t mean they do. Maybe they were just being nice and after this week, she would hardly hear from them again. Clarke hoped that wasn’t how this would go. 

Clarke tossed for a little while trying to see if she could fall back asleep, but to no avail.

After the other girls had gone to sleep last night, she sat by the window, looking out at the mountain, the trees barely visible by moonlight. She tried to keep it as quiet as possible, but she couldn’t help the tears that had started streaming down her face. 

She’d been so caught up in the whirlwind of yesterday that she’d barely let herself grieve the loss of what she thought she had. And now she was in the very place that he was supposed to have come spent his _honeymoon_ with another woman. 

_What was she thinking?_

When she finally became physically and emotionally too tired to shed any more tears, though she was sure there were more hiding behind some corner in her heart, ready to spring out again with no notice, she left the window and made her way to the bathroom where she proceeded to embarrass the crap out of herself.

How was she supposed to know anyone else was still up? When Bellamy came out of the bathroom and she just about face planted in the hallway, he definitely noticed what she was sure was super red and puffy eyes, her face probably splotchy and gross. He didn’t pry, thank goodness, but he gave her a look and a groan that probably meant that he didn’t think she deserved to be so upset. 

Well, screw him and his self-righteous attitude. She felt guilty enough already and was done trying to explain herself to someone who clearly doesn’t care to listen.

Even if the touch of his hands on her shoulders, sent sparks through her. 

_Sparks of rage or maybe annoyance_, not anything else, she was sure. 

Definitely.

\----------

Heading downstairs, she found that she was far from the first person awake, despite the sleeping girls she had left behind up in their room.

Jasper and Monty were on the couch playing what looked like an intense video game of some game she didn’t recognize, Emori was browsing through her phone on the recliner, and Murphy and Bellamy were in the kitchen doing something that apparently required a lot of noise.

Monty looked up at her as she rounded the corner, and smiled and nodded in her direction and then turned his eyes back to the screen and elbowed Jasper until he did the same.

“Hey you two, good morning,” Clarke smiled back at them, sitting down on the arm chair on the other side of the couch.

Emori looked up at her, “Hey Clarke, sleep okay?”

“Yeah, short, and a bit restless, but still. I feel a lot better than I did last night. How about you?”

“Uh, about the same. Good, a little restless…” she trailed off into a smirk, as Murphy appeared behind her with a cup of coffee.

“Restless? That’s what we’re calling it now?” He teased.

Emori smacked his shoulders and grinned at him as she stole his coffee.

“It’s your fault I’m so tired, so that coffee is _mine_,” she teased right back.

Clarke chuckled at the two of them and Murphy’s fake attempt at indignation at his girlfriend’s implication. 

“There should be more coffee in the kitchen if you want some, Clarke, unless Blake drank the last of it. Once the sleeping beauties upstairs get their asses in gear and get down here, we’ll make some breakfast,” Murphy told her.

“Oh, great, thanks, coffee sounds amazing.” She always ended up having way too much than recommended and still, it never seemed enough.

She made her way to the kitchen where Bellamy was putting the groceries that hadn’t got put away the night before into the pantry. Grabbing the coffee pot and realizing it was indeed empty, she stood there and frowned for a second.

She jumped as Bellamy slammed a canister down on the counter next to her. 

“I was going to brew another pot, but since you’re just standing there,” he waved in the direction of the coffee pot. “I assume you know how to use one of those things, Princess?”

She scowled at him, “Of course I do. What, do you think I have little elves or something coming in my apartment every morning making my coffee so I don’t have to risk chipping a nail?”

He shrugged and moved back to unpacking the groceries. She spun around to face him.

“What is your problem with me, seriously? You really don’t think I don’t know how to make coffee?”

“I don’t know you at all,” he replied simply, inadvertently pointing out that she didn’t belong here.

“Look, if you really want me to leave, I will. I’m not interested in being somewhere or with someone who doesn’t want me,” she squared off to him.

“It’s fine. You can stay.” He took off for the living room, and Clarke could see Murphy roll his eyes at him from where she was standing in the kitchen. 

She turned back to the coffee pot, praying it was a fast brewer. She was going to need some serious caffeine to put up with Bellamy’s mood swings. One minute he was cold and almost mean, and the next he was smiling at her choice in music, or asking if she was okay when she’d been crying (even if he did seem a bit annoyed at that last one).

“Don’t worry about him, he’s always grumpy. He’s like that dad or big brother who has a constant need to be overbearing and overprotective and gets all ‘Grr!’ when someone he loves gets hurt,” Murphy explained, coming up behind her. 

“Hey! I heard that!” Bellamy shouted from the living room.

“I don’t care! Everything I said was true!” Murphy called back.

“It’s fine, I can handle Bellamy,” Clarke sighed. “And I definitely don’t need him to be my dad or big brother, just maybe it would be nice if he wasn’t so surly.”

“Yeah, good luck with that, I’ve been telling him that for _ages_,” Octavia said, coming into the kitchen with a stretch and a yawn. “What? No coffee?!” 

“Clarke was supposed to make it!” Bellamy yelled over.

“Yeah, after you finished off the pot without making another one, I’m sure. Don’t forget, you pulled the same shit every morning growing up,” Octavia pointed out.

Clarke rolled her eyes and pushed the brew button. “Should be done in a minute.”

“It’s fine. Sleep okay?” Octavia asked.

“Yeah, it was good. Comfy beds.”

“I’m surprised, Octavia usually keeps everyone up with her snoring,” Murphy laughed.

Octavia glared at him, “Shut up Murphy, I do _not_ snore!”

Clarke chuckled and grabbed a few mugs from the cabinet above the coffee maker, filling each one with the fresh coffee and handing one to Octavia and Murphy.

“Sure you don’t,” Murphy smirked, winking his thanks at Clarke and heading back to Emori in the living room.

“Bell already giving you a hard time? Ugh, that brother of mine. I’ll tell him to back off,” Octavia said, sipping her coffee.

“Please don’t, it’s fine. I really can handle him myself.”

“Okay….” Octavia trailed off, heading to the bottom of the stairs. “Raven! Harper! Get your butts down here! You know Bell and Murphy won’t start cooking until everyone is up and I’m hungry!”

“O, leave them alone, especially Raven, let her sleep,” Bellamy admonished Octavia. “Go get yourself some cereal if you’re so hungry.”

“And fill myself up before your’s and Murphy’s cooking? Nope, no way. It’s a new day, what they need is to get up and _moving_!” Octavia bellowed the last word upstairs and after a couple seconds and Bellamy rolling his eyes, they heard shuffling and swearing from the girls left upstairs.

“Cool your jets, Octavia, we’re _coming_!” Harper yelled down as Raven appeared at the top briefly to flip Octavia off.

Octavia blew her a kiss and turned to face her brother, “Okie dokie, everyone is awake! I’m thinking the classic! Bacon, omelettes, hashbrowns! The works!”

Murphy chuckled and Bellamy sighed as they both moved towards the kitchen. Monty and Jasper’s eyes hadn’t left the game they were immersed in and Emori moved to the deck outside.

“Let me know when it’s done!” Emori shouted behind her as she flopped down in one of the deck chairs overlooking the forest.

“You ever notice how we get roped into cooking every single time?” Bellamy grumbled to Murphy.

“Speak for yourself! I am an _excellent_ chef, no wonder people are lining up to eat my creations.” Murphy shot back.

“Oh, please, Bell, like you don’t _love_ that we make you cook every time.” Octavia teased her brother. “Stop being a grumpy gus, big brother! Plus, Clarke hasn’t tasted your guys’ cooking yet!”

Clarke chuckled and responded, “Octavia it’s really okay if they don’t want to, it’s just eggs, bacon, and hashbrowns.”

“No. It’s not. It’s an _experience_. From start to finish!”

And an experience it was. While she didn’t necessarily doubt Octavia’s claims, she was sure that she over exaggerated the deliciousness of the food. It was the most basic of basic breakfasts and how hard could it be, really? She wasn’t the most spectacular cook, but even she could cook that. 

She was astounded, though, how two people who called themselves best friends could bicker so much while trying to cook a simple breakfast. It never seemed too serious, and it was entertaining. Especially when Octavia and Raven (once she came downstairs with a growl on her face) tried to intervene and sneak bacon off to the side. The glare Bellamy gave his sister made Clarke think he was about to send her to timeout.

“O, back off, or you’re not getting any.” 

Octavia pouted and bounced off to the living room where Clarke and and the boys were, stealing Monty’s controller, to his chagrin.

“Come on, Octavia, I was so close!”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got this!” Octavia told him.

Clarke grinned at her new friend’s fire. Octavia seemed the kind of girl that grew up knowing who she was and what she wanted and damn anyone who got in her way. Clarke respected someone like that. There was once a time she would’ve described herself that way too, but in recent memory somehow became someone who was content only having her boyfriend as her only friend.

That was definitely going to change.

Raven came up behind Clarke’s chair as Monty hopped upstairs to let Harper know that breakfast was almost ready.

“Hey,” Raven said as her ponytail swished behind her.

“Hey. You doing okay?” Clarke asked, wondering if she had just wasted her breath on an obvious question.

“Yeah, I think. You?”

“Same. Heard things about this amazing breakfast.”

“Oh for sure. One of the best things _ever_.”

“So far, I’m enjoying seeing who’s making it out of that kitchen alive,” Clarke laughed.

“Oh they’re harmless. Their bark is definitely worse than their bite.”

“I don’t know how they do it!”

“They’ve been friends since training. Drive each other crazy, but would kill for each other in a heartbeat. Actually, they’d do that for any one of us. We’re family.”

Clarke glanced at the boys scowling in the kitchen and thought about what Raven said. She’d already seen Bellamy’s protective instinct when they ran into Finn in the hallway and it was a side of him that intrigued her. She’d been included in his rant against Finn, even though he hardly knew her. But then he’d turn around and spit that presumptuous nickname in her face. 

And generally just been a jerk.

Still, he and others of this merry band of delinquents were firefighters. They helped people, just like she did. There must _something_ about him that was kind or even heroic. So why did he insist on treating her like some wealthy bimbo when he didn’t even know her yet? 

Usually she just let people like this roll of her back though and let it go. Clarke usually didn’t care what people thought of her. She was used to being judged for how she grew up so why was letting this guy get under her skin?

It unnerved her why she cared what he thought so much. At first, she tried to understand. Since she was the one blowing everything up with his family, she understood how he might blame her; she still blamed herself too. But it seemed to take on a more personal nature in the last couple of interactions. 

Whatever. He’d already said she could stay and there were plenty of people here who _were_ happy to get to know her. 

“Alright vultures! Breakfast is served. Ham, cheese, onion, mushroom omelettes, and the veggie one for Emori,” Bellamy began bringing plates out to the table and putting a big stack of omelettes in the center, flanked by the largest plate of bacon Clarke had ever seen and a mountain of hashbrowns. “Hope they’re up to snuff Princess,” he murmured to her as he passed her.

She narrowed her eyes at him and replied, “Oh, I’m sure they are the stuff of dreams, don’t you worry about me.”

“Oh I’m not,” he shrugged and walked away.

Clarke rolled her eyes and sat down. With the first bite of her omelette, she joined the chorus of moans around her as the breakfast indeed lived up to the hype. Octavia gave Bellamy a high five and helped herself to a ridiculous amount of bacon.

Face stuffed, Raven looked at her and nodded her question of opinion. Clarke made a show of her love of the meal and they both laughed. 

The smiles and grins from around the table to each other warmed Clarke’s heart. Her life had been so...cold for long. She loved Finn, she did. She loved him even now, even when her heart was broken, she could feel the love for him amongst the pieces. She didn’t want him back, didn’t want to ever see him again if she could help it, but still.

However, her life still had felt cold, clinical. She did everything she was supposed to, gone to school where her mother wanted, got a job at a nice hospital, fell in love with a nice, simple boy, had the perfect best friend. She loved being a doctor and even if it wasn’t part of the plan, she would have anyway. But there was always something missing. Always some hole that made her almost... shiver. 

But here, in this house, in that moment, the hole felt smaller, her entire being just a bit warmer. The laughing, joking, the scowls, the chaos that came with these people, this _family_, there was no other word more perfect to describe it than _warmth_.

And she felt like maybe, just maybe, if she sat close enough, she could share some of that fire, that warmth.

\----------

Clarke’s day went much like the morning did. A little lazy, a little laughter. Monty and Jasper taught her the game they were playing, Call of Duty, she found out it was called. She was awful at first, drawing quite a crowd around them as she fumbled her way through the first little while they played, but no one ever made fun of her (beyond the fun teasing this group seemed so fond of), and they were patient as she figured it out. 

Eventually she had to admit she ended up half decent at it as she relinquished the controller to Raven, who of course was absolutely brilliant at it. Clarke was realizing Raven was pretty genius at pretty much everything she did. 

She ended up wandering the house, exploring, as people drifted off to take naps, or read books, or lay out on the expansive deck that surrounded the house.

Clarke intended on making her way up to her room to grab her phone to call Wells and check in, and ended up down the hallway to the left of the stairs, one she hadn’t been down yet. It wasn’t long, but there was a room at the end she didn’t know what was in it. 

Octavia had told her that she was welcome to go anywhere, thankfully, so she didn’t feel weird about snooping. There were pictures hung all down the hallway, of what was obviously Bellamy and Octavia and Raven over the years.There were a few people she didn’t recognize too, but one in particular she figured was Bellamy and Octavia’s mother, as she looked a carbon copy of Octavia, except for her face of freckles, which were clearly something her and Bellamy shared. She got to the room and discovered it was a small library. 

The built in bookcases spanned the entire height of the walls, with two couches near the window and small reading lamp on an end table. Where on the walls bookcases weren’t, there were beautiful blown up photographs. Landscapes of the mountains and ocean, of Bellamy and Octavia as little children laughing and playing amongst the trees and on the sand. 

The photographer in her was intrigued, and her fingers itched for her camera that she hadn’t touched in years. One canvas in particular one piqued her interest, of Bellamy and Octavia on the beach, building a sand castle, the waves in the background. It was beautiful.

She browsed the titles, surprised how many history books there were. Classics she hadn’t read since college, but always a surprising number of current fiction as well. Just about all genres of books were present and Clarke found herself wandering around, skimming her hand over the titles, when she noticed something in her peripheral.

Clarke jumped at the figure in the doorway, quickly noticing it was Bellamy.

“Oh! Sorry, I was just...looking? I guess, Octavia told me it was fine and I was going to go call Wells when I noticed the hallway.”

He looked at her for a few moments and Clarke started to fidget under his gaze, annoyed at how she could never figure out why she couldn’t just hold her ground when this happened. Something about him looking at her just unnerved her. 

“I’ll just go. It’s fine. Sorry, again.”

He spoke up then, a hint of irritation in his voice, but it was clearly something he was trying to mask. “No. O was right, it’s fine. I just came to grab one of the cookbooks for dinner tonight. I just didn’t expect to see anyone in here.”

“Okay then.” They both stood awkwardly for a moment until Bellamy moved towards her. He came up close and she straightened, wondering what he was doing. He reached his arm up and grabbed a book off the shelf next to her. 

Clarke let out a breath she hadn’t realized and didn’t know why she was holding and looked at what he had grabbed. 

“Do you need any help with dinner? I’m not much of a cook, but I can do some things.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it Princess, we’ll take care of it.”

“Not gonna quit with the nickname, are you? You know I have an actual name?”

“Nope. Princess suits you.”

“Why? What is it about me that screams Princess to you?” Clarke asked, guessing at his answer, but she wanted him to own up to the judging he’d done towards her since he met her.

“Um, how about the massive amount of privilege that wafts around you?” He took a step back and his voice started getting deeper, but louder. “The place you live in, the lifestyle you seem to have, the way you came storming into our lives and blew it all up?”

“Excuse me? You don’t know anything about me. You have no idea what my life is like. You’ve just already decided that I’m some sort of rich kid with a trust fund who looks down on everyone else if they don’t have the money I do. You have no _idea_ what I’ve been through, who I am.” Her voice got louder too as she defended herself. He didn’t get to just judge her without even _trying_ to get to know her. He was so caught up in the image of her, that he didn’t even allow for the fact that image wasn’t who she really was at all.

“And do you seriously believe that I came to that wedding yesterday to, what, cause a scene?” Clarke continued. “That I deliberately tried to cause drama and pain to everyone around me, including myself? And then, here’s the kicker, I ‘accidentally on purpose’ just happened to show up the very bar you all were at, so I could wrangle an invite here? Do you know how stupid that sounds?”

“Well, did you?” He shot back.

Clarke stared at him in shock; there was no way he actually thought that about her. What the hell was she doing here? She should’ve never come.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Of course I didn’t! My entire goal for this week after the wedding was to stay in a constant state of drunk. But then I got invited here and in my inebriated state, I actually said yes. What a moron I was!”

He just stared at her for a moment, looking for who knows what in her face, before spitting at her, “Why are you even here then? Don’t you have friends or family to hang out with? _Anyone_ else? Why us?”

“You’re such a jackass. No. Are you happy? No, I don’t have _anyone else_. Until Wells came back, all I really had was _Finn_.” She buried her face in her hands for a moment, needing to take a deep breath and stave off the tears that had sprung to the corner of her eyes. She looked back at him as he was staring out the window running his one hand through his hair, as he was doing when she saw him for the first time, and other hand clenched in a fist.

“Look, I’m just going to go. This isn’t what the week was supposed to be for you guys and I’m...I’m not helping anyone by being here. I should… I should go.” She pushed past him and headed for the door. When she got to the doorway, a loud thud sounded and as she reached the hallway, Jasper and Monty were on the floor, Octavia had her head in her hands, Harper and Emori both stood next to the stairwell looking awkward, Murphy was leaning against the wall looking annoyed, and Raven stood next to him looking angry, everyone obviously having heard her and Bellamy’s argument. They had gotten pretty loud at the end, it’s no wonder they came when they started hearing something.

Bellamy came out after her, obviously hearing the thump as well and Raven glared daggers at him.

Before she could even process what was going on, she stormed past them and up the stairs, slamming the door of the room she and the other girls shared, grabbing her phone off the dresser.

It rang once before she heard Wells on the other line. 

“Clarke, holy shit! What’s going on? Where are you?” Clarke sighed into the phone, not relishing having to explain everything, especially since she barely understood it herself. 

“Wells -” she started but was cut off.

“You leave me a cryptic message about going out of town with people from my station and I don’t hear from you again? What the hell is going on?” he demanded again.

“I’m sorry, Wells, I am. I’d been drinking and look I don’t really want to explain right now. I’m coming home soon, don’t worry.”

“Clarke, are you okay?”

The tears that Clarke had tried to keep at bay starting falling and she sank to the floor. 

“No. Not really.” For so many reasons, no, she was certainly not okay. 

“Ok. Come see me when you get back, we’ll talk. Everything will work out, you’ll see.” Her friend’s unfailing optimism always made her feel better. 

Clarke breathed out a huff that was supposed to resemble a chuckle, but came out a little pained. “Thanks Wells, I’ll text you when I get back in town.”

“Okay.” She could tell he wanted to say something else, but refrained. “I love you Clarke. It’ll be okay.”

“Love you too Wells, see you later.”

Clarke hung up and got to work on her duffel. That warmth from that morning was cold once again and she was faced with the harsh understanding that she didn’t fit in there, didn’t seem to fit with anyone. 

She slammed the last drawer of the dresser closed and looked up to see Raven and Octavia standing at the doorway.

Clarke steeled herself. “I’m sorry, guys, I am. I shouldn’t have come. Thank you for inviting me, really, but it was too much. You need time with your family, and that’s...that’s not me. I’m just bringing drama and anger and frustration to your group, and that’s the last thing I want to do. Especially to you Raven, you deserve to have some peace.”

“You done?” Raven raised her eyebrows at her and stayed in place, as Octavia plopped into the armchair next to the bed. 

Clarke just stared at her, not really sure what to say to that.

“You’re not going anywhere. So you had a fight with Bellamy, who hasn’t?” Raven asked.

“Raven, he hates me. For reasons I’ve tried to talk to him about and he still blames me for hurting you and probably thinks I did this all on purpose. Plus, I called him a jackass. I can’t stay here. He doesn’t want me here and you all would have a better time without me.”

“Oh please,” Octavia piped in. “Everyone has called him a jackass at some point. You just gotta move past it. Besides, you came here with us. How do you expect to get home?”

Shit, she’d forgotten she drove up here with them. She really didn’t think this trip all the way through, did she?

“I’ll...I’ll call an Uber.”

“Too remote, they don’t come up here.”

Clarke sighed.

“Look, at least wait a day or two, let things blow over. Do you want me to talk to him?” Raven asked.

Clarke shook her head adamantly. “No, no way. He can hate me if he wants, I’ll just steer clear.”

Raven and Octavia looked at her dubiously. 

But there was no way she was going to get into it again with him. She had thought maybe they were coming to an understanding or at least a truce of sorts, but clearly after what happened in the library, he still blamed her for what happened with Raven. 

So she’d hunker down, get through the next few days avoiding him and it’d be fine. 

So much for finding new people and friends. Raven and Octavia clearly didn’t blame her, but if she had this much animosity with someone clearly so important to them in their family, how was any sort of friendship supposed to last?

Maybe Octavia was right, they’d just move on. He’d have to get whatever stick was up his ass out though.

***

She had been up there for while still after Raven and Octavia came back down after talking with her. They’d announce that they’d convinced her to stay and that everyone better get their heads out their asses and make sure she felt welcome.

They were talking to him, he knew they were.

Of course the princess had them fighting her battles. Why should they have to cater to her? She wasn’t a part of their family, a part of what he’d fought so hard all his life to protect.

Okay, maybe he was being a jackass.

But he wasn’t quite ready to admit that out loud. That came with a whole lot of other things he’d have to explain and he _really_ didn’t want to do that just yet. 

He made his way to the kitchen, him and Murphy making dinner in some weird stony silence. She came down for dinner and apologized for making a scene, to which everyone assured her that it was fine. They ate and laughed after that, the familiar warmth that comes with these particular people helping to lift his mood.

He knew he shouldn’t have said those things. Just, the image he’d gotten when he walked into the library, his favorite place in the house, and _her_ in there. He still couldn’t shake this unnerving feeling he got whenever he was around her and definitely hadn’t mastered the ability to separate what awful thing had happened the day before with the messenger.

She was the cause of so much pain, and there she was wandering through _his_ house, _his_ library like she wasn’t.

But then again, she wasn’t really the cause, was she? 

It was that bastard of a human being Finn. He was the tornado that tore its way through the group. If he never had to see that asshole again, it’d be too soon.

Of course, he wasn’t much better. Clarke was hurting too, anyone with eyes could see that. But what did he choose to do? Be an asshole too. Yell at her and make her feel like shit and like she should leave, when really, she fit in quicker with this group than any one of late ever had. _Even Echo_, he hated to think. 

It was like she had been here all along, or that she should’ve been.

So why did he constantly treat her like this?

Judging her for how she grew up, really? Despite her ostentatious place of living, she was nothing like the rich jerks he’d been around. 

He knew he was being a jerk, why couldn’t he just suck it up and apologize?

Instead, Bellamy just avoided her like she was obviously avoiding him, unsure where to start and whether he’d even let himself be mature enough to admit he was wrong. 

There was just something about her that whenever she was around him, his nerve endings lit on fire and he couldn’t help but fight with her. 

The night ended well enough and they all went their separate ways for bed again. He really needed to check in with Raven and made a mental note to do that tomorrow. What a terrible brother he’s been. 

So the night turned into day and they went along like nothing had ever happened and Clarke and Bellamy ignored each other so they had a pleasant enough time. He could do this. Just ignore her and it’ll all be fine.

\----------

It was after lunch the third day he decided to talk to Raven, praying that she wouldn’t want to talk about Clarke, but knowing he needed to talk to her about Finn. She seemed okay, but knowing her, she wouldn’t make it seem any other way. Bellamy and Murphy had just finished a game of poker, to which the latter had beat him handedly.

Bellamy didn’t know why he bothered to play Murphy at poker, he always lost, despite not being half bad at it and Murphy’s damn smirk would be permanently etched on his face the rest of the day. They had a long standing tradition when they were up here of playing a giant game, so at least he got a little practice in before tomorrow night. 

Passively, Bellamy wondered how the princess would do at the game. Or even if she knew how or wanted to play. They’d done a pretty successful job avoiding each other, him opting to spend most of the last couple days in the library he loved, that he hadn’t seen her step foot in since the fight, and she seemed to have spent most of her days out on the deck. They’d really only shared space during meals, where they sat on opposite sides of the table. Everyone else seemed to not care, aside from Raven, and Octavia, who would keep shooting glares at him. 

He was getting sick of it, but understood that he deserved it, so he let it go. Getting in a fight with either of those women never ends up well for him.

He found Raven lounging on the deck outside the living room. The deck was one of his favorite parts of the cabin, aside from the library. It was extensive, wrapping almost all the way around and not original to the house. Bellamy had added it himself after he bought the cabin. Actually, most of the work on the cabin he had done himself. He loved fixing things up and building things. 

All the women were outside, drinking and chatting about who knows what. They were mid-laugh when he stepped outside, getting surprised looks from Harper and Octavia. Raven narrowed her eyes at him, and Clarke didn’t bother even looking in his direction, opting instead to pull up her phone and type away as she drank whatever fruity cocktail they’d whipped up that afternoon. 

Bellamy rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. “Uh, hey guys.”

“Murphy kick your ass at poker again?” Octavia teased. 

Bellamy rolled his eyes but didn’t deny it.

“Ha, some things never change.”

Clarke snorted from her chair but tried and failed to quickly cover it with a cough. 

“Well, I for one, can’t wait for tomorrow. I’ve been practicing for months! Obviously didn’t expect to be playing for another few weeks, until the fourth of July during our usual holiday game, but I think at least this time, I’m sure I won’t be the first one drained!” Harper said excitedly.

“Yep, and I’ll be looking forward to giving Murphy a run for his money too, no WAY am I letting him beat us all again. I’m wiping that smug look right off his face!” Raven declared. Bellamy had to laugh at that. Raven and Murphy’s squabbling during their games was one of the funniest things. She was so genius at most everything she tried, and she would get so mad when Murphy wins that she once bruised his shoulder by smacking the crap out of it.

“Wait, what game?”

“Poker! We _always_ play when we come up here, and on most major holidays. I don’t know why we keep trying though, Murphy always wins,” Octavia grumbled.

“You play, Princess?” Bellamy winced slightly at the nickname he’d give her that skipped out of mouth in second nature, not wanting it start something.

A flash of anger passed her gaze as it snapped to him. Thankfully she seemed to let it go.

“A bit,” she answered.

“Well, this will definitely spice things up! I’m so glad you stayed, Clarke. This is going to be so fun, having you play too!” Octavia told her. Bellamy couldn’t help but feel like the ‘stayed’ comment was directed towards him. 

He ignored it and continued with why he had originally gone out there. “Uh, Rave? Can I talk to you a minute?”

Raven looked suspiciously at him, before nodding and getting up from her lounger. “I’ll be back guys.”

Bellamy half-waved at the rest of the ladies and turned to head inside. He figured they’d head to the library to have this conversation. Truly, he just wanted to check in with her about Finn, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t be getting away with just making this about her. 

Well, a guy could hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. I know Bellamy was SUCH an ass, but don't be mad, at least he's realizing it right? Can't wait for you guys to see Chapter 5...hopefully I'll have it up soon!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, early update! I'm excited for this chapter and where the story is headed. Seriously, the next chapter came all out in like a day and half I couldn't stop writing. 
> 
> This one and the next are a bit longer, but I just let it happen and decided not to worry too much about it. So hope you all enjoy your Thanksgiving (if you celebrate it) and I'll catch you all later!
> 
> Thank you all for the amazing responses and comments and kudos! You all are wonderful!

They walked into the library and took seats on the couches opposite each other and for a few moments, there was nothing but awkward silence. Bellamy wasn’t really sure where to start, hating how weird things had gotten, but right as he opened his mouth to speak, Raven beat him to the punch.

“Well? What’s up Bell?” 

Bellamy knew he was going to have to start somewhere, so he just started talking, hoping that once he started talking, he’d find his way.

“You’re my sister, Raven. One of my very best friends. I just want to see how you’re doing. I feel bad that I haven’t really had a chance to check in with you.”

“Well, you’ve been a busy, what with all the avoidance and all.”

“I wasn’t avoiding you,” he pointed out. But as soon as he did, he wished he could shove his words back in his mouth. 

“Oh, I’m aware. You ever gonna make it right?” Raven asked, the conversation heading in the exact direction he didn’t want in the first place.

“Look, Raven, I don’t want to talk about Clarke -”

“Oh, you _do_ know her name.”

“- I just want to talk about you.”

Raven sighed and sank further into the couch cushions, tilting her head back. “I’m...dealing. I think part of me is still in some sort of denial? I’m so conflicted I guess.”

Bellamy raised his eyebrows at her, surprised that she felt anything but rage, like he did. “Conflicted about what? You aren’t seriously considering taking him back?”

“Hell no. There’s no coming back from this for us. Not that he’d even want to, if the fact that he was at _Clarke’s_ door begging her to talk to him before we left is any indication. He’s barely even tried to get a hold of me, but he shows up to her door in person? Yeah, I think it’s obvious who he wants. And it’s not me.

“Even if he did, I couldn’t do that. I can’t trust him, obviously,” Raven told him, sadness leaking into her tone. “I still love him though,” she continued quietly.

“You do?”

“Well, sure. Bellamy, you remember my life, our whole relationship, you were there. I wouldn’t be _alive_ without the Collins. We’ve been in love since...forever, really. Those feelings don’t just shut off like a light switch.”

“I’m sorry, Raven, I really am. I never thought…” Bellamy trailed off.

“I know. Honestly, though, I think a part of me wasn’t surprised. I was so...pissed, and I wouldn’t let myself believe it. But seeing the pictures of him with Clarke…” Raven gulped heavily. “That was the worst moment. I couldn’t deny it, and he looked so _happy_ with her. He looked at her in a way that I hadn’t seen from him in a long time.”

“He’s such an asshole. I can’t...are you sure you don’t want me to kick his ass for you?”

“Trust me, I would love if his ass got kicked, it’s not to help anything. And you know how petty he can be, he’d probably have you arrested for assault. And then you’d lose your job, and worse, be even grumpier than you normally are,” Raven’s normal teasing sneaking back into her tone.

“I’d do it for you, you know that though, right?” He meant what he said. Raven was one of his best friends, and almost as close to him as Octavia. Actually, he’d gladly do it for any of his family. 

“I know. But also, you know I am perfectly capable of kicking his ass myself, right? I’m not some damsel or princess in need of rescue.”

“Oh, don’t I know it. I’ve seen you in action.” Raven was always able to take care of herself and the people around her and no one really dared messed with her. “Asshole knew that too, why he even attempted to screw around on you shows what an idiot he really is. You deserve better, Reyes.”

“Hell yes I do. Just, not quite yet.”

They sat for a few more minutes, just enjoying the peace that came with their familiarity. Bellamy had something else he wanted to say, but wasn’t sure he’d actually be able to get it out.

He could just about taste copper from biting his tongue so hard, when she spoke up again.

“What is it Bellamy?”

He narrowed his eyes at her.

“I know you. You’ve got that look and your tongue is probably just about bleeding right now. You have something else to say, but don’t really want to say it.”

He froze what he was unconsciously doing, narrowed his eyes further and then moved to cross his arms.

Raven rolled her eyes and sighed.

Bellamy breathed deeply before starting. “I’m...I’m sorry.”

Raven looked confused. “Sorry...for what?”

“I’m your friend, I should’ve been able to stop you from getting hurt. If I had spoken up more -”

She cut him off, “I’m going to stop you right there Bellamy.”

“No, Raven, I have to say this.” Bellamy got up and started pacing. “I never liked him. I’ve known him even longer than you and there was always something...off maybe? About him.” He stopped and looked at her. She waited patiently for him to continue. “Octavia was always the more vocal one, so I’m sure you knew of her opinions…” Raven snorted. “But I never spoke up enough, and I should have. 

“I knew how happy you were with him, how much he meant to you and after all you went through with your mom, I wanted to be wrong. I wanted to chalk up my bad feelings about him to just being protective and I should have trusted my instincts.” Bellamy paused for a second, and took a deep breath before continuing. 

“Maybe if I would have, none of this might have happened. To you _or_ to Clarke. The morning of the wedding, I knew, _knew_ there was something wrong and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

“I’m...I’m so sorry Raven. I understand if you can’t forgive me, but maybe one day?” Bellamy could feel tears prick at the corner of his eyes as his voice cracked at the end of his apology.

“Bellamy, really? I don’t blame you. There isn’t anything for me to forgive. You just have to forgive yourself. We have spent most of our lives as family, so believe me when I tell you this. You have this self-sacrificing habit that you blame yourself when you’re family gets hurt. But it’s not all on you. 

“This isn’t your fault. It’s no one’s fault but Finn’s. He is one who tore my heart apart. And Clarke’s. This isn’t her fault either, you know that, right?”

“Raven…”

“No. You need to listen to this, because what happened yesterday, cannot happen again. She was absolutely right; you have been a jackass. And that’s not you. Not the real you, anyway. It’s the you that you become when you’re deflecting. You can’t take it out on Finn, so you’re taking it out on Clarke. She was as much a victim in this case as I am.” Raven pointed out, sending the very thoughts he had tried to avoid straight to the forefront of his brain.

She was right, of course. He was shooting the messenger, and that wasn’t fair. But now came the part he really wanted to avoid, the admittance. Then, what was even worse, would be the apology he knew he had to do.

“I know. She just kind of unnerves me and I can’t figure out why. I blamed her at first because I thought she _did_ know about you and was trying to just ruin your wedding day. Then it became a bit more like what you said. She was the easiest thing I could take my anger out on.”

Raven gave him a look.

“Yeah, I know it was wrong. I know I need to go apologize. But she hates me now, and I’m still just so...angry. I’m so mad that I didn’t stop this, mad that you got hurt, mad that she even exists at all in this situation. Whether it’s fair or justified or whatever, I’m just mad.”

Bellamy slumped down on the couch where he had stopped pacing and collapsed, hanging his head in his hands. He felt completely deflated. What a mess he made. He thought he had his temper of the past taken care of, under control. To have it rear its head again, to allow it to treat someone who didn’t deserve it like he did, shame started creeping in.

Raven sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, I know. I’m familiar with that sort of anger too. But you are better than this. Better than you’ve been acting.”

“I know.”

“Then fix it.”

Bellamy sighed and took a minute before looking over at the woman who was his best friend, his sister, his fellow firefighter. Hardly anyone he’d ever met was braver than her. 

“Yeah. Okay.”

“Okay.” Raven’s hand dropped to her knee and she stood up. “Well if that’s all, there’s a margarita or two on the deck calling my name,” She winked at him and started for the door before stopping and turning. “You know, I meant what I said. This isn’t your fault. It isn’t anyone’s except Finn’s. You don’t need my forgiveness, you need to forgive yourself.”

Bellamy waited a few minutes after she left, just watching out the window and thinking about what Raven said. He wasn’t to blame, Clarke wasn’t to blame. 

He wanted to just let it all go. Wanted to believe that Finn would get what was coming to him and just go back to enjoying his family, his life. He was so _tired_ of bearing all of the weight of trying to protect and watch out for everyone alone.

He browsed the books, wanting to find one he could just get lost in for a while, in his favorite place in the house.

Before he could pick a title however, his gaze landed on the canvas on the wall. The picture of him and Octavia, taken just a year before their mother had started leaving. Back when they were a loving, happy family. Before he became a parent to his little sister. He never regretted stepping up the way he did, he loved Octavia. But sometimes he wasn’t sure he’d been enough for her. 

The picture was of a rare spontaneous weekend, just the three of them. The weather was warm, but not too hot and he and O built sand castles for _hours_. His mother laughed the warm laugh he loved so much of her’s as the ocean destroyed the castles again and again. She must’ve took hundreds of pictures that day. She loved taking pictures of her children. She went to college for photography and tried to make a real go at it before she became pregnant with Octavia and her dad ran out on them, after cheating their mother out of most of her savings. 

After that, she worked two, sometimes three jobs and there wasn’t much time for dreams anymore. Or laughter.

Still, the pictures she took of them on that beach were some of his most favorite in all the world. He had one printed out on a canvas to hang here in one of his favorite spots. It seemed like the best place for it. It was a beautiful memory; he missed when the three of them had those moments, those times when being on the poorer side of life didn’t matter. When the three of them were all that they needed. Before the accident and the drugs that took her away from her children in almost every way.

He grabbed a random title off the shelf and pulled himself back from that day. It was rare that he’d let himself get lost like that.

So Bellamy buried himself in his book, knowing that at some point, he was going to have to leave this room and figure out what he was going to say to Clarke, how he’d even begin to apologize.

What would he even be able to say to make it better? Raven was right, he’d been a jackass. Clarke wasn’t to blame for what happened. She may not have the same history Raven did with Finn, but she seemed to love him all the same and he didn’t know where her family was. She said she didn’t have anyone except Wells and Finn and his heart broke a little when he heard her say that in the midst of their argument. He didn’t know what he’d do if he didn’t have his family.

Wells seemed like a nice enough guy. He’d been to the bar with them a few times and in those times, Wells struck him as the kind of good hearted man that would work hard, and not think twice about sacrifice or doing the right thing. He respected a man like that, who put other people first. He’d found out that his dad had cancer and dropped everything to come home. That was honorable, in Bellamy’s opinion. 

He’d even mentioned Clarke a few times, he’d realized. When the group had asked if he had a girlfriend and Wells had denied, Murphy egged him until he admitted that he had feelings for a childhood friend of his, but that she had a serious boyfriend and didn’t return his feelings. They had let it go after that. 

Realizing now that Wells had meant Clarke and Finn...they’d been so close to finding out. Just a few more questions and that horrible day wouldn’t have happened. Raven and Finn would still have broken up, but she wouldn’t have had to do it in a wedding dress. 

If a guy like Wells had feelings for Clarke, she couldn’t be all bad, right? 

Could he really make up for the way he treated her? 

Bellamy sighed and put the book down, unable to concentrate anyway. He moved to leave the room, intending to go start helping Murphy with dinner now. His conversation with Clarke would have to wait.

***

The day after the big fight had been just fine. True to what Raven and Octavia told her, it seemed to blow over enough. Her and Bellamy avoided each other like the plague, sitting on opposite ends of tables and couches and while it was a bit awkward, it was going okay.

She was still pissed at him though. She is not someone to be pushed around and while the last few days had thrown her off her game, she was not going to let Bellamy Blake put her in some box and judge her for things he knew nothing about. 

How self-righteous did he have to be, really?

After lunch, when the girls suggested they make margaritas and sit out on the deck, almost nothing sounded better. They joked and laughed with her and she got to know a few more things about her new friends. Who knew if the friendship would go past this week, especially if Bellamy had anything to say about it, but damn if she wasn’t going to enjoy herself in the meantime. 

Raven and Octavia seemed to know each other best and Clarke found out that Raven’s mom had died when she was little, which is when she moved in with Finn’s family. Octavia and Bellamy lived next door and so they all grew up together. 

Emori and Murphy had met when they were trying to rescue someone and sparks had flown immediately. It was a surprise to everyone that they hadn’t gotten engaged yet, but Emori had said they weren’t in any hurry and loved being where they were now. They were committed and that was enough for them. She loved being a 9-1-1 operator and Clarke found out she had a background in counseling that she had gone to school for that she used for this job. 

When Clarke had asked her why she never considered being an actual counselor, she replied, “I wanted to help the most people I could and I feel like there is rarely ever a more vulnerable position for a person to be in than when they are in the middle of a true emergency. To have to call and ask for help from a complete stranger is hard and I want to be able to reassure them that they did the right thing, and help was on the way. Sitting in a room, listening to the whole of people’s lives, that wasn’t something I was interested in.”

Clarke could respect that and decided that anyone who wanted to be that kind of person to the world was someone she definitely wanted to remain friends with. 

Octavia was a tattoo artist, apparently she always had her nose in some sketchbook or any other medium when she was a kid. Having grown up the way she did (which she did not elaborate on) sometimes a piece of paper and a pencil was all she really had so she learned how to draw really well. 

“It was hilarious, when I made it to high school, I had drawings everywhere and it drove my teachers crazy. On my tests, on my papers, seriously everything. But my friends loved it, always challenging me by asking me to draw the most elaborate things. When we got older and went to college, they started wanting tattoos so they’d ask me to sketch what they were thinking of to show the artist. 

“Raven was the first to point out the obvious. That I was going to school to study art, but had no clear path of what I wanted to do with it. She suggested I take my portfolio into a local tattoo shop. She had a friend, Lincoln, who had a friend who worked at a shop and she could ask if I could have an interview.”

“Wait, Lincoln? The bartender at TonDC?” Clarke very vaguely remembered him, but still, he was hard to forget completely.

“Yeah,” Octavia chuckled a bit and exchanged a mischievous look at Raven. “Yeah, we’ve been dating for about a year now.”

Clarke smiled, “Huh. Really? He seemed nice.”

“Oh yes, he’s the best. A little broody, but in a sweet, kind way. He’s quiet, but very thoughtful and we’ve been very happy.”

“Good for you, Octavia.” Clarke smiled at her, genuinely. She really liked Octavia. She had fire and spunk and was incredibly honest. Clarke was glad she had someone she could be happy with.

However, it was Clarke and Raven’s turn to exchange a glance, both of which made it clear they were briefly thinking of the same bit of sadness for the other.

“Thanks. Anyway, Raven and Linc hooked me up with Nyko and got me an interview with Titus, who’s an ass, but he gave me a shot and there you go. Now I’m trying to plan for my own studio, but that takes some serious moolah so it’ll be a while still.”

“That’s exciting though! Maybe I’ll pop by eventually and get one myself,” Clarke told her. She’d always wanted a tattoo but never really had the time or an idea of what she’d get. “Maybe you could help me figure out what to get?”

“Oh no…” Raven started.

“Yes! Absolutely! Can we get started now? What kinds of things are you into?” Octavia immediately sat up and looked around for paper. “Damn it, where’s my notebook?”

“There’ll never be any shutting her up now,” Emori laughed. Harper snickered on the other lounger and Clarke smiled wide.

“Yep, you’ve done it. Now she’ll never leave you alone until you go get one,” Raven leaned back and smirked at Clarke. “The only question now is how big of one she’ll be able to talk you into…”

“Yes! I’m thinking maybe across your ribs? That would look so badass,” Octavia continued, seemingly oblivious to the teasing going on around her. 

They all bust out in a fit of laughter as Bellamy appeared at the patio door. As soon as he appeared, they quieted down and Clarke pulled out her phone to text Wells (she’d text him to let him know that she was staying a couple more days but that was about it) and ignore Bellamy. 

“Uh, hey guys.”

“Murphy kick your ass at poker again?” Octavia teased. 

Poker? So that’s what they were doing in there. 

Clarke loved poker, and was awesome at it. Her dad taught her and they played every chance they got when they’d go on family vacations.

She could practically hear Bellamy roll his eyes but he didn’t deny it.

“Ha, some things never change.”

Clarke snorted from her chair but tried and failed to quickly cover it with a cough, but continued typing anyway. 

“Well, I for one, can’t wait for tomorrow. I’ve been practicing for months! Obviously didn’t expect to be playing for another few weeks, until the fourth of July during our usual holiday game, but I think at least this time, I won’t be the first one drained!” Harper said excitedly.

“Yep, and I’ll be looking forward to giving Murphy a run for his money too, no WAY am I letting him beat us all again. I’m wiping that smug look right off his face!” Raven declared. Clarke heard Bellamy laugh and for a second almost forgot she hated him as it was one of the warmest laughs she’d ever heard from him.

Then she realized something she heard Harper say.

“Wait, what game?” She asked as she broke her silence, curiosity getting the better of her.

“Poker! We _always_ play when we come up here, and on most major holidays. I don’t know why we keep trying though, Murphy always wins,” Octavia grumbled.

“You play, Princess?” 

She snapped her eyes to him and could feel fire fill her gaze but decided getting into it again was not the answer. Besides, apparently there was a game she could beat him soundly at. Definitely something for her to look forward to.

“A bit,” she answered.

“Well, this will definitely spice things up! I’m so glad you stayed, Clarke. This is going to be so fun, having you play too!” Octavia told her. 

“Uh, Rave? Can I talk to you a minute?” Bellamy asked, changing the subject.

Clarke could see Raven looking suspiciously at him, before nodding and getting up from her lounger. “I’ll be back guys.”

Bellamy half-waved at the rest of them and turned to head inside. Octavia shrugged at her.

He’s probably trying to convince Raven to kick her out. But then again, he didn’t seem phased that she’d still be here tomorrow night for the game, so maybe he wouldn’t try to vote her off the island after all.

\----------

Raven came back in a little while later, looking fine, albeit a bit sad. She shrugged off Octavia’s attempts at prying and they all went inside to play whatever board game Monty and Jasper had roped Murphy into playing. 

After a couple games, Bellamy finally emerged from down the hallway the library was down. He approached the group a little hesitantly at first, and Clarke couldn’t figure out why that would be. 

She watched as Raven caught his eye and raise her eyebrows at him and he looked away quickly, right at Clarke, but averted his eyes from her even quicker than he did Raven.

Weird. So they did talk about her? What was going on?

He headed for the kitchen and called for Murphy. “Hey man, you coming?”

“Yeah, but I’m almost done kicking these losers’ butts though!”

“Hey!” Jasper shouted at him.

“Oh please, you were totally not going to make it all the way to the top.”

“Well...maybe!”

Murphy rolled his eyes and got up and headed after Bellamy.

Jasper did indeed beat them all, much to everyone’s surprise, a fact that he didn’t let them forget for the rest of the evening. 

After dinner, they put on a movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, despite it being 80 degrees outside and the middle of May. Apparently, “Christmas movies are the best when you watch them in summer!” Octavia declared.

Harper and Monty made them all massive amounts of popcorn and Jasper passed out the moonshine as Raven and Emori raided the rooms for blankets and pillows and they made one massive bed in the middle of the living room floor. 

Despite the tension with Bellamy, which had eased somewhat for reasons she couldn’t figure out, Clarke couldn’t remember a night that had been better than this in recent memory. Any happy memories she’d had with Finn were tainted now and just made her alternatingly sad and angry to think about. 

They all piled their sweats and various-bedwear on and Murphy teased them that he slept naked so what should he wear? They all threw popcorn at him and laughed and laughed as the movie got started. Clarke settled next to Octavia and Raven and grabbed a handful of popcorn and Bellamy turned off the lights.

Clarke smiled as she looked at her friends and thought that yes, this was the best night she’d had in a long time. This group, they felt right. They felt like home and happiness and warmth and safety. She hardly knew them, but Clarke felt like she’s been with them her whole life.

\----------

The sun streamed through the wall of windows in the living room as it came up over the mountain. Clarke opened her eyes and looked around, noticing that everyone had fallen asleep in the living room. 

Monty and Harper were curled around each other and Jasper was hanging off the arm chair. Murphy and Emori were snuggled on the couch and her, Raven, and Octavia had slumped over on each other’s shoulders as they leaned up against the other end of the couch from Murphy and Emori. 

She noticed one was missing and it was then that she heard noises coming from the kitchen. She slipped out from between the two girls without waking them and headed around the corner. Clarke knew she probably shouldn’t, probably should still be avoiding him so they didn’t start another argument, but she felt like something had changed, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. 

Deciding to risk it for coffee seemed an acceptable way to test the waters. 

His back was to her as she entered the kitchen. He heard her come in and glanced over his shoulder at her. Seeing it was Clarke that entered he did a double take before turning around fully to face her and lean against the counter. 

_Shit. Maybe this_ was _a bad idea_.

“Hey,” Bellamy said, with no malice or anger behind it. There was _something_ there, but she couldn’t quite place it. 

“Uh, hey. Everyone fell asleep I guess?” 

Bellamy chuckled and smiled at her and it was a bit disorienting, seeing that expression aimed at her.

_Seriously, what the hell is going on?_

“Yeah. That always happens on movie nights.”

“And Monty and Harper?”

“Ha, yeah. We all have bets on how long it actually takes them to talk about it. They’ve known each other since college and have been pining over each other since. You want some coffee?”

“Ye...Yeah, thanks. I might have to get in on that bet here eventually too. Wait, who shut the movie off?” Clarke had noticed that the tv and blu-ray player were off when she got up to go to the kitchen.

Bellamy turned towards the coffee maker and got a mug down for her, and pouring her a cup, said, “Oh, uh, that was me. I’m usually the last awake, so I turn off the tv, make sure everyone has blankets, pick up the popcorn I can get to, you know.” He cleared his throat, sounding a bit uncomfortable.

Clarke looked at him and wasn’t quite sure what to think. He handed her the cup and moved quickly away to lean against the counter again. “That was nice of you to do that,” she noted and Bellamy just shrugged. “Nice of you on both counts, actually. Thank you for the coffee.” She lifted her mug in thanks and he nodded at her. 

Did she dare tempt the mood of the room? “Why...why _are_ you being so nice?”

He dropped his stare to the floor and chewing on his upper lip replied, “I’m not always a jerk, you know.”

Clarke just stared at him, not wanting to start something but the fight in her wanted to point out that he hasn’t really shown her any different. 

She bit the inside of her cheek as she worked over what she wanted to say. He beat her to it as he lifted his gaze back to her and her brain noted just how brown his eyes were as he opened his mouth to say something. “So, hey -”

They were cut off as Murphy entered the room.

“Oh thank goodness, _someone_ was of the mind to make coffee!”

They cut off their gaze at each other and looked at Murphy instead. It was then that he seemed to realize he interrupted.

“Everyone playing nice in here?” Murphy said, narrowing his eyes at them.

Bellamy rolled his eyes and grabbed another mug from the cupboard. “Everything is fine.” He handed the mug to Murphy and moved to leave the kitchen.

As he moved past her, he stopped, and addressed her in a low voice. “Um, can we...can we talk later?” He sounded unsure and a bit apprehensive, but stared straight into her eyes anyway.

Clarke was caught off guard, but managed to nod at him and he continued on his way back to the living room.

She stared after him and as she turned back to Murphy, she realized he’d been watching them.

“What was that about?”

“I’m...I’m not sure actually.”

Murphy just nodded and looked at her for a moment and sighed. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but he really is a good guy. You don’t owe him anything, but hang in there. He’ll get over himself eventually.”

“Uh huh.”

“He will. He’s just...protective, and it comes out in the worst ways sometimes.” Murphy took a sip before continuing. “It’s not an excuse, he’s been quite the jackass to you, that’s for sure. But…”

“But, what?” 

“But, he’s got his stuff, like we all do. And sometimes it just takes him longer than the rest of us to trust and open up.”

“Okay. I guess we’ll see if he kicks me out or not later,” she joked dryly. Clarke didn’t really think that was what he was going to talk to her about but at this point everything was on the table.

Just when she thought she’d gotten a good idea of Bellamy, he changed again.

“He won’t.”

“You seem pretty sure about that.”

“I am.”

Clarke just gave him a weird look as the rest of the group started filing in in various states of sleepy all trying to beat each other to the rest of coffee. 

Octavia was the last to get there and as there was no more left, she let her forehead fall to the cupboard in a whine.

“You guys ever think about getting a second pot? So no one runs out?” Clarke pointed out the obvious, considering they ran out every single morning since she’d been here.

“Every time we are here. Somehow, we still end up forgetting to bring one.” Murphy laughed.

“Go sit down, I’ll make another pot and bring you a cup,” Clarke told Octavia. The brunette’s eyes got wide and she grabbed Clarke’s head and gave her a big kiss on the cheek.

“Really? You’re the best!” 

Clarke laughed and pushed her off to the living room. They all filed away and she made another pot. When it was finished brewing she brought the cup out to Octavia who greedily grabbed it and started drinking, despite how hot it was. Clarke topped off the rest of them as well, and ended up back in the kitchen, brewing a third pot. 

\----------

After breakfast, which was eaten on their massive floor bed, they all helped put the pillows and blankets away, as Bellamy got the vacuum out to finish getting up all the crumbs that had embedded themselves in the carpet and Murphy put the furniture back to where it belonged.

All morning, she had been trying to wrack her brain about what Bellamy could want to talk to her about. Murphy had said that he was sure that he wasn’t going to ask her to leave, but what else could it be?

He didn’t seem the type to apologize, more like the type to dig his heels in and refuse and demand an apology from _her_. Which, sure, she called him a jackass, but to be fair, he was acting like one.

She realized that she had been standing still by her bed for half a minute too long when Octavia smacked a pillow into her head.

“Yo! Earth to Clarke! Where’s that head of your’s?”

“Nowhere, just thinking.” Clarke sat down on the bed and looked at the girl.

“Yeah? About what? The awesome tattoo I’m going to give you?” Octavia flopped down next to her and laid down.

“Yep, definitely. Got any ideas for me?” Clarke laid down next to her and stared up at the canopy.

“Too many! You need to narrow it down for me!”

Clarke thought about it for a moment. Was there something she loved so much that she wouldn’t mind it being permanently tattooed on her body for the rest of her life?

Yes. There was.

“Stars. I love the stars. And they are one of the hardest things to take pictures of. So, I think I’d love to have you design something with stars for my tattoo.” She looked at Octavia, who was watching her intently. “Is that okay?”

“I think it’s perfect.” Clarke turned back to the canopy, as Octavia asked, “Pictures? You take pictures?”

“Yeah, that’s my other love, other than medicine. My dad taught me, bought me my first camera. We used to love to go hiking and travel and take pictures. I tried to keep going for a little while after he died, but it wasn’t the same. I haven’t picked up my camera in a long time.” She let herself trail off into her memories for a few moments.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine.”

Octavia looked at her then, with an emotion Clarke couldn’t quite place. “Sure you are. But just so you know, it’s okay to not be fine.”

Clarke looked at her new friend and grabbed her hand and squeezed and smiled. 

They climbed off the bed and headed back downstairs where the living room had finished being cleaned up and people were lounging in various spaces, drinking the rest of the coffee and chatting along. 

Clarke joined in for a while until she decided to go find a book to read. She hadn’t been in the library since the argument two days ago, but decided to risk it since Bellamy was with the rest of them in the living room.

She opened the door and the first thing that caught her eye was the canvas of Bellamy and Octavia on the beach again. It was beautiful and happy and there was something about it that she couldn’t pull her eyes from. 

She hadn’t been in there for longer than a few minutes when someone cleared their throat behind her, making her jump. She turned to see Bellamy standing at the doorway.

“Geez, Bellamy! You trying to scare me to death?”

He snorted, and replied, “Why, you scare easy?”

She glared at him in response but neither moved to leave. “So, what’s up?” she asked.

“Huh?”

“You wanted to talk? I assume that’s why you’re here,” Clarke pointed out. Whatever it was that was on his mind, they might as well get it over with. Despite Murphy’s assurances, she wasn’t completely convinced he wasn’t about to ask her to leave so she tried to prepare herself the best she could.

“Right. Yes, yes I do. Uh…” he turned to close the door and wandered closer to where she was standing, to stare at the canvas Clarke was just thinking about. He glanced at her quickly, seemingly turning something over in his head as he looked back at the picture and finally started talking. 

“You know, my mom took this picture.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“Mom loved to take pictures. Went to school to be a photographer and everything.” The quality of the picture definitely spoke to that and what a coincidence that his mom and her had something in common?

“Octavia and I loved the beach,” he continued. “It was one of our favorite places to go when we were younger.” Clarke couldn’t figure out where he was going with this, but stayed silent as he kept going. “We would have sand castle competitions, and I always let her win. It made her so happy and she’d smile and laugh and hop up and down, until a wave would come and wash it all away.

“I remember being so mad at the ocean. How dare it come and wash away something my sister had worked so hard on? Who did it think it was? To have wiped the smile off O’s face. If I could have found a way to fight the waves, I would have. ”

Clarke smiled, thinking of a little Bellamy with his fists raised at the ocean, trying to figure out how to make it pay for the great injustice of hurting his little sister.

“When Raven started living with the Collins, my mom had started leaving for long stretches and she helped me out with O. We were both so young still, the state would’ve taken us and separated us and I couldn’t bear to let that happen so I begged Raven to stay quiet. My sister, my responsibility.

“She helped me out with her more times than I can count, especially once O started adolescence. I was way out of my depth.” He blushed slightly and rubbed the back of his neck, a gesture that Clarke was beginning to associate with him being nervous.

“Yeah, that’s not an easy phase. I’m sure you did the best you could.”

“I was never sure if it was enough though, I’m still not. But she’s amazing and I’m so proud of her, of who she is, of the spirit she has,” he said unwaveringly. His love for his sister was so evident.

This conversation was nothing like she thought it would be. 

“Anyway, Raven is like my sister too, all we’ve been through. She knows me almost as well as O. When she started dating Finn,” he looked down at the floor at that and cleared his throat. “When she started dating Finn, O hated him. He was always a bit smarmy, and looked down at us for living the way we did. The Collins were more well off and he always tried to persuade Raven to spend less time with us. Thankfully she always shut him down, but I never liked him.”

Being away from Finn now, Clarke’s eyes were open to a lot of things that her rose colored glasses had hid from her. She had never really comprehended his love for _things_ and his prejudice against those less fortunate. But thinking about it now, it was in the way he spoke about his financially struggling patients, or the man on the corner, or the couponer at the grocery store that inconvenienced him. 

She never paid it much mind, but somewhere in her brain it had been filed away and she was now remembering all of those instances. Hating him even more for making Bellamy and Octavia ever feel bad for what they had, or what they didn’t have. Hating him for trying to come between them and Raven, the only family they had. 

“Once he started being less obvious about it, Raven let it go and I tried to. She was happy, or so I told myself. She was falling in love and I wanted to support her. O was less willing to tolerate him, so she usually just avoided him.

“If I had spoken up more, _not_ let it go, maybe she wouldn’t have stayed. Maybe she would’ve chosen us and this whole thing would’ve never happened. She never would’ve gotten hurt like that. You wouldn’t have gotten hurt like that.” He paused and a thick silence held the room.

Clarke didn’t expect this. Not at all. He blamed himself? He thought this was his fault? 

She thought he blamed _her_? 

_What was happening?_

“Bellamy, it isn’t your fault. It’s not your fault at all. What Finn did, it’s not on you.”

“It’s not your fault or on you either,” he said quietly. 

“So you _don’t_ blame me? I don’t understand, I thought that’s why you hated me. Because you thought I did this on purpose?”

Bellamy squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his jaw before speaking. “I know. I know you think that. I gave you every reason to think that. But -”

“But what Bellamy? You’ve been awful to me. I tried to tell you over and over that I didn’t know.”

“You did. And I didn’t listen. I was so mad at him and I blamed myself but I took it out on you. It was easier to blame a stranger than take responsibility for my part in this -”

“You don’t have a part in this -” she interrupted, now getting defensive of the man she was so angry with just yesterday.

“- and I treated you terribly. You didn’t deserve all the shit I gave you. In fact, you’re probably one of the bravest people I’ve met to come all the way out here with a group you just met and met the way you did. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I promise to at least _try_ to earn it.”

Clarke was so confused. She wasn’t sure how to react, what to say to that. The feelings that she felt yesterday, the line that had been drawn between them was now extremely blurry and she didn’t really know what to do with that. 

But she understood a bit about misplaced anger. It didn’t excuse the way he treated her or the things he said, but it explained it. She’d been blaming herself too. 

It wasn’t either of their faults, not at all.

The silence stretched on for only a few seconds until he looked up, looked her straight in the eye with a look that was so genuine, so intense that she found herself wanting to look away and unable to at the same time, and simply said, “I’m sorry.”

She returned his gaze for a couple more seconds before her arm acted without thinking as she reached out to grab his hand. It was warm, and large enough to enclose her’s completely, which he did without hesitation, surprising Clarke. “Look, Bellamy, you may have been a total ass half the time, but if you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. You’re forgiven, okay?” 

He looked down at their joined hands and squeezed her hand back, electricity shooting up her arm.

“But I want you to know, it’s not your fault. I doubt Raven blames you, and I sure as hell don’t.”

“That’s what Raven said when I talked with her.”

“See? Let’s just go back out there and we’ll figure it out, okay? We’ll start over?”

“You sure? You sure you can do that? After everything?” He sounded incredulous, like he couldn't quite grasp what she was saying.

“Yeah, I think I can. Whenever you’re ready,” she told him. She wasn’t sure where that all came from, but it felt right.

They waited a few more seconds like that, and then parted and made for the door, back to their friends. Clarke finally felt like there was some sort of peace resting inside her now. That wasn’t what she expected, but it was exactly what she needed, what they needed. Maybe they could all be friends after all. Eventually. At the very least, she felt like she could be friends with _his_ friends.

As she made her way out to the living room, she absently noted that the hand that had held his still felt a touch warmer than it had before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Apology! I love getting to the write the Bellamy he is from here on out, seriously, angry/season1 Bellamy is soooo hard to write. <3
> 
> Next update is the poker game! Yay!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, the poker game! Bunch of other stuff first, this chapter kind of got away from me, so it's long one lol.
> 
> **Warning**: Abusive language 
> 
> Speaking of warnings, I'm so new at this writing fanfiction that I'm still trying to figure out any other warnings or things I need to let people know of ahead of time, so PLEASE let me know if I missed something that should be stated in these notes before the chapter.
> 
> I also want to clarify that this story will not be super smutty, I just don't like writing it. That's not to say there won't be any action eventually ;), but if smut is what you're after, this won't be it. I don't see this story earning more than a M rating, I just wanted to let people know ahead of time.

They walked back out to the living room and Bellamy felt like he could finally breathe a sigh of relief. He had half expected her to throw everything back in his face and refuse to accept his apology. He wasn’t really sure how she would react.

He definitely wasn’t expecting _that_.

She had given him a blanket of forgiveness. She didn’t really try to argue with him, didn’t agree that he was to blame, just saw that he needed forgiveness, and just gave it to him. 

He remembered the way her voice had softened, and her look had been one of understanding and kindness. Two things that he previously thought there was no way of her being capable of. 

His plan had originally been to apologize for the way he had spoken to her and treated her, but he still thought she was a spoiled rich princess who would surely look down on him and his the more she found out about the way they lived. Just like Finn had.

He was wrong. 

She had compassion and all through his story not once had she looked at him with pity or disgust. Not even anger, though she’d had every reason to be furious with him.

He was so used to that and had worked so hard to move past it, that he had forgotten what it was like to simply be able to confide in someone. To trust someone with that part of his story. He didn’t realize that that was what he had been doing at the time, but the relief that had washed over him as he started talking felt so peaceful. 

He hadn’t even intended on saying that much to her. He didn’t talk about his mother if he didn’t absolutely have to, but when he walked in to see her looking at the picture, it came out without him anticipating it. And it was easier than he had expected, felt more natural than it had before.

He was beginning to see what his family had when they first met her. She _fit_, belonged.

The rest of the day went by better than the previous few days, predictably. Their conversation seemed to have put a lighter mood on the rest of the house’s occupants, but that just made Bellamy feel even more embarrassed about what an ass he’d been.

Still, he tried to forgive himself like Raven and Clarke had done and just try to enjoy being in the company of most of the people he loved the most. 

Echo was coming tomorrow morning and he tried to look forward to that. He really appreciated her support and thoughtfulness towards him, but that was where it ended with her. She and his family had only semi-gotten along at best and he hoped that some more time would help that a bit, despite it already having been 6 months. She was his live in girlfriend, after all, and he wanted her to have the bond with his family that they all did.

But he was having a hard time with getting excited, as the unspoken tension was not something he was looking forward to.

A little while after lunch, Bellamy was in his room when a knock sounded at the door. He looked up and noticed his sister leaning against the doorway.

“Sick of serious conversations yet, big brother?”

“Little bit. Never with you though, what’s up O?”

Octavia crossed the room and wrapped her arms around his middle, like she used to do when she was little. He enclosed her in his embrace and they stood like for a few moments before they parted.

“What was that for?” he asked his little sister. For all that she had grown up, he still had a hard time accepting she wasn’t ten years old anymore, with braids and a goofy smile. 

“I love you, you know that?”

“I love you too, and of course I know that. What’s going on?”

“I’m just happy that you fixed things with Clarke. And Raven. I...I really like her Bell. She’s funny, and kind, and she listens. I think...I think she needs us. Not in like a charity case kind of way, just in a family-less kind of way. She hasn’t talked about her parents or family much, other than that her dad died when she was younger, and I just have a good feeling about her being here.”

“Yeah, I get that too. As mad as I was, as much as I thought I hated her, she always seemed like she was meant to be here. I think that’s part of the reason I was so angry.” He sighed and sat on his bed and O took the spot on the chair next to the bed. “She ruined...no _Finn_ ruined, I do know that -” he clarified off Octavia’s eyes narrowing. “But I had blamed her for hurting Raven, and all of you just accepted her so quickly with hardly any getting to know her and you all don’t do that often. Not since Monty, Harper and Jasper, and here was this girl that was at the center of the pain to one of the people I was closest with. I handled it badly, I know that. I’m sorry.”

“Bell, it’s fine. I know you. I know what you were doing all along. I had hoped you would get over it, but after that fight in the library, I really wasn’t sure.”

“Well, Raven talked some sense into me and made me face that I was taking the anger I felt at myself out on Clarke and that it wasn’t fair.”

“No, it wasn’t, but it’s all over, you guys seem to be doing better now.”

Bellamy couldn’t help the smile that crept onto his face. “Yeah, we had a good talk, I apologized, tried to explain a bit about why I was so angry and had blamed her and she forgave me. I even told her a bit about mom. I don’t know why she forgave me and to be honest I’m not sure I would’ve if I was in her position, but she did.”

“Like I said she’s kind person. You talked to her about mom?” Octavia seemed genuinely surprised about that, for good reason, since he hardly talked about their mom to anyone.

“Not a lot, just that she was a photographer and loved taking pictures of us.” He paused before continuing. “And that she had started leaving us a little while after Raven moved in with the Collins.”

“Ah. Yeah. Fun times.” She chewed her lip for the second before saying, “You know, Clarke’s dad was a photographer.”

Bellamy’s eyebrows shot up. He was? Well that would explain her interest in his mother’s pictures. “Really? She never said anything.”

“Well, there’s been a few other things that you guys have had to talk about instead, to be fair.”

“True.”

“Anyway, just wanted to say thank you for stopping being an ass and I’m glad we are all getting along more or less now. There’s still Murphy and the poker game later today.”

Bellamy chuckled. “Sure, no problem. Echo should be up tomorrow too.”

Octavia nodded and smiled at him, but it didn’t reach her eyes. It was one of courteous smiles that she usually had when they talked about Echo, or Finn for that matter.

“What, O? Seriously you can’t still be like that with her. Can’t you just give her a chance?”

“Like what, Bell? I like her fine.”

“Could’ve fooled me!” 

O sighed, and this is when Bellamy knew he stepped in something he shouldn’t have. Getting in an argument with Octavia, especially over this was not something he wanted to do.

“Bell, I love you. I want you to be happy and Echo is...fine. She’s nice enough. She’s smart and sarcastic and you know I love that. But there’s something so distrustful about her. Like I don’t _believe_ she’s going to hurt you or do something awful, but if she did, it’s not like I would be all that surprised.”

“Look, I know that things were rough between us in the beginning…”

“Ew, Bell, come on.”

“Ugh, O, that’s not what I meant.” Bellamy ran his hand through his hair, something he did when he was frustrated and couldn’t explain himself the way he wanted to. “I just meant that we are in a good place now and yeah, happy. Enough.”

“Wow, you’re right, definitely sounds like it.” O rolled her eyes at him and he tried to keep from getting exasperated. 

“Octavia!”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I know you guys have had this on and off thing for a while and you like her and all. I will try to be nice and welcome her up here, promise. It’s just -” she stopped herself and started chewing her lip again, which meant she had something else to say and was trying to figure out if she should or not.

“Spit it out, O.”

She looked at him dead in the eye and said, “You can’t get mad if I say this.”

“Fine. Just say whatever it is so we can be done with the conversation.” 

She pursed her lips at him, but then relaxed and said the last thing he ever expected her to say. 

“You know everything we just said to each other is the same conversation we had with Raven a dozen times about Finn.”

His jaw dropped to the floor. _No._

“Come on, O, it’s different.”

“Is it? How? Because we said the same thing to each other about how we just wanted her to be happy and we just needed to suck it up and let her make the decision and support her. That he was _nice enough_ but that there was always something a little off about him.”

He could feel his brain scrambling for an argument, anything that would prove her wrong. 

He couldn’t find one. 

Surely it wasn’t the same. It couldn’t be. He really liked Echo. She was nothing like Finn. She wasn’t snobby or judgemental. She didn’t look down on them and really loved being with him and his family. 

_Right?_

Shit, could O be right?

“She’s...she’s....come on.”

Octavia held up a hand. “Look, just think about it. I’m not telling you what to do, I’m not. If this is what you want, _who_ you want, then fine. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. But I know you, and I see you when you’re with her and when you look at her. Your heart isn’t in it. Are you even excited that she’s coming up here tomorrow? Have you talked to her at all this week? Has she checked in to see how you or Raven are doing?”

Shit, shit, shit, _shit_.

“She’s my girlfriend, of course I’m excited she’s coming up.” 

Yeah, that sounded weak, even to him.

O was even less convinced.

“You lead with your heart big brother, you always have. It’s one of your greatest strengths. You need to listen to it, to trust it.”

“I do!”

“What were you listening to when it came to Clarke this week? Your head, or your heart?”

She left after that, leaving Bellamy speechless. He knew the answer to her questions. His head was the one telling him to hate her, to be suspicious and distrustful of her. His heart was telling him what everyone else was, that she was a good person, someone who’d always belonged. That’d she would be a good friend.

It was why he’d been so confused about her, his moods swinging him all around when it came to her. It was also why he felt the relief and peace he did when he apologized.

Still, he wasn’t quite ready to admit the opposite about Echo. Not yet. Not when she was a good person, he knew she was. 

***

Clarke felt so much better after her and Bellamy’s talk and it seemed to shift the mood of the house as well. She ended up chatting with Raven on the deck after lunch while the rest mulled about.

“So, you seem better. Still want to leave?” Raven asked her.

Clarke chuckled. “Do you want me to?”

“No.”

“Then...I think I’m good to stay.” 

Raven smirked at her and laid back. “I’m glad he got his head out of ass.”

“Yeah, I wonder what prompted that?”

Raven laughed and replied, “Ha, yes, Blake doesn’t scare me, he never has. And he knows I know him and I’ll call him on his shit.”

“Well, as annoyed as I am that you talked to him, when I said not to, I’m glad you did. It seems like it’ll be better now and I _really_ didn’t want to leave, so I’m thankful that I don’t have to.”

“Please, we would’ve made him leave before you with the way he was acting.”

“It’s his house!”

Raven just shrugged. “I never had any doubt that he’d apologize though. His bark is way worse than his bite and he sometimes just needs someone to point out his pig-headedness. Sorry, by the way, too, about how this week has gone so far for you.”

“Raven, this weekend was supposed to be more about you than me.”

“Can’t it be about both of us? Both of us healing and accepting that we have to move on? We are both awesome and deserve who sees that awesomeness. Just, two seperate someones this time.” She winked at Clarke and Clarke laughed.

“Yeah, that’d be good.”

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, until Harper came bounding out on the deck.

“Raven! Clarke! Come play poker with me, I want to practice!”

“Yes, on it!” Raven got up and headed inside. “You coming, Griffin?”

“I’ll be there in a bit. Just want to enjoy the view a little longer.”

Raven smiled at her and walked inside with Harper. 

Clarke rested her head back and closed her eyes, loving the way the sun felt on her skin. When she did this just a few days ago, she was sure it was the last time for a while, that she’d hole herself up in her apartment without coming out for a while. 

Yet, here she was. Not only feeling it, but enjoying it. The warmth and tranquility that came with this place, this mountain, these people.

She felt another presence step outside, but didn’t bother opening her eyes. Whoever it was would announce themselves soon enough.

“Don’t want to practice, Princess?”

Clarke opened her eyes to glare at Bellamy.

“I thought we were past that.”

“You’re right, sorry. In a few short days, it’s become a bit of a habit.” He looked sheepishly at her and Clarke was sure he was genuine when he said it slipped out. 

Surprisingly, she didn’t mind it as much as she had before. There was no malice or judgement behind the name this time. He ended up saying it more endearingly than anything.

“It’s fine.” She hesitated briefly before continuing, “Just as long as that’s not really what you think of me.”

“It’s not,” he assured her as he sat in Raven’s spot. 

She nodded at him and shut her eyes again.

“So, you don’t want to practice?” he asked again. 

“Nah, I’m good. Definitely going to kick all your asses.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that, I’m no slouch.”

Clarke scoffed and looked at him, “I haven’t played much, but I’m counting on beginner’s luck to see me through. May the best player win.” She tried to play up the ‘beginner’ angle as much as she could.

Bellamy smiled at her, a real, genuine, smile that made Clarke forget for a brief moment what they were talking about when he teased, “Oh. I will.”

\------

Clarke headed up to her room after dinner and before the game, wanting to talk to Wells and give him an update. She’d been a crappy friend to him, wrapped up in all that had been happening around the cabin. 

Wells had always treated her like family and she thought about glad she was, not for the first time, to have someone like him in her life. She was looking forward to them getting together again when she got back in a couple days. 

It barely rang once before her best friend’s voice sounded on the line. “Clarke!”

“Hey Wells -”

“Clarke! I’ve barely spoken to you the last couple days. It was all ‘hey I’m leaving’ and then ‘actually I’m not’ and I don’t know what’s happening.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s been a little crazy up here, but it’s better now, promise. I feel better. Man I wish you could be here, the mountain air is incredible and the view is unbelievable. Almost makes me wish I had my camera…” she trailed off.

“Wow, that must be quite the sight if you are actually wanting to take pictures again.”

“Yeah, it is. Anyway, again, I’m sorry. Bellamy and I got into a huge fight -”

“What?!”

“Wells, stop interrupting me! We got into a huge fight and I thought I was just in the way, but Raven and Octavia convinced me to stay. He apologized and it’s mostly fine now.” Well, that was about the gist of it anyway. He didn’t need to details. 

“Okay, if you say so. How’re you feeling? With Finn and everything? Have you heard from him at all?”

“No, thankfully, not since the hallway.” She’d texted him shortly after getting to the cabin to let him know what had happened.

“Good. I hope he stays away.” There was an edge to his voice that Clarke wasn’t used to hearing in her friend’s soft voice, and she was grateful to have him looking out for her.

“Me too.” Clarke wasn’t convinced that would be the last time she’d from him again, but she hoped he had gotten the hint and would back off of her and Raven. She was nervous about what would happen when she went home again.

But for now, she was safe, and surrounded by people who seem to care about her and that was enough.

“How’s your dad?”

“Not great, he’s not doing too well. But we are spending a lot of time together when I’m not working and I’m grateful for that.”

“I’m so sorry Wells.”

“I know, thank you. Can’t wait until you get back though, I’m needing some friend time.”

“I’ll be back the day after next, then you’ll probably end up sick of me.”

He chuckled and said, “Not likely Griffin.”

Emori popped her head in the room just then. “Hey! There you are! We’re getting the table set up. You ready to play?”

“Be there in a minute!” She told her. Emori nodded and walked out.

“Who was that?” Wells asked.

“That was Emori, Murphy’s girlfriend. They apparently play a giant poker game every time they’re up here. They’re pretty competitive about it.”

“Huh. Do they know you’re pretty much a poker genius?”

Clarke laughed. “Nope. I let them think I basically just barely know how to play. Apparently Murphy is the reigning champ so if I want to take him out, I’m going to have to do it on the sly.”

“Well, now I _really_ wish I was there! Go get ‘em killer.”

“Thanks Wells, I have a feeling it will definitely be one to talk about.”

***

“So, Blake, how do you think Griffin will do?” Murphy asked, trying to fish out information on his new competitor. He’d been asking Raven and O earlier too. 

“Why Murphy, you nervous? I’ve been working on my game, and I know Harper and Raven are gunning for you.”

“Please. Me? Nervous? No way. No one will come close to beating me, I’m sure of it.”

“Sure. Sounds right. Wouldn’t want your crown to get crooked. Careful though, the bigger your head, the more likely it is to fall right off.” Bellamy flicked his friend in the ear and Murphy smacked him in the shoulder right back. 

“Hey now boys, save it for the game!” Raven admonished them before it could get out of hand, which of course, was a very likely possibility.

“Where _is_ Clarke?” Bellamy noticed that she wasn’t in the room and realized he hadn’t seen her in a little while. 

“I’ll look upstairs,” Emori offered.

“Hey, I thought you were on my side!” Murphy feigned annoyance at his girlfriend who proceeded to stick her tongue out at him. 

Bellamy joined Monty and Jasper in the kitchen to help grab snacks and beer (and moonshine, always with the moonshine).

“Hey man, you doing okay?” Jasper clapped Bellamy on the shoulder. 

“Yeah, better. I’m sorry I’ve been a little…”

“Rude? Stubborn? Unfair?” Monty tried to help him finish his sentence.

Yeah, he deserved all that.

“Yes, yes, that.”

“Don’t sweat it, we all know you love us." Jasper asked. "Deep down anyway?”

“Yeah, maybe deep, deep down,” Bellamy teased, knowing his friends knew how much they meant to him. 

“Well, we might as well get this over with. I’ve got a 20 burning a hole in my pocket that’s just _begging_ to become Murphy’s,” Monty joked despairingly.

“I don’t know why we still do this,” Jasper agreed with him friend.

“Because it’s a tradition, now come on, Murphy can’t win _every_ time.” Bellamy push Jasper by the shoulders back out to the living room with the snacks and drinks and he noticed that Emori and Clarke had joined them.

“Nice of you to join us, Princess,” Bellamy teased, hoping that Clarke was still okay with him using the nickname. Despite how it had started with him calling her that, he was pretty confident she understood that it wasn’t in anger anymore. Regardless of the implications, he liked calling her that, it seemed to annoy her in a friendly way and he hoped that she felt the same.

She tried and failed to hide a smile, which he took as confirmation of his hopes, but turned it into a scowl quickly.

“You’re going to wish I hadn’t,” Bellamy smiled back at her and Raven gave them a suspicious look. Hopefully she knew they were just joking.

They all got seated and it would just so happen that the girls all ganged up together and sat on one side and the guys on the other, and Murphy explained house rules to Clarke, who for all her bluster looked a little out of her league. This was definitely going to end well for him, he could feel it.

\------

An hour later, the table stood as this: 

Monty and Jasper indeed struck out early and took to throwing peanuts across the room to each other’s mouths.

Emori went all in on a hand that she thought was a slam dunk but her own boyfriend had taken her out with a hand just _barely_ better than hers and she promised to make him pay later, much to the groans to the rest of the table.

Harper was hanging on, winning just enough hands to stay in.

Octavia got out early, on purpose, opting instead to watch and trade snide remarks with the rest of the players, occasionally catching one of Monty and Jasper’s stray peanuts.

Raven, Bellamy, and Clarke were doing pretty average, had a few bucks more than they had going in, and Murphy was of course in the lead.

Clarke, it turned out, wasn’t actually half bad, able to hold her own, but folded early and often unless she had a good hand, so she wouldn’t lose too much. Actually, as Bellamy looked over at her pile, it was much bigger than he remembered it being just a few hands ago, which was a little weird, he could only remember her winning a few hands, but they must’ve been pretty decent.

Raven had been playing just about the same strategy as Clarke, but was bleeding money the last couple rounds as Murphy took to goading her into betting more and more.

Bellamy passed out the cards to the remaining players as they ante up. Harper looked excited and Bellamy had to internally laugh as she had absolutely no poker face. 

Murphy immediately raised the bet. “To you Reyes. You got the guts to match it?” 

Raven scoffed at him, “Please Murphy, like I couldn’t take you one handed in my sleep.”

“Ooh watch it now, you gotta put your money where your mouth is.”

“Better watch your own money, I’m about to wipe you out!” 

Bellamy leaned back to watch in amusement, with his gaze landing on the blonde across the table. She’d been quiet, which he’d come to be suspicious about. She was watching Raven and Murphy with a smirk and tapped her cards on the table. 

She caught his eyes and raised her eyebrows in question. He called Raven’s bet and Murphy and Clarke called as well, and Harper folded.

They all turned up their cards, and the bystanders waited with baited breath.

Murphy had a flush, Bellamy and Raven both pulled a three of a kind, and Clarke ended up with a two pair. Murphy took the pot much to Raven’s dismay and Bellamy could see her clenching her teeth in frustration.

“What’s wrong Reyes? Pile’s looking a little low there.”

“Hey, you know what? One hand at a time.”

“Yes, but it has to be the _winning_ hand.”

Raven threw a handful of chips at Murphy, who had been sitting next to Bellamy so they both ended up having to duck.

They all burst into a fit of laughter, even Raven, and Clarke volunteered to get up to get more chips. 

It was everything that he loved about these games. Murphy and Raven bickering, Monty and Jasper trying to mess everyone up, food flying, friends laughing. Despite the competitive nature of it, the game always managed to be fun and light and a good time. 

Clarke returned from the kitchen and Murphy dealt the next round of cards, all 5 of them still in, but Harper and Raven holding onto threads. As the all placed their bets, Raven looked Murphy dead in the eyes, and dared him to go all in. Clarke and Bellamy folded.

Murphy and Harper both called Raven’s bet and this was it. If Murphy took it, Raven and Harper were out.

Murphy a full house, Raven a flush and Harper a straight.

Raven feigned death as Murphy whooped. Everyone groaned as, like Bellamy, they all anticipated a long few days of Murphy gloating. He’d be insufferable. 

“Hey, hey now everyone, Clarke is still in, Bellamy too, so you never know…” Murphy placated them. 

“Don’t fake modesty Murphy, no one believes you,” Octavia groaned at him.

Murphy snickered, clearly sure of himself. Bellamy rolled his eyes. Assuming Clarke only made it another round or two, it would come down to himself and Murphy. And he owed it everyone in this room to make sure he was the one who won.

For everyone else, definitely not himself. Though, it _would_ feel good to beat Murphy. 

“You know Murphy, that was pretty patronizing, to count me out like that.”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant, definitely not. You’ve got a good beginner’s streak going. Just, it’s going to take more than luck to beat me.”

“Okay, Murphy, let’s do it. Let’s see what you’ve got. You sure you want to go into this hand so cocky?” Clarke was suddenly very invested in this than she was a few moments ago and Bellamy couldn’t put his finger down on why.

Emori snorted from the side and Murphy rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Clarke, I think I can handle it.”

“What about you, Bellamy? You think it’s all beginner’s luck? You already count me out too?”

“I think...I think you can probably handle yourself. Doing well so far, but I guess we will have to see if you’ve got what it takes to take Murphy out. It’s only been done once before.” Bellamy smirked at the memory of the one time he’d managed to get the upper hand on his friend.

Clarke bore her blue eyes into his, making him suddenly uncomfortable. “Sound pretty confident. I can only guess that it was you that beat him?”

Bellamy stared back not backing down from the challenge and nodded once. Something was definitely off.

“Huh. Okay then, let’s deal the cards and get this over with then. Hopefully I can get a few good ones at least. I would hate to embarrass myself too much.”

Bellamy dealt the cards. Clarke groaned and Bellamy shook his head, wishing she knew better than to tip them off as to her situation, as he could see Murphy out of the corner of his vision taking note of her reaction.

“Um, yeesh, two please?” Bellamy handed her her request, gave one to Murphy and took one for himself. Yikes, two pair, sevens and sixes. 

Murphy was fiddling with his watch, which meant he was pretty comfortable with what he had. His tells were the only way Bellamy could ever get close to beating him.

Bet was to Murphy and he put an extra dollar in. Clarke took a beat and then smiled and looked up and there was so much behind her face that after she upped the pot by another five dollars, Bellamy folded quick. He wished he knew what was going through her mind, but she was giving nothing away. Still, something in her expression gave him the feeling that this game was about to get real interesting.

Murphy raised his eyebrows in surprise, but placated her by raising it only another dollar. He must not have been as comfortable as he thought originally because he was clearly trying to force her to fold. 

When Clarke saw his extra dollar and raised it another five, Murphy started shifting uncomfortably and side conversations started to quiet down as they noticed that something was changing.

Murphy tried to raise it by a dollar one more time, but this time after, Clarke’s smile widened and shone brilliantly. 

“Wait, hold on, I want to make sure I have what I think. Can I see the list again? Of the order of hands?” she asked Murphy a little too innocently. Bellamy narrowed his eyes at her as Murphy handed the list over.

“Of course you can. And just because you’re still new at this, I’ll let you fold before you lose anymore money.”

Her smile fell as she looked at the list, but the disappointment didn’t touch her eyes, which were still just as bright as her smile had been a second ago. Bellamy sat straight up as he realized why things seemed off. 

Clarke has played before. And not only has she played poker before, she’s also been playing _them_.

“Murphy -” he started, trying to warn his friend who seemed to buy the disappointment.

But Murphy, _damn it Murphy_, stopped him. “It’s fine Bellamy. This is a friendly game. I’m sure she can figure it out.” Raven glared daggers at Murphy at the mention of a “friendly” game.

“No that’s not -”

“You know what? What the hell? I’m bored. I’m just going to go all in.” Clarke pushed all her chips to the middle of the table and he’d be able to hear a pin drop in the room if one had, as everyone had started holding their breath.

Bellamy’s eyes widened as he tried again. “Seriously Murphy -”

“You sure you want to do that? Okay then, I’m all in too. I won’t even call it a raise, even if my pot is bigger than your’s. I’ll just put it all in and call.” Murphy pushed all his chips to the middle to meet Clarke’s too. Cocky son of a bitch.

“Damn it, shut _up_ Murphy and listen!”

“Damn Blake, it’s fine. You heard her, she just wants out and to be done with the game. She had a good run. Full house, aces high. Sorry, Griffin.”

“Wow, that’s a really good hand, Murphy.”

Murphy nodded in fake modesty as he started to grab at the chips. All Bellamy could do was shake his head as he watched the train wreck unfold.

Clarke tsked at him. “I wouldn’t grab those so fast though.” Murphy looked up in slow motion as Clarke laid her cards down one by one. “You see, a full house _is_ a really good hand, you should be proud, really. Just...it’s not as good as a four of a kind.” She laid down her final card to reveal four fours.

“You...you…” Murphy, for one of the handful of times in his life, was speechless. The cabin erupted in cheering and food started flying everywhere as they all, even Emori, congratulated Clarke. 

Murphy rested his forehead on the table and Bellamy couldn’t help but laugh. He leaned over to his friend. 

“I warned you about that crown.”

His friend turned his head enough to glare at him but then resumed his posture on the table and groaned as Bellamy smacked him on the back. 

“She played me,” Murphy lamented.

“That she did. I tried to tell you, but your big mouth and even bigger head wouldn’t let me.”

“Yeah, yeah, I need a drink.”

“Well now you can drink without worrying about losing focus!” Clarke shouted after him, teasing him. Bellamy smiled as Murphy flipped her off and Clarke faked offense. “Wow, sore loser, huh?” she directed at Bellamy as the others were still celebrating Murphy’s loss in the background.

“Yeah, well, he hasn’t had much practice at it.”

“He does now!” she said cheekily. It was a good look on her, happy. Like she was letting herself go and just be in the moment. It struck him that he hadn’t ever seen her quite like this before and he doubted he’d forget it.

Bellamy chuckled and replied, “Well, now, how are _you_ at losing? Because in all this celebration, you seem to have forgotten you’ve got one more man still in this game.”

Clarke smiled at him that bright smile from earlier, no longer trying to play anything now that her secret was out. “Oh I haven’t forgotten you, Blake, but like you said earlier, I can handle myself.”

“Hmm. Let’s do this then.”

The crowd split themselves right down the middle, boys vs. girls. Raven, Octavia, Harper and Emori all gathered behind Clarke, and Monty, Jasper, and Murphy gathered behind Bellamy. 

“Well, you going to deal or what, Griffin?”

While Clarke shuffled and dealt the cards, Bellamy leaned back and watched her, arms folded against his chest. Now that he was wise to her game, he was pretty sure he could read her well enough to claim victory. She tipped her hand with Murphy, but didn’t count on Bellamy being good at this game as well.

Just like Murphy, he was sure her over confidence would be her downfall.

Their piles were pretty uneven, her pot being at least double his after her win against Murphy, but that didn’t phase him. Slow and steady. No way was he letting her win.

\------

The first couple hands just the two of them indeed went his way as he whittled down her pile. And this time he was reasonably certain that she wasn't doing it for show. The more he won, the more even their piles became until he was sure they within only a couple dollars of each other. She grew more and more frustrated and Bellamy grew more and more smug. 

The girls groaned with every hand she lost and he noticed Raven and Octavia were watching him closely, to make sure he wasn’t cheating. Emori was enjoying using this against Murphy and Monty and Jasper were grinning like it was _their_ pot. 

“What’s the matter, Princess? Game not going the way you wanted it to?” 

“Please, I’ve got you right where I want you.”

“Sure,” he appeased her, which earned him an icy stare that had him shifting subconsciously.

She stared at her cards for a few more moments. 

“Bets to you, Princess. You going to raise? Or fold?” Bellamy himself held a straight flush, a hand he didn’t get often, but was going to use to win it all.

“I see your bet, and I raise...the rest.” She pushed her pot to the middle and the girls all shifted excitedly. There was only hand that she could have that would beat his, but that was so unlikely, he really didn’t think she’d be able to pull it out of her sleeve. Neither of their ‘teammates’ had seen their hands so the only two who knew what the final hands were, were Clarke and Bellamy.

“Brave Princess… you sure you want to do that? Worked for you once, but I’m not sure you realize that lightning doesn’t usually strike twice.”

He had a few more dollars than her pile, so he pushed the remainder in the middle. “I’m raising too. Got anything else you can bet?”

She glared at him for a moment and for a second he was afraid she was going to reach across the table to smack the smirk that he was sure was on his face right off. Instead, she broke the look and turned to the rest of the girls. 

“Anyone got anything?” 

“Ohh! Yeah, I’ve got a five.” Octavia laid the bill in the center of the table.

“Your turn, Blake. Got anything else yourself? You’re the one a few dollars short now.” She smiled her

“I’ve got you buddy, take her down.” Murphy laid a few bucks in the middle, calling her bet.

“Okay, so I call. Whatcha got?”

Clarke’s phone goes off suddenly next to her and as she glanced down, the smile fell from her face to transform into something resembling panic. Clarke froze and Bellamy suddenly sat straight up when he realized something was really wrong.

“Everything okay, Clarke?” Bellamy asked, all the teasing from a few minutes ago gone from his tone. “What happened?”

When Clarke didn’t move or respond, Raven peeked over her shoulder, and her face switched to match Clarke’s, with a flare of anger. 

Octavia was the one who finally moved to grab the phone from Clarke and Harper put her hands on her friends’ shoulders in a sad, comforting way.

Bellamy’s stomach flipped when O started reading the message out loud.

_“Why haven’t you called me yet, Clarke? I don’t know what those idiots are saying about me, but you know me. You love me. You can’t resist me. What we have is forever and I won’t just go away._

“That asshole! Who does he think he is?” Octavia finished.

The phone went off in her hands again and O’s expression turned murderous. She bit her lip though and looked at Raven and Clarke.

“What does it say Octavia?” Clarke asked in a small voice, her eyes closing. Bellamy wished he would never have to hear that tone from her ever again, his protective instincts flaring. She sounded so sad and scared.

“Clarke, Rave… I can just delete it. You don’t need to hear it,” O’s voice switching from anger to compassion.

_Shit, how bad is it?_

“O! Just read the damn thing,” Raven insisted. Everyone waited silently as they dreaded to hear what that horrible monster had to say to Clarke.

O’s voice was hesitant and stuttery as she licked her lips and began to read, _“You’re ignoring me now?”_ Octavia’s voice hitched as she stumbled over the next part. _“Bitch, who do you think you are? You and Raven both can go straight to hell. I’ve done nothing to deserve this. You think you’re going to find anyone better who’ll love you like I did? You both don’t deserve shit.”_

A tear leaked out from under Clarke’s closed eyes, and when Octavia threw the phone down on the table, she jumped slightly. Raven threw the bottle she’d been holding out the open deck door next to her, it shattering against the rail. Murphy slammed his fist into the nearby wall.

Bellamy should’ve been livid. And he was, but more than anything, his heart felt like it’d been torn apart. Breaking for the woman he considered his sister, one of the strongest, smartest, bravest women he’d ever known.

And breaking for the other woman sitting at the table too, her trying so hard to keep from sobbing, a woman he barely knew, but in the last 24 hours since he’d finally decided to stop blaming her, he’d started caring about her more than he’d realized until this moment. 

“Clarke, Raven -” he started, not sure what to say.

Clarke got up from the table and paced a bit, looking like she was trying to shake it off.

“Bell, don’t. It’s fine. He’s an asshole. We are better than this. We don’t need him.” Raven directed at him, though it sounded like it was more for her and Clarke than for him. “Clarke, _Clarke!_” she turned to face her new friend.

“Don’t listen to him. He’s scum. He treated us like shit and is blaming us now? Fuck him. He doesn’t control us. He doesn’t decide who we are anymore.” Raven put her hands on Clarke’s shoulders and shook a little to get her to look at her. Clarke finally opened her eyes and even from where he was sitting, Bellamy could see the hardnessl that entered her gaze. 

“You’re right. We don’t need a monster like that in our life,” she told Raven, tone even and hard. 

Raven smiled at her and nodded. “Nope. We have each other. Bellamy,” Raven turned to him. He waited for her instruction. She pointed to the center of the table. “Grab that phone, delete the message and block his number. No one needs to hear from him ever again.” 

He nodded once, all too happy to oblige. Grabbing Clarke’s phone off the table, he scrolled through until he found the two messages. Seeing them in black and white, he could feel the rage bubbling up inside and tried to suppress it best he could. He could still feel his hands shaking though and clenched his free hand in a fist to keep it from showing.

He set it back down next to Clarke’s place at the table after deleting them and Finn’s number from her phone and blocking it.

“Thank you.” Clarke looked right at him and there was steel in her eyes, but behind the mask, he could see the pain that was still there, her eyes slightly red from being so tightly clenched shut. He nodded at her and averted his look to Raven, who, instead of pain, had nothing but fury in her eyes.

She gave him a small smile of thanks and turned back to Clarke. “Now. You ready to beat Bellamy’s smug ass at this game or what?”

Clarke’s smile started returning, though it didn’t light her up like it had before. She shook her head a little and took a deep breath. “Hell yeah.”

“Clarke, we really don’t have to keep going. We can just divide the pot and call it a draw,” Bellamy told her.

“You afraid you’re going to lose, Blake?”

_No_, now he was afraid he was going to _win_.

He wasn’t sure if he was strong enough to endure putting more disappointment and sadness in her eyes. In fact, he _knew_ he wasn’t strong enough. He desperately wanted to avoid that at all costs, all the fight in him before the messages having left him. 

But he knew what hand he had and how unlikely it was that she held a higher one.

The other boys had started chatting up the game again, trading barbs with the girls. Clarke just stared at him eyebrows raised, waiting. He didn’t have a choice, did he? This was going to suck.

“Okay, put ‘em down. Let’s see what you’ve got.” 

_Please be a Royal, please be a Royal, please be a Royal._

She laid her cards down face up, four eights and one king showing.

_Shit._

Bellamy started to internally panic, trying to figure out what to do. The crowd around him all stared at him, waiting. The tension in the room was so thick he could cut it with a knife.

_Wait_. A lightbulb went off in his head.

Bellamy laid his cards face _down_ on the table and lied. “You got me. I had a full house.” 

The girls started screaming and jumping up and down around Clarke as her expression changed in front of him from haunted to joyful. Her entire face lit up as she tore her look from his and stood up to celebrate with the rest of the women. 

Murphy slumped down into a chair next to him and Monty and Jasper hunched over in defeat. “I really thought you had her!” Murphy exclaimed. 

“We were so close to victory!” Jasper agreed.

“Yeah.” Bellamy tried to look upset, but couldn’t help the smile on his face as he watched the blonde pour out jars of moonshine and pass it around to the other girls and all clink their glasses in excitement. “But look how happy she is now.” 

And he felt a surprising flicker of pride that he’d been the one to make it happen.

The other three boys looked over at the women and then back to each other. Bellamy looked up and noticed them exchanging glances. As soon as Murphy narrowed his eyes at him in suspicion, all four of them moved for Bellamy’s cards at once and ended up making a huge mess as they all wrestled to figure out what hand Bellamy _actually_ had. 

They rolled around on the floor for a few minutes when Octavia kicked him in the shin and told them to knock it off, but gave him a suspicious expression as well.

Bellamy was teased the rest of the night for losing, but he didn’t care. Raven and Clarke’s carefree faces made every joke at his expense completely worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, writing those messages just about killed me. It felt so awful to put myself in any mind space associated with emotional abuse. My poor Clarke :(
> 
> But I love the interactions they have here, and the inspiration from the Friends poker scene was SO clear in my head like 3 chapters ago, I was so excited to finally get here. 
> 
> Thank you all for the copious amounts of support I'm getting, I still am having a hard time believing there are people wanting to read this! <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay, here we are again! This is mostly follow up from the last chapter, and I'm not entirely happy with how this turned out, but I'm really looking forward to things to come, so I'm going to go ahead and post it so I can stay on some sort of schedule.
> 
> Another note, I really don't hate Finn and Echo as much as it seems I do, I just need some conflict and they got the short end of the stick in this story, hope no one who is fans of theirs get offended!
> 
> If I can bust through Chapter 9 (I'm about halfway done right now) then you may even see a bonus update later this week ;) I'm trying to keep a full chapter in between the last one that is posted and the one I'm working on, so I can stay ahead of it enough.
> 
> Enjoy ;)

She’d won. She’d actually _won_.

Despite the fact that her damn emotions were all over the place, she felt so happy, spending the rest of the night drinking and celebrating with her new friends. Clarke had always been good at poker, but there was something about this particular victory, coming after the horror that had happened, that made it special. 

Something about the women around her, all so unique and wonderful, winning this game for them, for herself, felt amazing. They all collapsed into bed way too late and woke up late in the morning, lounging and still relishing in the afterglow of victory from the night before. 

Echo showed up a few hours after they’d woken up and was greeted a little less warmly than Clarke had expected. Wasn’t Echo a member of the family too, Bellamy’s _girlfriend_? Why had she heard so little of the woman?

“Hey all! Didn’t party too much without me I hope?” She entered the room and handed her bags to Bellamy who kissed her on the cheek and took them upstairs.

A twinge twisted inside her and she couldn’t figure out what was bothering her about the situation. Clarke ignored it and walked up to Echo with a smile.

“Hi. I’m Clarke. I don’t think we’ve really been introduced yet.”

“Yeah, I know who you are,” the tall leggy brunette raised an eyebrow at her. “I’m surprised you lasted this long up here.”

Clarke wasn’t really sure where Echo was going with this, but damn it she did _not_ want to get into an argument with yet another person. She’d had enough drama for the week.

“Echo.” Octavia’s voice was even and stern. 

“It’s fine, Octavia. She hasn’t been here all week, she doesn’t know me yet. We’ll be fine once we spend some time together.” 

Echo pursed her lips, but made no response as she moved past Clarke and walked upstairs after Bellamy.

“Sorry about her. She really is nice, mostly, and smart as a whip, but very wary of people. And you know, with how the week started…” Raven trailed off.

“No, I know. It’ll be fine,” Clarke repeated.

“You’ve got us backing you up. Echo’ll come around,” Harper put a hand on Clarke’s back reassuringly.

“Yeah, I’m sure Bell is upstairs right now with her telling her that you’re in with us and to get to know you,” Octavia told her, sounding not entirely convinced for some reason.

“Anyway, I vote the losers make the winners lunch!” Emori changed the subject.

The boys laughed and Murphy groaned. “We cook everything anyway.”

The girls laughed and everyone went back to doing what they were doing before. Clarke glanced upstairs and she wondered what Bellamy _was_ telling Echo.

Would he defend her? After all they went through that week, he would stand up for her, right? Even though she wouldn’t call them friends yet, they had some sort of understanding. 

It’d been barely twenty-four hours since they cleared the air, but a lot had happened in that span of time and she could hardly believe just a couple days before they were at each other’s throats. She felt more comfortable with everyone already and actually was going to be a bit disappointed when they had to leave the next day.

She went to find Raven, who was chilling on one of the deck chairs. They’d been celebrating so much last night that they hadn’t had a chance to talk about what had happened with Finn.

“Hey. You doing okay?” Clarke asked, sitting down next to her.

Raven scoffed and waved a hand. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just can’t believe I was _so_ wrong about him. I thought he was amazing, I adored him. Sure, he was a little _too_ charming at times, but he took care of me, he loved me. And to see him react like this, that’s a level of monster I never thought he was capable of being.”

“You and me both. He was the same way with me. I was vulnerable, had no friends and no family, that I was in regular contact with anyway, and he swooped in on his white horse and took care of me. Guess he’s got an MO.”

“You think we’re the only two?”

Clarke snorted. “Who knows? I mean, you and I _are_ quite the handful,” she winked at Raven.

Raven chuckled dryly, “Yeah, we sure are. A handful of _awesomeness_.” They were quiet for a moment longer before she continued, “You know, I used to be picked first for everything. Sports, mechanics, first - every time. So how the hell did I end up here?”

“Raven?” Clarke knew that was hard for her to admit. That although it wasn’t Clarke’s fault that Finn cheated on Raven, she was the only one he’d tried to contact since the wedding. He hadn’t even really _tried_ with Raven.

“Yeah?”

“I’d pick you first.”

Raven looked over at Clarke and Clarke saw tears had started welling up in her friend’s eyes, but she quickly wiped them away. “Of course you would, like I said, I’m awesome,” Raven deflected. 

\----------

The day and evening seemed to fly by. Echo and Bellamy both came downstairs in slightly sour moods, but that wasn’t Clarke’s problem. She and Bellamy were on friendly enough terms, but their truce was still on shaky ground and she wasn’t interested in getting on his girlfriend’s bad side, so she stayed clear. 

Her feelings regarding Bellamy were so confusing. On one hand, he’d been a lot friendlier, kinder than he had been the days before, but they still didn’t know one another, not really. They knew enough to not hate each other, and for now that was enough. 

She doubted they’d ever be besties, but she wasn’t really concerned with that. 

The trust between them was tenuous as well. She’d understood where he was coming from before, and forgiven him, she never lied to him about that, but the volatile way she’d been treated was still hard to forget. And while she didn’t doubt his intentions or motives behind it, she didn’t trust that he wouldn’t do a 180 and start treating her that way again. She was still dealing with the fallout of Finn and needed some time before she trusted any man, in any kind of relationship. 

_Not_ that she’d be looking for anything _anytime_ soon. Or within the next decade at least. She was perfectly happy just having found friends in Octavia, Raven, Emori, and Harper. Any male friendships would have to wait a little while.

Besides, she questioned how much he trusted her too. Clarke was sure he no longer blamed her for what happened with Finn and everything that came after, but she was new to the group, and he didn’t know enough about her to really trust her. She’d catch him watching her or staring at her strangely all day and she was sure he was still a bit suspicious of her. She’d just have to hope that in time, he’d let her in.

Then, maybe they could learn to trust each other.

Echo, for her part, was not confusing at all. Everything Clarke seemed to say to her, no matter how polite or friendly, was met with ice. She could tell that the PI was clever, smart, talented and obviously she was beautiful, but she also seemed sharp, and cold in a way that Clarke couldn’t put her finger on. 

Even when Bellamy was being a dick, she had been sure that at least it had been born out of love for his family. But Echo was nothing of the sort and even the way she interacted with the rest of the group didn’t lend a hand to the ‘family love’ theory that had been proven true with Bellamy.

And when Bellamy was with Echo, he seemed less open and friendly than he had during the poker game, so she just decided to give them both some space and try not to worry about the rest. 

Clarke had enough to worry about as it was, with them all leaving the next morning for home and her having to return to work tomorrow night for an overnight shift. She’d used the vacation days she had stored up, but it didn’t come without covering some undesirable shifts.

Hopefully that meant that at least she wouldn’t have to see Finn for a little while, thank _goodness_ they didn’t often work in the same area of the hospital. She’d just have to be extra vigilant during the times pediatricians were called down to her floor for a while. 

Just thinking about running into him again sent her into a spiral. She had been so concerned about what the messages from yesterday had done to Raven, it had been easy enough to ignore her own reaction past the initial freeze. 

She remembered the panic that gripped her when the first one had come in. She was doing well, holding it at bay, trying not to let it get to her, trying to compartmentalize like she was so good at doing.

She prided herself on the ability of doing that. She was proud of being able to separate her feelings in such a way that she could make clear-headed, objective decisions, and be able to push her emotions aside. It made her a good doctor; she was very skilled at doing that. However, when the second horrible message had come in, she could feel her very carefully constructed walls start to crumble.

She had squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to prevent breaking down in front of everyone, but tears started falling from her eyes and while no one had said anything since Octavia had finished reading, as soon as she heard Bellamy’s voice she got up, unable to stay frozen a moment longer.

She’d felt like running. Running until she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think about it any more. Run until no one could catch her and have the chance at hurting her again. The walls felt like they were closing in and she couldn’t catch her breath. 

It wasn’t until Raven gripped her by the shoulders and reminded her that Finn didn’t control her anymore, that she had all of them and they would all get through it together that not for the first time, she was so grateful to have met Raven Reyes.

And even better, when Bellamy had told her she won, her heart soared. The girls around her were so genuinely happy for her victory that she let herself get lost in the joy that came from getting a win. She needed to feel that.

Then the boys were wrestling on the floor, annoying Octavia, and she had to laugh at the camaraderie and the sense of comfort that the rest of the evening held. It was like she’d been with them all along, instead of only a few days.

She was growing used to the company, of having people care about her and Clarke was nervous about what would happen when they all arrived back to reality. She’d grown so used to having people around her that the thought of being alone again terrified her.

Would she be able to trust that the new friendships would remain? Or go back to the cold, lonely life she had held before?

***

_Damn it Octavia._

Sisters. 

Bellamy loved his baby sister, he did, with all of his heart. But part of growing up with her was that she knew him better than anyone and had a unique ability of getting under his skin. She knew just what to say to get stuck in his brain and he couldn’t rattle her out. Their conversation the previous night about Echo kept running through his mind. 

He had all but forgotten Echo was showing up that morning until the knock at the door. They were all basking in the easy comfort of each other and when he heard Echo greet the rest of the house, he felt guilty for forgetting for a moment that she was on her way up. He’d walked in from the kitchen to greet his girlfriend, who he noticed was glaring at their new houseguest. 

_Was that what she was?_

Clarke had a determination in her eyes, a defiance that he was already familiar with after it had been directed at him a few too many times this week. Octavia was standing behind Clarke, scowling at Echo, and he sighed at the tension in the room _already_. He kissed his girlfriend and moved to grab her bags and head upstairs to put them in their room.

He hadn’t talked to her all week, aside from a few text messages and he was ashamed to say that he didn’t miss it. He was used to her being gone even at home, especially lately, on more and more jobs that it wasn’t unusual for them to go days without speaking.

She followed him up a few minutes later, her eyes still narrowed in a glare. She shut the door behind her and moved into Bellamy’s arms for a hug and a more passionate kiss, which he returned, but when she moved for more, he stopped her. She looked annoyed, but he didn’t want to just sweep whatever happened when she got here under the rug.

“You okay?” he asked her, feeling uncomfortable already for reasons he couldn’t even begin to process. Echo left his arms to pace around.

“Bellamy, what the hell is Clarke doing here? I know Raven and Octavia invited her, but _come on_. I thought either she’d ditch the last second or you’d have stood up to them and said no.”

“Stand up to them? They’re my sisters.”

“So you let them walk all over you?” Echo shot at him. Bellamy was so sick of having this same fight over and over. He understood her reluctance with Clarke, he himself had quite the difficult time accepting her, but this fight about Raven and O was getting so tiring.

“Echo, I’m not doing this with you about them.”

“Look, I know. But this is your house. They can’t just invite whoever they want. Especially _her_.”

“Her?” Bellamy was already getting exhausted. “Echo, it’s fine. It wasn’t her fault for what Finn did. She was at the wrong place, at the wrong time, in a relationship with the wrong guy. I don’t exactly trust her yet, but she’s a good person, a kind person.” He thought back to the forgiveness and compassion she’d had for him when he apologized. 

They hardly knew each other and had such a small thread of trust between them, but he was drawn to her in a way that he couldn’t make sense of. They’d connected and he wasn’t sure what exactly to do with that. 

“You’re defending her? After ruining Raven’s wedding? It just doesn’t make sense that she didn’t know _anything_ and that she just happened to show up like that. All things you said at first too, might I remind you.” 

His head was swimming. He could feel doubt start to creep back in with Echo’s words. It was a huge coincidence. And what did he really know about her that made him believe her? 

_No._

He may not know much about Clarke or her life, but when she had argued with him in the library, putting him in his place, he saw through her eyes to her heart and just _knew_ she was telling the truth. He could still feel the warmth of her hand in his as she attempted to help relieve some of the weight he had been bearing on his shoulders of what had happened.

But Echo was his girlfriend, and he did trust _her_. Right? So what was he supposed to do? 

“Just give her a chance, please? I’m not saying you have to be best friends, hell we aren’t even friends, but she fits in with us and I don’t think she’s going anywhere anytime soon.”

There may be many many confusing things about Clarke and the different ways they all felt about her, but of that, he was absolutely sure. He knew he’d been seeing a lot more of her past this trip.

“Unlike me? Is that what you’re saying? I know that I don’t fit well like the others, but Bellamy, we’re together. And that matters to me.”

“No, absolutely not, that’s not what I meant. It matters to me too. I just meant you should get to know her.” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair and tried to convey...something, he wasn’t sure what. Echo just got here and they were already in a fight.

“Ok, fine. I will play nice, but I’m suspicious and I will be watching her.” 

“That’s not really necessary, but I wouldn’t expect anything else,” Bellamy sighed. “I’m glad you’re here.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek and she gave him a wary look, but they left the room without any other argument. 

Downstairs, they had a pleasant enough day and evening. Echo was true to her word and watched Clarke like a hawk, always looking like she had something to say but she bit her tongue, thankfully. Bellamy didn’t think he could handle any more issues this week. 

After dinner, as he was washing dishes, Clarke came up next to him, grabbed a towel and started drying.

“Hey,” he said as he peeked at her next to him and she gave him a small side smile. He was getting used to how natural it was being in the same room next to her. 

“Hi. Thought I’d come help.”

They stood like that, washing and drying for a while, an easy, peaceful silence between them.

“You doing okay?” Clarke asked, breaking the quiet.

“Yeah. Fine. Why do you ask?” 

“Just… it’s been a hard week. For everyone. Just felt right checking.”

That was... thoughtful of her. She was checking on him? While their truce was still new, as soon as he let go of his anger towards her, he felt lighter than he had in a while.

“I mean, I know you have Echo here now and you don’t need me checking on you. Sorry, that was stupid. It’s not like we’re friends or anything yet…” she rambled on and Bellamy couldn’t help the small smirk that appeared on his lips as he glanced at her again. She was intently drying the same plate that she’d been drying for the last several minutes.

“You can ask. I don’t mind. Not stupid at all.” Bellamy took a deep breath before continuing, wanting to give her a bit more. Even if they weren’t friends, he hoped they maybe would be one day. And the path to friends was going to have to be both ways. “That was nice of you to check, actually. What about you?”

“Um, yeah, I’m doing alright.” She put the plate away and grabbed another. He could see her working her jaw before continuing, “To be honest, I’m a little nervous about going home.”

That surprised Bellamy. After the fitful week she had, they all have had, as Clarke pointed out, he thought she’d be itching to get home and have some space. Even Bellamy, as much as he loved his chosen family, he knew that they were all a lot and was looking forward to getting back home.

“Nervous? About? Haven’t had enough craziness?” As soon as he asked, he noticed a dispirited look pass briefly in her eyes, but didn’t know her well enough yet to assess why, and that drove Bellamy a little crazy. He prided himself on being able to read people, but she was, for the most part, still a mystery.

She snorted a bit and mumbled something under her breath he couldn’t quite catch, but then said, “It’s not that, just not sure how work is going to go.”

_Oh._

She was nervous about what would happen if she ran into Finn at the hospital. From what Bellamy could tell, Clarke loved her job, loved being a doctor and a fresh wave of anger washed over him as he thought about Finn diminishing that for her.

He turned back to the sink where he had stopped washing to talk to her. But now, he wanted his voice to remain as steady as possible while he got a handle on his emotions and wanted to keep his hands busy.

“Do you see him often at the hospital?” he asked carefully.

“Well, he’d go out of his way to come see me, have lunch and so on. But yeah, whenever he’s on shift, he’d be the pediatrician to come check on the new babies. I can try to avoid him for a while, but it won’t last long. Especially if he tries to seek me out.”

Bellamy let a plate slip accidentally into the soapy water thinking about Finn cornering her without anyone to make him back off. Particularly after the text he sent her, Bellamy was worried that he might get too rough.

“It’s fine, I’m fine, I can handle it. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m probably overreacting anyway.”

“No,” Bellamy said firmly.

Clarke looked at him then, eyebrow cocked upwards at him.

He still couldn’t meet her eyes, but continued, “You’re not overreacting. You have every right to be worried. Hell, I’m...even kind of worried.” She looked surprised at that, but he didn’t elaborate. “Look, _Collins_ tries anything and you call one of us. If Harper is there and available, she’s probably closest to do something. But you can call any one of us too, and we’ll be there. Obviously Wells too.”

“Really? You all just met me. Wells and Harper I understand, since we were already friendly, but the rest of you too?”

“Yes,” Bellamy said unwaveringly. “I’m sure you are strong enough to take him on yourself Princess, but the rest of us will be there to back you up too.”

A voice sounded from behind him, “You’re one of us now, Griffin, no getting around that. He messes with one of us, he messes with us all.” 

They both turned to the source of the voice, seeing Murphy standing in the entry of the kitchen, arms folded. Bellamy was filled with a swell of pride for his friend. As crazy as Murphy can be, he is very protective of this family as well and it feels good to be able to count on him.

“I mean, I have to get revenge on you for that game anyway, so I might as well convince you to stick around.” Murphy winked at her and gave Bellamy a weird look that caused him to avert his eyes. He was fairly certain Murphy knew what he had done during the game but thankfully had chosen not to bring it up.

It wasn’t a big deal anyway. 

Clarke laughed warmly and her expression changed to something closer to resembling hope. “Bring it on Murphy.”

He could get used to that.

Echo flashed to his mind quickly and he turned away. Bellamy was going to have to figure out where they stood and Octavia’s words from yesterday still resonated in the back of his mind. 

\----------

They left around 10 the next morning, wanting to beat any kind of traffic once getting on the freeway. They all had to get up early to get moving and packing, but most would be able to nap on the way back, so it worked out okay.

Him and Echo had had a good conversation the night before and he was sure they were back on the right track. Echo was still wary of Clarke, but insisted that she’d be nice and they’d figure it out. His heart eased at that, hopeful that maybe they’d all finally be able to get along and move past any weirdness. 

He made sure the house was cleaned and locked up, sad to once again say goodbye. He was hoping to come back sometime in the fall when the leaves were changing, but they’d all taken a lot of time off and Bellamy wasn’t sure when exactly they’d get a chance to come back up.

They all piled in the vehicles they came in, Echo on her own. Raven offered to go with her, but she liked long drives on her own. Raven just shrugged and turned back to Bellamy’s Pilot.

“You sure you don’t want some company? Raven’s offering, and it might be a good chance to connect with her,” Bellamy told her, grabbing her hands.

“Bellamy, you know how I feel about being trapped in a car with someone.”

“You say it like it’s a bad thing. It’s not the worst thing to spend time with someone.”

“You’re the only someone I want to spend time with,” Echo gave him a small grin and stepped closer. “You’re the only one I want to be trapped with.” She gave him a long, passionate kiss that he fell into immediately. This part of the relationship, this part always worked. It was everything else they’d always had issues with. “See you later at home,” she smiled at him and he tried to return it. 

He was hopeful they’d be able to work past this, but it was still frustrating to not even see her try to take his suggestions, or spend time with the people that meant so much to him. The similarity to Finn slammed into his thoughts like a freight train. 

He shook it off and brushed it off to just think about later.

They all piled in the cars and took off, everyone in the same position as their ride up.

About an hour in, everyone except him and Octavia were sleeping. He chuckled to himself and turned the music down a bit, and his sister had been spending her time staring out the window. 

“Hey, O, what’re you thinking about?”

He could see his baby sister grin at him out of the corner of his eye. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

He rolled his eyes in response. “Very mature.”

She laughed and he was briefly reminded of their mother and how she sounded when she laughed. There was so much of her in Octavia, it both scared him and soothed him at the same time. 

“I’m thinking of a few different things, if you really want to know. One, that I _really_ don’t want to go back to work tomorrow.” She tipped her head back on the headrest. “But I am excited to get started on Clarke’s tattoo.”

Bellamy cocked his head. Clarke was getting a tattoo? “You’re designing her a tattoo?”

“Don’t sound so shocked, she isn’t as _princessy_ as you’ve made her out to be.”

“I know that.” He was just surprised that they’ve talked about doing that. “You always love getting to design and draw new stuff.”

“Yeah, it’s...actually, I’m not sure I should tell you.” He must’ve given her a funny look because she explained, “It’s just, sometimes tattoos and their meanings are kind of private and I got the feeling this might be one of those. You’ll have to ask her if you want to know what it is.”

“Okay...it’s fine, I don’t need to know.”

She went back to staring out the window for a few more minutes and Bellamy thought the conversation was over.

He couldn’t deny that he was slightly intrigued about what Clarke would be getting that would be so private, but he decided it wasn’t any of his business and if Clarke wanted him to know, then she would tell him.

Apparently that wasn’t all that was on her mind, because she spoke up interrupting Bellamy’s thoughts. “That was a nice thing you did for her, by the way. I haven’t gotten a chance to tell you.”

He glanced at her quickly and back at the road, confused. “What nice thing? What are you talking about?”

“The poker game. You let Clarke win.” She shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He could feel his eyebrows furrow. He knew Murphy suspected, but Octavia had been across the room. There’s no way she would know anything.

The last thing he wanted Clarke to think was that he let her win out of pity. He’d just wanted to do something nice for her, make her face light up again after those messages. He wanted to give her a win. He told her that he was sorry for being an ass before and that he’d try to make up for it. He thought that had been a good start and he didn’t want Clarke to find out and think he’d only done it because he felt sorry for her. 

And he definitely didn’t need Echo getting wind of it and making it out to be more than it was.

“Octavia, that’s ridiculous. Why would you think that? Why would I just let her win?”

“Please, Bell, don’t lie to me. I saw your face when she laid the cards down. You were panicking. Plus, Murphy talked to me. I’m thinking you had a straight flush?”

Bellamy stayed silent. Freaking Murphy.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. And then, you _smiled_ when you put your cards down, _face down_. Like I said two nights ago, big brother. I know you.”

Bellamy gritted his teeth. “I really have no idea what you’re talking about, O. She won, fair and square.”

“Uh, huh. Okay, fine. Don’t cop up to it. But, I want you know, I think you made her really happy. I’m really glad you decided to give her a chance. That’s the Bellamy I know.” She smiled at him and he tried to keep from smiling back, but failed. 

She dropped the subject, closed her eyes and tipped her head back to fall asleep, but Bellamy couldn’t help but add one more thing. 

“O?”

“Mhm?”

“Just...don’t say anything to her, okay? Or to anyone? Your, you know, _theory_. Because I definitely did not let her win.”

“I got you big brother,” she said with her eyes still closed and Bellamy sighed in relief.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Posted a bonus chapter this week like I said I would try to do! However, I will say that I don't know what it was with 7&8, but I just fiddled and fiddled and they still just seem off to me. To be honest, I almost deleted this whole chapter and started over but that would've taken foreverrrr, so here it is anyway, I can't stare at it any longer! The last and this one are kind of transition chapters. Meant to move the timeline along a little bit so we get into some more of the meatier stuff coming up. 
> 
> I hope you still enjoy this, and as always, I am SO immensely grateful that people are reading and commenting that they are liking it! Thank you thank you thank you! <3

Bellamy pulled in to Clarke’s building after dropping everyone else off and insisted on walking her upstairs. He was nervous that Finn might make a repeat appearance and he didn’t want to chance Clarke having to encounter him on her own.

Not that he didn’t think she was capable of handling herself, she has proved quite clearly that she doesn’t back down, but more just to provide backup and support should she need it. 

And sure, the chance that he might finally be able to take a swing at Finn certainly helped his motivation as well. 

“Bellamy, you don’t have to, it’s fine. I can carry my stuff myself.” Clarke told him on the elevator up.

“I know, just wanted to help.” He hoped she wasn’t able to see through his tone, as he was trying to keep his voice as even as possible. The last thing they needed was for her to think that she was some damsel in need of saving and get into an argument again. 

“Well, thank you.” 

They continued the ride up in silence and while he knew she didn’t want to show her worry, he could practically feel her tense up as the elevator dinged when it hit her floor. He shifted a bit closer to her so they’re shoulders were touching, hoping that it would provide some sort of strength for her to draw from, without being too pushy. He didn’t look at her so he wouldn’t draw attention to the shift.

She relaxed into it as she saw the empty hallway leading to her door and twisted her head to look at him. She gave him a small smile, and though she never looked directly at him, Bellamy could swear that he felt a jolt go through him at the unspoken connection.

They walked up to her door and he rubbed at the back of his neck awkwardly.

_It’s just Clarke._

“So, here you are Princess. Um…” he trailed off before finishing. Things were still a little awkward with her and while they were closer to being friends than they were the last time they were here, they still didn’t trust each other completely and Bellamy wasn’t sure how to leave things. “Thanks for coming. I know I didn’t want you to at first, and I was a real jerk for most of the week, but…”

“Bellamy, it’s fine. We’re okay now. At least, we’re headed that direction anyway. Thanks for walking me up.”

He just nodded in return. 

They stood awkwardly for another minute before Bellamy finished, “Anyway, glad you let yourself be talked into coming -”

“Well, that was the tequila’s fault,” she pointed out.

“Right, well, either way. Don’t be a stranger. See you around, I guess?” He turned to leave before she spoke up one more time.

“Do you mean that?”

Bellamy looked at her confused, and asked, “Mean what?”

She looked hesitant, like she regretted asking. “You know what? Nevermind. Yeah, I’ll see you around, I’m sure. With you and Wells working together and all,” she clarified.

“Right, well, I’m sure I’ll see you other times too.” Bellamy was still confused. Did she think since the week was over, that they wouldn’t be seeing her anymore? Did she really think that Raven and Octavia, at the very least, would let her just get lost in the background?

She nodded at him and narrowed her eyes a bit before turning towards the door to unlock it. 

He hung back a bit and glanced back to the elevator before turning to face her one more time. “You know, I meant what I said yesterday while washing dishes. If you need anything, or if Finn gives you any shit, that you can call any one of us and we’ll be there.” He felt like it needed to be said again, so there was no question on her part. 

She paused as she opened the door and glanced over her shoulder at him. “Thanks, I’ll...keep that in mind.”

“And you’re welcome to come to Sunday night dinners, if you want,” he blurted out. “And Wells too, obviously,” he added. Her eyes widened a bit at his invitation, but she didn’t say anything, just gave him another small smile.

“Good night, Bellamy.”

“Night, Princess.”

\----------

Bellamy drove back to his apartment, feeling like more time than just a week had past since he was here. Echo would be waiting for him, probably without dinner, so he made sure to swing through their favorite Chinese restaurant.

He pulled up to their building and parked in the spot reserved for them. He sat for a moment. So much had changed, it felt like, in a short amount of time. 

They had a pleasant enough evening, too tired from the drive to dissect the almost-argument they had had before they left the cabin. Unfortunately, this was common with them. Things got swept under the rug until enough time had passed for it not to matter anymore. He let go of whatever had bugged him and Echo made up for it in her own way. 

As was the case tonight, when they finished dinner and she took him to bed. 

He laid there staring up at the ceiling, Echo fast asleep next to him, not sure how much longer they were going to be able to sustain this kind of relationship. After what had happened with Raven and Finn, he was beginning to see a bit of what Octavia was talking about. 

Not that he’d ever actually admit that to her. Like a typical sister, she’d never let him hear the end of it. 

Raven ignored so many things that had been red flags, they all did. He should’ve seen it too and not just let it go because she _seemed_ happy. Finn had always been indifferent to their friends, always trying to distance himself and pull Raven away as well. Subtly, sure, but it still happened.

Hindsight is 20/20. 

But as he looked at the woman next to him, he wondered whether they were any different. Echo never made any effort at furthering a relationship with his family. She was friendly enough, and asked surfacy questions, but that’s where it always stayed, the surface. Anything she knew of him and O’s growing up, she learned from Bellamy volunteering information, instead of being genuinely interested.

And the kicker was, he _did_ show interest in her and her upbringing, her family. He asked questions, wanted to know who her other friend’s were, her co-workers. He asked about her dreams, her desires in life, how she got to where she is now. 

The most he received was short, clipped, closed-ended answers. And usually, she ended the conversation with a suspicious gleam in her eye, like she was confused as to _why_ he would ask the questions he did. 

Like it was unusual to actually care about those kinds of things. 

But she was beautiful, smart, clever, and cared for him.

_Was that enough?_

He cared for her, he knew he did. That’s why this was weighing on him so heavily. O was always going to be the voice he listened to the most, and she _knew_ that. She knew that and said what she said anyway. He was happy with Echo. Sure, their relationship wasn’t always conventional, considering how it started, but why does she care? Echo doesn’t have to be friends with anyone she doesn’t want to, _right_?

When they started, it was all sex. She picked him up at a bar, while he was there drinking with an old friend of his, Miller. Miller was visiting in from out of town and they went to go catch up. When a tall and sexy brunette started flirting with him, was he _not_ supposed to flirt back?

They were on and off for a while before they decided to be exclusive, and when the lease ran out on her place and her rent skyrocketed, was he _not_ supposed to invite her to move in with him? She was his girlfriend, that was the next logical step.

So why was he so fucking conflicted?

He knew the answer, but Bellamy wasn’t sure he wanted to admit that to himself. Not just yet. 

\----------

Bellamy woke up at five the next morning, Echo already up and out for a run. He showered and made breakfast, and got ready to go. Just as he opened the door to leave, Echo stumbled in, having reached for the door at the same time as it swung in.

He caught her from falling. “Whoa, hey you okay?”

She took her earbuds out. “Sorry, what?”

“Nevermind. You heading into the office today?” Bellamy asked.

“Yeah, got to finish some paperwork on the case from this week. Even taking these last couple days off is going to make me have to work overtime to get it all done.” She sounded annoyed, though that was how she sounded a lot of the time, honestly.

“Okay. Then I’ll just see you later. Bye.” He reached forward to give her a kiss on the cheek as he swung his bag back over his shoulder and moved to leave. 

“Hey, Bellamy?” Echo called after him just as he reached the stairwell. He turned and looked at her, waiting for whatever it was she was going to say, a look of slight hesitation passing briefly over her beautifully sharp features before she masked it with a more neutral demeanor.

“Are we okay?” she called out to him. He sighed, aware that he wasn’t the only one who was nervous about this relationship. 

“Yeah, uh, we’re fine. I think. We’ll talk tonight, when I’m off, maybe?”

“Well, we don’t have to just _talk_.” There was that avoidance thing she does again. 

Bellamy couldn’t muster more than a mumbled agreeance and cursed himself for being a coward. He jogged the way down the stairs and threw his bag in the passenger seat and let out a groan.

The whole way to the station he felt so frustrated that he couldn’t just make a stupid decision about her. 

He flew into his spot at the station and slammed his door shut. Murphy, who was walking by stopped abruptly and jogged over to him.

“Hey man, where’s the fire?”

“Hilarious, Murphy.”

“Whoa, man, seriously, who pissed in your cheerios?” 

“I…” Bellamy was cut off when the sirens went off, alerting them to an emergency. Since Bellamy had just gotten there, he let the rest of them go and took the phone/desk duty for this call.

They got back a few hours later, looking exhausted.

They all flopped down on the couches upstairs and Murphy tore into the breakfast Bellamy had made for them while they were out.

“Five car pile-up -” Wells started explaining. 

“- in the middle of an intersection,” Raven finished.

“Had to use the jaws of life to pry open a few of the doors, and drag most of the cars’ occupants out and get them stabilized before they could haul the cars out of the intersection to open it back up.” Wells drawled out, head lolled back on the couch. 

“I’ve been doing this for _years_ and I’m still surprised when people yell at you for closing it down so you can _save a fucking life_.” Murphy complained. 

Entitlement. One of Bellamy’s most favorite things. He rolled his eyes in agreement. 

They all ate greedily and the others rested up for a while before beginning their chores. 

Calls were light that day, only a few that needed to be run after the accident. Bellamy noticed he was looking at Wells a little differently, with more understanding, but that Wells seemed to be a little wary around him though. 

Great. Clarke must’ve filled him in about the week and now Wells doesn’t trust him either. Which was fair, if he was being honest about it. He was an ass to Wells’ best friend, of course some protectiveness was going to come from that. Especially since Bellamy knew how Wells felt about Clarke.

He hoped it would pass and was about to start washing the trucks to get them ready for the next shift, when Murphy approached him.

“So… you want to talk about this morning? Or really the whole day? You’ve been pretty quiet. Which is unusual because usually I can’t get you to shut up.”

“Please, I don’t talk that much.”

“Okay, fine, you don’t. Still, something is off with you today and when you dropped Emori and I off at our place, you were fine. Something happen with Clarke when you drop her off? Finn show up again?”

“No, no, nothing like that. Taking Clarke home was fine. A little awkward, but fine. No Finn.” He made a mental note to text her later to make sure that was still the case. Although, maybe that was none of his business and he should see if Raven or O could check up on her instead, since he didn’t even have her number. 

“Okay, then, what’s going on in that oversized head of hair of your’s?”

Bellamy rolled his eyes at Murphy (he does a lot), and simply said, “It’s...Echo actually.” He turned away from Murphy’s knowing look and started scrubbing the truck down. Murphy grabbed a long handled brush and started scrubbing the parts Bellamy couldn’t reach on his own.

“Ahh. The girlfriend. Right.” He paused and shot a look at Bellamy. “Wait. She is still your girlfriend, right?”

“Murphy, yes! We live together, she’s my girlfriend. Has been for months now.”

“Okay, geez, just checking.” Murphy turned back to his job. “So, what about her? Does it have to do with Clarke?”

“What? No...what would Clarke have to do with this?” Bellamy was confused. Murphy was one of his closest friends, but sometimes, his thoughts were still a mystery.

“Nevermind, no reason. Forget I brought it up. So what were you saying? Why are you and Echo on the outs?”

“Who said we were on the outs?” Bellamy tried pathetically to deflect.

Murphy just gave him another look and Bellamy sighed. “Okay, look, we’ve just been fighting a lot more recently, and not seeing eye to eye on a few things.” Maybe that’s what Murphy meant by bringing up Clarke. “And...O may have said something that won’t leave my stupid brain.”

“Uh huh,” Murphy urged him on.

“Well, basically she said that it’s _possible_ that our relationship is comparable to Raven and Finn’s, and that I need to make sure I know what I want.” He couldn’t meet Murphy’s eyes.

“Okay.”

“Okay? That’s it?”

“Well, what do _you_ think? I mean, your sister means well, most of the time.” Bellamy snorted at that. “But she isn’t the one in the relationship. You are. Do you agree?”

Here it goes.

“I...I think I can see some similarities, yeah. What do you think?”

Murphy sighed and put the brush down to face him. “I think she’s not wrong. Sure, she may not be completely right either and could be projecting her fears about what happened to Raven happening to you too, but…”

“But?”

“But are you happy? You two have had such a weird go at it, she moved in not because you loved her, but because it was convenient. You guys had barely stopped just screwing and started dating,” Murphy pointed out. While Bellamy loved his friend dearly, he hated when he was right.

Murphy continued. “I think it’s ultimately your decision though, obviously. If you really see a future with Echo, we will support you, of course. But O made some good points. Finn always kept his distance, never wanted to really engage with the rest of us and was generally not that nice of a guy despite what he seemed like on the surface. Echo is sort of the same way. And it’s not even about not fitting in, plenty of people wouldn’t fit in, but we’d all get along, kind of like Lincoln. We love Lincoln, but he is a private person, and that’s okay. He still shows his care for us. Echo is...is different. She doesn’t show interest in any of us.”

“She cares for you, she just shows it a little differently.” Bellamy defended his girlfriend.

“I can believe that, I can understand that she does, I’m just telling you what she’s _showing_ us. You asked what I thought, there it is. Do you see yourself with her in the next 10, 20, 30 years? Does she with you? Or is it just casual still? Because living together is a big deal and I’d hate for you two not to be on the same page.” He hesitated a moment longer before continuing. "If I'm being honest, I feel like this got more serious than either of you intended and now you don't know how to put a stop to it. I'd be willing to bet she feels the same way."

Murphy made some good points, and an answer to the questions he asked formed in Bellamy’s mind without him even really thinking about it. 

His instincts were telling him one thing, but his head another. He shouldn’t compare her and Finn, the situations were totally different, the two of them were totally different. But maybe Murphy wasn't _entirely_ wrong.

“Hello. Earth to Bellamy. What’s going through your head right now?”

Bellamy sighed. “I’m thinking...that you might be right. And O might be right. There’s something off about our relationship. I think I’ve known for a while, I just didn’t want to admit it. The questions you asked…”

“Didn’t have the answers you thought they’d have?” Murphy guessed.

“No, they didn’t.”

“You gotta trust your gut Blake. If your heart is telling you that you just need to work harder at the relationship, to commit more deeply, then by all means. But if it’s not…”

“If it’s not?” 

“Then…” he hesitated again. “Look, I don’t want to tell you what to do. But if your gut is telling you that the relationship has run its course, then you need to tell her. You need to be honest and stop hiding what you’re actually feeling. Don’t be the dick that strung her along. We never really became friends, but even I know she deserves better than that.”

Murphy was absolutely right. That’s exactly what he was doing. Even if he never consciously intended on hurting her, he was by not being truthful about his conflicting emotions. And even if she wasn’t the warmest of people, she should be treated with more respect than he’s shown her recently. 

Every word Murphy kept saying, only solidified what he needed to do more and more.

“When did you get so good at giving advice?”

“Oh, man, that’s all Emori. She’s crazy smart, man. And she makes me smarter, just by being around her, I swear. I don’t know how I got so crazy lucky. She never should’ve given me the time of day,” he chuckled and blushed slightly, giving his feelings away in a way that was so very un-Murphy.

“You really do love her, don’t you?”

“With more than I ever thought was possible, or real, yeah.”

He just smiled at his friend. Murphy was an oddball character, but his heart was good, and honorable. He respected Murphy in a way that may not be conventional, but he was so incredibly thankful to have him in his life. And he was thankful Murphy had Emori.

After casually mentioning to Raven that maybe someone should text Clarke to see how she was doing (_Why don’t_ you_?_ she’d asked), he got in his car to drive home, dreading the inevitable conversation he was going to have to have with Echo, and solidified his thoughts that he was doing the right thing. He had been so unsure, but once he had made the decision, he knew that was what he was supposed to do.

\----------

Unfortunately, it was still a couple days later before he was able to talk with her, Sunday morning, to be exact. Her work took her for most of the days and she didn’t get home until after he was already in bed and left before he woke up. 

He tried not to be frustrated, but once he makes a decision, he’s a little impatient. He just wanted to be honest with her, now that he knew what he wanted, although he didn’t want to hurt her.

Sunday morning came and he finally had the chance to talk with her. He made her breakfast, and as they sat down to eat, he brought it up.

He tried to be sensitive and approach it in a way that was going to do minimal damage. Turned out, he didn’t need to be nervous at all, she had been feeling the same way but wasn’t sure how _he_ was going to react, like Murphy had suggested. They reminisced about the fun that they’d had, and agreed that they would try to be friends, though their circles never really connected so he wasn’t sure if that would actually happen.

She was going to move out in a couple days, when she finished wrapping up the case, moving in with her brother Roan for a while until she found a place.

Sunday evening rolled around and he got ready to head out to Murphy and Emori’s house for family dinner. They all took turns rotating where it would be held, and he was grateful it wasn’t his turn. Echo had wanted to hang back, thinking it would be awkward to see everyone after the breakup, not that she was a usual at family dinner anyway.

On his way there, he felt lighter than he had in a long time. Like, after a couple weeks of terrible decisions, he was finally headed in the right direction again, and it felt good. Like he was getting the chance to start over. 

Octavia threw her arms around his neck as soon as he got there and he held her tightly. 

Murphy gave him a look and asked how everything was going, very pointedly. He briefly explained what had happened and Murphy smiled at him and said that he was glad that Bellamy was feeling good about it. 

It quickly spread like wildfire then, and Octavia verbally whooped when she found out, until Lincoln gave her a look for being insensitive. O apologized and they continued their evening, Murphy having cooked the main course and the rest bringing sides or dessert, as was tradition. 

He waited for a while before noticing that Clarke and Wells hadn’t shown up yet. He tried not to feel disappointed, having thought that he made it clear that she and Wells were both welcome and wanted at the dinner. When he brought it up to Octavia, though, he found out why she wasn’t there.

“She was already scheduled to work this week, having messed up her usual schedule by leaving with us last minute. She’s doing a lot of covering,” Octavia told him.

“And Wells?”

“He had already scheduled dinner with his dad, Clarke said. She said they’d both try and make it next week.” 

“You’ve been talking to her though? She’s doing okay?”

“Yeah…” O gave him a look.

“Just wondering if she’s run into Finn at all.”

“Nope, I’ve been keeping an eye on shift schedules and running interference when necessary.” Harper piped in. “She’s not really ready to see him yet, so I’ve been trying to give her backup when she needs it.”

“That’s good. Glad she’s taking the help,” Bellamy shrugged and moved on, going to see how Jasper and Monty’s newest game has been going. They may be 9-1-1 operators, but their real love was coding video games. They did it as a hobby though, not a career, despite however many times everyone kept telling them they should work for some fancy company.

He was glad Clarke had Harper at work and seemed to be keeping in touch with Raven and O, though he did hope she’d taken what he said seriously about coming to these things.

The rest of the night passed by easily enough. Raven seemed to be doing, or at least appearing to be doing better, and Bellamy made note to take her out to lunch later this week.

***

Getting home from the cabin, Clarke felt a little like she was dreaming, just not in a good way. She could practically feel the anxiety vibrating through her body as her and Bellamy took the elevator up to her floor. She couldn’t stop fidgeting, wondering what she’d find.

Never did she think she’d _ever_ be in this position. Scared to come home. Clarke would’ve never suspected that Finn would be capable of spewing the venom he did during the poker game, but he did. And Clarke hated how that made her feel.

Bellamy had very graciously offered to walk her up, and while she tried to rebuff his offer, he had insisted and Clarke was secretly grateful for the company. While she wouldn’t call them friends just yet, more like companions maybe, he seemed to radiate warmth and strength. Now that that strength wasn’t directed in opposition to her, it was a whole new feeling to have it supporting her. 

She unconsciously relaxed when he shifted closer, drawing strength from him, and for a moment, she allowed herself to feel like maybe Finn wouldn’t be lying in wait. 

Thankfully, he wasn’t.

Despite the awkwards interactions they had once they reached her door, she really did feel like this wasn’t the end. Clarke had been so concerned that everyone would go on with their lives, that they would forget about her. Not only did Bellamy seem genuine, albeit a bit hesitant, in his invitation, but Octavia text her after saying goodbye to him in the hallway, saying the same thing. 

Now, it was the next day and she got a text from Raven as well. It was Thursday, and Clarke was scheduled for the overnight shift that evening, so she spent the day purging her apartment of anything and everything that reminded her of Finn. 

_**Raven:** Hey you! How was your first day home?_

Clarke smiled.

_**Clarke:** Fine. My place is a little bare now, with all the stuff I threw out of Finn’s and stuff that he got me, but I feel better. Ready to start again._

_**Raven:** Oh yeah? With who? ;)_

_**Clarke:** Please, not like that! I can’t even think of being in a new relationship right now. Just meant that I’m ready to move on from this part of my life and onto a new one._

_**Raven:** I was just kidding no worries ;) But move on? Completely? Not without us I hope?!?!?!? You got us out of the deal so I’d say your luck is improving hahaha._

_**Clarke:** True, true ;) _

_**Raven:** Speaking of, you are coming Sunday, right?_

_**Clarke:** You sure it’s still ok?_

_**Raven:** I’m gonna pretend you didn’t ask that question, k?_

_**Clarke:** lol. Ok. I have to check my work schedule tonight and get back to you. My shifts are going to be a little wonky for a while after missing work for the last several days._

_**Raven:** Ok. Let me know babe. See you later._

_**Clarke:** For sure. You’ll have to come over here too._

_**Raven:** Yessss. I’m there. ;) _

_**Clarke:** How was your day? Saw on the news about the pileup. _

_**Raven:** Yeah, that sucked :( Tiring, but felt good to be doing good, you know?_

_**Clarke:** Yeah I get that. See you soon._

_**Raven:** ;) <3 _

After Clarke was finished cleaning out her apartment, she decided it might be a good idea to take a nap before her all-nighter, but unfortunately, sleep did not come easy. Clarke tossed and turned and only managed to get a few minutes of shut eye before her alarm went off, alerting her that she was going to need her rear in gear if she was going to get to the hospital on time.

The entire drive over was stressful. She’d text Harper, who’d worked earlier in the day whether she would mind checking the schedule for her for Finn, and Harper told her that he shouldn’t be there tonight.

There’s a lot of places he shouldn’t be though, but somehow is. Like every time she closed her eyes. All of the ways they could run into each other was an exhaustive list, but she didn’t think she’d be really ready to take that on just yet.

Thankfully, Harper had been correct, and Finn was nowhere to be seen her entire shift, which had consisted of three births, one of them twins. One of them consisted of an emergency cesarean, which was always high adrenaline and scary. Thankfully, all four babies were perfectly healthy by the time she had left and Clarke remembered what Raven had said.

It _did_ feel good to be doing good. Making the right calls, saving lives, bringing new ones in the world; there was something intensely satisfying about it.

She collapsed into her bed back at home, the adrenaline having finally started to wear off. She shot a quick group text to Raven and Octavia that she wouldn’t be able to make Sunday, as she was working overnights until Thursday, but she was determined to make the next one. They sounded fun and she could use some fun in her life.

Then she promptly proceeded to pass out and stayed asleep until just a few hours before her next shift that evening.

\----------

It turned out, she didn’t need to be worried for a while. Finn was nowhere to be found, and when he was in the hospital at the same time, Harper had her back and helped her stay out of her sight. Clarke knew that eventually she’d have to face him again, but she wanted some space for now. She was so grateful for Harper, even just having her nearby was so comforting to Clarke. It’d been just over a week at that point since the wedding.

Clarke had also gone to lunch with Wells a couple times that week and it felt nice being able to see him in person again and process through what had happened at the wedding and the cabin with such a close friend. He was concerned about all the fighting that had occurred, but Wells was always one to trust Clarke, so he told her he’d take her lead on this one, but that he’d be keeping an eye on Bellamy for now.

He truly was like her brother, and not for the first time, Clarke was thankful that he had moved back. 

Sunday came and went, and Monday and Tuesday were her days off, so after sleeping in on Tuesday, she got up and made some lunch. Halfway through her sandwich, her phone went off and she chuckled as Raven announced that her and Octavia were coming over, bringing wine, popcorn, and cheesy movies, and that she’d better let them in or they’d break in. 

That wasn’t needed though, because Clarke was ready and waiting for them to show up and they spent the evening laughing and talking and drinking and Raven and Octavia decided to crash at her place for the evening. 

She found out that Octavia loved to dance to blaring music, just like Clarke did, though after a while, she had to talk the wild child into toning it down a bit, one of her neighbors had a small child that went to bed early.

Octavia just giggled, turned the music down, and the three of them continued dancing. 

She found out that Raven loved all things mechanical, already knew she was a whiz at computers, but also that she adored cheesy romantic comedies. Clarke laughed heartily, as those were never her choice of movie, preferring action over cliches, but even she had to admit, the movies weren’t half bad when you were with your girlfriends.

Once the wine had been finished off, the movies were over, and they could barely keep their eyes open, Octavia had started wandering around the room, looking at the variety of pictures that lined her walls, both from her and her dad.

She stopped at one in particular and asked, “Clarke, did you take this picture?” Clarke turned and saw her staring at the frame on the wall.

It was of Multnomah Falls in the Pacific Northwest, a random trip that they had taken just the two of them. When her mom was working long hours or away on a consultation, they’d hop on a plane and pick a destination (the upside to growing up with money). They’d spent hours that day, hiking up the falls. She’d never been so exhausted, but once they reached the top, the view was breathtaking. Out of all the waterfalls she’d been to, this was her favorite.

“Uh, no, actually, that’s one of my dad’s.” Clarke grew quiet for a moment, letting the memories wash over her of her 15 year old self trying to mimic her father’s keen eye for beautiful things. She cleared her throat, and explained the trip that they took up there and all the beautiful spots they’d seen. 

“Wow. How old were you?” Raven asked. 

“Well, we did trips like that since I was old enough to hold a camera, but this particular picture was taken on the last trip we did together, when I was 15. He died shortly after I turned 16,” Clarke added faintly.

“Wow. You been taking pictures almost all your life then?”

“Um, yeah. He always tried to teach me a thing or two about photography on these trips. He always had the best ideas for viewpoints and where to go, like he had an instinct for it. He used to tell me I had the same instinct, and we’d be the best father-daughter photography team in the world…” she trailed off.

“I’m sorry Clarke,” Octavia said quietly.

“Don’t be, it was a long time ago.” Clarke tried to brush it off, but a tear had threatened to escape the corner of her eye, so she had to wipe at it. “Anyway, without him, it just wasn’t the same. Still have his camera though. All the possessions that my mom gave me, my dad left me, or I’ve collected over the years and that’s easily the most precious thing I own.” She pointed to the small glass cabinet in the corner, where she had her father’s camera proudly displayed. “Maybe I’ll get there one day, but we’ll see. I’d love to go back there one day, Oregon is so beautiful, but...”

“Not quite ready?” Raven asked.

“Not quite,” Clarke agreed.

After that, they went to bed, Raven sharing her bed with her, and Octavia taking the couch.

Clarke laid in bed and remembered how it felt to share the evening with these two amazing women. Not sure where’d she be without them, it felt really wonderful to know she was cared about and missed so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh indecisive Bellamy :/ at least he's got Murphy around to tell him like it is! 
> 
> And I just the three girls all together <3
> 
> 9 (and what I've written of 10 so far) has MUCH more Bellarke interaction than these previous ones and I'm super stoked to share them with you. Trying to have 9 ready by Thursday! Fingers crossed!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> Thanks for all the responses and support so far. I'm excited to share this chapter (it's a long one!) with you all and I'm really looking forward to how the story takes off from here! I busted through 10 and 11 this week too, so I'm thinking you might not have to wait a whole week for the next one. 
> 
> Warning at the end if you want to jump down there and read that first.

The next Sunday rolled around and Clarke made sure Wells was going to be able to go with her to Sunday dinner, at least for a little while. She’d spent every waking hour with these people for almost a week, yet as she walked up to Bellamy and Echo’s apartment, she started to feel nervous. 

She wasn’t sure what it would be like, being with everyone again. It’s not that she didn’t trust that they did indeed want her there, or that _she_ wanted to be there, it was that they’d all bonded during the initial hours and days after a traumatic event, and those have a way of bringing people together temporarily.

Still, she couldn’t help the excitement thrumming through her veins. She was so happy to be able to spend time with everyone. She’d had her evening with Raven and Octavia earlier in the week, and that was wonderful.

She wasn’t much of a cook, but volunteered to be bring a pie (store-bought, nothing she would’ve made from scratch would’ve been edible) and a bottle of wine. The way it was explained to her, the host made the main dish, and the rest brought sides, drinks, or desserts.

It was Bellamy and Echo’s time to host, so she was sure it would be delicious. Despite any lingering awkwardness with Bellamy, he was a good cook and she was not worried about them getting along anymore. She was even getting pretty close to actually being able to trust him.  
Echo, however, she was less sure about. The last encounter they’d had was less than friendly. She had stopped being outright mean to Clarke, but it was clear Echo had absolutely zero interest in getting to know her. Clarke hoped that over the last week and a half since they’d been back from the cabin that maybe she’d be a bit softer towards her. 

Clarke took the elevator up to the second floor apartment and knocked on the door. She could hear laughing inside and was thankful she wasn’t the first one there, _that_ definitely would’ve been awkward. 

The building was nice, clean, well taken care of. Not extravagant, but then, Bellamy didn’t strike her as one to enjoy a lavish lifestyle, even if he could afford it. He was very down-to-earth, warm and solid. She appreciated someone like that, it meant that she may actually be able to depend on him.

The man that had just been on her thoughts was the one to answer the door. He wore his glasses, which Clarke had only seen him wear once before, and his usual navy blue station t-shirt and dark jeans. The smell of whatever it was he was cooking wafted to her nose and her mouth started salivating with hunger

He smiled widely when he saw her standing at the door. “Princess! You made it, great. Come on in. Make yourself at home.” He stepped back to let her in, and Clarke was just a little thrown by his enthusiasm. 

“Uh, thanks. It smells amazing in here! I brought a dutch apple pie. Oh! And vanilla ice cream.” She stepped over the threshold and held out what she was carrying to show him. 

“Okay, awesome, go ahead and stick the pie over on the counter, _away_ from Jasper, and the ice cream in the freezer.” He guided her down the hallway to the kitchen and she put the stuff away as requested. She turned away from the counter and took in the room.

It was a very well furnished place, the kitchen taking up half the room, and a massive island overlooked the living room, where a majority of the people were currently congregated. It had two oversized arm chairs, what looked like an extremely comfy couch, and a wooden coffee table with matching end tables. The TV was mounted in the middle, with large bookcases taking up the rest of the wall on either side of it. It was filled with books and movies and picture frames, and reminded Clarke a bit of his library back at the cabin. There was a long dining table separating the two rooms.

“You can go over there if you’d like, you don’t have to hang over here, I’m just finishing up the salad.” Bellamy pointed the knife he’d picked up that he must’ve abandoned when he answered the door over to their friends.

“Oh, yeah, thanks. Do you need any help?”

He looked at her dubiously, “Nah, I think I’m good. I’d give you a tour of place, but I’m still finishing up dinner, and there isn’t much other than this anyway.” He pointed the knife again, to a hallway off the living room. “Down there is two bedrooms and a bathroom, and that’s about it.” He shrugged and went back to chopping, but she noticed him peeking out at her.

“Well, I love it. It looks so cozy. Like the cabin.”

He just nodded, but Clarke noticed his lips pull up on one side in a small smile. “Thanks,” he replied back to her. “There’s beer in the fridge if you want one,”

Clarke smiled at him in acknowledgment and grabbed a bottle. She spent a few seconds looking for an opener when Bellamy reached around her, much closer than she realized he was, and grabbed it off the fridge, handing it to her. “Right, of course it was right in front of me.” She let her head fall forward.

He smiled a more genuine smile then, and just laughed.

She wandered over to the couch where Jasper and Murphy and Raven seemed in a heated debate over some TV show. 

Octavia noticed her as she walked up beside her and pulled her in for a big hug.

“Clarke! I’m so glad you’re finally here. They won’t stop arguing about that show, 9-1-1? And whether it’s realistic or not.” Octavia frowned and pulled back. “Do you watch it?”

“No,” she chuckled. “I haven’t seen it actually. I know what it is though,”

“Well, I for one, don’t really care. I love the show and I don’t really watch TV for the _authenticity_ of it anyway,” she put her two cents in, air quoting around her head.

“So who’s winning the debate?”

“Oh no one wins these things. They just go on and on and on until Bell steps in and shoos everyone to the table for dinner.”

Clarke laughed, and took a drink from her bottle, watching them go back and forth from behind the couch. 

“Where’s Wells?”

“Oh, he’ll be along in a bit, probably for dessert. Sundays are really hard for him. Him and his mom and dad used to do dinner like this every week when he was little. They started getting more sporadic after his mother died, before stopping completely. He’s been trying to spend these nights with his dad. I talked him into coming for a while though.”

“Gotcha. That must’ve been nice, doing these as a kid, with parents.” Octavia got a far away look for a brief moment before it flitted away and her regular smile was back. Clarke stood a little closer to the girl, wanting to give her support without making Octavia feel like she had to explain if she didn’t want to. From what Clarke could piece together from previous conversations, she was sure thinking of it that way felt a little strange.

“Hey, where’s Echo? Is she working tonight? Or Lincoln?” Clarke asked, noticing they were missing a couple people.

Octavia got a grin on her face that Clarke was beginning to associate with her trying _not_ to smile. “Um, I don’t really know where Echo is. Probably with her brother. And Lincoln had to work at the bar. He’s about 50/50 able to come to these dinners.” Her smile faded a bit at that.

Clarke couldn’t help like she was missing something still. “Okay...doesn’t Echo usually come? I mean, not that we’ve really gotten along well since we’ve met, but I thought she’d be here too…” She didn’t want to sound self-centered, but she’d hate it if Echo missed dinner because of her.

“No, you probably won’t see much of her anymore. BellandEchobrokeup,” Octavia spit out.

Clarke glanced back to Bellamy, who, while still in the kitchen, looked like he had finished cooking. “Oh no, that sucks.”

Octavia seemed to remember her manners for a brief second. “Uh, yeah, kind of. It was mutual. They just didn’t work well. Didn’t really make sense that they were ever together in the first place, really. I mean, we got on okay, but I always felt like I was on my tiptoes around her so I wouldn’t set her off, which I may have done a time or two,” her grin was back and Clarke just rolled her eyes.

“Well, I’m glad they agreed on it at least. They deserve to be with people who make them happy. Is he doing okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. Kind of stings, you can tell, but I think he’s a lot happier already. They broke up a week ago and I swear I haven’t seen my brother smile this much in a while.” Octavia just laughed and threw an opinion in the middle of the argument still taking place on the couch, blowing the three up all over again. Off Clarke’s pointed look, “What? I like stirring the pot,” she winked at Clarke.

“Alright you crazy people, time to sit down!” Bellamy called from the kitchen. When the three kept going at it, he added, “And NO arguing at the table! You know the rules.” 

Raven piped in a last word before bounding over to Clarke to greet her. “Sorry, we just get caught up sometimes. Glad you’re here!” She got hugs from Harper, Monty, and Jasper, a tip of the head from Murphy, and a smile from Emori. 

They all took their seats at the table that sat in between the living room and kitchen. It was solid wood, and long. The chairs matched the style of the table. Bellamy took a seat at the head of the table, with Octavia on his left, Raven and Emori next to her, Murphy at the other end. Clarke sat to his right, Harper on her other side, and Monty and Jasper next to Harper. 

“Okay, I decided to keep it casual, and made pot roast and veggies, with help from Octavia. Monty and Jasper brought drinks, which are on the island, Murphy and Emori handled the rice, Harper made a salad, and Raven and Clarke brought dessert.”

Octavia leaned across the table and whispered to Clarke, “He’s being generous. By ‘help’ he means, I bought the veggies.” She winked at Clarke, and Bellamy rolled his eyes as Clarke suppressed a giggle.

“Whatever. Okay. Who’s saying grace?” Bellamy asked.

“I’ve got it!” Harper said next to her. She extended a hand out to Clarke, which Clarke took as she noticed that the others around the table joined hands as well. She looked to her left at Bellamy, who had his hand extended towards hers with a kind smile on his face. 

She responded with her own smile and placed her hand in his. It felt familiar somehow, even though she’d only held his hand a couple of times before. He gave her hand a quick squeeze, and it was warm, in a way that she was beginning to recognize as very _Bellamy_. She wasn’t sure when the shift had occurred, but she realized that she had begun to feel more and more comfortable with him.

“We thank you for the good food, great night, and even better family. Thank you for the hands that prepared the food, may we all stay safe and happy. Amen,” Harper finished.

“Amen,” they all repeated and lifted their heads and broke hands as everyone started passing around plates. As Bellamy mentioned earlier, there was no fighting, everyone was all smiles and light jokes as they reminisced about the week. 

“So Clarke, how has the hospital been? Lots of babies?” Emori asked.

“Yeah, like always. We’re one of the busier hospitals in the area, so we get lots of patients. But it’s been nice to keep busy.”

“No He-who-must-not-be-named?”

“No, thankfully. I’ve caught sight a few times, but he hasn’t seen me, as far as I know. And he hasn’t sought me out. Harper has been a big help.” She smiled at the girl next to her and Harper returned it with a kind smile of her own. “Hopefully it stays that way.”

Bellamy scoffed and scooping some rice onto his plate said, “If he knows what’s good for him, he will.”

She shot a smirk in his direction, only slightly surprised at this point at the protective nature. She still wasn’t used to it being directed in support of her, but she was grateful all the same. 

“What about you, Raven? Any contact?” Clarke turned to face Raven.

“No. I’d smack him into next year if he did.”

The table laughed at how true that was. Raven was not one to be trifled with. Although, Clarke wasn’t so sure she wouldn’t act the same. The topic turned to others’ weeks at that point, which Clarke was thankful for. It wasn’t too hard to talk about Finn anymore, but too much and it started to make her a little jittery. 

Murphy piped in, “Clarke, you know another poker game is in a couple weeks, right? Holidays! Fourth of July. You in? I need my revenge.”

“Oh, what, itching to get your ass handed to you again?”

“Yeah, we’ll see Griffin.”

After dinner, they all went to the living room to play games, save Murphy and Emori, who did the dishes. Apparently tradition was such that the hosts from the previous week would be the ones to clean up. 

A knock sounded at the door after a while, and Bellamy went to answer it. From what Clarke could hear, Wells had arrived.

Everyone looked up from the game and shouted their hellos and Bellamy got him a drink. Clarke stood up and smiled at her friend as he gave her one of his usual bear hugs. 

“I’m so glad you made it!” Clarke exclaimed.

“Yeah, sorry I’m late everyone. Dad had a weird night, but the night nurse is with him now and assured me I could at least come hang out for dessert,” Wells explained. Bellamy clapped him on the back with one hand and handed him a beer with the other. 

“Well if there’s one thing we understand, it’s family. Just glad you could come at all.”

“Did someone say dessert? What’s on the menu tonight?” Jasper stood up and started towards the kitchen. “Is this...is this apple pie?!”

Clarke laughed, “That it is. Goes with vanilla ice cream in the freezer.”

Jasper’s jaw dropped open and he started for the plates. “Well, let’s get a move on then!”

“Anyone care about the cheesecake I brought?” Raven asked, rolling her eyes.

Wells raised his hand, “Heck yes, cheesecake is my favorite!”

Clarke elbowed him, “Please, every dessert is your favorite.” 

“True, true.”

“I will definitely take cheesecake over apple pie too, sorry Griffin,” Murphy grinned at her. 

“Well, I will take both!” Octavia smiled.

“Me too!” Harper agreed.

Bellamy laughed. “Okay, everyone. Let’s take a seat and we’ll dish everyone up.”

A little while later, they were all full of sweets and on their way out. 

“Hey Clarke, mind giving me a ride? I ended up Lyfting over here, my car needs new brakes and I’m taking it in but I didn’t want to drive it tonight,” Wells asked Clarke.

“Yeah, of course, no problem,” Clarke grabbed her purse and keys as everyone else grabbed their stuff and started heading out the door. She turned to Bellamy. “Thanks for inviting us. I’m sure it was weird, adjusting to two extra people, but I had a really good time. I actually missed being with everyone, if that doesn’t sound too crazy.”

“Doesn’t sound crazy at all. A little pathetic maybe…” he trailed off, and Clarke could see his lips trying to keep from smiling. Her own smile came easy and they both chuckled.

“Oh, right, right, sure. Well, I just wanted to say thanks. Have a good week.”

“You don’t have to thank me. You and Wells are always welcome, every Sunday. Next week is Harper, Raven and O’s place.”

“Great. I’m pretty sure my work schedule is finally balancing out again after having to make up shifts from that last minute...vacation.”

He nodded at her and she turned to join Wells in the hallway, who was caught up talking video games with Monty and Jasper. “Clarke! Did you know they _design_ video games?!”

Clarke laughed, “I did, actually. They promised to let me try one out sometime.”

“Sure did!” Monty grinned at her and while she hadn’t had too much interaction with these two, they were so genuine and full of heart and kindness that being friends with them was easy. Maybe the _entire_ male species wasn’t all bad. 

“I’m so there!” Wells declared.

Clarke took Wells home, and promised to call him on their mutual day off, Friday, to hang out. There was a movie out they both wanted to see, so they made plans for that. 

“See you later Griffin.”

“Bye Wells.” It was easy being around Wells. And while at this moment, she didn’t feel like she’d ever be able to trust another man romantically again, she knew she could always rely on her best friend. 

And maybe a few of the guys in her new circle of friends too. 

\----------

While the next week went by alright, Clarke wasn’t really looking forward to the toll that the swing from night shifts to day shifts would bring. By the Monday of the next week, she finally felt like her body had adjusted to the shift in schedule.

Dinner at Raven, Harper, and Octavia’s had been wonderful, and she found herself falling into a sort of routine with her new friends. Lincoln got to come to this one, and she found herself liking the man. He was pretty quiet, but had nothing but kind words to say to her and was completely over the moon for Octavia. It was in every move he made, the way he looked at her, talked to her. 

While Clarke was happy that Octavia had found someone like that, she had to admit to herself that it made her a little sad. She thought maybe she’d have that with Finn, but it was feeling more and more like she’d missed her chance at that kind of love.

She fell into this family with both feet though, Sunday dinners, then usually a girls night one time and lunch with Wells a couple times a week. Jasper and Monty had even let her borrow one of their video games and she had something do with her nights alone, getting really good at it.

They even came over a couple times to play with her and show her their tips and tricks. They had such fun and authentically nice personalities that she was happy she was getting to spend time with them as well.

Plus, when she’d asked Harper about Monty one day during lunch, the girl’s face had lit up red like a rose and Clarke figured if they would be dating soon enough, that Clarke had better get to know him better.

She’d still successfully managed to avoid Finn, though he had come down to her floor a few times during her shifts. She knew she couldn’t keep from interacting with him forever, so Thursday, one day short of a month since the wedding, when he came down to check on one of her preemies, she didn’t cower and hide, she let herself be seen. 

Her heart was pounding, and her palms were slick from sweat, but she stood her ground. She wasn’t going to let this scum keep her from living her life. He should be the one hiding from _her_.

She was a force to be reckoned with and she was not going to back down, no matter what her nerves were telling her. 

He made eye contact with her, and she held her chin high and refused to break her gaze first. When he finally looked away, she let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.

Finn left, and Clarke went back to her rounds, checking on her patients.

It was later, as she was walking out to her car, that she noticed the hairs on the back of her neck starting to tingle. She stopped, and half glanced over her shoulder. It was still light out, but starting to get close to dusk. She continued a few paces until the feeling that someone was watching her started throwing up red flags in her brain.

She shot a text to Raven, letting her know she was leaving and wanted to call her when she got home, so someone would be expecting to hear from her. 

“Clarke.” The voice that she dreaded sounded from a few feet behind her. Clarke spun around and found Finn standing there in the parking lot, arms folded and eyes narrowed in a scowl.

“What do you want Finn?” she said, trying to sound as hostile as possible. She hoped he would take the hint and leave her alone.

He didn’t.

In fact, he seemed to take it as an invitation and moved closer to her. She instinctively took a few steps back. 

He noticed.

“What do I want? You, Clarke. Of course you. And what do I get in return for my affection? You backing away from me?”

“Well, what did you expect? You treated me like shit, Finn. If that’s what you call _affection_ I want none of it.” Despite her nerves feeling like they had turned to ice, her voice didn’t waver. She felt strong, but most of all, she felt _pissed_. “You treated _Raven_ like shit. She is amazing, I am amazing. You don’t deserve either one of us.”

She turned to walk away, but he shot his hand out and quickly grabbed her arm. His touch was cold, and mean, but what really angered Clarke was that it was _unwanted_. She wretched out of his grasp and turned to stare him down, trying to make sure the fire in her eyes was unmistakable. 

“Let me clear, Finn. I want nothing to do with you. Unless we are forced to work together, you don’t talk to me, you don’t follow me, you don’t call me. That goes for Raven too. Stay away from both of us.”

“Stay away? You sure that’s what you really want? I saw the way you looked at me in the hospital, with desire. And you don’t think Raven would come back to me if I called? Please. I don’t deserve you? _You two_ don’t deserve _me_. I gave you everything. All the attention, love, gifts that you could want.”

“Yeah, everything except faithfulness, kindness, _basic human decency_. You’re crazy.” The idea that she’d looked at him with anything remotely resembling desire was ludicrous.

He raised his hand back and for a second, Clarke wanted to cower. She really did. He’d never hit her before, but suddenly she was sure that he was going to slap her. And when his arm indeed started swinging towards her face, Clarke felt her flight or fight instinct kick in, and she felt a surge of strength.

She reared her arm back and with all the power she could muster, she punched him right in the nose before he could make contact.

The first thing she felt was his nose crack under her fist.

The second thing she felt was her knuckles searing with pain.

“What the _fuck?!_ Are you crazy? Bitch!” Finn shot away from her, grasping his face in pain, blood streaming down his face.

“Don’t ever raise a hand to me again. Or to anyone for that matter.”

“You’re going to get in trouble for this! I’ll go to the hospital board, your career will be ruined!”

“Fine. Go ahead. I’d love to explain to them how you stalked me to the parking lot so I’d be alone, and then raised your own hand to _me_. I’ll explain to them how you grabbed me when it was obviously something I did NOT want. 

“Then we’ll see who gets fired. Or arrested for that matter,” she finished, trying not to cry from the pain emanating from her hand.

He glared at her in a way that when they were together, she might actually feel fear from. 

But now? Now she just felt free. 

The confrontation she’d been avoiding, that she’d been so scared of, finally happened. She stood up for herself, she fought back, she refused to let herself be treated like shit. And furthermore, she defended her friend too, which felt good.

She stood calm, and he broke his gaze and stormed off to his own car, showing that her calling his bluff was correct. He wasn’t going to tell anyone anything.

Which, Clarke found she was relieved at. She’d been slightly bluffing as well, not about defending her actions if it came to it, but she really didn’t want to bring the hospital into this. It would be a he said/she said situation, and those were unstable, at best. He was well regarded physician with more history than she did at the hospital. Sure, she had clout from her pedigree from her mother, but Clarke hated using that she was the daughter of a famous, award winning neurosurgeon to her advantage, preferring to stand on her own merits. Especially since her and her mother were currently not speaking anyway.

It would get very messy, very quickly and Clarke didn’t want the attention. 

That’s why instead of heading back into the hospital to fix her hand, she opted to just head home and treat it herself there.

However, that plan quickly fell apart as she reached her car and found that her tires had been slashed.

_I wonder who did that?_ Clarke thought sarcastically.

Clarke found herself wishing she’d gotten another punch in, maybe connecting with his jaw this time so he couldn’t open that disgusting mouth of his for a while.

She sighed and with her good hand pulled her phone out of her pocket. She knew Wells would still be at work and Harper was still inside the hospital on shift, but she sent a text to Raven and Octavia to see if they were available.

Clarke decided to keep it simple, not wanting to explain what happened until she could see them in person.

** _Clarke:_ ** _ Hey are one of you two available? My car has a flat._

Clarke waited for a response, and they came in a couple minutes apart.

** _Raven:_ ** _Sorry babe, at work. Won’t get off for another few hours._

_**Octavia:** I can’t either, I actually just got to work and Titus will have my head if I try to bail again._

Clarke hung her head. Now she’s going to have to call a Lyft and she didn’t want to have to explain her bleeding, limp hand. She was reasonably certain she hadn’t broken anything, but she wished she’d known how to throw a punch properly so she wouldn’t be in this much pain.

** _Raven:_ ** _ Most others are here too, and I texted Emori, but her and the wonder twins are at work too. But Bell is off today. Try him?_

Right. Just what she needed. A Lyft would probably be better. She knew Bellamy would be pissed once he found out.

But between a stranger and the over-protective fireman, she supposed Bellamy _would_be the better choice.

***

Bellamy had just left the doctor’s office and was walking out to his car when he got the message. 

** _Unknown:_ ** _ Hey...it’s Clarke. You busy?_

Weird, she never texted him. He wasn’t even sure she’d had his number.

** _Bellamy:_ ** _ Uh, hey. No? What’s up?_

_**Clarke:** I have a flat...or four… need a ride home. I’m sorry to ask, but everyone else is working. Raven gave me your number and told me you were off today?_

She has four flat tires? How the hell does that happen?

** _Bellamy:_ ** _ Yeah, just got done with my appointment down the street, so I can swing by the hospital no problem._

_**Clarke:** Thanks, I’ll be out front._

Bellamy pocketed his phone and started his car, swinging around the opposite direction he was originally going to be headed. He was glad she had reached out to him. She could’ve called a ride-share or something, but she chose to give him a chance.

Maybe they were closer to friends than he thought they were.

Things between them the last couple weeks had been really great. She had come to the last two Sunday dinners, and like he’d told Echo at the cabin, he wasn’t surprised that she didn’t seem to be going anywhere. It was hard to imagine almost a month ago he had no idea who she was.

He pulled through the parking lot, passing her car with the four flats. 

_They’d been slashed._

Well, she hadn’t mentioned that.

He took a deep breath, already knowing who the culprit was, but tried not to overreact. They were just starting to be friends, and he didn’t want her to think he was some caveman who couldn’t control himself.

Especially since he’d kind of already shown her that.

He pulled up to the front and saw her sitting on a bench. She’d had her eyes half closed, her head tipping forward. She must be exhausted. He unlocked the passenger door and was about to get out when she noticed him and walked over to him.

She was favoring her left hand and Bellamy started putting the pieces together in his head, but waited for her to climb in before asking any questions.

“Thanks. I’m sorry you had to come get me. AAA won’t be able to get here for a few hours and I didn’t really want to wait that long.”

“It’s no problem, really. I told you to call if you needed anything. That includes rides,” he winked at her and began to pull away from the curb. He noted that her hand was bleeding a little and bruises were starting to bloom. He was very familiar with that type of injury.

They rode in silence for a few minutes before it was clear she wasn’t going to say anything. His brain teetered between wanting to give her privacy and the space to tell him if _she_ wanted to, and his concern to make sure she was okay.

Concern won out.

“So, you want to tell me why your hand is bleeding all over my upholstery?”

“Shit! It’s not, is it? Shit, shit!” She sat straight up and started looking around for any blood stains. 

“No, sorry, it’s fine, I was just kidding. I’m not sure how to ask, or if it’s my place and it came out as a bad joke, sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

She relaxed back into the seat a bit, but clutched her hand a little tighter and side eyed him. “You can’t overreact okay?”

“You sound like O before she tells me something I’m really not going to like.”

“Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure you aren’t going to like this.”

“I’ll be fine. I just want to make sure you’re okay,” he dropped his voice down, hoping she’d understand that he was just worried about her. “I know what type of injury that is.”

“Yeah, well, you should see the other guy,” she smirked at him and took a deep breath before continuing. “Finn followed me out to the parking lot after my shift and said some stuff…” she trailed off. He tried to just remain silent so she could finish. “And then, he grabbed my arm…” Bellamy wasn’t sure his steering wheel would survive the grip he had on it. 

He could see her out of the corner of his eye, biting her lip before she got out the next part, “I was able to get out of his grasp and tried to make it clear that I wanted him to back the hell off, but he didn’t like that very much so he tried to hit me…”

“HE DID WHAT?!”

“Remember the don’t overreact thing?” Bellamy clenched his jaw and was grateful they were at a red light so he could at least turn to give her a look. “Anyway, before he could get his shot in, I punched him in the face. Hard.” She looked down and away and Bellamy fell silent, trying to calm himself down.

“Good job,” he finally said, turning back to the road. “Fucker had it coming.”

She sniffled, but smiled brightly at him. “Yeah, it _did_ feel pretty good.”

“I think I’m just jealous you got to take a shot and I didn’t,” he felt the corner of his mouth turn up in a grin. He couldn’t help it. They started laughing and she reached out absently to smack his shoulder, but winced with the movement. 

“Damnit, ow!”

“Let me take a look when we get you back home.”

“I’m a doctor, I think I can handle it.”

“I know you can.” He glanced at her. She had turned away again. “I just meant, I’ve got some EMT training, and I have a little bit of personal experience with a bum fist.”

“Is that so? Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

“Uh huh, very funny.” Bellamy pulled into her garage and parked, jogging around to help her out of the car. She gave him a small smile of thanks and accepted his help, much to his surprise. It was hard for him to suppress his more caretaking side, knowing that she’ll not want to accept too much.

He could be a bit overbearing, but it came from a good place.

She was part of his family now. He wasn’t sure when it happened, but over the last month, he’d begun to count her as such. And what Murphy said at the cabin was true, when someone messes with one of them, they mess with them all. So he hoped she’d let her guard down just a bit and let him help her. 

Sure enough, as he expected though, as soon as they reached her front door, she paused. 

“You really don’t have to help.”

“Clarke, you can’t hold anything with your hand in that condition. You don’t have to let me in, but I’d like to help.”

She gave him a look that he couldn’t quite place, but it might have resembled something close to...relief?

“Okay. Thank you.”

He finished opening the door for her when he saw her struggling with the lock and the handle. She made a small noise of frustration and it was so...endearing he couldn’t help but chuckle a bit.

Once they’d made it inside, she waved him on with her good hand down the hallway towards what he expected to be the bathroom. Sure enough, it was just around the corner, and was much bigger than he expected. It was almost bigger than his bedroom and he was immediately uncomfortable, knowing the rest of the apartment was probably just as impressive.

It must’ve shown, because Clarke suddenly looked embarrassed. “This place was my dad’s. He left it to me after he died. It’s not really my taste, I prefer things to be a little cozier, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to move,” she told him. He rubbed the back of his neck while he looked around the room. It had a jetted tub, double sinks, walk in shower and walk in closet. 

They hung around another moment before she reached under the sink for a giant first aid kit that definitely belonged to a doctor.

Bellamy raised his eyebrows at her, hoping the lighthearted mood from the car would return. “Remind me to find you in the event of an apocalypse.”

“What? I like to be prepared,” she said defensively.

“I can see that.” He smiled at her and opened the kit.

She hopped up on the counter but had her arm cradled against her chest still. Bellamy dug through the kit until he found a couple antiseptic wipes. He then wet a washcloth from the counter and held his hand out.

“You know this will work better if you actually give me your hand.” She pursed her lips at him, and placed her hand in his. Even given the circumstances, his brain seemed to sit up and take notice, the way it had the last few times he held her hand, much to his chagrin. It was soft but strong. 

Bellamy pushed the thoughts to the back of his head and ran his thumb over the uninjured portion of her fingers soothingly, and tried to distract her from how much this was going to sting.

“So, how was work? Other than the ending.” He patted her knuckles lightly with the damp washcloth, trying to get the dried blood off. It had mostly stopped bleeding and he could see that the cuts weren’t too bad. He was trying to be soft and gentle, but he could see her trying not to wince.

She kept her gaze on her hand and answered, “Fine. I finally decided I didn’t care if he saw me or not. I can’t avoid him forever, and he doesn’t get to control my life or what I do. Not anymore, anyway.”

“He never should have been trying to control you at all. Good for you.”

“Yeah, fat lot of good that did,” she mumbled. 

He stopped his motions at the that and tipped her head up to look at him with the hand not holding hers and looked her right in the eyes. “You stood up for yourself. You protected yourself. That’s pretty damn brave. It did a lot of good, don’t sell yourself short.”

She looked away and cleared her throat. “So why were you playing hooky from work today?” 

Bellamy set the washcloth aside and picked up on of the antiseptic wipes. “Not hooky. Routine physical. We each have to have one once a year and today was my turn.” He swiped across the cuts and she winced again.

“Lucky me.”

He just nodded and continued cleaning her knuckles gently. Definitely just superficial cuts, but the hand was going to smart for a couple days. He finally finished. “Well, it doesn’t seem to be broken.”

“I could have told you that…”

He gave her a look. “But it’s going to hurt for a few days. Cuts are pretty minimal though. You must’ve hit a couple teeth on your way to his nose.” He cleared his throat, dropped her hand and stepped back a bit, suddenly very aware of how close they’d been standing. “You, uh, think you can change okay?”

He tried not to notice that she blushed slightly. “Yeah, I’ve got it, thank you. For everything.” She jumped off the counter.

“What are friends for?” He tried. He still wasn’t sure if that’s what they were, but he figured after tonight, it was the most accurate description.

She gave him a strange look, but one that Bellamy hoped he was reading correctly as something close to optimistic.

He left the bathroom and wandered down the hallway towards the way he had come. Bellamy lingered by the front door, not sure if he should stay or go, ultimately deciding on the latter. He went into the kitchen, and found her teapot. He didn’t feel right just leaving, but he didn’t want to overstay his welcome. Especially since he had basically talked her into letting him in in the first place.

He was just about to say screw it and leave when he heard the bathroom door open and Clarke walked out. She was wearing lounge clothes and glasses and she stopped dead when she saw him in her kitchen.

_Shit. I knew I should’ve left._

“Uh, sorry. I wasn’t sure if you were wanting me to leave. I figured I’d make some tea and get you an ice pack for your hand.”

She narrowed her eyes for a brief moment and stepped into the kitchen next to him. He was sure she was going to throw him out, but instead, she said warmly, “Mugs are in the cupboard next to the stove, tea in the drawer below. You’re welcome to stay.” She walked to the freezer, pulled out an ice pack and went to the couch, turning on the TV to whatever movie happened to be playing.

The teapot started whistling, so he filled two mugs to the brim and carried them over, setting them down on the oversized coffee table. He plopped down on the other end of the couch and was pleased to discover that the movie Clarke put on was an action movie.

“Thanks for staying. You didn’t have to do this.”

He nodded and smiled at her. “You hungry? I can probably find something around here to make?”

“No, my appetite is kind of shot right now. But feel free if you want something. I think there’s leftovers from a few weeks ago.” She gave him a smirk.

He smirked back at her and rolled his eyes playfully. “Yeah I think I’m good. Action movie huh?” He nodded towards the TV. “No chick flicks?” 

She let out a laugh, “No, when I’m picking the movie, it will always contain some level of unrealistic action.”

“Action movies have always been my favorite too.” And then he hesitated briefly before asking, “So, are you doing okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just a bruised hand. I’ll be fine.”

“Uh, no, I meant… I meant more because of what happened.” He shifted uncomfortably, not sure if he was overstepping. “I want to make sure you’re okay, because having a guy that you trusted stalking you, destroying your property… raising a… hand to you can’t be easy to deal with.”

She flicked her gaze from the movie to him, who, for his part was too cowardly to maintain eye contact. It was her turn to shift uncomfortably and she started picking at the threads in her couch next to her, her left hand resting on the arm of the couch, still under the ice pack.

“Oh. Yeah. I, uh, if I’m being honest…” she cleared her throat. “If I’m being honest, then yeah, I think I’m a little shaken up. I mean, I’m glad my response was to fight back, though it did make me realize I need to learn how to punch in a way that _doesn’t_ give me a hurt hand. But I was just barely starting to sleep without seeing him in my dreams every night and yeah. I’m a little afraid of what tonight is going to be like.” She looked down at her half drunk tea. “Gonna need something a little stronger.”

Clarke got up and went back to the kitchen while Bellamy was trying to figure out what to say. Their friendship was so new still, that he wasn’t sure exactly what would be the right thing to say.

So he went with what he knew.

“You know, I’m not sure how much O has told you about the way we grew up?” She shook her head as she set the bottle of bourbon on the coffee table and sat back down facing him, and he shifted so he was facing her as well. “Well, when we were really little, it was wonderful. We didn’t have much and Mom worked too much, but it was just the three of us and she always made us feel special. We’d go on adventures and hikes, to the beach, to the mountains. But then, when I was about 9, O was almost 4, she got into a new relationship. He was nice at first, so he would hang around the house a lot. The night I came home from a friend’s house to him punching her so hard she fell down the stairs…” He rubbed the back of his neck and took a deep breath. “That image I will never forget. The look of fear in her eyes, the terror she experienced at his hand for the next year before he finally left… and the string of guys after him that did the same... that was something I would never wish on my worst enemy.”

She stayed silent as he tried to continue. “Anyway, it didn’t last long, but she was so ruined that she started in on drugs and alcohol and looking back, I think she was doing it to forget. But I think I mentioned that she used to leave for long stretches? That’s when that started.

“She didn’t get clean until I was already out of high school. She’s mostly sober now, thankfully, so we see her around Christmas, but not much more than that. I’ve let a lot of my anger at it go, but I don’t think O has ever really forgiven her.”

He let it sit for a minute, until he said, “So, I understand if you were scared, or even if you don’t know _how_ you feel about what happened. But, I’m here, and everyone else is here,” he added. “If you want or need to talk. No one should have to do it alone.”

She smiled sadly at him. “Thank you, Bellamy, for sharing that. I get the impression you don’t talk about her much?” He shrugged and she nodded in understanding.

“I...I’ve never had _close_ friends, other than Wells. He was basically it for me and he’s so wonderful, but... I mean, I had other boyfriends, and girlfriends, but not really anyone who’d be willing to stick up for me and listen to me and just...understand. So, I think over the past month, I feel like I’ve been living in some sort of dream. Like I’m going to wake up any second and all of you will be gone. That I was so lonely, I made all of you up.

“But you still came. Even though I’m sure you had all kinds of things to do on your day off, you still came, without hesitation. And I’m not used to that. But I think...I think I’d like to get used to it.”

“I think you should.” He smiled at her and they shifted back towards the TV and he gestured towards the bourbon. She nodded and he poured a shot into his now empty tea mug. They sat like that for a while, and after a bit, when the movie started to wrap up, he glanced back over at her and noticed she had fallen asleep on the back of the couch.

He smiled to himself and allowed himself a few moments to just look at her. The lines of worry and nervousness in her expression from earlier had faded and smoothed out. She had her blonde hair draped over one side of her face and she was breathing heavily. Something tugged inside of him that resembled affection and he realized that, without a doubt this time, he did indeed consider her a friend, someone he cared for like his other family.

He turned off the TV and hesitated only for a second as he stood and bent over, placing one arm under her back and one under her knees and lifted her against him, being careful not to jostle her hand. She tucked her head against his chest and snuggled into his neck. He tried not to let himself acknowledge that his heart may have skipped a beat and how _not_ uncomfortable it felt.

He walked her back to her bed and tucked her into her massive king size bed. She looked so small against the expanse of the bed, but peaceful and he was grateful that she’d get some rest. Then he wandered into the bathroom and found her some Advil and a glass of water, placing them on the nightstand. Her hand was going to hurt when she woke up.

He walked back down the hallway and grabbed the mugs to wash and put away, trying to figure out if he should go or just sleep on the couch. It wasn’t too late and he’d driven back home later than this before, but it’s not like anyone was waiting on him back at home either. 

Bellamy remembered what she had said about being afraid of going to sleep and he didn’t want to just leave her to her nightmares alone, if she were to have them. Plus, he’d have to come back in the morning anyway to take her back to her car. 

Then again, she was right, they’d only known each other a month, maybe it would make her too uncomfortable to have him here and he should call Raven or O to come stay with her.

But then he’d have to explain why and maybe _that_ was something she’d be uncomfortable with. She might want to tell them herself.

When he realized he was just talking himself in circles, he sighed, grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch, kicked his shoes off and laid down, falling asleep still debating whether he was doing the right thing in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Abuse and references to abuse and drugs and alcohol in this one.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, another update! And I will say this may not be your last one this week either ;)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Thank you all again for commenting and reading!

The first thing Clarke was aware of was the sun, streaming through her open window warming her room at least 10 degrees warmer than comfortable. 

The second was that her hand was absolutely killing her. She sat up and held up her left hand. Bellamy was right; it definitely wasn’t broken, but there were quite a few bruises forming across the back of her hand and her fingers felt like they’d been stomped on. 

She had slept pretty fitfully, as she suspected she would, but was grateful any nightmares she been expecting seemed to be keeping at bay for now. She swung her legs out on the floor and stretched, and it was then that she noticed the medicine and water on her nightstand, which she took gratefully.

Then she realized who must’ve put it there. 

Clarke remembered Bellamy coming to get her at the hospital, walking her upstairs and helping her get cleaned up. The way he held her hand, so delicately and with such care, that it surprised her. She knew he had compassion and cared for others, as she had seen it first hand with Raven and the other members of the group, but this was the first time it had been solely directed towards her. 

He even seemed a bit impressed that she actually took a swing at Finn. 

They’d actually had a good time, watching a movie and drinking bourbon out of mugs. 

He’d seemed so nervous when opening up about his mother and she was grateful that he let her see that side of him. It was nice. She was so used to the overprotective, overbearing, angry Bellamy, it was so refreshing to see the kind, softer version. And not because Octavia was going to yell at him to be nice to her, or Raven glare at him, but because he actually cared. He’d even called her a friend.

Maybe she was starting to care about him too. Her heart broke when she’d heard about how he grew up, what he had been through as just a child. And Clarke had a feeling that the things she’d heard was just the tip of the iceberg, that there was probably loads of crap he hadn’t told her about. 

She’d almost opened up to him about her father, and her mother and all that had happened, but it wasn’t the time. She almost wished that maybe they’d have another opportunity. There was something so peaceful about spending time with him, that she didn’t really expect to ever feel, especially with the volatile way their relationship began.

She stood up and sighed, realizing that at some point she’d have to figure out a way to get back to her car. Walking into the kitchen, she went over to the coffee pot to turn it on before going to change and found it already had fresh, hot coffee in it. 

_Did I set it before going to bed?_

She looked around confused, but happy that she wasn’t going to have to wrangle a coffee pot with one hand. 

A noise came from the living area and she jumped sky high and banged into a platter that she had left on the counter, making it clatter to the floor.

“Shit, ow!” she exclaimed while rubbing her left elbow. So basically her entire left arm was now completely useless. _Great._

Bellamy shot up from the couch. _He stayed?_

“Bellamy? What are you still doing here? You scared the shit out of me.”

He rubbed a hand over his face and flopped back down. She walked over to him and he moved his feet over so she could sit down. “Sorry, I just thought...you were going to need a ride in the morning back to the hospital and…” he trailed off.

“And?”

“And you know, I remembered what you said about going to sleep and I didn’t want you to be alone if you woke up from a nightmare or something.” 

“So you slept on my couch?”

He just shrugged and started to look embarrassed, which was not what Clarke intended; she was just shocked that he remembered she said that and even took it a step further to make sure she was going to be okay.

“Well, thanks. And the coffee?”

He nodded and stretched. “Wasn’t sure if you’d be able to make it with one hand very well.”

“Yeah, that probably would’ve been difficult, I wasn’t really looking forward to that. You want some breakfast? I don’t have much but I think there’s some cereal and milk around here.”

He gave her a pointed look. “That’s all you eat for breakfast? How do you expect to start your day?”

“Um, coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. I love breakfast foods, but hate eating right when I get up so I usually just pick something up on the way in to work. The cereal is actually a pinch hitter for dinner sometimes.”

He sighed like what she had just said personally offended him and she had to chuckle a bit. “You know, if we’re going to be actual friends, you’re going to have to get used to my weird habits,” she told him cheekily.

He smiled at her and replied just as teasingly, “And _you_ know, if we’re going to be actual friends, you’re going to have to get used to me trying to convince you that my way is better.”

She smacked his shoulder with her good hand and they laughed and both got up to get coffee. She got mugs down and he poured, and it flowed so naturally it was weird, like they’d done this a thousand times before and it was perfectly normal for Bellamy Blake to be getting his morning coffee in her kitchen.

After they both had cleaned up (Clarke taking a significant amount of time since she only had one good hand and she _refused_ to ask Bellamy to help her get dressed) and gotten ready to go, he led the way down to his car. 

“You know, your place is really beautiful. And great access to the river.”

“Yeah, my dad picked it. He loved the view, the way the water rippled in the sun in the morning. He used to take me on walks on sunny mornings. There’s a path that winds around it.” There was so much more about that river she could’ve said, but she left it at that. Another time, maybe.

Clarke awkwardly stood next to him in the elevator, not really sure what to do or say.

Then Bellamy asked, “Want to show me?” and Clarke knew that was exactly what she wanted to do.

\----------

The path was just how she remembered. It felt familiar, comfortable. Though she hadn’t been down here in years, her feet knew exactly where to go. Which direction to take, where the best views were. They stopped at a bench just before hitting the bridge and sat down. 

“J.G…. these benches always have names or initials on them. Makes you wonder what their stories are.”

Clarke took a deep breath. She knew exactly what the story behind this particular bench was, but when she opened her mouth to tell him, she found herself void of words.

“In case you haven’t noticed,” Bellamy continued on, oblivious to her inability to speak, thankfully. “I happen to love stories. Books of almost any kind. I love the idea that there’s a whole world wrapped up in words, just waiting to be discovered.”

Clarke thought back to his library at the cabin, how he would spend hours wrapped up reading. She thought about the very first night they ran into each other in the middle of the night; he’d said he’d gotten lost in a book.

“I can see that. Anything in particular you enjoy?” she finally managed to squeak out. 

“Usually it’s just anything I can get my hands on, but _The Illiad_ is the one I keep coming back to. I have like five different copies, all of them just about worn through, pages hanging on by a literal thread,” he chuckled to himself.

“Let me not then die ingloriously and without a struggle, but let me first do some great thing that shall be told among men hereafter,” she said softly.

His head whipped around but she avoided his gaze, choosing instead to stare out at the water. She did notice his eyes widen bigger than she’d ever seen them however. “I can see why you love it. Being a firefighter and all. That’s definitely a hero’s motto if I ever heard one.”

“You…”

“Yes, I know it’s probably hard to believe, but I read too.” She jostled her shoulder against him playfully but he seemed stuck. He let out a breathy laugh and faced the water like her. She took that opportunity to glance sideways at him, and it was like she could physically see the wheels turning in his head.

“I… I know you read,” he stuttered. “Just… no one has been able to quote _The Illiad_ at me before. Not even O. Not to mention one of my very favorite quotes that I actually have framed on my wall in my room at home.”

Strange. No wonder he was so taken aback.

“How did you get into it?” she asked.

“Uh…my mom, actually,” he cleared his throat. 

“You don’t have to tell me. You’ve told me a lot about your mom already, I’m sure it isn’t easy to talk about.”

His hand stretched out and laid on top of hers absentmindedly and _when did they get so close together?_

“No, it’s okay. I just...haven’t talked about her in a long time. I forgot just how sad it makes me sometimes.”

She waited for him to continue, but when he finally did, he didn’t move his hand like she expected him to.

If she was being honest, she wasn’t _entirely_ comfortable with the contact, as they were barely friends, and after the day before, she figured physical contact might feel a little weird to her for a little while. 

But at the same time, she somehow knew Bellamy would not hurt her in that way, not ever. She knew without a doubt that if she decided to take her hand back, it would be okay to do so. That he’d understand. Her heart was so damaged and scared, but her head? Her head told her that this was actually safe, that _he_ was safe.

And she’d always been one to listen to her head. So she left it. 

“My mom used to read it to O and I before bed every night. As far back as even before Octavia, actually. And then after...after she stopped, I continued. I read it to O even in the midst of the chaos. It was like coming home. A place that her and I could go to feel safe, be in a familiar world when the world on the outside was so awful.”

Clarke inhaled deeply and tried to will the tear that started forming at the corner of her eye to disappear. 

He eventually withdrew his hand, giving her a nervous smile, like he’d forgotten it was there the whole time. They sat for a while longer, allowing the peace of the water lapping against the rocks to be the only sound between them.

“Well, it’s getting into the afternoon, should we…?”

“Yeah, yeah, we should get going.”

“Right. Oh man, I didn’t even ask if you worked today? I assume you would’ve told me if it was this morning, but…”

“No, no, thankfully I have today and tomorrow off this week. Good thing too, got to get this useless thing healed up a bit more before I try to practice medicine again.” She gave him a dry laugh, as the memory of what had happened the day before flashed into her brain unbidden. “Um, you? Same, I guess, you would’ve said something? You really didn’t have to stay here all morning with me if you had things to do.”

“Nope, no plans. I’m going to dinner with O later, but that’s it. Yesterday and today are my days off, I go back on shift tomorrow.”

“Gotcha. Let’s get going then, I’m sure you don’t want to waste all day on me either way.”

“Not sure I’d call it a waste…” he said, his voice teasing.

“An inconvenience then?” she joked.

He laughed, a real laugh that reached his eyes, “Yes, that. Definitely. Whole day has been one big inconvenience.”

“Thought so.”

“Yeah, you really owe me for this one, Princess.”

“I really, really do,” she replied, more serious than the situation they were in called for. She had meant it to come out in the same joking manner that they had been talking in, but suddenly, she was overwhelmed by just how grateful she was to him, for sticking with her, when he didn’t have to. 

She wasn’t sure exactly how her night would’ve gone if he hadn’t come get her and stay with her, maybe Wells would’ve come over after his shift, or Raven, or Octavia, but she was unexpectedly thankful it was Bellamy.

As they walked back to her place to get his car, she was abruptly regretful she hadn’t shared with him what had happened with her dad and the bench and the apartment and the river and how it all tied together. 

Definitely another time.

***

Bellamy was exhausted. He’d slept fine, albeit a bit fitfully, but well enough. But he hadn’t talked about his mother like that in a long time and it brought up things that he had tried not to think about.

Still, he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. It had seemed like maybe it had helped her to hear that, to know that someone else knew what she was going through, to know she wasn’t alone. 

And even beyond that, it felt really good opening up to her like that. It felt safe, and like she was someone he could trust, though he couldn’t put his finger on when that shift had occurred. It almost felt like he knew he could always trust her, even when he didn’t. He definitely considered her a friend now and he liked to think the feeling was mutual.

They got to the hospital and when he parked next to her, he got out to check her tires to make sure they had been fixed. 

Clarke got out and leaned against his car watching him. “I’m sure it’s fine, I got a text last night from AAA that they had done it.”

He looked at her from the other side of her car and responded, “I’m sure they did, I just want to make sure that asshole didn’t slash them again after they left.”

She gave him a small smile and let him resume his inspection. When he deemed her car finally safe, he walked up to where she was waiting. She looked at him in a way that he wasn’t sure she had before and he couldn’t quite place it, but he knew it made his skin flush a bit. 

“Well, it seems ready to go, got your keys?” She dangled them in the air with her good hand and that reminded him that she was a hand down. “You going to be okay driving one handed?”

“Yeah, I’m sure I can manage it. Thanks, Bellamy.”

“No problem.”

They hung around a moment longer and he felt his hand itch towards his neck, his default gesture when he was fidgeting. He repressed the urge and instead said, “So, I guess I’ll see you Sunday?”

“Yep, I’ll be there. I work early that morning, so I’ll be off around 5. Wells will join for dessert again.”

“Sounds good.” He lingered for a moment longer, then added, “Call if you need anything.”

“I will.”

“You going to tell O and Rave?”

“Yeah, I’ll text them. I was wanting to do it in person, but…”

“You still can. I can not tell O tonight.”

“No no, it’s fine. It’s not like anything really happened anyway, it’s not a big deal.”

Bellamy could tell she didn’t even believe what she was saying, but didn’t want to argue with her.

“Okay, however you want to do it. See you later, Clarke.”

“Bye, Bellamy.”

\----------------

He swung by the girls’ apartment a bit later. Harper opened the door and let him in.

“Hey Harp, O just about ready to go?”

“Yep, she’s just finishing up. I’ll let her know you’re here. Come on in, Raven is in the living room doing something techy on her laptop.”

He rounded the corner and indeed saw Raven intently typing away on the couch. He flopped down and tried to figure out what she was doing.

“Finally trying for world domination?”

“Very funny. No, I’m trying to see if I can hack into the hospital security footage.”

_Ah_. Clarke must’ve already told them.

“You think Collins was stupid enough to get caught on camera?”

“Oh, I _know_ he’d stupid enough to not think about it, but whether he did or not is the question.”

“Well, let’s hope. He doesn’t deserve to just walk away from that.”

Raven continued typing away, hitting the keys a little harder than she would’ve normally.

Octavia came into the living room then, and added, “Got anything we can nail the fucker to a tree with yet Reyes?”

“I’m working on it, okay? I’m almost in. Go to dinner, I’ll text you when I have it.”

Bellamy doubted Clarke would’ve asked her to do this, since _technically_ speaking it was illegal to hack into feeds like that, but at least if they know it’s there, they can go through the appropriate channels to get him held accountable for it. He wasn’t even sure Clarke _knew_ Raven could or was doing this. 

But he felt a swell of pride go through him for the care they were showing her. For as much as they love to give _him_ shit for being overprotective of the members of their family, they were just as fierce when it came to defending one of their own. 

They walked out and headed to the Mexican restaurant they usually did when they went out to dinner. They were both very busy people, with very demanding jobs, but he always tried to make time for his little sister. He knew she had Lincoln, and while he put up a fuss when she announced she was dating him, he’d come to love the man like a brother and was grateful for his presence in O’s life.

Once they’d ordered, Bellamy asked about the man, “How’s Lincoln doing?”

“Good, good. Working a lot, I don’t get to see him as often as either of us would like. And Titus has been all over me on shifts so we’re like two ships passing in the night right now. Hopefully he’ll get some help down at the bar soon and I’ll actually get to see my boyfriend again.” She pouted in a way only Octavia could and Bellamy chuckled. 

“And the shop? You said Titus has been especially difficult lately?”

“Yeah, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells lately. Thank you,” she added to the waitress who’d brought them their food. “If I make one wrong move, consciously or not, I think I’m out. I’m the only girl at the shop, so you know, I think he’s looking for an excuse.”

It made Bellamy twitchy, knowing his sister was being treated that way and not being able to do anything about it. He knew he had to let her fight her own battles and that she was more than capable of doing so. He was surrounded by amazing, strong women and he was proud of every single one. “What’s Nyko say about it?”

“You know Nyko. Not much, really. Titus doesn’t treat him the same way he does me, so. He hates it, but he’d rather go along to get along than cause waves. But he backs me up when he can.”

“Sorry, O.” He glanced at his phone, hoping for it to ding, singling a text update from Raven, but nothing.

“It’s fine. I’m used to it by now and I’m about three quarters of the way there to open my own shop anyway. Just have to stick it out a little while longer and I’ll get to tell him to shove it up his ass.” She laughed and when Bellamy gave her only a half-chuckle, she looked at him knowingly. “You know she’ll text the moment she’s got something.”

He looked at her. “Oh, I know. That’s not what I was thinking,” he deflected pathetically.

“Sure. So, what _are_ you thinking about?”

“Uh, work.”

“Right. Let’s go with that for now. How’s the station?” She asked. He was grateful that she let him switch topics. He wasn’t sure why he was so worked up over the video feed. Other than he’d love nothing more than for it to have caught Finn red-handed, he knew it was none of his business really whether Clarke pressed charges against him.

Then again, they _were_ friends now, right? So maybe he did have a right to be concerned.

“Station is good. Kane’s been really generous with all the time we took off at the beginning of the month. And he’s been good to Raven since the whole thing happened. Maybe even too good? I don’t know, you know how annoyed she gets when people get too concerned about her.”

“Yep, she gets defensive and snappy. Been there.” 

“Yeah. But it’s been fine. I think she’s doing pretty well, considering. We went to lunch last week and got a good chance to talk about it. You know her, she doesn’t let things keep her down too long. I’m trying to get her to take a break or something, but she doesn’t want to.”

“That sounds like our Raven alright.”

“And I think Wells has been a good addition. He gets under Murphy’s skin quite a bit and vice versa, but as long as we keep the knives away from them, I don’t think we have anything to worry about,” he joked. They’d been getting along fine over the last week, though making fun of each seemed to be their main method of communication. 

His and Octavia’s phone dinged at the same time.

They both scrambled for it, and Bellamy chuckled at O’s rush, knowing that she was just as concerned as he was.

** _Raven:_ ** _ He’s going to get away with it._

Bellamy’s heart crashed into his stomach. 

** _Bellamy:_ ** _ There’s nothing?_

_**Octavia:** Son of a bitch, no way._

_**Raven:** Oh I’ve got him on tape walking straight through the lot, but her car is in a blind spot. So all I have is him walking to the car, back inside, then them later, but even the fight they have is out of shot. _

_**Bellamy:** I can't believe this._

_**Octavia:** Fuck!_

_**Raven:** Headed over to Clarke’s now to tell her._

Bellamy and Octavia looked up from their phones and he was sure the anger he saw in her eyes were mirrored in his. 

“I should go with Raven to tell Clarke. We’re just about done with dinner anyway. Sorry to cut drinks and dessert short though,” she said sadly. He knew she loved their time together as much as he did. 

“No, no you should go. We can pick this up again another time. Tell her…” Bellamy wasn’t sure what he wanted O to tell her for him. His heart broke for Clarke and Bellamy was surprised that in such a short amount of time he had started caring for her as much as he did. “Tell her that I’m sorry, and I’ll text her tomorrow, okay?”

“Sure, of course I will.” They got up from the table after leaving some money and started walking out as she continued, “You guys are starting to get kind of close, huh? She told us what you did for her yesterday and today. Not that I’m surprised really, that’s very you.”

Bellamy shrugged and blushed a little. “Well, you know, we kind of understand each other now and...she’s really great. I know I didn’t see it at first, but… I’m glad she stuck around and didn’t let my idiot self keep her from being with us.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty strong, to have gone through all she has. She hasn’t talked much about her family, but I know it was rougher than people would expect and then this whole Finn thing...she’s strong.”

“Yeah, I’m definitely getting that.” His mind drifted to her fierce blue eyes in defiance of his words when they’d first met, then the softer quality they took on as the two of them walked around the river talking just that morning, to the warmth and steadiness of her hand that he’d held more than a couple times now. 

Bellamy wrapped his arms around his sister in a tight hug, hoping she wouldn’t be able to feel his heart beating just a little faster than normal.

\----------------

The next day, Bellamy was at work, having just gotten back from a call for a house just around the corner, who’s roof had caved in, trapping the owner. Thankfully, him and Wells were able to pull up on the beam that was pinning him down while Murphy and Raven dragged him out from underneath it. 

The owner had been unconscious and as soon as they got him out, the paramedics showed up and started CPR. Bellamy was grateful, as he didn’t like having to do compressions. The amount of pressure one had exert to get the heart beating again could break ribs or at least bruising and he always hated that feeling. A new guy, Kyle Wick, as he was introduced by Sinclair the other paramedic he was already familiar with, jumped right in and shocked him, getting his heart beating again and got him ready for transport. 

Murphy and Wells were currently fighting over bunks to take a nap in back at the station, but Bellamy was more hungry than tired so him and Raven wandered into the kitchen to grab a snack before the next call. 

He grabbed an apple off the counter as his phone went off in his pocket.

** _Clarke:_ ** _ Hey _

Bellamy started to smile, but noticed out of the corner of his eye Raven watching him, so he quickly tried to mask it.

No reason for her to think there was more to it than there was.

** _Bellamy:_ ** _ Hey. I was going to text you this afternoon. How’re you doing?_

_**Clarke:** Yeah, Octavia told me. I’m okay, a little pissed still, but getting there._

_**Bellamy:** And the hand?_

_**Clarke:** Still there. Ha, it’s okay. Hurts a little, but functional at least._

_**Bellamy:** Good._

_**Clarke:** So. If you’re into action movies, how do you feel about the Fast and Furious franchise?_

_**Bellamy:** Are you kidding? Cars jumping between buildings and in front of trains? What kind of question is that?_

_**Clarke:** Hahahaha okay good. First one is on Starz tonight. Want to come over after your shift and watch?_

He could swear his heart leapt up into his throat.

** _Bellamy:_ ** _ I’m there Princess._

Bellamy finally looked up from the exchange to see Raven had stopped eating her own apple, one eyebrow cocked unnaturally high. _Great._

“So...who was that?”

“Uh, Clarke. I was asking her how she was after the news last night.”

“Hmm. Yeah, O and I went over there and we hung out until after midnight, drinking and talking and shit-talking Finn. It was fun.”

“How’d she take the news?”

“Well, she was disappointed, but she seemed pretty resigned to having to let it go anyway. She was not super happy I hacked into her hospital though. I think I surprised her with that one.” She chuckled.

“Yes, you’re a woman of many talents Reyes,” Murphy piped in, walking towards them.

“Thought you were taking a nap, Murphy?” Raven asked.

“Wells got the good bunk and until Kane replaces the top bunk’s mattress, I wouldn’t get any sleep on it anyway. So I thought I’d come in here and see what you losers were up to.”

“The only loser I see around here is you. Ready to lose again next weekend in the game?” Raven shot at him.

“Not likely. I’m upping my game and reclaiming my title as Poker Champion!”

“We’ll see,” Raven eyed Murphy with fake contempt and turned back to Bellamy. “So was that all you and Clarke were talking about? You were laughing,” she pointed out. Damn it, she never let herself get distracted for long.

“Why’re you being so nosy?” he tried pitifully.

“Bellamy was texting Clarke? Of course he was.”

Bellamy glared at his friend and wished they’d both just go away.

“Guys, come on. We were joking about Fast and the Furious, that’s all.”

“What is with you and those movies? You and books and Fast and Furious and Greek mythology with a touch of hero complex and you’ve got Bellamy Blake summed up,” Murphy teased.

“Shut up Murphy, they are awesome, okay? And apparently Clarke agrees.”

“Oh no, not another one,” Murphy rolled his eyes. 

Another call came in and Bellamy was never so happy to be busy. If he would’ve had to tell them he was headed over there to watch a movie that evening, they would never let him hear the end of it and would definitely make it a much bigger deal than it was. 

It was just two friends hanging out, nothing more.

So then, why was he looking forward to it so much?


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season!
> 
> Enjoy and thanks for reading ;)

Clarke had spent much of the morning sulking over what Raven had told her last night. She tried to hide it the best she could the night before, but she was disappointed that what she feared would happen, would indeed come to pass. 

The jackass was going to get away with stalking, vandalism, and attempted assault.

While she knew that one day he would get what was coming to him, her and Raven were understandably upset about him not being on the footage. She had been a little shocked that Raven had hacked into the security footage so easily, but cautiously optimistic. 

Her emotions had gone from hopeful to despondent to downright pissed off. He didn’t deserve to keep walking around and possibly doing this to other women and she hoped one day an opportunity would open up and she’d get to nail him to the wall. Until then, she would rely on her friends and try to accept it and move on. 

It had only been a month since they’d all met and started this friendship, but it felt like she’d known them forever. She’d finally started allowing herself to really trust them and could plan on spending more time together. She found herself getting excited for Sundays and even the fourth of July later next week. And at this point, she could confidently say that there wasn’t one person in that group she didn’t consider a friend or someone she could depend on.

Even Bellamy.

Bellamy Blake was a bit of an enigma to her still though. In the past few days she’d seen a side of him that she only knew existed, but never really experienced. He was so caring, and kind and understanding and it made her feel safe. It surprised her, but in a good way.

And they’d had more in common than she realized initially. What he’d seen with his mom growing up and how Clarke was handling things, it was like Bellamy was in the right place at the right time and exactly what she needed and that was something that a month ago she’d never be able to fathom.

A lot can happen in a month it turns out.

And when Finn had thrown Raven into their argument she felt her protective instincts flaring and she wanted nothing more than to shut him up for bringing someone who’d become one of her best friends into it. That was something else they shared, her and Bellamy. A fierce love and the feeling of responsibility for the ones they cared about.

When she saw the first Fast and Furious movie scheduled to play later that night, she’d instantly thought of him. They were just starting their friendship, but maybe it’d be okay to see if he wanted to come over. Not as anything more than friends, obviously, but she found herself wanting to spend time with him.

She answered the door to him holding up a grocery bag. “So where do I put the snacks?”

She laughed and said, “Coffee table, definitely.”

“So the popcorn isn’t the good stuff, it’s microwave, but remind me next time to grab my air popper and we’ll make it really good,” he told her as he moved past her to throw the box of popcorn on the counter and the candy on the coffee table.

_Next time._

Her stomach flipped at that and it was such an unexpected feeling that she had to shake herself out of it.

“Can’t wait. I’d hate to get to used to subpar popcorn,” she managed to joke.

“Did you already eat dinner? I also grabbed a frozen pizza while at the store. You really need to get more food, I could’ve made an actual dinner. I almost just grabbed a ton of groceries, but didn’t want it all to go to waste just sitting in the fridge,” he teased her.

“Please. Frozen pizza is like one of my main food groups,” she laughed.

He smiled at her so brightly and moved towards her oven to turn on the preheat button and it looked so normal, so _comfortable_ that it improved her miserable mood from earlier in an instant.

They spent the evening throwing popcorn every time Johnny Tran came on the screen, rationalizing that it wasn’t like wasting the good popcorn anyway. They laughed at how young all the actors were and commiserated over the tragedy of Paul Walker’s death.

He brought both chocolate bars and gummy bears to snack on as well. Gummy bears were her favorite, and chocolate was his she found out, so it worked out perfectly.

The credits rolled and Bellamy grabbed the remote to turn the TV off. “Well, I think it’s official, we are going to have to keep watching them, in order.”

She laughed, “In order of release or timeline?”

“Um, release, for sure. There’s a reason why each was made and released when it was.” 

“Sounds good.”

“So…” he began. “You didn’t mind staying up even though you work in the morning?”

She turned away, a little embarrassed. “No, I just didn’t really feel like hanging out on my own tonight and I remembered you said you liked action movies, so…” she trailed off. 

“Nervous for tomorrow?” he asked, seemingly reading her mind. It was a bit unnerving how well he was able to read her already.

Clarke nodded. “A little,” she admitted.

“Hey, I’m sure it’s going to be fine,” he tried to reassure her. He bit his lip for a moment, something she had noticed Octavia does too when she was holding something back. “You know, you won’t be alone if you choose to press charges. To report him.”

It made her heart swell, knowing she wasn’t alone. It was something she’d realized the night before too when Raven and Octavia came to keep her company. She wasn’t the only one hurting either, as she could tell how much what had happened to her also affected Raven. 

“Thanks, that means a lot to me. I’m sorry Octavia ended your dinner early. Did you guys have a nice time?”

“Yeah, we’re both so busy usually that it’s great to catch up every once in a while. I like to check in on her and Lincoln. I feel like I’m on baited breath for the time she tells me their getting married or something.” He tipped his head back on the couch and sighed in a way she imagined only a big brother would.

“You know, if or when they do, I’m sure Octavia will want your support. For however independent she is, I know she looks up to you a lot.”

“Thanks for saying that. I’m always going to be worried about her, but I know she’s smart and capable and I’m so proud of her and what she’s done.” He looked back at her again, “I know you haven’t really decided what or if you’re going to do anything, and that’s fine. I just want you to know that you can feel free to text or call if you need something while you’re at work tomorrow. Even if you just need to talk.”

“Thanks. I think I just want to leave it alone for a while, try to get my head a little clearer about the whole thing. But I might just take you up on that offer to talk tomorrow. I think it might make me feel better, knowing I’ve got someone to text even if it’s just to chat or something to take my mind off things.”

“Well, you’ve got me. I’ll make sure to keep my phone on me.”

\-----------

All through the next week, every time one of them had a free moment, they’d find a text already waiting to be read from the other. It was getting to the point where Clarke was worried she might get into some trouble if she kept this up; she was grateful her bruises had healed well enough.

It wasn’t even just Bellamy; it was Raven, Octavia, Wells, even Murphy had sent her a few. Just about everyone had been texting, and calling and stopping by. Jasper and Monty came over with Harper and they played video games way too late one night and they even listened to a couple of her suggestions and modified the game, much to her surprise. There was even a blonde haired blue eyed character in one of them.

Raven and Octavia came over for a girls night, which had turned into a weekly thing, and this time Emori came along too. Octavia had brought along a bunch of sketch ideas for her tattoo. Clarke had to get her to agree to draw it a bit smaller though, by the looks of the original design, it was going to cover one entire side of her abdomen. The brunette reluctantly agreed, and promised to have another sketch for Clarke to look at in a couple weeks.

Wells came to the hospital on her lunch breaks to eat in the cafeteria with her and Harper. When she had asked him what Kane thought of him doing this 3 times a week, he just shrugged and said that there was no problem at all. From what Clarke could tell, Kane was a nice guy and she hoped she’d get to meet him one day.

Bellamy was probably the one that talked to her the most though. It wasn’t overbearing or condescending, like he didn’t think she could take care of herself. It was supportive, and made her smile and her chest warm every time she saw his name on the screen of her phone. In just one week, they’d had two more movie nights, getting through the third Fast and Furious movie. 

And he was right, his popcorn _was_ better.

By time the fourth of July had rolled around a week and a half later, they were all gathered at his apartment, Murphy with a ridiculous amount of fireworks in his arms. 

She answered his door, having spent the past few hours before people showed up helping Bellamy get things set up. 

“Bellamy, help me out!” Murphy peeked over his box at her. “Not Bellamy...well, this is...actually I’m not sure what this is,” Murphy eyed her strangely. Emori just rolled her eyes and gave Clarke a hug before walking in. “You know, some help here would be nice, girlfriend,” he directed at Emori.

“Hey, you want that many, you get to carry it,” she smirked back at her boyfriend. Clarke was glad they were together, they were definitely made for each other, keeping the other on their toes.

“Hey guys, come on in. Murphy, you’ve got to be kidding,” Bellamy said, walking up beside her at the doorway. Her mind quickly noted how close he was standing to her, so much so that she could feel his arm brush against hers.

“This Fourth is going to be ah-mazing!” Murphy whooped.

Everyone else started showing up and before long the music was blaring, drinks were passed around and everyone started dancing and teasing one another again as the infamous poker game started up. 

Much to everyone’s dismay, Murphy indeed took the title again. Groans could be heard the next town over, but nothing was louder than the sounds of Murphy gloating. 

“So where are we planning on setting these things off?” Clarke asked Bellamy who had gone to grab her another drink. She accepted gladly and started poking through the box of explosives. “Isn’t it too hot to be setting off fireworks?”

“Nah, there’s no ban this year, so we’re good. Plus, I think you’re in good hands here, remember you’re amongst a bunch of firefighters.” He winked at her and she could feel herself blush for forgetting.

“That’s right, I almost forgot. Although, does that logic still work if they’re all half drunk?” she joked with him.

He laughed loudly at that and it was such a carefree sound that she found herself laughing with him. “True, I guess I can’t argue with that.”

“How’d you all manage to get today off anyway?”

“Well, let’s just say Kane is a very nice Captain.”

“Yeah, Wells says the same thing. He’s not sure how many holidays he’s got with his dad left, so he is with him for most of tonight, but I told him I’d text him when fireworks started. Speaking of, you never said where we are headed,” she pointed out.

“Oh, there’s an abandoned parking lot down the road, near the park. It’s usually empty today, so we bring chairs and try to watch Murphy be the ultimate hypocrite fireman. What about you?” he asked.

“What?” she asked back to him. Jasper was cheering on Monty shotgunning a beer and Clarke couldn’t hear him.

He leaned closer and she could almost feel his breath on her ear, making her shiver a bit despite the heat of July. “What about you and the hospital?”

“Nope, my unit isn’t usually too busy since it’s more of a when-women-go-into-labor kind of unit; thankfully we don’t have too many emergencies, and another doctor has the on call shift tonight.”

She hesitated a bit, set her drink down on the counter and moved farther away from the crowd, tilting her head so Bellamy would follow her. She had hoped to get a chance to tell him this, but wasn’t sure the best time.

“I actually have a meeting with my hospital’s chief, Dr. Indra Triku, on Monday,” she avoided his eyes, instead focusing on the carpet and bit the inside of her cheek. She’d thought it over this whole week, and she decided that she has to report Finn. “I’m not going to press any criminal charges, but he needs to know there are consequences to his actions and I can’t just let him intimidate me, no matter how nervous I am. And maybe this way, I can help some other woman avoid this with him and let the other women at the hospital know that it’s okay to say something if it has happened with any other doctor.”

She sneaked a peek at him and saw his eyes widen. He stared at her before closing the distance between them and wrapping her in a hug. They’d never hugged before so it shocked her and it took a moment before she responded by wrapping her own arms around his middle. He felt so strong and warm and safe and she could feel the intense comfort behind his grip and it was exactly how she would expect a hug with Bellamy Blake to feel like, and exactly what she needed at that moment.

Without letting her go, he said, “I am so incredibly proud of you. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you weren’t ready to say anything, these things have to be done at your own pace, but damn it, you are one of the bravest people I know for doing this. Can I help? Do you need anything? Someone to come with you?” They parted and Clarke immediately missed the absence of his warmth. 

A tear escaped her eyes and she wiped it hastily away and smiled up at him. “You’ve already helped, just by caring enough to want to.” She glanced over at the group still in the living room. “I plan on asking Raven or Octavia if they’ll come with me, but I’ll let you know if they can’t?”

“You got it.”

“Thanks Bellamy.” 

The fireworks were more beautiful than Clarke remembered. She hadn’t done them since her dad died, since she stayed far far away from anything to do with her mother after what happened. Holidays became sparse around the Griffin household and while she’d go to her friends’ houses every now and then, it was nothing like this. 

Bright blues and reds and whites lit up the sky, and she laughed as she covered her ears when the crackles and screams from the rockets went off. They all took turns lighting them and all worked together to clean it all up and dispose of them safely after they were all done.

Clarke could feel the flush from the alcohol and laughter on her cheeks and she collapsed into bed that night (well, early morning) feeling so full of joy, she wasn’t afraid for the first time in over a week to fall asleep.

\-----------

Clarke texted Raven and Octavia the next morning asking if either of them had time on Monday to go with her to Indra’s office. Even though it was Sunday, they had just gotten together the day before and had decided to skip dinner that night so she wouldn’t be able to ask them later.

** _Clarke:_ ** _ Hey, so I’ve decided to report Finn even though there’s no proof. I can’t let him get away with not even trying. Meeting with chief tomorrow at 10am. Either of you free? _

Raven text back almost immediately.

** _Raven:_ ** _ I have a shift. But I’ll figure it out though. I’ll get Bell to cover and skip my lunch._

_**Octavia:** I’m free, I don’t work until 5. See you at 10. We got this._

Clarke smiled and finally felt like she was doing the right thing and moving in the right direction. 

The meeting went well, even though Clarke was nervous. Dr. Trikru had a stern reputation and Clarke wasn’t sure how she’d take to an accusation about one of their most beloved staff members.

Much to her relief, the older woman took her very seriously and was grateful that Clarke had brought it to her attention. Apparently, Indra was the one vote on the board that didn’t want to hire Finn, but was overruled due to his record. She’d known something was off and actually apologized to Clarke for not fighting harder to keep him off staff.

She assured Clarke that there would be a full investigation into his conduct. Indra said she couldn’t make any promises, but Clarke knew that even if he didn’t lose his job, that the accusation would follow him around and she’d be satisfied knowing that she did all she could.

After they left the office, Raven had to head back to the station, but since Clarke had scheduled the meeting just before lunch, she wasn’t due back to the hospital until one so her and Octavia went out to lunch.

They had just sat down at the diner, and was about to order when her phone went off.

** _Bellamy:_ ** _ Hey Princess, Rave just got back, how’d it go? You ok?_

_**Clarke:** Yeah, I’m ok. I feel better knowing I did what I could. Thanks for checking on me :) _

Octavia started talking, and Clarke tore her gaze from the phone to look up at the girl. She looked so much like Bellamy, it was obvious they were siblings. Same shade of hair, but a few less freckles and she had distinct green eyes, where Bellamy’s were chocolate. 

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“Tell Bell I said hey.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes, but typed out the message anyway. “How’d you know it was Bellamy?”

“Well, when I went to see him last night, he asked almost immediately about the meeting this morning and whether you had talked to me and Raven yet. He asked when it was and how you sounded and was just overall very concerned. So it makes sense the moment it was over he’d be checking in.” She shrugged and went back to look at her menu and Clarke tried to keep a smile from creeping onto her face, lest Octavia get the wrong idea.

Sure, her and Bellamy had been spending much more time together and talking almost every day, but that was it. They were friends, _good_ friends, much to Clarke’s unending surprise. She was still recovering from Finn. Anything else… well, there just wasn’t anything else. And Octavia was one who if she thought something was going on, she’d never leave it alone, making things awkward for everyone, however well intentioned Clarke knew she was.

Clarke’s phone went off again, and she could see a small smirk (not unlike the one her brother frequently had) sneak onto Octavia’s face. 

She shook her head, gave the waitress her order and looked at her phone. 

** _Bellamy:_ ** _ Tell O I said hi back. And of course I was going to check on you. It’s like you don’t know me at all._

_**Clarke:** Haha. We still on for the 4th movie tonight?_

_**Bellamy:** I wish. But I have to cancel. We’re working late tonight to make up for the fourth. Trying to give the guys that worked the holiday weekend an extra break._

_**Clarke:** Well that was nice of you. Guess I’m watching it alone._

_**Bellamy:** Don’t you dare. I'll stop making popcorn._

_**Clarke:** You wouldn't! I've gotten addicted to that stuff, fine I'll wait for you._

Clarke laughed and told Octavia hi for him and watched as she rolled her eyes. Thankfully, however, she left anything else she wanted to say about the matter alone.

***

Much to Bellamy’s relief, Clarke was just teasing and saved the movie to watch with him on Friday. It was becoming natural now, the couch they’d share, the popcorn, candy and drinks they’d have. They weren’t even sitting on opposite ends of the couch anymore, except when they would get into heated arguments over various plotlines in the movie. He realized he was going to be a bit disappointed when they finally made their way through the franchise and they didn’t have anymore to watch. 

He was at work on Saturday that next week and it had been a long day. His group was working the later shift, not having to come on until noon, but having to stay to 11. They all had gone out to TonDC the night before, and thankfully, Bellamy wasn’t too hung over the next morning and felt totally fine by the time the shift started.

They hadn’t been to the bar in a while and even Lincoln had the night off so he got to join. Wells got to join too and the whole gang took turns throwing darts and cheering loudly when someone would miss the board completely, leading to a competition to see who could lose the most spectacularly. To his surprise, Wells took home the gold on that one, almost taking another patron’s eye out. But he seemed to take the mocking and teasing fine.

His dad had taken a turn for the better and his cancer more stable. He still needed taken care of and it was still terminal, but they were no longer afraid that it was as imminent as they had feared. Wells and him were getting along better now too.

Bellamy and Wells had been getting along much better lately, working together seamlessly and Wells finally seemed to trust him. He even teased Bellamy on a regular basis about the movie nights him and Clarke had, saying that Fast and Furious wasn’t worth their time. 

Bellamy didn’t talk to him for a day after that though. No one makes fun of those movies to his face.

Since he got in that day, they’d already been out on three calls - two car accidents, a trapped elevator, and a woman in labor who’s car had broken down on the side of the road on the way to the hospital. That last one, he and Raven had taken in to the hospital, where Clarke was ready and waiting. 

The ambulance doors opened and Clarke’s eyes found his immediately. “How far apart are her contractions?”

“2 minutes, we’ve been keeping an eye on both her and baby with the monitor, but the baby’s heart rate is starting to dip a little with each one.”

She just nodded once and grabbed the gurney from him and started wheeling the woman in. She glanced back at him and gave him a smile. “You did good Bellamy, we’ll take it from here.”

He smiled back and nodded at her. It always made him nervous bringing women and their babies in. It was out of his control and he hated when things were out of his control. But he took comfort in Clarke’s skills as a doctor and knew that he’d left her in the best possible hands. 

He was beginning to get used to the elevated heart rate he had whenever she was around. It didn’t mean anything, he told himself, just that he was happy to see her and that’d she become one of his closest friends, despite the fact that they’d only known each other for almost two and half months. He lingered for another moment before leaving with Raven.

He collapsed on the bunk in the room they used to take naps between calls and closed his eyes, but before sleep could take him, his phone went off.

_**Clarke:** It was a baby girl! Mama and baby are both doing perfect. _

She knew he’d be worried and wondering how it turned out and let him know and that made him smile a wide grin. It was one of the hardest parts of his job, that he had to just drop them off at the hospital and never find out whether they made it or not. 

** _Bellamy:_ ** _ Thank you for letting me know. Tell them I said Congrats. Good job doc._

_**Clarke:** I’ll tell them before I leave in a few minutes. My shift is almost over. This is your late night, right?_

_**Bellamy:** Yep. :(_

_**Clarke:** You were looking pretty rough. You ok?_

_**Bellamy:** Wow, thanks, how kind of you_

_**Clarke:** You know what I mean_

_**Bellamy:** I do. I’m fine. Just a long few hours already. Going to take a quick nap, hoping to get some shuteye before something else disastrous happens._

_**Clarke:** Ok. Sleep well. See you tomorrow at family dinner?_

_**Bellamy:** I’ll be there._

\-----------

The alarms indicating they had a call were going off. Someone was shouting and saying something. Bellamy grudgingly opened his eyes and sat up to figure out what was going on when Murphy came slamming into the room he was sleeping in, gear already half on.

“Damn it Blake, there you are! We have to go! There’s a fire.”

He shot into action, years of jolting awake like this embedded into muscle memory. He stormed out of the room, grateful for his training, ready to go and climbing into the firetruck not more than one minute after Murphy came to get him. 

He saw Murphy and Wells climb into the aid car while he strained to listen for the overhead voice before they got going, trying to get more details about the call he was about to get into. There was a weird energy and the air felt thick.

Raven climbed into the truck next to him, and Kane was in the driver’s seat already starting to pull out. Bellamy could only hear about every other word because Raven was shouting something at Murphy out the window and it wasn’t like her to be so rattled and frantic over a call. Her eyes connected with his and he saw a flicker of terror reflected back to him.

That’s when he heard it.

_Attention Station 134, fire in progress, 100 Memorial Way. Apartment building, casualties unknown. Multiple stations responding, hospital on standby._

_Attention Station 134, fire in progress, 100 Memorial Way. Apartment building, casualties unknown. Multiple stations responding, hospital on standby._

Bellamy felt nauseous as reality set in.

His heart crashed to the floor and he felt himself starting to get dizzy.

_100 Memorial Way._

_Apartment building._

That was Clarke’s building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next one will be along in a few days, I won't make you wait too long ;)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! This is chapter that I've had running through my head since I started this fic and I'm so excited it's ready to post! It skips around a bit with time before it all catches up with itself, so I hope it reads clear enough.
> 
> Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, or a firefighter, so if there are any technical discrepancies I apologize!
> 
> Enjoy ;)

Clarke was beat. 

The day had been so full. She was surprised her unit even had room for the mom that Bellamy’s crew had brought in earlier. While everything had gone easily enough with her and her new daughter, the same could not be said for the rest of the floor. 

No fewer than three moms had babies go into distress while the mothers labored, one ended up requiring a cesarean and Clarke had just barely finished before having to ping pong back and forth between the other two rooms while they pushed. And that was only three of the ten rooms that were completely occupied with other women in various stages of the birthing process. The next doctor scheduled for the shift after Clarke’s had to come in early to help out.

She made it work though, and she was able to climb into her bubble bath when she got home with a peaceful heart as not one mother or child had been lost. 

It was uncommon that a day such as that with that many patients didn’t end at all badly, and she was going to be grateful to whatever God was out there that it ended well.

She was even astonished that she remembered to text Bellamy to let him know that the woman and her daughter were fine with how busy she had been. Clarke liked to think that she knew him well enough at this point and could read his face when he hopped out of the aid car. He was worried, and trying not to let it show. He had such a big heart. She found herself worrying about _him_ and wanting to reassure him that everything was okay.

She laid back with her headphones in her ears and let the frantic nature of the day wash down the drain. Most of her friends were working the later shift that day so she had the night to herself. She stopped for Italian on the way home and was looking forward to throwing an action movie on and eating sprawled out on the couch in her pajamas. Maybe she’d even play the new game Monty and Jasper had loaned her that past Sunday.

She’d only spent 20 minutes in the tub before her hunger started winning out. She sighed as she climbed out, toweled off and put on the comfiest clothes she could find. 

Wandering past the front door, she heard shouting from the apartment next door. Like she’d told Octavia weeks before, a small boy and his single mom lived there. She’d see them every once in a while, exchanging pleasantries, helping out where she could, but they both had very busy lives that kept them from spending any significant time together.

But there was never any noise like this. 

She could hear the boy wailing and some other staticy noise she couldn’t place. He couldn’t have been more than six years old the last time Clarke had seen him. A smart kid too, with a full head of dirty blonde hair and cheeks full of freckles. His mother was a responsible one so he wouldn’t just have been left alone.

She grabbed her phone off the counter and quickly left her apartment with nothing on her feet, thinking nothing other than getting to him and making sure he was okay. Maybe it was none of her business, but this was so unlike the people she knew (well, sort of knew) that she had a sinking feeling something was really wrong. 

***

All Bellamy could hear was the blood pounding in his ears and the sirens from the truck as they sped down the road. He could tell Raven was trying to get his attention, but he couldn’t focus.

Raven gripped his leg and the pinch was so tight it pulled him out of his head and he snapped his eyes to hers. The fire that he knew so well in Raven was present in her gaze. Determined, but not without an undercurrent of fear. 

He imagined his eyes reflected something similar, considering he couldn’t remember the last time fear had gripped him so tightly.

No, he could. Octavia was in high school still, going out with some guy. She had stayed out so late and missed curfew and didn’t call to check in until almost the next morning when she called to say that the guy had ditched her and she wasn’t even sure where she was but would he please come find her, she was cold and scared.

The terror of not knowing where or how she was was jarring. 

His sister, his responsibility.

The terror he felt now wasn’t quite the same, but it was strong enough to knock the wind out of him all the same. 

“Bellamy! Focus!”

“Rave.. that’s - fuck, that’s Clarke’s building. What the hell is going on? Is she okay? Have you heard from her?”

She looked as frantic as he sounded. “No, I - I can’t get her. Her phone goes straight to voicemail. Emori called me, she was the one who took the call. Clarke - she’s in the apartment the fire is. It was her neighbor and - and - and she has a little boy. All I know is that Clarke burnt her hand running in to see if he was okay and Emori hasn’t heard from her since.”

Fuck. _Fuck._

Of course. 

_Of course_ Clarke would ignore any sense of fire safety and just get out of the building. _Of course_ he can’t even be mad at her because she ignored it to get to a child. _Of course_ they can’t get ahold of her anymore and she could be dead.

Of fucking course.

Of course, he would’ve done the same without question.

***

Clarke ran into the hallway and up to her neighbor’s front door. She banged on it a couple times and tried to listen to anyone moving around. When her ears were met with more screaming and the same strange static, she put her hand on the knob to see if it was unlocked. She recoiled instantly with an intense burning sensation on the palm of her hand. 

She looked at the angry red flesh of her now-burnt hand and while it took a minute for her brain to catch up, once it did, she was paralyzed with fear over the realization of the situation. She didn’t even have time to feel the pain as her rational side took over and she pulled out her phone and called 9-1-1.

_“9-1-1 what’s your emergency?”_

Clarke almost cried when she realized she knew the voice on the other end. “Emori! It’s Clarke! I’m at home and there’s a fire in the apartment next to mine.”

_“Clarke? You’re sure?”_

“Yes! The handle on my neighbor’s front door just burnt my hand and I’m now starting to see smoke creep out under the door.” 

_“Okay, Clarke, I’m dispatching multiple units to your location now, okay? I need you to get out of the building.”_

“Are you kidding? I can hear a kid inside crying! I can’t leave the kid in there! Plus his mother is probably in there too! I’m a doctor, I could help. I can’t just leave.”

_“I know, okay, here’s -”_

Clarke interrupted her. “Okay, I’m...I’m going in. Tell...tell everyone I love them, okay? And...get help here fast.”

She could hear Emori shout her name as she threw her phone in her pocket. Then she ran back into her apartment to get a pot holder and a blanket and some shoes. She soaked the blanket with water and went back in the hallway. 

Throwing the blanket over her head, she took a deep breath and tried the handle again with her good hand and the pot holder. It was still hot, but thankfully unlocked and she swung the door into the apartment without much effort.

Clarke was immediately met with a blast of heat and billowing black smoke to her face and she scrunched the blanket tighter around her and put her face in her elbow, coughing already. She could see flames licking the walls down a hallway on her right side, the walls that share with her own apartment. It wouldn’t be long before the fire spread to her place too.

“Noah! Noah! Can you hear me? Noah, where are you?” The screaming stopped for a moment and Clarke’s heart skipped a beat until she heard the crying again. It seemed to be coming from a room just off the entryway, thankfully to the left, away from the fire. 

She bent over coughing again, trying to catch her breath. How he was still crying she’d never know but she was grateful he still had the lung capacity. It made her sick to think of what would’ve happened if she didn’t hear him.

But she’d have to get to him quickly if it was going to stay that way.

As she approached the door she believed him to be behind, her eyes swept the room she was in, the living room, for signs of his mother, whom she still hadn’t heard or seen.

When Clarke determined the room empty, she tried the doorknob. It was warm, but not like the front door which she attributed to being closer to the fire.

She shoved the door in, something was wedged at the bottom of the door, probably a towel she thought passively. She prayed with everything in her that he and his mother was okay.

It was his bedroom, she could see that from the spaceships that adorned the walls and the planets that hung from the ceiling. The air was better in here than the hallway, so she moved quickly in and shut the door behind her, shoving what she could now see were wet blankets back under the door. 

He was crouched in the corner behind the bed by the window, which had been opened. She rounded the bed quickly and found his mother laying next to him unconscious. Clarke moved quickly, the doctor in her kicking in. 

“Noah, hey, Noah, it’s me, Clarke. Do you remember me? I live next door.” He nodded so she continued. “Noah, I’m so proud of you for screaming so loud. That’s how I heard you. I’m going to try to help your mom now, okay?” He nodded again and she threw her wet blanket over the top of him. 

“Sh - she went back out there. She made sure I was in here, opened the window, and went back to see if we could get out, tol - told me to put the blanket under the door. When she came back in for me, she was coughing so much and then she fell asleep. I - I couldn’t leave her.” Clarke’s heart broke for him.

She put her fingers to the mom’s neck and let out a breath when she felt a pulse, a bit thready, but mostly steady. “Noah, hey buddy, is there any water in here?” Noah pointed to a different door than she’d come in across the room. She darted over and tried the handle, finding it relatively cool still.

It was a bathroom, _thank heavens._

Clarke grabbed a cup off the counter and filled it to the brim. She ran back over to the mother - Rachel, she remembered - and tried to get her to drink. When that was unsuccessful, she gave the cup to Noah to drink and grabbed the blanket to rewet in the sink. She put the blanket back over him and Rachel and closed her eyes as she steeled herself to make a hard decision. She was going to have to leave her behind in order to save Noah. 

“Okay kiddo, I’m going to get you out of here and then the firefighters will get here to get your mom out, okay? I can’t get you and your mom out on my own. But my friends, see they’re firefighters and they are brave and strong and they are coming to help us okay? Raven, Wells, Bellamy, and Murphy? They are awesome and they are going to get her out of here, okay?”

“NO! I’m not leaving my mom,” he shouted at her.

“Noah, honey -”

“I’m not leaving.”

She went to the door, trying to see if the path to the front door was even an option anymore before she decided if she was just going to pick him and get him out of there anyway. She approached and could feel the heat radiating off the door without even touching it, meaning the fire had spread. She tried the handle with the pot holder, but even that wasn’t helping anymore and she just about burned her other hand. 

There was no way out.

She nodded to herself and resigned herself to staying put. That door was the only thing preventing the fire from getting to them. She poured more water on the blankets jammed up under the door, praying that would keep most of the smoke out until help could get to them. She knew that the station would have already been alerted and would have to be on their way. She also knew her friends were probably really worried about her.

She went back to Noah and his mother, giving him another drink and taking a sip for herself. “Okay, kiddo. We are going to hunker down under here with your mom, okay?” she told him with a shaky voice. She was trying to remain calm, but her ability to keep a level head in high pressure situations was starting to fail her.

He nodded and she went to the window to see if she could see the fire trucks. 

Clarke could hear the sirens and knew help was on the way. She started coughing heavily and couldn’t seem to draw enough air into her lungs. She felt dizzy and knew smoke inhalation was getting to her as well, so she crawled under the blanket with the other two, thankful she’d thought to get one of her bigger ones.

She kept coughing and started feeling lightheaded. She felt so bad for Noah, having to see his mom like that and knew that she was probably going to pass out soon as well. Adult lungs just aren’t as healthy as children’s lungs, and thankfully his prolonged quarantine in this room definitely helped matters.

She checked Rachel’s pulse again, something she’d been doing every few seconds to make sure she didn't need CPR and was relieved to find it was still steady.

“O - okay Noah. I can feel myself falling as - asleep too. So I want you to remember help is coming, okay?” _Cough, cough._ “No matter what, you keep this bl - blanket on your head, okay?” _Cough, cough._

Her vision started getting spotty and the last thing she saw before she passed out was Noah’s face nodding.

***

The truck and aid car came screeching to a halt in front of the five story building where there was quite a crowd gathered around. His eyes immediately started sweeping the crowd for blonde hair and his heart stuttered when he couldn’t find her. 

Kane started issuing orders as the other stations that had been called pulled up as well.

“Murphy! Wells! Get access to that roof, we need to vent that fire out! Reyes, Blake, run the perimeter, try to see if you can figure out the origin point of the fire. See if we can get a ladder up to that floor so we can hose it off.”

They nodded and all split off. He saw station 204 pull up next and their captain issue orders to start sweeping the building and tending to the people who had come out.

He wished he was with that group. What he wouldn’t give to run in and straight up the five floors to her.

Still, he had a job to do, and more than just Clarke’s life depended on him.

They ran until they saw the smoke and flames coming out of windows on the fifth floor, what must be Clarke’s neighbor’s, as he recognized Clarke’s windows just a bit further away. There was another window on the side, further from the flames, that was open.

“There!” he shouted to Raven over the sirens. “That’s got to be it. That’s our way up there. That’s where they’ll be.”

She nodded at him, that same look of determination in her eyes and she ran back to grab the truck, while he stayed and kept an eye on the flames. She was back in a matter of minutes, maneuvering the ladder into position as they were joined by other fighters. Bellamy had never moved so fast on a call, or shaken as much, as he unspooled the hose and got it hooked up to a hydrant. He led the way up the ladder, the hose flung over his shoulder. 

He was sweating as he climbed, terrified of what he would find, trying not to think of the worst case scenario.

“Masks on!” he yelled down the ladder.

He got up to the window and looked inside. Not seeing anything but a dark room, he jumped in, followed by two other fighters and Raven. His eyes swept the room quickly, almost missing the huddle of people covered by a blanket in the back corner. The fighters from the other station grabbed the hose and left the room to start taking the fire out, testing the floor strength as they went. 

He ran quickly over to them and threw off the blanket. He quickly recognized Clarke laying still on the floor and locked eyes with the scared little boy. “Hey buddy. I’m Bellamy, we’re going to get you guys out of here okay?” He forced his voice to remain calm so he wouldn’t scare him any further.

“B - Bellamy? Clarke said you would come.” 

His heart pounded in his chest. “Raven! Grab the kid!”

She nodded and moved quickly towards him, “Hey kiddo, let’s go for a ride, hmm?” She picked him up and glanced at him and Clarke and the boy’s mother. He felt for pulses and was relieved to find both of them still alive. He nodded to her and with that, Raven was out the window with the boy.

Another fighter had come up and Bellamy directed him towards the boy’s mother. “I don’t know how long they’ve been down, but I’ve got pulses on both.” The man nodded and hoisted her up. 

Once he was out as well, Bellamy picked Clarke up and a memory of a few weeks ago of him carrying her to bed after Finn had taken a swing at her flashed through his mind. She was so strong then, and he had to believe she was going to stay that strong now. “Come on Princess, let’s get out of here. I’ve got you, okay? I’ve got you. You’re okay. You have to be okay.”

Once they got down the ladder and back to the pavement, he placed her down gently, kneeling next to her tearing his mask, helmet and jacket off. He placed his jacket under her head. “Come on, Clarke. Wake up, you need to fight!” 

He was considering starting CPR as Wick ran over with a canister of O2 and placed a mask over her face. It couldn’t have been more than thirty seconds, but to Bellamy it felt like hours. Soon she was up, coughing, but alert. She swung her eyes around wildly, unable to focus on anything. 

She locked her blue eyes on his and tried to sit up. She took the mask off, despite Wick’s protests and gripped onto Bellamy’s arms, face adamant. “N - No - Noah? Rachel?”

“The paramedics have them, they’re going to be okay I think. You need to put your mask back on, Clarke, you inhaled a lot of smoke.”

She shook her head forcibly. “N - no. I need to check on them.” She used him to help herself up. She wavered on her feet and would’ve fallen back down if Bellamy hadn’t been quick enough to catch her. 

“Clarke, no. They’re with the paramedics now, there’s nothing you can do, you need to rest.”

She slowly turned back to the building where the flames continued to pour out of the windows on her floor. 

She was watching almost everything she owned go up in literal smoke. 

Suddenly, she let out a shout and wretched out of his hold, tearing across the pavement. Bellamy was quick on her heels, and since she was still unsteady from being unconscious just a few minutes prior, he caught up to her quickly.

“Clarke! Clarke! What’re you doing? What’s wrong?” he wrapped his arm around her waist when he realized she was trying to head back _in_ the building. “Clarke, STOP!” She flailed and fought and he had to physically lift her up and back away from the entrance.

“Let go of me! I have to get in there!”

He set her down and she twisted around in his grasp, but he held firm so she wouldn’t escape again. The look she gave him broke his heart. He softened his voice. “Clarke, stop. You can’t go back inside.”

“Bel - Bellamy. I have to go. I have to get in there. Please, let me go. Let me go,” she pleaded with him, and struggled weakly against his hold.

“Clarke, you’re injured, you just woke up from passing out with a lungful of smoke, you need to get checked out at the hospital. You can’t go back in until it’s safe.”

“My da - dad’s camera. His pictures, they’re all I have left of him. Please, Bellamy, I can’t lose it. It can’t be gone. It can’t be gone. I have to go back in. Please let me go back in.” She was on the verge of breaking, he could see it. Her dad, who died when she was still a teenager. He didn’t know the full story, but he didn’t need to. It was causing her indescribable pain and in that moment, there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do to carry that for her. But he couldn’t lose her.

It was then that he realized it. The thing he’d been dancing around and denying for a while now. He cared for her. He _cared_ for her. He was _falling_ for her. Hard and fast and infinitely _deep_.

The dawning hit him like a freight train and stole his breath. _Fuck._

She was staring at him with torment still in her eyes, those _beautiful eyes_, made all the more bright compared with the soot that covered her pale skin. He moved his hands from her waist and cradled her face. She’d finally stopped fighting him. He moved his own face closer, locking her eyes in a vice with his own, trying to convey everything he wasn’t ready to say and she wasn’t ready to hear. 

“I won’t let you die.”

His breathing became heavy as he refused to break eye contact. He saw her own breath hitch and every tear start to well up and spill over until she closed her eyes and her chest started heaving. She collapsed into him unable to hold herself up any longer and he helped them back down to the pavement and cradled her to his chest, as her sobs got harder and harder and she clutched his shirt tightly.

He tried to hold her as firmly as he could, wrapping his arms around her and laying his head on hers. His own eyes started welling up, knowing how much sorrow she was in. 

“Bell!” 

He glanced over his shoulder and saw Octavia standing at the crowd barrier that the police had set up. He waved her over. 

There was nowhere else in the entire world he wanted to be than right there, holding Clarke in his arms, but he knew he still had a job to do and a fire to help put out.

“Oh my - Bell is she okay? Raven texted me on your guys’ way over here.” O said as she rushed over.

“Physically, I think she’ll be okay. But she needs to have paramedics look over her and I have to get back.” As if on cue, he saw Kane headed his way. 

“I’ve got her,” she said firmly. He hesitated, but O looked him right in the eye and put her hand on his shoulder. “I’ve got her big brother. Don’t worry.”

He nodded and started shifting Clarke over to Octavia who for being so small, was a rock, strong and enduring and his heart swelled with love and appreciation for his little sister. Clarke’s grip on his shirt was firm, and it just about killed him to get her to let go. 

“Hey, I’m not going far okay? O isn’t going to leave your side and I’ll be back before you know it. I promise.” And before he could overthink it too much, he placed a quick kiss to her hair. Her hand shot out and gripped his tightly before letting go to switch to Octavia.

He could still feel her hand in his as he jogged over to Wick.

“Get over there, take care of her,” he ordered, putting as much intensity as he could in voice.

“Sure thing. We’ll get her fixed up.”

He headed back over to Kane, mind on the task at hand, as he was trained to do, but Clarke was never far from his mind. Later he’d have to process through everything that had happened, and been realized, but for now, he had a job to do.

***

_I won’t let you die._

It was playing on repeat on a loop through Clarke’s mind as Octavia helped her into the ambulance a little while after Bellamy had left her. She had kept her eyes trained on him as much as she could, watching him go, seeing him occasionally glancing over at her. 

After Bellamy talked to the paramedic, Wick she registered absently, he talked to someone who must’ve been in charge and ran around the building out of sight.

And suddenly Clarke had never felt so cold.

Wick got her to put her oxygen mask back on while Octavia held her before convincing her he at least needed to look at her hand, which had finally started to hurt dully, and take her vitals in the light of the ambulance instead of the middle of the street.

“Well your vitals are strong and you seem alert enough, but we really need to get you to the hospital. I looked in your throat and couldn’t see any smoke, but there’s definitely inflammation and we need to get scans of your lungs,” Wick was telling her, but his voice sounded very far away, almost as if it were underwater.

“No. I’m fine, really. I’ll go in tomorrow okay? I just want to go…” _Fuck._ She had nowhere to go. 

She was homeless.

She had nothing. No clothes, no shoes, no…

_I won’t let you die._

“Clarke…” Octavia started before being interrupted by Wells, Murphy and Raven bursting over to the ambulance at that moment.

“Holy shit, Clarke, you scared the shit out of us.” Wells climbed in and leaned over to give her a hug. She never let go of Octavia’s hand though, the one she’d been holding since Bellamy had transferred her. 

Wells released her and Raven climbed in next, tears in her eyes. “I'm so glad you're going to be okay, but holy hell I… I never want to feel like that again, okay? You… you sure you're going to be okay?”

She nodded at her, gripping her friend as tight as she could with her bandaged hand.

Even Murphy climbed in and gave her a hug. “Fire’s finally out. We were all terrified. I’ll text Emori. She’s pissed at you, scaring her like that, but glad you’re going to be okay. Monty and Jasper have been freaking too.”

“I’m sorry for scaring everyone. I couldn’t… couldn’t just leave Noah,” she mumbled. 

“You saved his life, Clarke. His and his mother’s,” Raven told her.

“Pretty badass Griffin.” Murphy grinned at her.

“We get it Clarke. It was the hardest call ever to have to focus on, but we know what you did was awesome, and brave. My best friend, the hero.” Wells looked at her and smiled.

“Thanks Wells.”

“You headed to the hospital now?” Raven asked.

“Nope, she’s being stupidly stubborn,” Wick answered for her. 

Raven looked at him, like she was just noticing that he was there and narrowed her eyes. “And who are you?”

Wick extended his hand out to her and mocked her serious expression with one of his own. “Kyle Wick. And who are you?”

“Raven Reyes.”

“Well, Raven Reyes, pleasure is all mine.”

“It sure is.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, but to her surprise, Wick just gave Raven a cheeky grin.

Murphy piped in next. “So if you aren’t going to the hospital…” he trailed and Clarke knew the question he’d been afraid to ask.

“She can come home with me,” a voice sounded from behind the group, a deep voice she’d now recognize anywhere, as it kept whispering through her head. 

_I won’t let you die._

He appeared through the group, completely dirty from head to foot, his jacket back on, but hanging open. A true fucking hero if she ever saw one. 

“Bell, she can stay with us,” Raven said gently.

“No, you have no room. Even if one of you gave up your bed for a few nights, you’d all still be cramped and one of you would end up on the couch. I have an extra bedroom, it makes the most sense.” He wouldn’t meet her eyes for some reason and she found herself wishing that he’d look at her, if for no other reason than to anchor her back down to the earth. She’d started to feel herself floating as she kept the stronger emotions at bay for now. 

Soon, she would break again, she knew she would. But she couldn’t do it yet, not there.

“That is, if _you_ want to,” he finally directed at her, looking in her direction but still not _at_ her. 

“Are you sure? I can just stay in a hotel…” _cough cough_. She barely got the words out before they all started yelling and arguing about how that wasn’t going to happen. Bellamy remained silent though and finally looked her in the eyes. 

“I’m sure,” he said quietly.

“Okay.” And that was that.

He nodded at her and broke their stare. “Well, most of us came here in the truck…”

“I’ve got my car and a key to your place, I’ll take her.” Octavia told them.

“Okay. Raven and I will get back to the station and meet you two there.” 

Clarke started to protest that they still had a shift to finish, but he held up a hand. “I’ve already cleared it with Kane.”

She felt herself start to well up again as she looked around at the people that loved her most in the world. “Thank you all, so much.”

“Okay, this is sweet and wonderful and all the things, but she needs to _go to the hospital_,” Wick pointed out, clearly irritated that she was ignoring medical advice.

“You said her throat looked fine, that her vitals were stable? I will take her first thing in the morning, I promise,” Bellamy told him. Wick looked annoyed still, and Clarke opened her mouth to protest but Bellamy stopped her. “She needs her rest. She’s a doctor, I have EMT training, she’ll be fine for one night, I won’t let her out of my sight. She’s exhausted. Please just let me take her home?” 

_Home_. Did she even have one of those anymore?

_I won’t let you die._

“Fine,” Wick relented. “But don’t think I’m not going to check up on her. She better be in an X-ray machine _first thing_.”

“Absolutely.” 

“And _anything_ sounds weird or off or she even looks at you funny, you rush her in, you hear?”

“Loud and clear. I promise.”

Clarke laid her head back and closed her eyes. She heard their captain calling to them and one by one, they filtered out. She opened her eyes just in time to see Bellamy look at her and hear him say, “I’ll see you in just a bit, okay?” 

She nodded and smiled at him. Octavia and Wick (who had taken to mumbling under breath about how stupid she was being) helped her up and out of the ambulance and over to Octavia’s car. He put a canister of O2 in the backseat with a mask and as she settled in the passenger seat, she heard him giving instructions to Octavia who was nodding in understanding.

They got back to Bellamy’s apartment and Octavia helped her in. She hadn’t realized how much her limbs had started to feel like jelly and suddenly she felt the ache of exhaustion in every bone of her body. They barely made it to the bathroom before she slumped over against the counter. She didn’t even feel alert enough to feel weird about being in Bellamy’s place without him, though some part of her brain still noted that she probably should.

But then another part of her brain reminded her that it was where she lived now too. At least, for a while.

Octavia silently helped her get out of her clothes and into the bathtub. When they had entered the bathroom she noticed just how dirty she had gotten. Her bright blonde hair was dull, her pale skin dark, her clothes laden with soot.

_Her clothes._

“Octavia? I… I don’t have anything to wear.”

Octavia just nodded her head in understanding and left the bathroom, returning with one of the many station t-shirts Bellamy had and a pair of his sweatpants and set them down on the counter. She moved to help Clarke wash her hair, since she was one-handed. _Again_. This was really getting old.

“I… I can’t take his things. I’m already taking part of his apartment and I can’t…”

“You _can_. In fact, I know that Bellamy would insist if he were here. I’ll run out tomorrow and pick some stuff up for you to wear for a while, until you feel up for some shopping.” Octavia winked at her.

They were just about done getting her skin and hair clean, when a knock sounded at the bathroom door. Clarke sat straight up, but relaxed a bit when Raven entered.

“Bellamy is in the living room, fixing you something to eat and drink. He said there’s no rush and to take your time. You guys doing okay in here?” Octavia nodded and Clarke smiled at her appreciatively.

“I was just about to help her out and dressed.”

Together, the three of them managed to get Clarke dried off and into Bellamy’s clothes. They were soft and warm and way too big, but comfortable. She’d had to put on her underwear from earlier though, feeling too weird to go without. 

They walked out to the living room, where Bellamy had turned the TV on low and was lounging on the couch. Him and Raven were both cleaned up already, probably having showered when they got back to the station.

When he noticed them, he sat up and asked, “You find everything you need?” He eyed her clothing, but said nothing and looked towards the kitchen. “I made some soup, not sure if you were hungry or not… and some chamomile tea.”

“Thanks.” She wandered over to the kitchen and grabbed the bowl of soup. She settled at the table and tried to take a few spoonfuls and a couple sips before she felt her head start to dip. They had gathered at the table, each having bowls of their own as well. Bellamy had kept peeking at her so when she started to doze, he got up out of his chair and wrapped a strong arm under her. 

“Come on, let’s get you in bed.” Her eyes had narrowed into slits and she could feel her legs struggling to keep up as he guided her down the hallway to the room across from his. She heard the girls following close behind.

He tucked her in and she felt a bit ridiculous, all this fuss being made over taking care of her. Two months ago, she had next to no one and did everything herself. And she’d liked it, being independent. Or, she thought she had. Now? Now she realized she hadn’t really understood what she was missing.

She burrowed herself into the covers and pillows, no longer able to keep her eyes open. She felt her hair being brushed off her face and could hear the three of them talking in whispers before she drifted off.

“I can take it from here, you two don’t have to stay.”

“We’re not going anywhere.”

A pause.

“Then you guys take my bed, I’ll just doze in the recliner in here.”

“Bell, that’s ridiculous, we’re not taking your bed, you need sleep too.”

He must’ve given them some sort of look because there was no more talking. She heard the door click softly closed and then the creak of what must be the recliner taking on weight as she finally allowed sleep to take her.

The last thing she heard was his voice in her head.

_I won’t let you die._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! I really wanted this to be the moment he realizes he has romantic feelings for her, even though they started a long time ago. She's not quite there yet, but I love where it goes from here. I can't believe we are at 68k words and they are just now starting to realize it. It ended up being a much slower burn than I anticipated lol.
> 
> Thanks for being along for the ride!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year's all! I tried to get this ready to go up last night, but ended up being too busy, so this is our first chapter of the new year! Hope everyone had a safe and fun night last night!
> 
> Huge thanks to everyone who posted comments on the last chapter. It was one of my favorites and I'm glad you seemed to enjoy it as well! This one deals with the immediate aftermath of the fire, so it's a little sad, but I feel like it and the coming chapters are super important to their development, so bear with me!
> 
> Hopefully I'll have 14 ready by Saturday, so enjoy!

Clarke woke with a start, shooting straight up. She looked around frantically at her surroundings, confused. She’d just been in the middle of a fire, flames licking her skin with the people around her, her friends, on fire as well, while she looked on helplessly as the fire consumed all of them.

But now it was dark around her, no flames that she could see, but her hair was plastered to her skin with sweat, and her throat and her hand were burning. She took a deep breath and realized she was in an unfamiliar place. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand, noting that it was only 3:00am.

She saw the glass of water sitting next to the clock and gulped it eagerly as the memory of last night came screaming into the forefront of her brain.

_I won’t let you die._

He’d looked her right in the eyes when he said it, but it seemed he was looking deeper than that. Like her eyes held her soul and he was speaking directly to it. She felt the intensity of his words and his voice in her bones. More real and more powerful than she would’ve expected.

It was then that she heard snoring softly coming from the corner of the room, Bellamy’s extra room she finally remembered. She looked over and saw him sleeping soundly, a blanket too small for his broad frame draped over him. She smiled sadly and got up as quietly as she could, wanting to refill her glass, but not wanting to disturb him.

She might’ve been the one to actually pass out, but he worked hard and must’ve been exhausted too. Clarke padded out to the kitchen, the apartment familiar enough to feel mostly comfortable, though the idea that this was where she lived now was strange.

She pushed thoughts like the reason for her change of address from her mind for the time being; she wasn’t ready to face all the emotions that came with them. She stepped quietly back into the room, and her foot caught on the rug she hadn’t realized was there and she stumbled the rest of the way with heavy footfalls. 

She froze, and saw Bellamy stir. He rubbed his eyes sleepily and looked around. When he noticed she was up, he shot up and was by her side in an instant.

“Clarke! You okay? What’s going on?”

“I’m fine. My throat hurts so I went to refill my water. I’m sorry to wake you.”

“No, it’s okay. You should’ve just woken me up to begin with, I could’ve gotten that for you.”

“Thanks, but you know I can get myself a glass of water Bellamy. You should sleep.”

He nodded, but grabbed the glass from her grip anyway and set it down on the table. She crawled back in bed and he knelt next to her, brushing a curl out of her eyes in a surprisingly tender gesture. She couldn’t figure out why it made her heart race.

“How’s your breathing? Wick gave us a canister of oxygen in case you need it.”

“My throat feels like it’s on fire.” He winced slightly and she realized her mistake. “Sorry, poor choice of words. My breathing is fine. Just tired still.”

“Okay, well, you sleep.”

He backed away and got back in his chair.

“That doesn’t look very comfortable,” she pointed out.

He just shrugged and closed his eyes.

“It’s fine, I’m not going anywhere. Go to sleep, Clarke.”

“No bedtime story?” she teased.

He cracked an eye open to glare at her.

She just smiled back at him and drifted back off.

\---------------

The next time her eyes opened was different than when she’d woken up in the middle of the night. It was morning, 9:00am according to the clock next to her. And she realized she was alone this time. Bellamy must’ve gone to work or something.

And this time, she couldn’t stop the barrage of emotions that rose up in her. She could practically feel the sorrow creep up her body until it hit her eyes. The tears threatened to spill over and she buried her head in the pillow, trying as hard as she could to will them away. 

It was just stuff.

It was just stuff.

_My dad’s stuff. _

Of course, she didn’t know for sure that the fire had destroyed everything. But it wasn’t a small fire, and she was sure there’d be at least some damage. All of his pictures that she didn’t have back up on digital drives, all of _her_ pictures that she hadn’t touched or looked at in years. Hell, the whole place was her dad’s. She could see and sense and _feel_ him in every corner of that apartment. It was her safe place, her connection to him. It felt like she was losing him all over again.

She remembered the night before, fighting so hard against Bellamy’s grip to get back in. It was stupid, _so stupid_, she knew it was, but she couldn’t stop herself. That camera was something tangible of his, something she’d be able to look at and touch to feel closer to him. 

Why the hell didn’t she put it in a safe deposit box or something?

She felt like she had betrayed her father’s memory by being so careless and it was that thought that finally sent her over the edge. 

She curled up in a ball and sobbed, and let herself release all of the emotions she’d been trying to control. She ignored the pain in her hand and in her throat, and wept.

The door opened, startling her. She looked up at Bellamy with blurry eyes. He hurried to the side of the bed and knelt down next to her like he had done a few hours before. He gripped her uninjured hand and she held on tight, not realizing until that moment how much she needed that connection to another person. His hand was strong and grounding, anchoring her down. His face was just inches from hers now, and she could see the compassion and sorrow in his eyes. The kindness in his expression just made her cry harder though and she felt like her heart would crack open.

His other hand came up to her face and gripped the side of her head, reminding Clarke of the way he’d held her the night before on the pavement. His thumb swept her cheek, trying to wipe away her tears, but his efforts were futile as there were more, infinitely more, to replace them.

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m here, you’re okay, you’re not alone” he murmured softly. 

His voice soothed her and after a long while, Clarke couldn’t ignore the burning any longer and tried to take some deep breaths to calm herself down. She released his hand and sat up. He got up off the floor and sat next to her, wincing a bit, and she realized that he couldn't have been in a very comfortable position down on the floor.

“I…” _cough cough._ “I’m sorry,” she croaked out, very aware of her scorching throat.

He reached out to grab the water for her, which she gulped greedily. “Slow down, Princess, you’re going to make yourself sick.”

She tried to slow her drinking, but she felt like she’d been trapped in a desert for years.

Clarke looked up at him and noticed his face was etched in worry. “We really need to get you in to see the doctor. I’m worried about your lungs.”

She shook her head. Really, all she wanted to do was lie back down and throw the covers over her head and sleep for weeks until enough time had passed that she wouldn’t be in so much pain.

“Clarke, come on. I promised to take care of you and bring you in first thing.” 

She slumped over into him and put her head on his shoulder, his arm automatically coming up to wrap around her. “I don’t have anything to wear. Thank you for letting me wear your stuff, but I can’t exactly wear this stuff into the hospital.” She took another drink of water, sure her voice was going to give out any minute. “The hospital, shit, I had a shift today.”

“Harper took care of that for you. It’s not her unit, but she went to the chief and told her what had happened. Dr. Trikru said she’d talk to you when you came in for scans this morning, but to not worry about your shift.” He paused before continuing. “You are welcome to anything you find here, I mean it. Clothes and all. But O is at the store this morning picking up a few things in your size, and I washed the clothes you were wearing from last night this morning while you slept. They should be just about done actually.”

He hesitated briefly. “I’m...I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up.”

She shook her head, she isn’t his responsibility and she didn’t want him feeling bad for not anticipating the exact moment she’d wake up, or that she’d wake up like she did. “Bel - Bellamy, you have nothing to be sorry for. I have been a me - mess since last night and -” She took another gulp. “- and,” she stopped, falling into a coughing fit. He got up quickly and grabbed the oxygen canister from the dresser, putting the mask on her face. She breathed deeply, relishing the pure air.

“Okay, okay, I think that’s enough talking for now. We have plenty of time to talk later. I called out of work today -” Clarke tried to take off the mask to object but he forced it back on her face with a stern look and continued, “- and you’re just going to have to accept that you are not in this alone. That I’m here for you. And no arguing, it’s not good for your throat.” 

Clarke’s lips curled up slightly through the mask and nodded in resignation.

She wasn’t his responsibility, but he was taking care of her anyway, and her heart swelled with immediate affection for the man. Something had changed slightly between them after last night, and while she couldn’t put her finger on it, she knew without a doubt she didn’t hate it.

_I won’t let you die._

The phrase started coming less often through her mind than it did last night, but the fierceness and determination in his expression as he said it was stuck with her and she knew that the feeling wasn’t going away anytime soon, if ever. She remembered the fire behind her lighting up his face and his desperate look conveying his need to save her and keep her from dying (which she probably would have if she _had_ run back in), and she was sure she would never forget it.

She could feel the painful cracks in her heart abate just slightly and her breathing finally started coming easier.

***

Bellamy was annoyed at himself.

Annoyed because once he’d finally realized he was falling for Clarke, he also realized all the reasons that was _not_ a good idea. 

She had just gotten out of an incredibly toxic, damaging relationship. They had _just_ met two months ago. Her entire place and all her belongings just burned down. She was grieving, and vulnerable but now that Bellamy had finally admitted to himself his feelings for her, he couldn’t just _stop_ them.

Because he also thought of all the reasons why he did. She was strong, and brave. She was smart, and clever and funny. She was more beautiful than anyone he’d ever seen. She was kind, and thoughtful, and selfless. But she challenged him too and was not afraid to stand up for herself. It was inevitable really, now that he looked back at it. He thinks he was always going to end up here.

He wasn’t ready to say he was in love with her, not yet. But he also realized why they called it falling, there was no stopping until you got where you were headed, so he knew it was just a matter of time.

It hadn’t even been a question in his mind when he’d offered his spare room to her. Besides the simple fact that he had it and she needed it, he loved being around her. Even before he let his head in on what his heart was feeling, he always looked forward to spending time with her. 

Although, he had to admit that he had a few brief doubts that he could have feelings for her and not tell her when he saw her walk out in his clothes. 

But all he wanted at this moment, pushing those feelings aside, was to be whatever she needed. It was why he had cleared it with Kane to leave his shift early last night and why he had called in to work today.

Raven had tried to get the day off too, but Kane had only allowed for one of them to take the day off, and he was surprised when Raven hadn’t fought him on it, saying she’d be back as soon as she could.

Octavia woke up that morning the same time him and Raven had. But she was quiet, and acting weird. When he asked whether she had to go back to work today, she dismissed it and said Titus had let her take the day off once she’d explained what happened. Then she darted out, saying she wanted to get Clarke something that she could wear that actually fit her.

He had let her go, and resolved to just talk to her about it later. 

He had been finishing up breakfast when he heard her. He knew she didn’t eat usually in the mornings, but he wanted to keep his hands busy. Bellamy checked in on her a few times, but she had been fast asleep, breathing heavy and deep. 

Thankfully the recliner was comfortable enough and he was grateful to the girls for not fighting him on it. He knew they both had their suspicions, but for now they were giving him space and he was relieved. 

He couldn’t even really explain it fully to himself, let alone anyone else. Though his sisters knew him better than anyone. It’d only be a matter of time.

He’d just turned off the stove when she let out a hoarse sob. He rushed around the counter and opened the door to see her curled up into an impressively small ball. He desperately wanted to hold her, but wasn’t sure if she’d want that. So he settled for kneeling next to her, just like he’d done a few hours before. 

He got as close as he dared and he realized she smelled like a little like him. His clothes and shampoo, but it was mixed with something so distinctly _Clarke_ that it made him dizzy for a moment. 

He hadn’t even really thought about it, he just grabbed her hand, being cautious to grab the hand that wasn’t burnt, and tried will as much strength as he could into her. To make her feel like she wasn’t alone in this. She’d told him how alone she’d been, little friends, no family. She’d been doing it on her own. And while he didn’t doubt that she was strong enough to handle it, he also knew that the entire world on one person’s shoulders was not the way it should be.

She gripped his hand so tight, tighter than you’d expect from someone of her stature. But he gripped right back, and refused to waver. He spoke to her softly. Not to make her stop; he wanted her to let go as much as she needed, but to reassure her that he was there.

The sobs eventually started coming fewer and fewer, but she sounded terrible. Other than the gut-wrenching sorrow that consumed her, he heard the hoarseness of her throat and he glanced at the dresser at the oxygen tank Octavia had brought in, wondering if he should go for it. He really should have pushed for her to go into the hospital last night.

It was probably a bit irresponsible of him to let her just go home without a fight, but he wanted her to rest and feel safe.

Once she’d stopped and sat up, he wrapped his arms around her finally and just let her settle. He finally got his chance to give her the mask and talk her into getting ready. He helped her out to the living room and tried to give her some food.

“I’m…” _cough cough_. “I’m not really hungry.”

“I’m sure you’re not, and you don’t have to eat, promise. I’ll let it go just this one time.”

“So is you trying to get me to eat breakfast every day like a normal person part of me living here?” she asked him, and he saw a glimpse of tease beneath the sadness in her eyes. She might have just had a full night’s sleep, but she still looked just _so tired_. Like it came from her soul, and that broke his heart.

“Yep.”

She let out a breathy laugh and a small smile and he realized just how many things he loved about her he’d been brushing off.

Once again, he was annoyed with himself.

He got her a large water bottle and they took it over to the couch. They sat in a comfortable quiet this time while she alternated drinking with the oxygen. Her head had fallen to his shoulder and he drank his coffee.

She gave him a look. “What?” he asked.

“You’re really just going to drink that in front of me?”

“What? You can have some, you know,” he pointed out, even holding his mug out to her.

She pouted and replied, “I shouldn’t. It’s second nature, so I really want some, but I feel like I might throw up if I do.”

He laughed at her and then he heard from behind them, “Look who’s up!”

Clarke lifted her head and turned at the same time he did to see his sister standing in the entryway.

“I come bearing gifts! Who’s ready to go get their picture taken?” She smiled brightly and held up her arms full of bags.

“O -” _cough cough_. He hated that sound, but he realized that was the first time he’d heard her call his sister by that nickname. “I’d hardly call getting a chest x-ray getting your picture taken. And anyway, I’ll be wearing a gown for it anyway. You guys sure I can’t talk you into just letting me stay on the couch for the rest of the day? I really don’t want to go.”

“Yes, we’re sure. Besides you’re a doctor and you know how important it is,” Octavia answered for both of them, then added cheekily, “Plus, new clothes can always make you feel better.” He was sure that _new clothes_ wouldn’t change the way Clarke was feeling, but he was grateful for Octavia for trying to bring some levity to the situation anyway.

Clarke laughed, then coughed again and he was suddenly _very_ ready to be at the hospital. 

“Okay, you two, don’t make me be the only responsible one here. Let’s get a move on.”

They rolled their eyes at him and he pretended to be annoyed. Clarke got up and Octavia followed her back to the bedroom with the clothes. “Don’t make her talk too much, O!” he called after them.

“I _know_ Bell! I’ve got this you worrywart.”

He was really going to have to check his tendency to overbear. The last thing he wanted was for Clarke to think he didn’t think she could take care of herself. He just wanted her to know she didn’t _have_ to.

\---------------

Five hours later and Clarke finally came out of the room she’d been ushered into when they got to the hospital, holding a bag in her non-bandaged hand. Him and Octavia had been shown to the waiting room and he tried not to fidget and to keep his mind off all the things that could be wrong with her. And it’d be his fault for not taking her in last night.

She looked even more tired, if that was possible, but announced to them, “Scans are clear, just some irritation in the throat that should go away in a few days. Apparent -” _cough cough_. “Apparently, I’m just a lightweight when it comes to smoke,” she tried to joke, but it came out flat when she ended up in a coughing fit.

Octavia jumped up and went over to her to give her support, and Bellamy tried to fight the urge to do the same. He’d already been flirting with the line between taking care of her and being pushy and he didn’t want to overwhelm her.

“What about your hand?”

Her expression became more despondent. “It’s going to be okay, not quite second-degree, but close to it. And there might be some scarring. They said it’ll take at least a week and a half to recover enough to go back to the level of work I was doing, but that I should be able to do light duty after a week. Gave me some cream and bandages to keep it covered.” She held up the bag she was holding. Talking that much threw her into _another_ coughing fit and she scowled in frustration. She mumbled something else but Bellamy couldn’t quite catch it. 

“What was that?” he asked.

“I said, ‘damn throat’. I’m already sick of coughing.” 

She frowned and Bellamy couldn’t help but smile and joke, “Well, maybe you should quit talking so much. It’ll be a nice change of pace.”

She glowered at him and if he were nearer to her, he’s sure she would’ve taken a swipe at him. 

“You still need to go talk to Dr. Trikru?” O asked.

Clarke shook her head. “She came in while I was waiting for the scans to come back and told me to take the next week off, and part-time for another week after that and that we’ll reevaluate.”

“Good. Some time off to rest will be good for you.” He was already counting how many days off he could swing from Kane to keep her company, but he was interrupted by Octavia.

“Well, I’ve got some time off coming so I can take some to hang with you. And Raven texted me earlier saying she was able to take the rest of today and a couple of days later in the week off too. So Bell can go back to work. Wells will come spend the day with you tomorrow.” 

He resisted the urge to frown at his sister. Just because he wanted to be the one to be with her, doesn’t mean she would prefer him to Octavia and Raven and Wells. To his surprise, Clarke looked at him with something that he thought might be disappointment?

It was probably just his imagination.

“Thanks guys. I don’t want to have to put Bellamy out anymore than I already have. But I really don’t need anyone to babysit me.” She frowned again and he hated that she, after all this time, still thought she was an inconvenience to them. “Can we, can we just go home?”

He’d be lying if his heart didn’t automatically skip a beat at her reference to his apartment as _home_, but he just nodded and grabbed the bag from her hand.

\---------------

Raven was already there waiting. As soon as she saw them come in, she came over and enveloped Clarke into a hug. They stood like that for a while longer, while Bellamy went to go put the first aid stuff they’d brought home into their now shared bathroom. When he came out, they were telling Clarke about protocol for entering the building after a fire. She must’ve asked about going back.

“It’s going to be a while still. They have to make sure it’s stable enough to enter,” Raven was explaining.

Clarke nodded but he could see her eyes had glazed over. 

“Are you hungry? I could make you something?”

“No, I think I just want to go lay down.” She looked at them apologetically and headed for the bedroom. She shut the door behind her, leaving the three of them in the living room. Raven looked worriedly down the hallway after her.

“Have you heard what the building is like after the smoke cleared?” He was hopeful some of her things had survived the fire.

Raven just looked down and nodded. “Uh, yeah. I didn’t want to say anything to her yet… but yeah. It’s not good. Most of that floor was wiped out. It was the top floor, so thankfully there was no apartments above them to get damaged, but even the floors beneath have some issues. I,” she hesitated. “I don’t think there’s going to be anything of hers left.”

Octavia drew in a sharp breath and glanced back to the bedroom. “Well, I got all the essentials for her. Should last her a while. And like I said, we’ve got a rotation going so she won’t be alone.”

The three milled about for the rest of the afternoon, finally eating lunch and taking turns checking on her. When Octavia came out after checking on her near dinner time, she reported that Clarke was still awake. 

“She’s just been laying there all day. No nap, no words, she doesn’t even look at us when we go in there.”

“Give her a break, O. She just lost everything.”

“I’m not complaining, she can process however she wants, I’m just…”

“Worried,” Bellamy finished.

His sister took a deep breath. “Yeah.”

“I’ll go in a little while and maybe lay with her a bit,” Raven offered.

“Did anyone text Murphy? They’re probably just about off shift. Are they still doing dinner?” In all the chaos, he’d completely forgotten about family dinner; it was Sunday. 

“Talked to him earlier. They’re cancelling for this week. He wasn’t even fighting or making fun of Wells or anything this morning, just asked if there was anything she needed. I think he’s concerned too.”

Bellamy nodded, then addressed Octavia. “Are you sure you aren’t going to get in trouble with Titus, O? Rave and I can handle this here if you need to go in. You told me you were on thin ice with him already.”

She shrugged. “It’s fine. Nothing I can’t handle.” She was avoiding looking at him though, which made his red flags go up.

“O?”

“It’s fine, Bell, drop it. He understands. Told me to take as time as I need.”

“Uh huh.” He decided to let it drop for now and went back to his book. He had gotten halfway through it that day alone, but he wasn’t really paying attention.

Raven went in and stayed for a while, like she said, and he wasn’t sure if they had talked at all, but when he checked on them after him and O ate dinner, Raven was laying behind her with an arm over her friend and he could see Clarke’s eyes were wet and red. He caught Raven’s eye and mouthed, “Need anything?”

Raven shook her head but he refilled her water bottle anyway and left it in the room. It was a couple hours later when she finally emerged. “She’s asleep finally. I think she wore herself out. I have to get going, I have a shift early in the morning. You do too, Bellamy,” she reminded him. 

“I was thinking of taking one more day, maybe.”

Raven gave him a look. “I know.” The way she looked at him made him think she did understand. “But Wells is coming to stay with her and I think that we should give them some space. He’s worried about her too.”

He took a deep breath, but nodded in understanding. Wells was her friend, her _best_ friend. They went so far back, he’d actually known Clarke’s family, her father. Bellamy? They were friends, sure, but he didn’t hold a candle to Wells.

She’d become so important to him and while he didn’t doubt that she cared for him as well, he was positive it wasn’t in the same way as he did for her.

So he’d do his best to be there for her on _her_ terms and be content with just being her friend.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think I'm going to try to stick with a Tuesday/Saturday update schedule, unless I'm really stuck. I'm currently writing chapter 18 right now, and for the first time I'm really struggling with a couple plot points. I know where what I want it to go, but I'm not sure how I'm going to get it there quite yet, so I might take a break from writing for a couple day to figure out. Thankfully I have the next few updates written already, so it shouldn't affect you guys too much. Just if you want to send some writing juju my way, it would be appreciated! 
> 
> Thanks all for your encouragement and I hope you're still enjoying the story! I know I've said this before, but it's so much longer than I anticipated it being when I started this thing! Much love to all of you, enjoy your weekend!
> 
> <3

Clarke wished the world would just go away so she could ignore all the things she didn’t want to think about.

She didn’t want to think about how she had been irresponsible with her father’s memory.

She didn’t want to think about how many times her mom had called her so far (four) and how badly she didn’t want to talk to her. Clarke knew she couldn’t avoid her forever, but she could try.

She didn’t want to think about how she had basically bombarded these people’s lives with her drama and issues and now they were _taking off work_ to take care of her.

She didn’t want to think about how she had invaded Bellamy’s apartment, essentially forcing him to take her in. 

They’d become friends, _good_ friends even, but she was sure he’d rather his home to himself. 

But, she had to admit, it felt safe. And as much as it wasn’t her home, she almost felt like it was. She was comfortable there. And it was actually nice to think that she might not have to live alone anymore. He turned out to be one of the kindest, most giving souls she’d ever known, and she found herself and her thoughts gravitating towards him more and more. 

Which brought her to the other thing she didn’t want to think about; the fluttering that started making an appearance in her stomach when he was near.

But he didn’t need to worry about one more person, and she was very good at avoiding the things she didn’t want to think about, so she would try to just suck it up as much as possible.

Still, there was no place she’d rather be than huddled under the covers. She’d put Bellamy’s sweatpants that Octavia gave her the night before back on, relishing the feeling of comfort and security it gave her. She _should_ just give them back… but she really didn’t _want_ to.

Wells opened the door and saw her still lying on the bed and gave her a look. “Nope. Absolutely not. You’re not staying in bed all day.”

“Go away Wells. I don’t need a babysitter.”

He feigned offense. “I will have you know, I am an _excellent_ babysitter, my expertise is in high demand.”

She poked her head out of the covers and scoffed at him, rolling over on her back. Wells came around and laid down next to her. 

“Bellamy leave for work already?”

“Yeah, but I had to practically push him out the door. He refused to leave until I got here.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “I wish he wouldn’t go to so much trouble. I hate that he feels like he has to take care of me.”

Wells laughed, and she realized how much she had missed her friend’s chuckle. “Oh, I don’t think he minds at all.”

She side eyed him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I think he… cares about you. I think he considers you closer friends than you realize. Yeah, I don’t think he minds at all.”

“He’s a really good guy. I really appreciate all he’s done for me.”

“Uh huh.” Before she could ponder too deeply about what he meant, Wells propped himself up on his elbow on side facing her. “When was the last time you ate?”

“I had a bowl of soup the other night.” She didn’t think it would be wise to mention it had only been a few bites. Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t had any real food since before the fire. The doctor in her knew that was not a wise thing to do. But after getting home from the hospital yesterday, all she wanted to do was curl into a little ball.

But being alone with her thoughts all day was probably not the healthiest and by the time Raven had come in sometime in the evening, she realized she’d been craving the company. Moving felt impossible, but Raven had just held her without asking any questions and let her cry herself to sleep.

“Okay, time to get up,” Wells told her, bringing her back to the present. “You should get dressed, maybe wash up a bit? Then we’ll get some food in you and change the bandage on your hand. Not that I don’t love the look you’ve got going, but it might make you feel a little better.”

“Shut up Wells.”

“I will not!” he said indignantly. “And in any case, I promised your new roomie that I’d get you to eat something.”

“Don’t you need to get home? Or go _anywhere?_”

“Nope. You’re stuck with me. And you know you want me here,” he added, his voice a bit softer.

“Yeah, I guess I do.” She smiled at him, he winked at her, and Clarke finally sat up, ready to finally make her way out to the main area.

\--------------

Wells had proved very effective at getting her eat and once she took her first bite of the lasagna she found in the fridge, she became ravenous. She ended up not only eating two giant servings, but also a salad and two pieces of garlic bread. 

“Wow, you know I really thought I was going to have to try harder to get you to eat. I had whole speeches prepared, things to bribe you with!”

“Haha, very funny.” 

“How’s the throat?” 

Clarke sighed. While her stomach was extremely happy with her, her throat was not. “It hurts,” she admitted. 

“Okay, well, I won’t make you talk too much then. Only if you want to.”

“I… I think I want to.”

They made their way over to the couch, Clark holding her giant water bottle. “I can’t believe I lost it all.”

He just stayed silent, waiting for her to continue. That was part of what she loved about Wells, he never pressured her or tried to “fix” her, he just let her be.

“And it’s not the clothes, or the jewelry or furniture. You know I don’t care about that. It’s the pictures, the pieces of my dad that I’ll never be able to get back, you know? You remember him, right?” Wells nodded. “He was… amazing. He got me, never pressured me to go there, be this, do that. He just wanted me to be happy. To find something that made me love life. He taught me so much. I… I miss him.”

Wells put his hand on her shoulder comfortingly. She wanted to continue, but had started coughing again. Not using her voice for most of the day before, eating as much as she did and talking this much was taking its toll. 

“I do remember him. I remember how much he loved you. You were his whole world. You and your mom. He was always talking to Dad about the next adventure he had planned for you and the views he was going to show you,” Wells told her.

She started tearing up.

“He was so proud of you. He still would be. And he wouldn’t care about a lost camera or pictures. Those are just _things_. He’d just tell you to go get another camera and take more pictures. Get lost in the world again. That you’ve never really lost him. He’s with you everyday.”

She leaned against him and was grateful for his understanding. She loved Raven and Octavia, but it was so heartening to hear from someone who knew her dad too.

“Thanks Wells.”

“Anytime.”

“How’s your dad?”

“He’s doing okay. Stable still, thankfully. I’m sorry I haven’t been around more often for you. He only lets the nurses help so much. He tries to bully them into letting him do things himself. He doesn’t scare _me_ though, so I end up doing most of it. When he heard about what happened though, he insisted I spend the day here. He loves you, and wants you to know that he’s sorry.”

“Tell him thanks for me.”

“I will.”

***

Wells and Clarke were on the couch watching a movie when Bellamy walked in. The day was slow on calls and seemed to drag on and on. Usually, he loved being at the station, no matter the call volume, always busying himself with training exercises, or cooking for the crew, or cleaning up. But today had to have been his longest day in a while. 

All he could think about was how Clarke was doing. He noticed that she hadn’t been eating and was worried about her not keeping healthy. Her recovery would go easier and faster if she made sure to keep up on her nutrition, so he made Wells promise to get some food in her stomach. Even went so far as to make a lasagna that he knew she loved.

He’d been able to talk to Murphy though, and that was helpful.

When he walked in this morning after being kicked out of his own apartment by Wells, Murphy had gone straight over to him.

“Hey man,” he said, clapping Bellamy on the back. “They told me you’d be back today, but I thought for sure you were going to talk yourself into staying home with Clarke another day.”

He scoffed. “Uh huh. Tried, but apparently I am needed here.” Which irritated him a bit, since the day was boring anyway. He sighed. “I think it was good for both of us. I was going a little stir crazy, not sure how to help. And Clarke and Wells are best friends anyway, so he’d be able to get through to her.”

“Mmm. How’s she doing?”

“Not great… she didn’t come out from her room at all once we got home from the hospital, and hasn’t eaten anything. I… I don’t know how to help her,” he admitted.

Murphy looked at him sympathetically, “I’m sorry man, that’s… the worst. Watching someone you care about being in pain and not being able to take it away, it’s awful. When Emori lost her brother last year, I was tripping over myself, worrying every second that I wasn’t doing enough. You saw me. She lost her brother and somehow I was the bigger mess.” He chuckled and shook his head.

“Yeah, I remember. It’s not the same though, you two were in a relationship, you knew her. I’ve only known Clarke a few months.”

“Mmhmm. Yeah, but that doesn’t really matter, you care about her right?”

He took a deep breath before answering and hoped Murphy didn’t notice. “Well, yeah. Of course.”

“Well, then it’s close enough. You aren’t the only one that has tried to protect or help someone you care about, but not known _how_.”

“Right. I just… wish I could take some of it from her.”

“I know. But just being there, being present in her life, relieves a lot of that. It’s just going to take time.”

Bellamy nodded and continued putzing around the station until it was time to clock out.

He got home with that in mind later after dinner. He walked in and Clarke turned from her position and smiled when she saw him and _man_ had he missed that smile for the last couple of days. It actually touched her eyes and he knew he had done the right thing, giving her some space with Wells. She looked lighter, less haunted.

“Hey guys.”

“Hey Bellamy. Wells and I are just finishing up a movie, but you can watch the rest with us,” she offered. Her voice still had some hoarseness to it, but it still sounded a lot better than it had yesterday morning. 

He realized it had been that long since he’d heard her voice and he hadn’t realized how much he missed it. 

“How was the station?” Wells asked.

“Fine. Boring. How are things around here, how’s your throat?” he asked Clarke. “You sound better.”

“I feel better. A little at least. I’m getting there.”

“Good. Need anything?”

“Want to finish this movie with her? I’ve got to get going,” Wells asked.

“You guys, I really don’t need everyone doting over me,” Clarke pouted.

“Stop trying to take it all on yourself and let us help you, yeah?” Wells told her. “Besides, Bellamy would be happy to keep you company, wouldn’t you, Blake?” He looked at Bellamy and winked so subtly that he doubted Clarke would’ve seen it. 

Bellamy narrowed his eyes at the man.

“You don’t have to Bellamy,” she said softly and his heart broke that she thought of herself as a burden.

“I know I don’t have to. But you owe me a Fast and Furious movie,” he said teasingly. Her smile returned and she scooted over to make room as Wells got up to go. He gave Clarke a kiss on the cheek and promised to check in with her the next day. 

Bellamy flopped down next to Clarke on the couch, far enough that there was space in between them, but close enough apparently to notice the small smear of pasta sauce across her cheek. “I see you enjoyed my lasagna,” he pointed out to her, as he brought his hand up to wipe it off. She sat still as he did, tracking his movements, which made his face flush a bit. 

She took a deep breath and blushed a bit, “Ugh, why didn’t Wells tell me? But yeah, I did. I would say that I would replace it, but it would never be as good as yours I’m sure. I can buy replacement ingredients though?” 

“Don’t be ridiculous. I made it for you,” he told her.

The look she gave him almost kept him from breathing. Her eyes got softer and she looked genuinely touched by the gesture. “Oh,” she breathed out. “Thanks.”

He shrugged like it was no big deal as he tried to get himself under control. “You know…” he bit his lip trying to figure out if he should offer or not. “I can teach you sometime, if you want. To make lasagna.”

“Really?” It seemed to light her up and he was so not used the feelings that kept attacking him that he was struggling to make it seem casual.

“Well, sure. It’s not terribly difficult once you know what to do. It’ll be fun.”

“I would love that, thanks Bellamy.” She readjusted herself to face the TV again, but it didn't escape his notice that she was a little closer than she had been before. 

\--------------

The rest of the week went by in much the same fashion. They all took turns hanging out with Clarke, and once she started getting used to it and stopped fighting the company, she was much happier than she had been, and they settled into a routine of sorts as roommates/friends. 

O had been there much of the week, with Raven coming by after her shift at work. Some days he joined them, some days he stayed in his room after work and gave them some space. He could hear laughter from the living room though and he was no longer surprised that he could pick Clarke’s out easily.

Sunday dinner that next week was at their place, and he was just a little more than happy that his default was now to think of the apartment as _theirs_, and she evidently did too since he heard her talking on the phone to Emori one night on the phone, discussing who was bringing what to the dinner.

A week and a half after the fire and they still weren’t allowed into the site yet, and Emori was headed over with Raven and Octavia after work so he went to TonDC with Murphy. 

They sat up at the bar instead of a table, since it was unusually busy for a Wednesday night and greeted Lincoln. 

A little bit into their third beer, a pretty brunette came up to him. “Hey handsome, this seat taken?” Bellamy shook his head without thinking about what she was really asking and Murphy cocked an eyebrow at him. 

“So, what’s your story?” she asked him. 

“He’s a firefighter,” Murphy piped in from his other side. The last thing he needed was a wingman, especially considering he wasn’t exactly available. He wasn’t _unavailable_ either, but Murphy didn’t know any of that. 

“Oh, really? Well that explains the shoulders. A bonafide hero, huh?” She reached out and gripped his bicep and he jerked away instinctively, but felt bad about it when he noticed the hurt look on her face. 

He could hear Murphy chuckle into his beer. 

“Sorry. You are very beautiful, um?” 

“Roma.” 

“Roma. But I am having a beer with a friend here and not really looking for anything right now.” 

“I’m not exactly looking for _anything_ either. At least anything past tonight.” 

“Um, thanks. But, uh no thanks. Your drink is on me, though, okay? Sorry again.” 

Murphy was just about in stitches and it took everything in him not to smack him. Bellamy lifted a hand up to Lincoln to put her drink on his tab. Roma pouted but thanked him, walking away. 

“Dude. Seriously? She was _right there_.” 

“Don’t call me dude, Murphy. And what’s so funny? I’m just not in the mood, okay?” 

“Right. Does it have anything to do with a certain blonde currently residing in your apartment?” 

Bellamy rolled his eyes and tried to feign ignorance. “What would Clarke have to do with me not wanting a one-night stand?” 

Murphy let out a peal of laughter, “Oh, _so_ many things Blake.” 

“Whatever. Just didn’t want to.” 

He held up his hands and Bellamy was relieved that he seemed to drop it. “Okay, no problem, that’s your prerogative. How are things going with Griffin, anyway?” 

“Fine. She’s seems to be settling in fine. Starts work day after next. She’s headed back to her building tomorrow, though, they stabilized the building enough to let the tenants in to look around.” 

“Well, that’s going to be fun,” Murphy said sarcastically. “No, really, that sucks. You going with her?” 

“Uh, I don’t know. It’s my day off, so I could. She hasn’t asked…” 

“Have you offered?” 

Bellamy gave him a look. “No, but she has Wells, and Raven, and Octavia, and she doesn’t need me too.” 

“Oh I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit. She’s basically one of your best friends now, you know that right?” 

“Well, _I_ know that. But I’m not sure if she considers the same.” 

“Okay, whatever. Do this your way.” Murphy checked his phone and threw his hand to pay the tab. “Got a text from Emori asking to come grab her. I guess between the four of them, they finished off quite a bit of alcohol.” Lincoln wandered over and handed them the check, and Murphy told him about Octavia. The man just laughed and told his boss he was taking the rest of the night off. 

“You sure you’re okay to drive?” he asked Murphy. 

“Please, I’ve been nursing this same beer for half an hour now. And I’m not a lightweight like you are. Let’s get going.” 

\-------------- 

When they got back, the girls definitely seemed like they’d had quite a bit of fun. Raven and Octavia hopped in the car with Lincoln, and Emori left with Murphy. Clarke’s face was flushed, and she couldn’t stop smiling and he couldn’t stop thinking how adorable it was. And how he was apparently someone who used words like _adorable_ now. 

He sat down next to her on the couch where she was currently strewn across. As he did, she suddenly bounced up. 

“Oh! Teach me to make lasagna now Bellamy!” 

He chuckled. “I could, but that would defeat the purpose of you learning; you wouldn’t remember it tomorrow.” 

“But you promised!” she pouted. 

“That I did, Princess. And we will.” 

“I like when you call me that,” she said absently. Now it was Bellamy’s turn to feel flushed. 

“You do? Even with how the name started?” 

“Yup,” she popped out the ‘p’ and poked him. “ ‘Specially with how it started. You hated me, now you don’t and we’re like best friends.” She shrugged and yawned and curled up on her side on the couch, her feet propped up on his lap. “Right?” 

He chuckled and grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch, draping it over her. “Right.” 

*** 

The next morning, Clarke felt a pounding right behind her forehead and the light streaming in the window didn’t help. 

She groaned and heard a snicker from the kitchen. She poked her head up over the back of the couch to see Bellamy’s back to her, making coffee. “What are you laughing at?” 

“Oh, that would be you, my very hungover Princess.” He walked up to her and handed her a mug, which she squinted at. “Coffee?” 

She skipped right over the _‘my’_ part of that statement in her head, way too hungover to process that particular sentiment and the things it made her feel. 

“Ow, my head is killing me.” She took a long gulp and laid back down, slinging an arm over her head and he sat at her feet, which she moved to make room for him. “The hell happened?” 

“Well, Murphy and I got back to find four _very_ drunk women. Then you proceeded to run around naked through the streets,” he teased. 

“NO! I didn’t... Right? Oh shit, I didn’t right? You’re just messing with me?” 

He started shaking he was laughing so hard. “Is that even a possibility with you? I feel like I should be prepared in case you _do_ actually do that.” 

“I would never! Well, probably never. I don’t get blackout drunk often, but I guess I should warn you, it does happen. And I’ve been known to make some questionable calls.” 

“Good to know.” He looked at her, amused and she kicked him. “Hey! I’ll keep an eye out for you so you don’t do anything _too_ embarrassing.” 

She peeked out at him and he was still smiling at her and it was so earnest and genuine she forgot how badly her head hurt for a moment. 

Or what day it was. 

Today was the day that she headed back to her apartment. Her burnt down, shell of an apartment where she would learn once and for all whether she’d actually lost everything. Well, not everything. She still had her family, her friends, the people who proved time and time again that she would never be alone again. 

It was almost August. She’s known them for just a few months now, but it felt so much longer and she knew that it would always feel like that. Like she didn’t know what she did before she met them and she couldn’t imagine life without them. 

But she had to face today, then she could focus on moving on. Slowly, but surely, they’d helped her heal, helped her laugh again. 

“So,” his voice more serious than it was a moment ago. “You headed over to the apartment today?” 

“Yeah, I’m going to leave in a little while, once the marching band stops playing Little Drummer Boy in my brain.” 

“Gotcha. Is someone coming with you? Wells, Raven?” 

She sat up and took another drink of her coffee. “Actually, no. They offered to take the day off for me, but I told them that wasn’t necessary. I’ll be fine. You all have already gone above and beyond for me and I couldn’t ask that again.” 

Wells had almost just done it anyway, and if she was honest, she kind of expected him too. But she was grateful he hadn’t. As much as it helped the other night to talk about things with someone who had known her dad too, she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to handle it if he came. 

She had made the decision to go on her own, even though Raven and Octavia had offered as well and part of her did want the support. But she’d turned them down anyway. So Raven and Wells went to work like usual and Octavia… actually she wasn’t sure _what_ Octavia was doing lately. She kept saying that Titus was giving her a break from the shop, although that seemed really out of character for him. 

She looked back over at the man on her couch. He was looking right at her, like he was trying to figure out if she was full of bullshit or not. Which was really about 50/50. 

She couldn’t get a handle on the way she felt about him these days. They’d fallen into living together pretty seamlessly and he genuinely didn’t seem to mind her invading his space. He’d supported her, cared for her, and let her be when she needed to be alone. He was easily one of her best friends, though she was sure he probably didn’t feel the same about the depth of closeness she felt with him. 

It was different with him than her other three friends. Raven and Octavia were amazing, and they filled a part of her heart she didn’t know she’d been missing. And Wells was Wells and would always be her closest family, the one who knew her the best. 

But Bellamy. He was different. He seemed to get her, to click with her. Even if he didn’t know all the details about her like Wells did, they fit together in a way that she was drawn to. She couldn’t help but want to be near him and she was so glad that they’d gotten over their issues in the beginning because she couldn’t imagine her world without Bellamy Blake in it. 

“Okay. So I’m going to go make some breakfast while you get dressed and then you can get some of that alcohol in your system soaked up. Then we’ll head over, okay?” 

“Bellamy, I’m sure you have a million and one things to do on your day off. You’ve taken care of me enough, I can handle it.” 

“You know, every time you say ‘I can handle it’ I’m going to take a shot like it’s a drinking game,” he pointed out, standing up. “I know you can handle it. You can handle anything, I don’t doubt that. But… you don’t _have_ to. You are so stubborn. At least let me drive you? I’ll wait in the car.” 

She sighed. Truthfully, she wanted him there. He had a way of grounding her and even to just have him in the car would be helpful. Maybe she was being obstinate unnecessarily. 

“Okay,” Clarke relented. “Thanks.” 

\-------------- 

Two hours later her head had finally stopped pounding and she could see straight. Bellamy pulled up to her former home and parked in the front. She realized she hadn’t even come back to get her car yet. Only about a week and a half had passed, but it felt like it had been forever since she was last here. 

She peered out the front window, keenly aware of the brown eyes that were watching her in the driver’s seat next to her. They got out of the car and walked to the front. She hadn’t mustered up the courage yet to look at the building keeping her gaze pointed downwards. Instead, what she noticed was the pavement where she’d been placed down on, not even remembering Bellamy coming and grabbing her out of the room and carrying her down the ladder. 

She suddenly realized something and looked over at him and grabbed his arm. He looked back at her, waiting. “I… I don’t think I’ve ever said thank you.” 

“Sure you have.” 

She shook her head. “No, I mean, specifically to _you_. I don’t remember it, but I know you were the one who got me out of there. You were the one who got me to wake up. You were the one who held me back and kept me safe when I stupidly wanted to go back inside. You were the one who held me when I finally broke down that night,” her breathing was coming harder and tears started to well up at her eyes and her voice cracked. “You opened your home to me, gave me a place to live and a safe place to process and begin to heal. Bellamy, you saved me. So thank you.” 

She squeezed his arm, and she wanted to look away, feeling more vulnerable with him than she ever had, but she forced herself to look in his eyes, to convey the depth of her gratitude and the meaning it held for her, which she still didn’t understand completely, only knowing that it ran deep. 

His breath hitched and he reached over and pulled her into a hug. She lost herself in his arms and his chest and ducked her head into his neck. Her head filled with a scent that was so uniquely Bellamy and her chest felt warm with affection for him. 

“Anytime, Princess.” 

He released her and got back in the car. She looked up at the building that had finally been deemed safe enough for her to enter. She walked up to the glass doors that led inside and gripped the handle. She started to breathe much too fast and could feel herself starting to panic. 

_I can’t do this_. 

Clarke couldn’t open the door. She felt frozen to the spot. 

_I can’t do this._

If it was all gone, if that last shred of hope she had that _anything_ had survived the fire was shredded, she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to handle it, despite her insistence to everyone that she’d be fine. 

It had to have been at least a full minute, though it felt much longer, and there was suddenly a warm hand covering hers, still frozen on the handle. She felt his presence at her back, warm and steady and his other hand coming up to rest on her back. 

“Need some help?” he asked softly. It could’ve been teasing, but there was only compassion in his tone. 

She looked up at him gratefully and withdrew her hand on the door. He pulled the door open and held it for her. She stepped inside and as it closed behind them, he came up beside her. She slipped her hand in his, entwining their fingers and he squeezed hers lightly. 

“Together?” he asked her. 

“Together,” she agreed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Together! How it should be!
> 
> Also, I originally wanted Wells in a lot more of the story, but I'm struggling a bit with writing him, so sorry to those of you that expected more of him. But I love the time they spend together in this chapter.
> 
> See you Tuesday! We get more of Clarke's family's backstory in the next chapter, and there will definitely be some warnings for that one, just to prepare you all.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! This is a looong chapter! It's pretty heavy at the start, but lightens up a lot. 
> 
> Head down to the end for warnings, like I said, it's heavy and sad, so if there are things you know you should know ahead of time, check it out first.
> 
> We finally get background on Clarke's family though!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy and thanks for commenting and reading, I love hearing your thoughts! <3

Like Clarke had feared, there was nothing left. The place had been cleaned up somewhat, before allowing the tenants back in. Her and Bellamy wandered around the place for about 20 minutes before she couldn’t stand to be there any longer. The destruction that the fire had caused amazed her, tearing through walls and furniture like they were butter. 

Ash still covered the surfaces, but most of the debris had been thrown away. She could see the beams a company had come to put in to make the place stable enough to enter but she assumed they didn’t want to clean too much until the insurance companies and investigation could be completed.

She’d gotten a call earlier in the week from the insurance company telling her that the apartment had been a complete loss and they’d determined her not at fault, that it had started with a candle left burning in her neighbor’s bedroom that had lit her curtains on fire, so they’d be issuing her a check in a few weeks.

She didn’t care about the money, not really. She had enough in savings and not a ton of expenses (though she knew she would need to start Bellamy half of his rent at least) so it wasn’t like she needed it. The things she needed back were priceless and no amount of money would be able to replace them. 

Bellamy kept a respectable distance, standing tall and strong by where the front door once stood. She could feel him watching her closely, ready to step in if she needed him, but still giving her space to process through what she was seeing as well.

She wasn’t sure how much aftermath of the fires he fought that he’d been a part of. His job tended to be more of in the midst of the emergency. She knew he had a hard time not seeing a situation all the way through. After he’d dropped the pregnant mom off at the hospital that day, she saw how worried he was. He’d confided in her since that that was the hardest part of his job. He got them out of the chaos they were in, but had to leave it to other people to finish helping. 

She kicked over a broken piece of drywall and something caught her eye. She knelt down and tugged out the paper on the floor. 

It was the remnants of the photo of the Falls her dad had taken that Octavia had asked her about that first girls night. The frame it was in was nowhere to be seen, but somehow most of the picture how survived. The fact that even a bit of it had survived meant something to her. She carefully put it in the bag she had brought and stood up, glancing once more around, at the place she had called home for so long. 

Her eyes strayed over to where the cabinet that displayed her father’s camera once sat and she almost see a shadow of it there still untouched.

Unfortunately the shadow was just that, and the camera wasn’t there anymore, probably in pieces thrown in a landfill somewhere, or it had been reduced to ash and swept away. She felt like throwing up, but pushed down the feeling. Her father would want her to remain strong, to move on and be content with her memories of him. She didn’t see how it was possible, but she’d try, for his sake. Wells was right. Her father would want her to move on.

She turned back to Bellamy, who put a tentative arm around her shoulders as they walked out together.

They got down and out and she glanced over at the river. “Want to take a walk down to the water again? I want to show you something,” she told him.

“Sure.”

They took the path they had taken before and she noted just how much had changed between them since the last time they did this. They had been friends, sure, but she was hesitant about even calling him for a ride home after what had happened with Finn and now he’d be one of her first calls. 

They stopped at the same bench as before and they sat next to each staring at the water for a while. There was a light breeze, but it was helpful with the harsh sun. She tilted her head up and closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth on her face after being in a dark place of emotions the last few weeks. 

Bellamy seemed content to stay in the quiet, but she had brought him over here for a reason, so she finally steeled herself to talk, though she couldn’t meet his eyes yet.

“So, last time we were here, you mentioned the initials?”

He looked surprised but glanced back at the gold plaque behind them. 

“J.G. stands for Jake Griffin. My dad.”

She took a deep breath. “He actually hated that this was here. My mom insisted on putting it here, the initials were in lieu of his full name, a compromise,” she laughed dryly at the memory. “I almost drowned, right over there.” She pointed at a spot in the river. “My dad was the one that pulled me out.”

“You...what?” He finally broke his silence, but his voice cracked. “You almost died?” He looked out at the water and his eyebrows furrowed.

She turned to face him, hitching a leg up on the bench. He shifted his shoulders so he was facing her as well, and she felt him absently put his hand down on her knee. 

“I did.”

“What happened?”

“Okay, let me backup a little bit. I haven’t spoken much about my family, it’s not something that I love talking about, it still stings, remembering all those emotions even this many years later.”

“If you don’t want to, Clarke…” he trailed off. 

“No. I do. I’ve been wanting to share this for a while, but I just kept putting it off.” His thumb started making circles on her leg comfortingly, encouraging her on. “Okay, so my mom was an incredible surgeon, so gifted and had such a huge heart for saving and helping people. I admired her so much when I was a kid, it’s part of why I became a doctor. I didn’t see her often, she was so busy, but I admired her. 

“My dad was a photographer, renowned in his own right. He loved capturing beautiful things on film, spending hours getting the shot he wanted. Unlike my mother, he’d take me to work with him, teaching me how to take pictures and letting me explore my own artistic abilities and the peace that came with it.”

“Octavia mentioned that you and your dad used to take pictures. I didn’t know that when I had told you about my mother before.”

She nodded and continued, “So when I was sixteen, my parents sat me down. They’d been fighting a lot more lately, spending more and more time apart so I guess I wasn’t _too_ shocked, but it was still devastating when they finally told me they were separating. That was when my dad got his apartment here.

“About six months later, right after the divorce was finalized, I found out my mom had been having an affair with one of the other doctors at the hospital. She told me like it was no big deal and I shouldn’t be upset over it. I couldn’t believe that the kind, loving mother from my childhood was trying to justify something like that. So I fled here, running away from my mom’s house. My dad sat and held me while I cried, and he cried, and I just...remember feeling so incredibly hopeless.”

“I’m so sorry, Clarke. That’s… awful.”

“That’s part of the reason I hated so much what had happened with Finn. It brought it all back again. The betrayal and distrust that comes from something so horrible, it’s hard to get past. I couldn’t believe Finn had made _me_ the other woman. I was so disgusted with myself and him and I had a hard time accepting all of you actually wanted me in your lives, even if I didn’t know about Raven.” Thankfully, in the time since she’d reported him, she had only seen glimpses of him in the hospital here and there. The investigation hadn’t concluded yet, but the complaint seemed to have the desired effect. He glared at her in the rare instances she did see him, but much like what she felt that day she punched him, it didn’t affect her the same way. She felt free.

Bellamy spoke up then, with a shake to his usually steady voice. “And I made it all the more worse by putting that blame on you, when you blamed yourself already.” He looked down and away and she put her hand on top to his to get his attention again.

“I know what you’re doing. And it’s not necessary. This is part of why I wanted to tell you, and part of why I didn’t. I knew that you would feel bad all over again, and that’s not my intention in telling you this. I just want you to know me. You’re one of my very best friends and I want to let you in, let you all in, because I plan on having all of you in my life for a very long time, and there’s things that I want, _need_, you to know.”

He nodded but she could see the faint glisten of tears in the corners of his eyes and her heart clenched. She squeezed his hand and continued. 

This was the hard part of the story. But she meant what she said; she _needed_ him to know. Wanted to let him in.

She took a deep breath. “A week after I found out about the affair, my mom hadn’t stopped calling me and I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed some air, some space to think things over. So I came down here to the river. I loved swimming, my mom had a pool and I always used it to wash away the hard days and clear the lonely thoughts, so I thought, why not? Take a swim in the river.”

He flipped his hand over, probably sensing what was coming and held onto her hand, grounding her in a way that she learned she could rely on with him.

“I jumped off that bridge over there, and completely underestimated the depth and the rocks below. It was so stupid, I shouldn’t have done it. I knew it was dumb. Even if I had just waded in instead of jumping…” She shook her head, trying to clear the regret. “Anyway, I somehow managed to get my foot hooked under a couple rocks below the surface and tried _so hard_ to get it out. I fought and fought, until I had a single brief thought. 

“What if I stopped fighting? I had been in so much pain for the past six months, and things at school were awful too; I had a girlfriend just dump me. I just wanted my mind to quiet, for just a moment. So I stopped fighting.”

She felt the tears she had tried to keep at bay from spilling over, but she was failing. She wiped at them hastily. “I didn’t want to die, I just wanted it to stop. My dad jumped in, having seen me jump in from the window. I barely even remember blacking out underwater, just coming to on the shore. My mom was so relieved she insisted on this stupid bench.” Bellamy squeezed her hand and she gave him a small smile. 

“And then barely a month after that, he died in a car accident. Head on, died on impact,” her voice broke at that. “It was like a light had gone out inside of me. I drifted through the rest of school, went to therapy. Having to live at my mom’s after that was torture because she turned so cold, and kept such a close eye on me and I blamed her for what happened. I left as soon as I graduated.” The tears were falling freely now and she cleared her throat.

“My mom left surgery not long after that and switched to teaching medicine instead. I think she felt guilty for how things played out too. We don’t really speak anymore, except for a yearly update phone call. Though, she keeps trying to call me ever since the fire.”

Bellamy put his free hand on the side of her cheek, and used his thumb to wipe away some of her tears. She sniffled and looked at him. “Thank you. For sharing that with me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what you went through back then and now. For ever for a second making it even an ounce worse. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could carry some of the burden you still carry for you. But I’m here for you. You’re…” he faltered for a moment and swallowed. “You’re one of my best friends Clarke. Part of my family. That’s forever. No matter what. Okay?”

She tried to speak, to say something. Her mind wanted to refute the things he was saying, to push it off, but damn if it wasn’t exactly what she needed to hear from him. She felt like he was talking directly to her soul and piercing whatever walls she had left. She’d never felt more exposed with him but also never more safe. 

“Okay.” she decided to say, hoping that would be enough.

Her heart started doing that flip floppy thing that it had been doing around him especially lately, but this time she didn’t fight it, or deny it. She embraced it. 

***

Bellamy was really, truly, without a doubt, completely in a very difficult situation.

He wasn’t even trying to rationalize his feelings for Clarke anymore, wasn’t trying to get over them and if someone asked him outright, he’s not even sure if he would care to deny it.

But it was difficult in the sense that he was still sure she couldn’t feel the same way about him. At least, not right now. He hoped maybe something would change in the future, but for now, he had to act as normal as possible around her. The last thing she needed was him pulling the rug out from under her. They were in a good, stable place, and she didn’t need that pressure from him.

But Bellamy couldn’t deny the way his heart grew five times its size once he heard her story. He knew from snippits and the far off look she’d get in her eyes whenever she talked about her father that whatever had happened was traumatic. But his heart broke hearing about how her family had blown up at such a sensitive time in her life. How she stopped fighting because she wanted the pain to stop. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and never let her go. 

He almost told her, right then, how much he cared for her. But it didn’t feel right, using that vulnerable time to confess something she wasn’t ready for.

So he occupied himself the best he could in the weeks following their talk by the lake. Something had shifted that day and it was hard to put his finger on what it was. It didn’t help that they had been working opposite shifts for three weeks straight, really only spending time together at family dinners.

They’d found a little bit of time, though, to have a conversation where she had decided to just stay living with him. She tried to offer to find her own place, but he had shut that down quick, saying there was more than enough room for the both of them and there was no need for her to go, unless she really wanted to.

Thankfully, she didn’t.

He loved having her there. Even if they weren’t together and her feelings weren’t in the same place as his, it warmed his heart to know there was someone to go home to, to share his day with, eat with, watch movies with, laugh with.

About a month after their trip to the building, Bellamy came down with a horrible cold. He could barely see straight his head hurt so bad and he was so stuffed up he could hardly breathe and his body ached. He called out of work, knowing that he wasn’t any help to anybody like that and he holed himself up under the covers in his room. 

Around an hour after he woke up, he was laying in bed, close to death he was sure, and heard a knock on his door. 

He coughed a few times and tried to get up, but felt so weak that he just called for whoever it was to come in. 

He heard his door creak open. “Bellamy? Raven texted me and told me you called in sick? I had just clocked out so I told her I’d check on you.”

He groaned louder and put his pillow over his head. “I’m fine, Clarke, but don’t come any closer, you’ll get sick too.”

“Would you quit worrying about _me_? I’m not the one who sounds like a dying animal.”

“Well, I am dying, so it’s fitting,” he coughed out. Some part of him knew he was overreacting, but oh well. He felt like shit.

She let out a little chuckle and moved closer. He buried himself further and warned, “Clarke, seriously I don’t want you getting whatever this is.”

“Bellamy,” she chastised him. “You do know I work in a hospital, where there are germs literally everywhere? I think I can handle a little cold virus.” 

He heard her move even closer and as much as he wanted to protect her from this fatal illness, he couldn’t deny that even just her presence made him feel better. He had it so bad for her, it surprised even him sometimes. He groaned and this time it wasn’t because he was sick.

She sat down next to him on the bed and fought the pillow out of his weak grip. It wasn’t hard; he didn’t even have enough strength to put up much of a fight. 

“Man you are stubborn,” she exclaimed.

“You’re just now figuring that out?” he mumbled.

“Oh stop. Or the medicine I stopped at the store to pick up stays with me.” She dangled a box that he just noticed that she was holding just out of his reach and he had no strength left to lunge for it so he just pathetically swatted at the air, making her laugh. 

“My pain is funny to you?”

“Geez you get grumpy when you’re sick,” she teased. “Would you just let me take care of you for once?” She put her hand to his forehead to feel for a fever (which he could’ve told her he definitely had) and it was so cool and soft that without thinking both of his hands came up to hold her hand in place.

Her eyes softened and when she realized what he was doing and so she set the box of medicine down on the table next to the bed and placed her now free hand against his cheek. He moaned when it made contact with his skin and burrowed into her touch a little. 

“Don’t ever move,” he told her. He wasn’t even joking a little bit, but he tried to make his voice sound as if he was.

She let out another breathy chuckle and leaned over to press her lips to his head and he swore the feeling it gave him was better than any drug. He felt his head chase her lips and hands as they removed themselves from his grasp and he immediately missed the contact.

She poured him a cupful of the medicine and gave it to him, which he readily drank down like a shot. She left without a word and returned with a glass of water. He drank most and she refilled it to the brim and left it for him for later. 

“Okay, now you sleep. I’ll be in the other room if you need anything.” She moved to leave, but he used the last bit of strength he had left to grab her hand to stop her. 

Before he could fully process what he was saying, he asked her, “Will you… will you stay with me? Just until I fall asleep?” He had no idea where that came from (okay, maybe _some_ idea) but her presence soothed him and he didn’t want her to leave just yet. He felt safe with her, relaxed. And he was just sick enough that his filter that would’ve told him that the request might be a bit inappropriate was on the fritz.

She smiled that brilliant smile of hers, the one that made his whole being feel warm and enraptured his attention, and got up. Just when he started to feel disappointed that she was not going to grant his request, he felt her climb in on his other side and lean her back against his headboard. He turned over immediately and saw that she had put a pillow on her lap for his head. 

Bellamy sighed into it and her hand automatically came up to his head, stroking through his hair. He could hear her hum to him and while he didn’t recognize the song, it was calming and he was asleep in minutes.

\--------------

He woke up later in the day feeling much better but was immediately aware of the fact that he was alone. Just when Bellamy thought that he had dreamed up the whole thing that had happened that morning, Clarke wandered back in to the room and sat next to him on the bed, handing him a steaming mug of tea.

“Oh good, you’re awake. How’re you feeling?”

“Um, better, I think.” He noticed that she was still in her scrubs from her shift the night before and he suddenly realized she had gone from an all-nighter at the hospital to his bedside. “Oh crap, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t even thinking that you had just gotten home. You must be exhausted.”

A slight blush crept onto her cheeks. “Oh, um, I… don’t worry about. I’m glad you let me actually take care of you. You put up a good fight though.” He groaned at the memory of him being difficult that morning. “And, uh, I got some sleep too, I woke up just a few minutes before you did.” Her blush was in full force and it was one of the most endearing expressions he’d seen on her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep in your bed. I was just so tired and your bed is really comfortable and warm and -” 

He cut off her rambling. “Clarke, it’s okay. It’s more than okay, actually. I…” he hesitated, trying not to overspill his feelings, but to reassure her. “I slept really well and it felt good not to be alone. I’m not really used to people taking care of me like that.” He snuck a peek at her reaction to his confession and where he expected there to be something related to pity, he just saw compassion and understanding.

“Oh I think I can understand that. Why do you think I keep fighting you all so hard when you take care of _me_? I’m not really used to it either. But I started getting used to it, and you should too. You told me that you aren’t going anywhere, and well, I’m not either.”

His heart swelled with affection for this woman, this amazing woman, and there was no doubt in his mind; he was head over heels, completely and utterly in love with Clarke Griffin and he wasn’t sure if there was any going back. 

Not that he’d ever want to.

She was the last thing he thought of before he fell asleep, and the first thing he wanted to see when he woke up. She was brilliant, and beautiful, and stubborn as hell. But she was also brave, and one the kindest people he’d ever known. She saw all his flaws, his stubbornness, his prideful and overbearing nature, his temper, and she was still there. She still wanted to be around him.

He opened his mouth to speak, to tell her everything, but he froze. He couldn’t do it. The fear he felt at the possibility of losing her consumed him. That things would become awkward when she had to let him down and that things would never be the same between them.

So he just smiled at her, knowing it was a partially sorrowful one, and hoped that one day he’d be brave enough to tell her what it was she meant to him.

\--------------

A few days later, when he was finally feeling better, thankfully only having to call out sick for one day, Bellamy went to go pick up Octavia for one of their dinner nights. Once they had placed their food and drink order, he decided to finally figure out why she seemed so distracted. She’d been so erratic since the fire and his big brother senses were firing on all cylinders.

“So what’s going on with you, O?”

“Oh I’m good. Lincoln and I are talking about moving in together soon.” Off Bellamy’s look, she added, “Oh stop freaking out, you knew this was going to happen.”

Bellamy grumbled under breath about his _baby sister_ living with a _man_ and Octavia let out a roar of laughter.

“What’s so funny?”

“You’re worried about me and Lincoln living together, _really_? And what are you and Clarke doing?” 

He narrowed his eyes at her. “What is that supposed to mean? You know why we’re living together. And stop changing the topic. We are talking about you.”

“Sure, but why -”

“No. You have been off lately and dodging everyone when they ask you about what’s going on. It’s me, Octavia. What is going on?”

She bit her lip and that’s when the pit in his stomach started to grow. Whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

“I, uh…”

“Spit it out, O. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.”

She sighed. “I got fired.”

“What?!” 

“The night of the fire. When Raven texted me that Clarke was in a burning building, I was in the middle of a shift. I tried to talk to Titus, tell him I had to go, that it was an emergency, but…”

“He didn’t care, did he?”

“Yeah. He said if I walk out those doors, that I shouldn’t bother coming back. And he’d make sure that I didn’t work in any shop in the city either. But what was I supposed to do? It was Clarke,” she pointed out. 

“So you left. And got fired.” Of course she picked Clarke over her job; she _was_ his sister after all. Self-sacrifice was in their blood.

She nodded. “And now I’ve been trying to find work for the last month, applying to different shops in the area, trying to call in some favors, but I don’t know what Titus has over everyone or whatever, but no one will even give me an interview.”

“Octavia, that’s gotta be illegal, they can’t just do that.”

She shook her head at him. “Oh, I know where this is going and no. I can fight my own battles. I was close to quitting anyway. I’m so close to the money I need to start my own place and -”

“I’ll take care of the rest then.”

“No way. I’m not taking money from my big brother. Thanks though, Bell. I need to figure it out on my own. I can handle this.”

He sighed. “I know you can. I’m aware. Just, if you need something, I want to help okay?”

“Thank you. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, really.” She reached out and placed a hand on top of his. “You know I wouldn’t be who I am today without you.”

“Of course you would. You were always destined for amazing things, Octavia. I’m so proud of you. However this works out, I know you’re going to be fine.”

She gave him a wide smile and looked so much like their mother, that it made him a little sad. He wanted to have a better relationship with her, he did, but every time he saw her he was reminded of how screwed up their childhood became after her accident. He knew he wasn’t being completely fair, and for his part, he felt like he truly had forgiven her, but forgetting was another matter. He tried to focus on the wonderful times they’d had before it all went to shit, but it was just too difficult sometimes.

Octavia remembered even less of the good times with her. To O, their mother had almost always been a drug and alcohol addict and the fact that she was clean now didn’t erase the hell that they had been put through. But he saw how similar the two women were. Both were fiery, determined, stubborn, and independent. 

“So.” Octavia broke him out of his memory lane. “So, how are things with Clarke? She’s been there a little over a month, now, right? She ready to kill you yet?”

“Haha, very funny, O. No, we’re...good. She’s…” He tried to keep the smile from appearing on his face every time he even thought about her, but he knew he was failing and Octavia wasn’t blind, he knew she noticed.

She just chuckled though.

“It’s been going good. She’s a great roommate and friend,” he decided to finish, ignoring the pounding of his heart.

“Mmhm.” Octavia looked at him suspiciously. “So why the smile? Sounds like things are going a bit better than just _good_.”

“O, stop. Look, we just get along really well.”

“Sure, okay. Has she heard about Finn? The hospital make a decision yet?”

“Yeah, actually, she just heard from them yesterday. She’s going to call Raven tonight, but she said I could talk to you about it,” they’d had the conversation before he left and Bellamy made it clear that it was her information to tell if she wanted to, that he didn’t have to say anything to O about it. She’d told him it was fine, that she just wanted the whole thing to be over, to move on for good.

“Well?” O prompted. “I’m on the edge of my seat here!”

“He’s gone, fired. And Dr. Trikru made it clear that he is not welcome at any of the local hospitals either.”

“Seriously?! That’s amazing! Oh Clarke must be so relieved!”

He smiled. “She really is.” Bellamy remembered the look she got when she got off the phone, radiant, like a shadow had been lifted from her mind, a burden that she couldn’t help but feel for the other women Finn might do that to if he wasn’t found guilty. He could relate to feeling that level of responsibility and protective instinct, even if it wasn’t her fault if Finn did or didn’t do this again.

“Do you think he’ll listen? Or try to fight it or retaliate? Not that she shouldn’t have done this of course, just a little worried.”

“Yeah, I thought that too when she got off the phone, but she said that Indra made it very clear to him that he isn’t to contact Clarke or Raven or try to fight this in any way or that he would regret it. And apparently she is a very scary woman, so I think it’ll be okay. She said that he understood, even if he was pretty angry, and has already made arrangements to leave the state.”

Octavia looked relieved, and he was too. He was nervous about the same things she was, but Clarke didn’t seem worried, so he was going to try to take her lead on this one. 

“Yes, Indra is crazy intimidating, I can’t see Finn having the balls to go up against her.”

“I hope not. And Clarke seems really ready to move on and try to put it behind her now so I really hope she gets that chance. She deserves it.”

Octavia got a mischievous look on her face. “Hmm. So speaking of moving on, are you going to ask her to the ball this year?”

He choked on his food, and landed himself in a coughing attack. O gave him a sly smile and slid over a glass of water, which he took gratefully.

“Wha - what?” He’d actually forgotten all about the ball.

It was one of the things he hated doing every year. To kick off the holiday season, in the fall, the local fire stations held a fundraising gala. They’d invite everyone who was anyone and there’d be food, and dancing, and music and most of his friends who got to go loved it.

He was not one of them.

He had to dress up in a tux, which he _hated_. Parading all of them around in fancy clothes, trying to sweet talk rich people into donating some of their wealth was not something he enjoyed, or was particularly good at, even. He always ended up stumbling over his words and making a fool out of himself until he decided he’d spent a decent chunk of time there and could make his exit.

He always invited Octavia to be his plus one. He’d never had a girlfriend at the time of the ball, and his sister was more than willing to get dressed up and enjoy a night of dancing and free drinks. 

“Um, no, I figured you’d come with me again.” Not that he wouldn’t love to see Clarke in a beautiful gown and have the opportunity to dance with her in his arms, but there was no way he was going to be able to muster up the courage to ask, even if they just went as friends. 

“Can’t. Busy.” She took a drink and his stomach dropped.

“You love this ball. You love it more than me and it’s _mandatory_ for me,” he pointed out, panicking a little. He knew what she was doing and he wasn’t going to let her get away with it.

She shrugged. “Sorry, Bell. Guess you’ll have to invite some other _friend_,” she emphasized. 

“Come _on_, O. You’re not busy. And if you are, can’t you just pick another day to do whatever it is?”

“Nope. And sorry, I should’ve clarified. I _am_ busy… going to the ball -”

Bellamy sighed in relief. “That was not funny Octavia.”

“- with someone else.”

His relief faded again and he narrowed his eyes at her.

“What? With who? And what about Lincoln?”

She laughed at him. “What about him? He’s totally fine with it. It’s not like it’s a _date_, I’m going with a friend. And you’re right, I do love the ball, no way I’d miss it.”

“Octavia. I’m not inviting Clarke. Besides, Wells will probably invite her anyway -”

She interrupted him. “Who do think I’m going with?”

His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. “WELLS?! Wells is who you’re going with?!”

“Yep.”

Now he was sure his sister was up to something and she had apparently dragged Wells into it.

“O, leave this alone, _please_,” he pleaded. His voice was desperately close to a whine and he tried his hardest to keep it as even as possible.

“Leave what alone? We were talking about it at the last family dinner and he was nervous because his old station never did these. I told him I’d come with him if he wanted and show him the ropes.” She shrugged like it was no big deal. “What did you think I was doing?” she tried a little innocently. That act might have worked on other people, but he raised her through her teenage years and no way was he buying that.

“Octavia,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Bellamy,” she mocked him with a fake deep voice.

He sighed and closed his eyes and tried to figure out how to bring this up to Clarke. If he didn’t, Octavia would.

***

Clarke was up watching some weird documentary about the history of the Greek gods that Bellamy had recorded on the DVR the other day when he got home from his dinner with his sister. She loved the books he read, but she drew the line at documentaries. For a guy who loved action movies, she couldn’t figure out why he also liked the most boring version of cinema available. 

He flopped down next to her on the couch with a heavy groan. She hit the pause button and tucked her legs under her so she could face him. When he refused to budge or open his eyes to look at her, she frowned and poked him in the side.

It elicited the smirk that she had been aiming for and he squirmed and batted her hand away. “Hey!”

“Well? What’s with the grumpy face? Dinner not go well?”

“Dinner was delicious. My sister, however, was very frustrating.”

She hmmed at that and got up and went to the kitchen.

“Is this the documentary about how society has over glorified Zeus? You’re watching it without me? Don’t delete it, I haven’t seen it yet,” he called from his spot on the couch.

She laughed at him and walked back, two glasses of bourbon in her hands. Whatever happened with Octavia, Clarke was sure it was going to require alcohol for him to recount it.

“Oh don’t worry, your precious documentary is safe. I was just about to turn it off.”

“Without finishing it? Why would you do that?” He sounded offended on behalf of the documentary, and she tried not to think about how endearing he sounded.

“I’m confused, are you mad that I watched it or mad that I’m not finishing it?”

“Both.”

“So, par for the course, then, huh? We’ll add this to the list of things that we disagree on,” she tried to joke.

“Uh huh.” When he didn’t finish or offer anything else up, she poked him again.

“Okay, seriously, if you do that again, I’m gonna -” he started to threaten.

“You’re gonna… what?” she challenged. He glared at her, but finally sat up. “So what happened?” she asked as she handed him his glass. 

He took a long sip before looking at her. “She… uh… she got fired.” 

“What? When? Why?”

“The night of the fire.” 

As soon as he said that, the _why_ had also been answered. It was because of her. Because she was stuck in a burning building and Clarke could feel the anxiety and guilt starting to rise within her. Like he could read her mind, he put a hand out on her knee to bring it back down. He had this incredible way of grounding her when she started to spiral and it was calming.

“Hey. Not your fault, okay? She chose this. Because she loves you,“ he told her. “She was going to quit eventually anyway, Titus was a dick. She’ll figure something out, okay?”

She nodded at him and let his reassurances calm her down. 

She collapsed back into the couch. “So wait, I’m confused though, why was that frustrating? Because she didn’t tell you?”

“Uh, yeah.” He hesitated and looked away from her all of a sudden. “And she was bugging me about this fundraising thing the local fire stations in Arkadia do every fall.”

“Oh yeah! Wells was mentioning that! Octavia offered to go with him. He said he was going to invite me to go, but that having someone there who had gone before might be helpful so he doesn’t trip all over himself.” She laughed at the memory of how nervous he was. “Which, is ridiculous, the man could be president he speaks so well.” She realized she was rambling a bit, but when Wells had mentioned he was bringing Octavia, she found herself a little jealous.

Not that she wanted to be Wells’ _date_ clearly, especially since it obvious Octavia wasn’t either. Octavia was practically married to Lincoln anyway. But dressing in some beautiful ball gown, delicious food and open bar? That sounded amazing. 

And, she’d be lying if she said that picturing Bellamy in a tuxedo wasn’t something that flashed through her mind as an incentive. Something had started shifting inside of her since he was sick and they’d napped together. 

She’d really missed the physical contact she’d lost since Finn and waking up next to Bellamy had felt entirely too comfortable. She was afraid that things would be awkward after that, that he would regret asking her to stay, but if anything, their little touches had become more commonplace. Truth be told, as weird as it should have been for him to ask, it wasn’t a question in her mind at all when he’d made the request. 

And her heart broke a little hearing that he wasn’t used to someone taking care of him. If she wasn’t here, she was sure someone like Octavia or Raven or Murphy would have come check on him, but somehow she didn’t think that was what he had meant.

“Yeah, well, she usually goes with me,” he told her, drawing her back into the conversation. 

“Oh, so…” Her heart thudded loudly with what she was about to suggest, and she hoped he couldn’t hear it. “So, you’re just going to go alone then?” She backed out. _Coward_.

“Um, yeah, I guess so.”

They sat in awkward silence for a minute, but then both spoke up at once.

“I mean, you could -”

“Why don’t I -”

They both laughed at each other in that comfortable way that she was getting used to being between them.

“You don’t have to go. But... it could be fun?”

“Are you kidding? It would be a blast. I remember when my mom would drag me and my dad to these kinds of things for the hospital,” the memory came quickly and unbidden, but she went with it. “My dad hated those things, always complained that his tux was too itchy or uncomfortable. You two have that in common, I assume?”

He nodded and smirked at her and she chuckled as she continued, “Anyway, I _loved_ getting all dressed up. I’m normally not really a girly-girl, but there was something so dreamy about spending a night dancing and twirling and looking beautiful.” She looked at him then, and noticed he was staring at her with a small smile and she started to blush with embarrassment and she turned away. “So, yes, I would love to go. I’ll even make fun of the rich people with you.” She winked at him and his smile got wider and lit up his whole face, _almost_ like what she said was what he wanted to hear all along. 

“Okay, then. I guess we’re going to a ball.”

“I guess we are.”

***

“So, it’s like a date, then?”

“Murphy, no. It’s not a date. We’re just friends. Octavia decided to go with Wells, and Clarke is coming with me so I don’t have to go alone, that’s all. We’ve talked about this. _Now drop it._” 

Murphy held his hands up in mock surrender. “Okay, okay. Forgive me for not knowing where you two stand these days.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes. It was Sunday family dinner, and the ball was next week. Bellamy felt like his nerves had been fried for the last couple weeks, since Clarke had agreed to come with him. 

He knew Raven and Octavia had taken her out to go look for dresses this whole last week. She’d come home from one of their trips in a particularly good mood and he looked back at her coming in through the door practically giggling. 

He’d asked her why she was so happy, letting out a laugh, but she just danced away saying they’d all found dresses. When he tried to persuade her to let him see it, she’d tsked at him and told him he’d just have to wait.

It wasn’t a date. But that was a fact he had to keep reminding himself of. _It wasn’t a date_. But it felt like it to him, and that was dangerous.

They were going as friends, nothing more. She saw it as such and he’d never want to betray her trust like that. 

But _damn_ if he wasn’t actually looking forward to this stupid thing for the first time.

They all sat down to eat, in their typical places. Octavia to his left, Clarke to his right. Lincoln was saying grace this time, and Murphy had cooked pork chops. They were all chatting excitedly about the ball next week, except Monty, Jasper, and Harper, who were all unfortunately getting the short ends of the stick by not being able to go.

“That’s okay, we don’t need you!” Jasper declared. “We’re actually going to have our own dinner next week without all of you that will put that little ball of yours to shame!” Harper and Monty nodded in enthusiastic agreement. “Although, I wish Raven would just take me. Playing third wheel to these two is probably cramping their style.”

Bellamy had never seen Harper and Monty blush so heavily so quickly. He noticed Clarke putting her hand discreetly on Harper’s arm. To put them out of their misery, he asked, “So why don’t you Raven? Jasper might actually make this thing fun for once.”

“Oh don’t be a sourpuss Bell. You’re the only one grumpy about it! Everyone else is looking forward to it, _including_ Clarke,” Raven said pointedly.

“Yeah, don’t be such a crotchety old man!” Murphy threw his napkin at Bellamy, which he promptly tossed right back in his direction. 

“Yeah, yeah, maybe I’ll _try_ to mellow out this year, no promises though,” he warned. 

“But you’re such a great dancer, Bell! It would be a shame to stay on the sidelines all night,” his sister looked right in his direction and really he just wanted to kick her. Thankfully, before Clarke could speak up about his supposed skills, Raven piped back in.

“I wish I _could_ take Jasper…” The poor guy lit up for a moment before she continued. “But I happen to be taking a date actually.” Raven tucked her face down into her plate and became very focused on her dinner.

The entire room paused what they were doing and saying and eating and Bellamy swore he’d be able to hear a pin drop.

“I’m sorry, but _what?!_” Octavia shrieked in her direction. “What did you just say?”

Octavia’s disruption of the silence seemed to break the spell everyone else was under and they all started talking at once.

“You have a date?”

“Who is it?”

“Do I know him?”

“Or is it a _her_?”

“That dress you picked out is gonna -”

“OKAY! Everyone shut up for a moment, holy smokes,” Raven yelled at them. “You know it’s not impossible for me to have a date, right?”

“We know, Rave, clearly it’s not. That’s not what we meant, obviously.” Clarke pointed out what everyone else was thinking. 

“Yeah, we’re just excited. Is it someone we know? Someone we’d _approve_ of?” Murphy scowled at her.

“Well, kind of, actually.” She coughed a name into her glass but no one seemed to catch it.

“For fuck’s sake, just say it!” Octavia practically shouted at her, and he could see Lincoln smile and shake his head as his hand landed on O’s leg to keep her from jumping up.

“It’s Wick, okay?”

“The paramedic?” Bellamy asked, remembering him from a few calls here and there, and of course, the fire. He didn’t even know they knew each other.

“Yeah, him. After the fire, we’ve been talking more, and hanging out even. And last week, he, uh, kissed me.”

Everyone erupted again until Bellamy silenced them this time. “Okay, okay, well I think you don’t have a choice, Rave, sounds like we’ve got to have a conversation with this guy.”

“Don’t you dare go all big brother on me, you hear me?” Her look was so terrifying that he _almost_ backed down. 

“I’ll keep my eye on him, don’t worry, Raven,” O assured her. 

“Yeah me, too. I’ll even dance with Blake if I have to,” Murphy added.

Bellamy threw up his hands. “I’m not some caveman, alright, just… this is big, Rave.”

“I know, but I’m really excited.” she said softly to him and they exchanged an understanding look.

Later, as him and Clarke got home and were about to split into their own rooms for bed, she stopped him with a hand on his arm.

He turned to find her with a mischievous smile on her face. 

“So… you can dance, huh?” she asked. “Why do I get the feeling that I’m more likely to see a unicorn than Bellamy Blake waltzing?”

He shrugged. “I can do it, but it’s just never been something I’ve been too fond of. Especially in front of a roomful of people.” He was actually _really_ good at it, but that was a fact he tried to deflect from often.

“Oh so you can run into burning buildings, but dancing is too much for you?”

Bellamy shrugged again as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. 

“Well, you know, I’ll be there this year, so maybe I could talk you into it? Just one little dance?”

He sighed, knowing that he’d already lost. She had this uncanny way of subconsciously making him do anything to see her smile. And yeah, okay, the thought of having an excuse to hold her in his arms was maybe just a bit more tempting than he could resist.

“Maybe just one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Discussion of divorce, lonely, painful, slight suicidal depressive thoughts are talked about, parental death.
> 
> See you Saturday ;)  
Thanks for sticking with me!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was hoping to get this to you earlier in the day, but it's a long one and I wanted to make sure it was just right before posting. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

The big day finally arrived, and Bellamy had to tell himself to breathe consistently. 

Octavia, Clarke, and Raven had been holed up in her room all afternoon getting ready and she was already the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen wearing just his sweatpants and old shirt (which she had never given back to him), let alone some elegant gown. But he was sure that no matter what she was wearing, she would be gorgeous.

The images that he had spent the day imagining ended up doing her absolutely no justice.

Bellamy was sitting on the couch with Wick and Wells, who had shown up in the last half hour, all of them already ready to go and Lincoln, who was sitting in the armchair. Wick’s leg was bouncing up and down with nerves and his face was red. Bellamy had to admit, he seemed like a really nice guy and he loved that someone was this crazy over a date with Raven. She deserved someone to be a ball of nerves around her.

He heard the door open behind him and glanced back, seeing them exit her room. All four of them stood up.

If he had to conjure up the perfect woman, she wouldn’t even come close to Clarke Griffin.

Her blonde hair was mostly down in soft waves, with some strands on either side of her head braided and clipped in the back. Her makeup was natural, but accentuating her eyes and making them bluer than he’d ever seen them.

Her dress did not do any favors for his already erratic heartbeat, a condition he thought he had gotten used to by now, since it seemed his heart was more irregular than normal lately. The dress was a soft blue and silver, with sheer sleeves hanging off her shoulders. The bodice had a sweetheart neckline (raising a teenage girl gave him all the unnecessary knowledge of dress parts unfortunately) and silver jewels patterned around the bodice, and the skirt billowed out slightly and flowed down to the floor.

He swallowed thickly. He vaguely clocked Wells coming up to stand next to him, coughing to get his attention. “Remember to breathe, Blake,” he said so quietly that he was sure not even Wick heard him.

He let out a shaky breath and shook his head trying to clear it. He looked back at Clarke’s face and saw that she had turned her eyes away from him, but he could see a slight blush had crept onto her cheeks. He finally turned to the other girls, his beautiful sisters, and saw that they both were looking at him, slight smirks on their faces. 

“Wow. You look incredible, Raven.” Wick was the first to speak and walked over to his date, and gave her a kiss on her hand, eliciting a rare blush to bloom across Raven’s face. She didn’t get bashful often, but Bellamy could see her face glowing with nerves and excitement and he was glad she was allowing herself to open up again. 

“You look amazing, date-for-the-evening.” Wells joked with his sister.

“You clean up pretty well too Jaha,” she smirked as she made her way to Lincoln. 

“Wells is right, you are beautiful, Octavia.” Lincoln leaned down to kiss his girlfriend with a smile.

He crossed the room over to Clarke, who had finally looked up at him. He could see the effort she was making to maintain eye contact with him, and he felt like for a moment, maybe she was just as nervous as he was.

This wasn’t supposed to be a date by the strictest of definitions, but the way they were both behaving was definitely date-like.

“You… look stunning,” he said softly. It wasn’t the right word, in fact he was sure there was no word that would accurately describe the way she looked to him, but it would have to do.

“Not so bad yourself. In fact, I might even use the word _handsome_,” she joked with him, but she winked and put her hand on his arm and he tried to ignore the sparks it sent through his body.

He smiled wide at her and twisted so her hand went through the crook of his arm and the six of them walked out together, Lincoln waving them off.

***

The room that the gala was held was beautiful. Clarke was not one to really care about architecture, but the floors looked like they were made of marble and there were pillars that made her think she had been transported to ancient Rome accidentally. 

There were paintings that covered every inch of the sky high ceilings, in dramatically different shades of color and there were bars set up around various points of the room that seemed to be somehow sparkling. The lights were dimmed somewhat and soft music played from a live band on a stage as they entered. She was sure her eyes were as wide as they’d ever been as she let go of Bellamy and looked around at the beauty that surrounded her. 

When her eyes finally landed back on her date for the evening, he looked like he fit right in, despite the fact that she knew all the opulent wealth and decor wasn’t really his thing. It was the history behind the building, not the expense that made him fit. He was smirking at her with the tilt of his lips that she was so used to by now.

He was already looking at her, watching her explore the ballroom. She vaguely noted the other four of their group had already gone to the bar, but he stayed. Out of obligation or not, she was glad he waited for her.

When she had stepped out of her bedroom earlier, she noticed his jaw clench and his breath hitch as he slowly looked her up and down. Clarke had to fight the urge to squirm and instead settled for biting the inside of her lip nervously. She wanted to say that she didn’t pick this dress with his reaction to it in mind, but it definitely _might_ have been in the back of her thoughts. She didn’t like being the center of anyone’s attention, but the way he looked at her made her flush with warmth and she was considering whether she could actually go through with this evening when she caught a good look at him as well.

His tux was simple, but hugged him in all the right spots. The tan of his skin and the perfect tousle of his hair (she could tell that he had tried to tame it somewhat, but it was still so _Bellamy_), his tie just _slightly_ askew... he was quite the dashing sight and she had to remind herself not to stare at him. It wasn’t fair to all the other men in the world for him to look _that_ good.

He waited while she walked up to him after surveying the room, a permanent grin seemingly affixed to his face. “So, what do you think, Princess?”

“I think it’s absolutely beautiful. Why wouldn’t you want to go to this thing, if only to get to stand in here?”

“It’s usually the best part, that’s for sure.”

She smiled at him and leaned farther in as he led them over to the bar to order them drinks. “So, if I can ask, how do government funded fire stations afford to hold the fundraiser here?”

He chuckled. “The people who own this building actually donate it for our use. It’s their version of donating to the cause we’re raising money for.” He handed her a drink and she took a long sip, grateful for the alcohol to help calm her nerves. 

Bellamy was one of her best friends. They always had a great time together, even if they were disagreeing, and tonight would be no different. Just two good friends hanging out. In beautiful attire. Dancing, drinking. Why would she be nervous?

Murphy and Emori showed up next, looking more dapper than she had ever seen him.

“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” Raven drawled and Emori snickered.

“He does look nice, doesn’t he?” she admired her boyfriend.

“Well, I suppose he looks a little closer to resembling a human…” she joked. To anyone else, Raven and Murphy were downright mean to each other, but really it was just par for the course. Outright compliments would be what sounded weird.

“Yeah, well, and you look -”

Raven cut him off. “Don’t even try it. I look amazing and you know it.” Murphy just tipped his head to her and that was that. 

Clarke just rolled her eyes and took another sip.

Bellamy was crazy, this night was tons of fun. They sat at the gorgeously decorated tables and feasted and after they were done, Raven and Octavia dragged Wick and Wells out on the dance floor. Raven had opted for a deep red mermaid style dress that hugged her hips just so with gold beading and her hair wrapped up in a french twist, while Octavia had chosen a dark green empire style dress and left her brown hair long and straight, her makeup striking. They were both knockouts.

She and Bellamy spent a good portion of the evening just talking and laughing and Clarke was amazed that after months of living together, that there was still things for them to find out about each other. They also spent some time talking to the donors as well, like they were supposed to, though Bellamy fumbled over his words as promised. It was endearing as hell to watch him talk about how important saving people was to him and how much good they’ve done and she felt like she could listen to him all night.

They excused themselves and went to get some dessert that had just been put out and sat at their table. The upbeat music took a turn and switched to something slower and she _almost_ asked Bellamy to dance, but she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable and she wasn’t sure that she’d even be able to stand, let alone dance, after the three Manhattans she’d consumed. So she settled for picking at her cheesecake.

She felt the weight of his gaze on her before he even said a word.

“So, I guess I owe you a dance?” he asked. His hand was outstretched to her and his eyes were kind.

“You don’t owe me anything Bellamy, you don’t have to.”

“Come on, Princess, afraid you can’t keep up?” His eyebrows were lifted in challenge and hell if she wasn’t going to rise to it.

Turns out, Bellamy Blake _can_ dance. And he can dance _well_.

Once they’d gotten out to the floor, he spun her around once before catching her in his arms, one hand around her waist and one cupping her hand in the air. It stole the breath from her lungs when she realized they were close enough that she could count the numerous freckles that cascaded across his face, make out the tiny scar above his right eyebrow, and could see in her peripheral the one above his lip as well, though she didn’t dare directly look at that one.

He led them around and gave her a sly smile, not taking his eyes off of her. 

“How in the world did you learn to dance so well, and why am I only finding out about this now?” she asked once the song had switched. Clarke was afraid he’d try to end their time out on the floor, but it only seemed to make him grip her tighter and closer, like he didn’t want to let her go anymore than she wanted him to. 

He laughed. “It’s embarrassing.”

“No way. I’m not letting you off the hook that easily, Blake.” The hand that she had slung across his shoulder inched towards the back of his neck, and she started playing a bit with his hair at his nape absently.

He hesitated and blushed a little. “Well, you know that I basically had to see Octavia through her teenage years, right?” She nodded. “Raven helped a lot, especially for the really girly things, but she was a bit crazy as she got into high school. She was wild and got into a bit of trouble. Not a ton, and not anything serious, but enough. I tried my best to keep encouraging her down a better path.

“Well, there was this one boy that she fell for, Illian, and while he wouldn’t necessarily be my first choice, he was a hell of a lot better than the other scumbags that were after her.”

“I’m surprised any boy approached her at all, with you as a big brother,” she teased him. 

He chuckled and pretended to be offended, “Well obviously I wasn’t being scary _enough_, I guess.” He spun her around and her dress fanned out and her hair splayed across her face. They came back together and her hand rested on his chest as he reached up to brush a stray curl off her face and tuck back behind her ear before resuming his hold. It was such a gentle gesture that made Clarke’s chest immediately feel warm.

“Anyway, this boy asked her to prom and I was so happy for her, she was so excited and her face lit up like it hadn’t in years when she told me. It was such a normal teenage thing to do and I wanted to encourage that side of her.

“She asked me to teach her to dance so she wouldn’t make a fool out of herself, but I wouldn’t have been caught dead at a high school dance when I was that age, so I didn’t know how. The dance was still a few months off, so I signed up immediately for classes.”

“You… took dance classes so you could teach your baby sister to dance for a high school prom?”

He nodded and she noticed his jaw clench and his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed and looked away, clearly embarrassed. 

“That’s… incredible.”

She’s known him for all of four months now, but somehow he suddenly looked different to her. She’s known his protective side, his caring side, his kind side, his fierce side, his brave side, and his stubborn side. And Clarke didn’t even know what it was about that story in particular, it wasn’t even a surprising story because _of course_ he took dance lessons so he could teach his little sister to dance for her prom, but suddenly it felt like her heart had a tsunami of affection for this man wash over it. 

_I won’t let you die._

The memory of that night and how he saved her in more ways than one flooded her consciousness. She’d been having actual _feelings_ for Bellamy for a while now, she knew that. She’d tried to brush over it and pretend it wasn’t there, but she knew it was, even if it scared her to death.

But this, this was something different, something deeper. 

She was completely in love with him and it shook her down to her very soul. The same soul that she felt him looking into every time he looked in her eyes. She loved every part, every side of this man in front of her. He believed in her, took care of her, encouraged her. He lifted her up and held her when she felt broken. 

She dimly noted that they’d slowed their dancing down and were barely swaying, but at the realization of just how deep her feelings ran she stopped completely. 

“Clarke?” He looked at her, concerned.

“I…” Words seemed to have left her almost completely, but she managed to get out, “I’m sorry, I need to… I’ll be right back.” Panic started gripping her and she left him then, and the moment their hands lost contact, she was already regretting fleeing. But like the coward she was, she couldn’t bear to look at the confused hurt that she was sure was on his face.

She tried not to run, but she hurried to the nearest restroom and proceeded to throw up in the toilet. 

“Clarke, you okay?” she heard Raven ask from outside the stall.

“Ye… yeah, I’m okay. I’m coming out.”

She sheepishly made her way out to Raven’s worried expression and they took a seat on the little couch. 

“Bellamy asked you to come check on me?”

She nodded and one eyebrow cocked up. “You want to tell me why you bolted off the floor? From what I could tell, you were having a pretty damn good time.”

Of course she was keeping an eye on them.

“I… I can’t. I’m so scared, Raven.”

“Of what? Of Bellamy?”

Clarke nodded, “I mean, not really _him_. He’s so… I could never be scared of him. I’m more scared of the way he makes me feel.”

“Ah. I thought we might be headed here.”

“I just feel so _whole_ with him, in a way I never have before and as stupid as it sounds, I’m so terrified of that. I’m so used to being broken, I didn’t even recognize those cracks starting to mend, until just a few moments ago, when I realized just how far I’d fallen for him.”

“Well, Clarke, just because you feel that way, you don’t have to do anything about it, you know? Not until you’re ready.” 

“I know. But I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. This strongly? I didn’t even realize it existed. And what if when I’m ready, he doesn’t feel the same? Then I’m broken all over again _and_ I’ll have lost one of my best friends. I… I don’t want to go through that.”

“Oh, something tells me you won’t have to worry about _that_. It’s _Bellamy_, Clarke. He’s not going to pressure you to do anything you don’t want. So just, be Bellamy and Clarke for now. You’re best friends, family. But, it's okay to allow yourself to feel love again. Especially with someone like him. He's one of the good ones, you know?”

Clarke nodded. “He's one of the best ones, I know that." She took a deep breath. "I feel so bad just running off like that. What the hell am I going to say?”

“You don’t have to tell him anything about this if you don’t want to. Just say you felt sick, which is true,” she pointed out.

“Okay.” They embraced in a tight hug. “I think I’m ready. Thanks Raven.”

“Oh! You’re going to want this, though.” Raven handed her a disposable toothbrush, the kind with the toothpaste already on it. “No offense, but your breath is not super great.”

They laughed and she thanked her friend again.

She stepped out of the bathroom finally and noticed Bellamy hovering over by the bar. She felt awful, he probably he’d done something wrong, when in fact, he’d done everything _right_.

He caught sight of her and his face was etched in concern. She took a deep breath, ignoring the butterflies fluttering in her stomach and tried to remind herself that despite her feelings, this was _Bellamy_ and she had no reason to feel nervous around him. He was the safest place she knew.

With that thought running through her mind, she approached him. “Bellamy, I’m so sorry for running off like that.”

“Clarke what is going on? Are you okay?” He held her shoulders and she could feel the scorch marks his skin left on hers.

“Yes, I’m fine, promise, my stomach was just acting up. I didn’t mean to run off so dramatically like that. I’m so sorry.”

He visibly relaxed. “Come on, I’ve put in enough of my time here tonight, wanna get out of here? Some fresh air might help?”

“That sounds perfect. But how will everyone else get home? We all came together.” 

“Murphy will take them home, won’t ya Murphy?” Bellamy smacked Murphy in the shoulder, who had just come up to order more drinks.

“Sure. Wait, what did I just agree to?” 

“Taking Raven, Wick, Wells, and O home.”

“And if I say no?” Bellamy just stared at him for a minute. “Yeah, yeah, no problem.”

“Great, let’s go,” he said, turning back to Clarke. “You ready?”

Clarke nodded and accepted the hand he had stretched out to her.

She could do this. She could be in love with her best friend, no big deal.

***

The panic Bellamy felt earlier had finally subsided when they got home. The way she had been looking at him while they were dancing, he allowed himself to feel a glimmer of hope for a moment, even had started debating whether to kiss her, before she took off, leaving him feeling completely helpless and confused. 

It turned out to just be her stomach, and while Bellamy was concerned, he was grateful it wasn’t something he did. He had gotten used to the current of electricity shooting through his body and his heart about to beat out of his rib cage while they were dancing. Occasionally he would spin her just to see her golden hair fan out and the smile it would elicit on her lips. It was like staring at the sun. So bright, and warm. His hand across her back, her face so close to his that he had trouble controlling himself.

But he’d done it. He’d forced himself to remain platonic, not wanting to tell her he loved her until he was sure she was ready to hear it. 

“Oh my goodness, these heels Octavia made me get are gorgeous, but holy hell my feet hurt.” She collapsed on the couch barefoot and the image of her in a ball gown draped across his couch made him chuckle.

He had already untied his tie in the car on the way, anxious to get it off. But now he also discarded his jacket and rolled his sleeves up and unbuttoned the top few buttons. He caught a glimpse of Clarke looking at him strangely while he did so and he could feel the tips of ears turning red in embarrassment. 

“What? You’re not the only one wearing uncomfortable clothes.”

He grabbed his teapot and set about heating up some water. Normally, he’d go for the bourbon, but if her stomach was upset, he didn’t want to make it worse.

“Thank you,” she told him, as soon as he handed her the steaming mug. “So, was it as bad as years past?” she asked, nose scrunched. He sat at her feet, which she promptly tucked under his leg, as was their normal position. He leaned towards her and rested his arm across her legs.

“No, actually, I think that might have been the best one yet… thanks, by the way, for coming and keeping me company.”

“You’re welcome? It’s not like I had to take a lot of convincing. I love getting dressed up for these kinds of things. Besides, it was for a good cause, right?”

“Right. But, I’m not sure you’re ever going to shake the Princess nickname now, not with that dress.”

“What? Too girly?” She frowned suddenly and looked down.

He squeezed her leg softly, forcing her to look back up at him. “No, I promise, it’s perfect.”

She inhaled sharply a moment before she smiled and took another sip. “So, what now?”

“Hmm… we could watch that Pompeii documentary I recorded?” 

“Really? Fine, we can watch it,” she conceded. Bellamy did a fist pump, which made her roll her eyes. “You work tomorrow?”

“Nope, you?”

“We’re good. I might fall asleep still though, it’s been a while since I danced like that and you know, documentary,” she told him.

He chuckled. “Fine by me. I’ll be here, I’ve been waiting weeks for this.” 

\-----------------

It turns out that they both ended up falling asleep, and he woke up at about 5:00 in the morning, with a giant crick in his neck and Clarke tucked into his side, having turned around at some point. He stretched his neck out and looked at her, still in her dress. She’d refused to go change, saying, “I paid enough for this dress as it is, I’m going to milk every second out of it I can”, but she conceded to at least pulling on one of his shirts over the top of it when she started getting chilly.

The TV had switched to a screensaver and the lights had been left half on like they were when they’d started the show. Their mugs lay empty on the coffee table and he knew he really should take her to her bed, but he couldn’t muster up the energy or willpower to move. So instead, he turned the TV off and curled his arm around her a little tighter and a part of him was pleased when she burrowed her head into his chest deeper in response. 

Pain in his neck be damned, he wasn’t moving from that spot. He did shift them a bit, so the pain wouldn’t be _so_ bad in the morning though, and draped a blanket across her legs so she wouldn’t get cold. Fall was getting closer and a chill had started permeating the air at night.

He fell back asleep, dreaming of twirling blonde hair and bright blue eyes and he began to wonder if there would ever be a day that she would stop being the last thing he thought of as he fell asleep. 

***

That next Sunday family dinner was at Bellamy and Clarke’s place; their complex had a pool that was hardly ever used, so they decided to throw an end of summer bash, even if the weather had basically already turned to fall. Raven had even invited Wick, the two of them having gotten even closer over the past week.

Clarke knew that Jasper was a lot of things, but she had no idea that he was such a genius on the grill. Even Murphy and Bellamy apparently couldn’t hold a candle to him. He had a special grill rub recipe for steaks that he insisted would die with him.

So while he and Monty manned the grill, the rest of them took turns bombing into the pool, and playing whatever games they could come up with until Harper mentioned she brought a volleyball net that attached to the sides and that was how a game of boys vs. girls came to be. 

They bobbed and weaved, with all of them taking it _way_ more seriously than a game of pool volleyball should be taken, and it was all tied up with Jasper shouting at them that it was about time to take the steaks upstairs when Clarke heard her name being shouted at from the front gate around the corner. The girls called a time out, though the boys booed her and threatened to say the girls forfeited if she left. She threw some middle fingers and a smile their way and reached for her towel, hopping out. 

She walked around the corner and stopped dead in her tracks. 

Abby Griffin, in all her high heeled, pencil skirt, Prada bag wearing glory stood with her eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed.

“Mom? What the hell are you doing here?”

“Well, I wouldn’t have had to come if you had answered any _one_ of my many phone calls over the past couple months. Honestly, Clarke.”

Clarke was completely speechless, frozen to the spot. “This… this isn’t really the best time, Mom,” she finally managed to get out, though she knew her mother wouldn’t let her get away with that.

“I don’t really care. I came all the way down here, the least you can do is give me a few moments of your time. Is there somewhere else we can go to do this? My clothes are going to smell like chlorine for _weeks_ as it is.”

“Um, yeah. We can go up to my apartment. Let me just… let me just tell my friends.” 

Her mother checked her watch impatiently as Clarke hesitantly turned the corner. She felt like she was sixteen again and metaphorically about to get rapped on the nose for doing something wrong. Clarke is well aware that she was the one in the wrong by not responding to her mom the last couple months, but it was this very feeling she’d been trying to avoid. 

Bellamy and Octavia had gotten out of the pool and were already headed her direction when she got back there. They looked like a freaking Greek god and goddess with their dark skin and muscles and wet hair and she tried very hard to keep from gaping at Bellamy’s abs as she tried to explain the situation.

“I’m sorry, I have to go. My _mom is here_,” she said quietly. 

They both stared at her, not really sure what to say and she didn’t blame them. After her talk with Bellamy at the river, she’d had a similar conversation with the girls during one of their nights out so at least they were aware that the relationship between her and her mother was not a good one. 

“I’m going to take her upstairs, we’ll go to my room so you guys can still come up to eat. And I’ll just eat when I’m done.”

“You sure you’re okay?” Octavia asked. “She can glare at me all she wants, but I’ll come with you for backup.”

Clarke shook her head. “No, thanks, but I think I’ve avoided her for long enough. I think it’ll be enough to not be alone in the apartment with her. Time to face the music.”

She waved to the rest of her friends and was regretful that she wasn’t able to finish the game. 

Her mother was sitting precariously on a bench outside the gate.

“Everything okay?” 

“Yeah, they’ll be up later for dinner once the steaks are done, but we’ll be in my room so we’ll have some privacy.”

Her mother nodded and followed her as she led them to the elevator and through the front door.

When she’d been here the first time, she loved looking at all the pictures of their little group over the years as they’d grown up together. But since she’d been with them, Bellamy had started to put up more recent ones with her in it too. There was one from that first trip to the cabin, the one where they could barely stand to be in the same room with each other. There was another one of her, Raven, and Octavia dancing around at one of their girls nights, and one more recent, that Clarke had just put up, of them at the ball all dressed up.

She watched awkwardly trying to force herself not to fidget as her mother walked around studying them. 

“So. Whose apartment is this, did you say?” 

“Mine. And, uh, my roommate’s. My room is this way.” She knew as soon as she said Bellamy’s name that her mother’s interest would peak and that was not a relationship she even knew how to explain to herself, let alone her judgemental mother. 

She hadn’t always been like this. When Clarke was younger, Abby had been so kind and loving and while she wasn’t always present, Clarke never doubted the love she had for her daughter. While stern at times, she always had a smile and a hug ready and waiting for her. 

Something happened though, after the divorce, and her father’s death. Her mother became cold, and distant, and tried to grab hold of Clarke with a vice grip that only served to make Clarke fight harder for freedom. And now time and distance had done them no favors. 

Clarke closed her bedroom door behind them, just barely missing the rest of the group, if the noises by the front door were any indication. “Mom, what are you doing here? It can’t just be because I haven’t answered my phone.”

“That’s precisely it. Your father’s apartment _burned down with my daughter inside_.” She said, pinning Clarke with her glare. “I don’t have a right to hear how you are? I know we aren’t close, but I was worried about you. If it weren’t for Wells, I wouldn’t have even known if you were alive or not!”

Clarke sighed. “That’s fair Mom, I’m sorry I ignored you. There’s been so much going on and it was just easier _not_ to answer the phone.”

“What else has been going on?”

Clarke clenched her jaw. “Well, Finn and I broke up in May as well, and some other things have happened since. Look I don’t want to go into every detail.”

“Well that’s too bad, Clarke! What was wrong with Finn? He seemed like such a great match for you! You always do this. You find something or someone that makes you happy and you ruin it. And now you’re living with God knows who and doing God knows what.”

Clarke could feel her anxiety rising with all the things that have gone unsaid and things she’d rather not revisit. Her voice rose higher than it has been in a while, “Finn _cheated_ on me, okay? So me _ruining_ my own happiness is as far from the truth as it gets. And I have an amazing group of friends who have been with me every single step of the way. They helped me feel safe and whole when all I felt was broken and scared. And I’m not living with ‘God knows who’ Mom. Bellamy is…” she stuttered while trying to find a suitable way to describe Bellamy without giving too much away. “He’s one of my absolute best friends in this world. And he opened his _home_ to me after the fire. The fire _he_ pulled me out of, by the way.”

She tried to catch her breath while pointedly avoiding her mother’s eyes. Nobody yells at Abby Griffin except for Clarke and that never ended well for her. 

“Bellamy, hmm?” she said, scarily calm. _Of fucking course_ that’s what she latched onto. “And how long have you two been together?”

“We… aren’t together, Mom. We’re just friends.” Well, not _just._ But her mother didn’t need to know that.

“Mmhmm.”

“Okay, look. I admit, I should’ve just answered the damn phone Mom, I’m sorry. I am. But see? I’m okay. I’m alive, I’m healthy, I’m back at work. Things are really good.”

“First of all, language please. And what about your apartment? Have you spoken with insurance? Is everything gone? Please tell me not all of your dad’s stuff is gone.”

Tears pricked at the corner of Clarke’s eyes and she could’ve sworn she saw something related to compassion flick past her mother’s gaze before her carefully constructed mask was back. 

“Yes, Mom, most of it is gone. I was able to save most of one picture, and some of his later photographs were backed up on a drive, but that’s it. His camera, his original pictures, they’re gone, okay? Are you happy?”

“No, Clarke. Sweetie, of course I’m not happy. I know you don’t believe this, but I _did_ love him. I loved him very much.”

“People don’t cheat on those you claim to love.”

“Yes, you may be right about that,” her mother said quietly. “And I have a lot of regrets, but either way, I did love him and I regret very much how everything ended. With him and with you.” Her mother’s expression turned to sadness and Clarke hated what they’d become, she just wasn’t sure how to fix it either. 

Abby cleared her throat. “I have something for you, before I go.” She placed a small bag on top of her dresser.

Clarke wiped hastily at her eyes, “Mom, I don’t need anything, I’m doing fine.”

Her mother just held a hand up. “Just take a look before you decide you don’t want it. Consider it an early birthday present.”

Clarke’s birthday was on Friday, a fact that she hadn’t told anyone. Only Wells knew and she’d already told him she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

“Happy Birthday my daughter. I love you.”

“Thanks, I love you too, Mom.”

They both moved towards her door, knowing that the conversation was over for now. 

They moved into the living area where the group had all sat down to eat, quieter than they usually were. Things had gotten pretty heated and she was sure they could hear their arguing. 

“Everyone, this is my mother, Dr. Abby Griffin. Mom, this is Murphy, Emori, Octavia, Lincoln, Raven, Wick, Jasper, Monty, Harper, and Bellamy.” Clarke pointed each of them out to her and they all gave her mother some sort of greeting or wave. 

“Pleasure to meet everyone. Bellamy, I understand this was originally your apartment, and you offered a room to my daughter after the fire? That you pulled her out of?”

“Yes, ma’m.” Bellamy looked from Abby to Clarke and she tried to infuse an apology into her eyes for anything that her mother might bring up. Clarke prayed to every god that has ever existed that her mom wouldn’t say anything awkward.

“Hmm. Well, I appreciate you looking out for her. Thank you.”

“It really was my pleasure, Dr. Griffin.” Bellamy tried to give Abby a small smile, but he looked paler than she’d ever seen him.

“Okay, Mom, well, nice visit, I promise to call in the future if anything life-threatening happens, okay?”

Her mother just glared at her, but made for the front door. 

“Goodbye Clarke.”

“Bye Mom.”

Clarke headed back to her room, past her friends, who had remained silent and changed quickly from her swimsuit into more comfortable clothes. 

She flopped into her usual chair at the table and rested her forehead down on the table. Harper, who was sitting next to Clarke like usual, put a soothing hand on her back.

“Holy shit, she is _terrifying_.” Clarke heard Octavia say.

“O!” Bellamy tried to censure his sister.

“What? She is.”

“No, Octavia is right. She is very terrifying. Just like I remember. Good ole Mom. Ugh.” Clarke agreed with her friend.

“Well, this should help.” Raven plopped a shot glass of tequila down next to her and Clarke turned her head to face it and shot it without a second thought. Raven said nothing, just poured her another. And another. Finally, the panic seemed to start to ease and she was able to face the concerned look on her friends’ faces. 

“I’m fine, I promise you guys. But you know what would help?”

“Anything. You name it,” Octavia offered. 

“Steak. I’ve been _dying_ to try Jasper’s steak seasoning. I can’t believe I’ve known you all for months now and this is the first time I’m getting to try it.” She tried to make a joke out of it and liven up the mood, but it came out a little dry. She just didn’t want to talk about Abby right now.

They all let it go though and soon things were back to relatively normal. Bellamy shot her the occasional concerned glance, but she was grateful that he just let it be.

Wells showed up later for dessert, like usual. They were all at various stages of pleasantly drunk, Monty and Harper playing video games and the rest of them making up their own rules at Monopoly. None were more drunk than Clarke though. But since she wasn’t going to have to drive, she was perfectly happy to be the most inebriated.

“Hey all, I brought pie! Ooh Monopoly, whose making up the rules this time?” 

“Jasper. Which basically means everything goes.”

“I love it when it’s Jasper’s Monopoly, I’m in!!” 

“You can take over for me,” Clarke offered him, since her head had started spinning slightly. She couldn’t hold her alcohol like she used to and it was annoying. 

“Clarke, you okay?” Wells asked when he noticed her swaying slightly on her way to get a glass of water.

“Mmhmm.”

“We got to meet the famous Abby Griffin tonight,” Raven leaned over and whispered loudly to him.

She sneaked a peek at her friend and saw that his eyes had widened and his eyebrows shot up. “Abby was _here_? In this apartment?” He looked around wildly like she was about to pop out at him or something. She didn’t blame him.

“Yep. She was here alright. I’ve been a - avoiding her since the fire. I should’ve just called her back, she wouldn’t have come. S - sorry everyone.”

“Clarke, it’s fine. It’s just your mother. If anyone understands not wanting your mother around, it’s us,” Bellamy reassured her. He always knew what to say and it made Clarke’s butterflies that had taken up permanent residence in her stomach whenever he was around flutter furiously. She had to bite her cheek to keep from saying something too affectionate to him that she’d probably be embarrassed about in the morning.

“I’m - I’m just going to go to bed, okay? Take your time, enjoy dessert, maybe save me a slice of pie? I just need to s - sleep this off.” 

She glanced back at her friends, all of them waving her off and she caught a glimpse of Bellamy looking fidgety for a moment before reluctantly turning back to the game. She let her eyes linger on his figure for a moment longer, her resolve in not being honest with her feelings faltering briefly. 

How could she _not_ be in love with him? 

She sighed and chickened out once again and made her way to her bed, whose soft, warm covers awaited her. She could smell the chlorine on her body and knew she should probably shower before she made her bed smell the same way, but she couldn’t muster up the strength to care.

The last thing she saw before falling asleep was the small bag her mother had set down on the dresser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She finally FINALLY realizes she's in love with him! People, it only gets better from here ;)
> 
> Also, we get meet Abby Griffin! What's in the bag?
> 
> And Clarke's birthday! 
> 
> See you Tuesday!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! Got it up a few hours early ;)
> 
> And I will say, I don't think I will be able to wait until Saturday to get the next posted, especially since this one was a little shorter. As long as I can get it edited okay, I should have it up by Friday.
> 
> Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Branamarie! I hope this day is wonderful to you :)
> 
> Happy reading to all, and to all a good night!

Bellamy didn’t have a good chance to talk with Clarke about how she was feeling about the whole Abby thing until Friday, their only shared day off that week. The morning following Abby’s surprise visit, she’d been mostly grumbly and didn’t want to talk about it. It clearly affected her and she was struggling, but he wanted to give her the space to talk when she was ready.

Abby had surprised him as well. Meeting Clarke’s one remaining parent in that way was not what he expected. She hadn’t talked about her mother too much, only to say that she had cheated on her father and they didn’t speak beyond the occasional life update. 

He and his mom weren’t much different. There wasn’t any outright hostility that Clarke had with her mom, they just never fully repaired their relationship after everything that had happened when him and O were younger. Octavia was the closest to that kind of animosity with their mother, she preferred to stay far away for as much as possible.

Seeing how hurt Clarke was with her mother and the aura of sadness that followed the both of them made him feel like maybe he should work a little harder at having his mother in his life. After all, he was in love, and while he hadn’t really shared that with anyone yet, if anything did happen with Clarke, he’d want to share it with his mom.

Determining the conversation can wait until their annual Christmas gathering though, he pushed his thoughts about it aside and decided to focus on Clarke. 

He’d woken up early that Friday, and made her a stack of her favorite lemon blueberry pancakes and a ridiculous amount of bacon. 

He had a steaming mug of coffee waiting for her when she stepped out of her room, shielding her eyes a bit from the fall sun streaming into their windows. 

“Morning, Sunshine! Pancakes?”

Clarke did this squinty thing with her eyes when she just wakes up that causes her nose to wrinkle and a slight flush to bloom on her cheeks that was possibly one of his favorite of her looks. He had to remind himself to not think about how even more adorable it would be if he saw it if they ever ended up waking up _together_ together.

“Lemon blueberry? My favorite. Thank you.” She accepted the mug and drank greedily. Bellamy just laughed and refilled her cup. “I never used to be a breakfast person, what have you done to me Blake?”

That made him laugh even harder. “I remember. But if you recall, I promised to change your mind.”

“Yes, yes, I remember too.” She waved a hand in his direction. “I concede, okay? Breakfast is delicious. Now hand them over.”

She took a large bite that should’ve never fit in her mouth but somehow when it came to Clarke and lemon blueberry pancakes, he swore she could unhinge her jaw like a snake. He bit into his own stack and the only sounds for a few moments were Clarke moaning over her meal, which he really really tried to ignore, but the thoughts of her making those sounds under different circumstances kept creeping into his mind. 

He cleared his head and pushed the plate of bacon towards her. 

“Bacon too?” She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him and he was confused. “Did Wells talk to you?”

Wells? “No… what does Wells have to do with breakfast?” 

“Just… you’re sure he didn’t mention anything?”

“No, I swear, Clarke. This is just the first day off you’ve had since Sunday and I thought you could use a good start to your day. That’s all.”

She hmmed and responded, “Okay. Nevermind. What’s on your docket today?” 

“Well, I’ve got lunch with Lincoln later, but nothing really after that. You?”

“I’m probably just going to hang around here for a while. Maybe go for a walk, I don’t know.”

“Well if you want to wait until after my lunch, we can go together? There’s a park near here that looks beautiful this time of year when all the leaves start changing color.”

“Yeah, actually, that sounds awesome. I’m in.”

“Okay, I’ll text you when I’m on my way back.”

She just nodded and shoved another bite of pancakes in her mouth and he chuckled and did the same.

\----------------------

Bellamy pulled up just behind Lincoln at the diner. While they weren’t the best of friends, he appreciated the way the man balanced his sister out. Octavia has always been extremely passionate and fiery and usually jumps in with both feet. But she’s also strong, and capable. 

When she brought home an older man, Bellamy was so nervous and his big brother bear mode was alert and ready for quite a while. They’d even gotten into a few fights over it. But eventually, once it was clear Lincoln wasn’t there for the wrong reasons and seemed to actually temper O’s more wild tendencies, he saw how completely in love with each other they were. 

Still, he and Bellamy were never super close and they definitely didn’t hang out one on one often. 

Which made him _all kinds_ of nervous. He was sure Lincoln was going to ask about Octavia moving in with him and while he appreciated the gesture, he was not looking forward to that.

“Hey man, glad you could make it,” Lincoln smiled at him, which he almost never did, lending credence to Bellamy’s theory. But the smile had an undercurrent of nerves. 

_If we’re going to do this, let’s just do this._

Bellamy smiled half-heartedly at him, which seemed to only serve to make Lincoln even more nervous, and if Bellamy was being honest, he drew a teensy measure of satisfaction from it.

They spent the first half hour in awkward silence trying to figure out what to order and making small talk. It made Bellamy feel like he was on a first date and it reminded him why he hated dating so much.

Clarke didn’t count. Dating someone he was already in love with would be something he’d actually enjoy. _That_ was what his heart ached for. Now he just had to summon the courage to actually _talk_ to her about it.

Turning his focus back to Lincoln, Bellamy _thought_ that he knew why they were there. So color him surprised when Lincoln suddenly spit out, “I want to ask your sister to marry me.”

Bellamy felt like he was going to be sick. His stomach dropped to the floor and he had the sudden urge to crawl under the table under the guise of looking for it.

“I’m… I’m sorry, what?” he finally stammered out.

To his credit, Lincoln did not cower or be intimidated, but he looked Bellamy straight in the eyes, chin held high and repeated his statement. “I want to ask your sister to marry me.” He took a deep breath and despite the slight shake of his voice he added, “I’m completely in love with her. Nothing would make me happier than spending the rest of my life making her as happy as she makes me. I’m not asking your permission, O would kill me if I did. She’s not property or a prize, she’s my home, my literal other half. I’m asking for your blessing. You are the most important person in her life and I know she would want it.”

Bellamy’s mouth was so dry he had to drink an entire glass of water before responding. He sighed. “Of course you have my blessing Lincoln. I see how much you two love each other. It’s just… you’ve only been dating for like a year!”

“I know, but when you know, you know. And we’ve been talking about moving in together, I think she mentioned something to you about that?” Bellamy nodded. “And I just want to make it official. I want to show her I am ready for a full commitment.”

“Are you sure she is?”

Lincoln hesitated, but only briefly. “We’ve already talked about getting married eventually. And if she wants a long engagement, I’ll give that to her, without question. I just need her to know that she’s the most important part of my life and I’m not going anywhere, ever.”

Bellamy sighed again, but acquiesced and gave Lincoln his full and unconditional blessing. He also gave him a threat similar to the one he gave him when they first started dating, but this was said in kindness and understanding, rather than open hostility like the first time.

They finished their meal in a less awkward place now that everything was out in the open and Bellamy found himself anxious to talk to Clarke about it. 

Once he got back in his car, he took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes for a minute replaying their conversation before shooting Clarke a quick text.

** _Bellamy:_ ** _ On my way._

It was only a few moments before she responded.

** _Clarke:_ ** _ Ok :) I’ll be ready. Walking or driving?_

_**Bellamy:** Walking, it’s just around the corner._

At least he had their walk in the park to look forward to. Every time his sister called or texted now, he’d have an anxiety attack. He should’ve asked Lincoln exactly _when_ he would be proposing.

He got back and while he didn’t _plan_ on hugging her, he really felt like he needed that contact, so as soon as he saw her he gathered her into his arms and to his relief she came to him readily.

“Whoa! What’s going on? Was lunch really that bad?”

“Yes.” He held on probably longer than was appropriate for friends, but her presence and touched soothed him and like she could read his mind, he could feel her tuck her head in his neck and place a hand on the back of his neck.

“You going to tell me why?” she asked when he didn’t offer more information. 

They finally parted and he immediately missed the warmth and the general feeling that came with holding her. 

“Yeah, but let’s get going before it gets dark, I’ll tell you on the way.”

They grabbed their coats and took off for the park. He used to go there whenever he needed to think, much like Clarke’s river. When he finished telling her what happened over lunch, he realized how silly he sounded for getting upset.

“I know it’s stupid, but… she’s my baby sister and sometimes I still see her as just a kid, even though I _know_ she’s not.” 

Clarke listened patiently. “I don’t have any siblings, but I can see how much you love your sister, and I’ve heard how hard you fought for her, protected her. And you raised a strong, wonderful woman. Someone who is completely capable of making the right call with this. She loves Lincoln. They have the kind of love the rest of us would kill for…” 

His head turned in her direction and he almost did it. He opened his mouth to tell her that she did have someone who loved her like that. “Clarke… I…” but his tongue suddenly felt it was too big for his mouth and he saw her gentle smile and it was just too much all of a sudden. He couldn’t do it.

“You have such a big heart Bellamy. But you’ve got to use your head too and realize she’ll make the right decision.”

“Don’t I have you for that?” He saw her cheeks blush and her smile crept over her entire face, lighting up her eyes.

“Yeah, you do.”

There was a peaceful silence between them as they walked, enjoying the crisp fall air. He had to keep himself from grabbing her hand, reminding himself for the umpteenth time that they were _just friends._

Breaking the quietness, he asked, “So do you want to talk about your mom?”

He could see her sigh and stare down at the ground. “Not much to talk about. I’m not being fair to her, I know that. I’m just so mad at her still. Mad at having the affair that broke up my parents in the first place, mad at her distance after he died, mad that I can’t just let it go.”

“I think that’s understandable. She doesn’t seem like an easy person to be around.”

“She isn’t. But she was right; it wasn’t too much to ask for me to let her know I was okay and I do really want a relationship with her, believe it or not. I just don’t know how.” She avoided his gaze for a moment before continuing, “You know, she left something for me on my dresser before she left.”

“She did? What was it?”

“I don’t know. It’s in a bag and I haven’t gotten up the courage to look inside yet.”

“What did she say about it? Why did she give it to you?”

She was acting strange and Bellamy couldn’t get a read on it. She was glancing all around and he could practically see her biting the inside of her cheek.

“Not in so many words, but she said to look inside before I decide I don’t want it and to consider it…” she sighed and spoke so softly, he almost didn’t catch it. “...an early birthday present.”

“I’m sorry, did you just say ‘birthday’? As in yours? As in, it’s coming up? When? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I just didn’t want anyone to make a big deal about it, my birthday never is anymore. My dad used to go all out and make it the day of the century just to make me feel special and doing anything like that on the day now without him… it just feels wrong. So I just let it pass like normal. And before you get mad at Wells for not telling you, he’s been sworn to secrecy.”

He rolled his eyes and while he could understand her desire to keep that day low key, she still could have told him. He would never go against her wishes; birthdays get to be spent however the person wants. “I’m not mad at Wells, I’m not even mad at you. I just wish you knew you felt like you could have told me. We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want. I could just say happy birthday and let it be.” He hesitated, thinking this might be pushing it a bit, but he was pretty sure they were at the level of friendship where he could nudge her a bit. “So...are you going to tell me when it is? Please?”

She sighed and closed her eyes and just when Bellamy thought that maybe he did go too far, she mumbled back, “Today.”

His eyes widened and he was sure his mouth dropped. Then things starting clicking into place. “So, when you asked this morning if I had talked to Wells…”

“I thought Wells told you it was my birthday, so you were making my favorite pancakes. Clearly, that wasn’t the case.”

“Nope. Well, Princess, happy birthday.”

She let out a chuckle and responded with a simple thanks. They spent the rest of their walk talking about work and different patients/calls they’ve had lately. Just catching up on their week like they usually do. They passed a flower vendor and when the man asked, “Care to buy a flower for your beautiful lady?” he didn’t even bother correcting him. He just bought one and handed it over to Clarke, without any fanfare. She looked at him skeptically but sweetly and said nothing.

When they finally made it back home, it was close to dinner, which gave Bellamy an idea.

“So. What do you say to lasagna for dinner tonight?”

“You know lasagna is my favorite, Bellamy. First breakfast, then a walk in the park, then a flower and now you’re going to cook my favorite dinner? That might be too much celebration for me.”

He thought she’d say that, and he was ready for it. “First of all, half that stuff happened when I didn’t even know it was your birthday so it doesn’t count. And second of all, I’m not cooking dinner. You are.”

She narrowed her eyes and bit her lip as she debated internally while Bellamy waited, determined not to fidget under her appraising glare. 

“Okay. Let’s do it.” Her scowl started turning happier and soon a smile was spreading across her face. “What’s first?” Her voice betrayed her and he could hear how excited she was to learn. 

He tried not to smile too broadly, but he knew it was obvious he was excited too. “Well, first we need to get our ingredients out. The noodles in the cupboard over there, the pasta sauce, the ricotta and mozzarella cheeses, the spices, and the beef. Sometimes I use sausage, but beef is what we have so we’ll just use that.” This was his element. He loved to cook, having made the bulk of his meals growing up himself, and he loved to teach. If he hadn’t decided to be a firefighter, in another life he would’ve gone to college to be a teacher.

Clarke eagerly put some music on, washed her hands and started following his directions. He smiled and shook his head when she started bopping a little to the song. 

When the noodles were done cooking, she started pulling them out of the pot and he saw her frown. He was busy draining the beef, but set it aside. “What’s wrong?”

“I think I messed up. They’re not cooked. They’re still stiff.”

“They’re supposed to be. It’s not spaghetti. Because it still has to go in the oven and there are so many layers, you have to pull it out early so they have a structure to it.”

“Okayyy…” she trailed off, like she didn’t believe him.

“What? Who's the one teaching who here?” he joked with her.

She scowled at his retort but she bumped hips with him to show that she was teasing too. Her scowl turned into a smile and she proceeded to follow his next instructions. She mixed the beef in with the spices and marinara. Her eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she tried to follow the directions precisely.

“You know, sometimes it’s okay to just go with the flow. Put what tastes good to you in it. Like, try it, grab a spoon.” He nodded his head over to where they kept the silverware. She skipped over and grabbed one out, returning to the stove. 

She scooped some out and commented, “Um, I think it needs more salt?” She scooped some more and held some out for Bellamy to try. He hesitated briefly but leaned over. As he took a taste, he noticed how weirdly close they were standing. It distracted him and he ended up taking the spoon to the side of his mouth, resulting in a smear across his cheek.

She giggled at him and grabbed a towel to wipe it off and as she did so, he swore he could practically feel the air shift. But as soon it was there, it was gone and they were back to cooking again.

A little while later, they finally finished off the final layer of lasagna and she very carefully placed it in the oven. He loved watching her concentrate so deeply. Bellamy knew that she took great pride in the things she did and wanted to do well at it.

They leaned back against the counter and he was trying to figure out what to say when she went over to the cupboard to grab a couple wine glasses and a bottle from the fridge (she likes her wine cold he found out when she moved in, which he constantly liked to tease her about) and hopped up on the counter so she was sitting next to him. 

He took the filled glass gratefully and they sipped in comfortable silence with the music playing softly now just in the background, for a few minutes. 

“Thanks, by the way,” she said suddenly.

He turned towards her, and realized how close they were standing again. They’d been doing that a lot, he registered. There _should_ be more space between them than there was, but somehow, they were always drawn closer to each other, almost like magnets. There’d be no reason for them to be so close, but they always were. It's not like he ever found himself inches away from Murphy. He wasn’t complaining though; he loved being in her orbit.

“For what?”

“This was the first birthday I haven’t spent alone in years. It was always my choice to be alone, because I thought it’d be too hard to be around people, and it was easy. Wells was in another state and my mom and I don’t really talk, as you know, so it was easy to avoid people. Even last year, when I was with Finn, I didn’t even tell him it was my birthday, just that I was busy that day. You know, we were together almost a whole year and he didn’t even notice that I never had a birthday?” She shook her head a little and smiled sadly. 

He put his hand on her leg without thinking and just when he realized he had and was about to pull it away, she looked at him and smiled so he left it. It broke his heart a little to hear that she always spent her birthday alone, self-imposed or not. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Like I said, it was my choice. I just don’t think I grasped how much I wanted people to care, you know? I told myself I didn’t, because it was easier. But you’ve made my whole day and you don’t even realize how much it meant to me. You’re important to me, Bellamy.”

His heart skipped a few beats before starting to beat wildly. She was looking right at him and he stared into her eyes right back. He noticed that the blues of her eyes that were usually incredibly bright, were a few shades darker and he was sure his own brown ones were doing the same thing.

The air became thick and he almost started fidgeting under her gaze but he forced himself to hold steady, refusing to glance at her lips like he could feel himself wanting to. Slowly, his hand on her thigh had started creeping farther up her leg without permission until it was closer to her hip and he was almost standing directly between her legs. And his other hand was braced on the counter on her other side.

He blinked heavily to get some relief from the weight of the tension in the air and when he opened them it was her turn to break the look and he saw her eyes flick downwards to his lips before returning to his eyes and his breathing became shallow as he slowly inched his way forward.

He let himself look at her lips as well and she let out a breathy, “Bell,” so quiet that he was almost afraid she hadn’t said it at all.

Everything in his head screamed at him to stop, that this was something they couldn’t come back from if he closed the now very small gap between their faces and something went wrong, but his heart was begging him to take the leap; that they were a step away from everything he’d ever wanted. And well, he’d always been one to follow his heart. 

She closed her eyes and he leaned in and when they were not even two inches away, his phone in his pocket started vibrating and blaring _Uprising_ by Muse, indicating that Octavia was calling. He groaned and stepped back, the spell they were under and the little world they’d created, broken. He avoided her eyes that he could feel watching him, as he scrambled to answer before it went to voicemail.

“O! Hey, uh, what’s up?” he cringed when he realized his voice sounded a little hoarse so he cleared his throat and reflexively glanced up at Clarke who was still perched on the counter. She had a mischievous grin on her face that made him wish he had never picked up the phone in the first place so he could be over there to kiss it off her face.

“BELL!!” His sister shouted so loud he had to pull the phone away from his ear to prevent hearing damage. “Is Clarke there? Please say yes!”

His voice cracked, “Um, yes, she’s, uh, right here.”

“Put me on speaker!” his sister demanded. He did as she asked and she continued, “Lincoln and I are engaged! I’m getting married!”

Clarke hopped off the counter and came to stand by the phone. “Oh Octavia, that’s amazing! I’m so excited for you! We both are,” she told his sister. She put a hand on his arm and he felt the spark and was grateful to her for holding him steady and answering for the both of them as the reality of the situation came screaming into the forefront of his mind. 

His baby sister was getting married and while he was thrilled for her, it scared him to death. Clarke must’ve sensed that he was spiraling because she tightened her grip on his arm and whispered, “Breathe, Bell.”

“Uh, yeah, congrats O. That’s exciting,” he finally managed to get out and he could hear Clarke’s muffled laughter. He glared at her and she buried her face in his arm to try and stifle it better.

“Thank you both! Okay, Clarke, I’m gonna need your and Raven’s help to get everything ready!”

“Sure, O, no problem, Of course I’m here when you’re ready to start planning and when you know when it’s going to be! Can’t wait. You’re going to be a beautiful bride.”

“Well, actually…” 

The pit in Bellamy’s stomach felt like it grew to the size of a watermelon.

“Wow, do you have a date picked out already? Winter, spring, summer...?” Clarke asked the question that was apparently on both their minds.

“Fall, actually.”

Bellamy let out a breath he forgot he was holding. Okay, a year. He can handle that. Plenty of time to get used to the idea.

“Oh the leaves will be changing, and a whole year to get things prepared, sounds great,” Clarke indulged.

“Well, actually... it’s _this_ fall as a matter of fact. Next Saturday. We’re all flying over to Vegas. Lincoln has a friend who has this amazing property and has offered to let us use it.”

“A WEEK, O?!” he shouted and even he could hear the panic creeping into his voice and the blood drain from his face.

“Yep, we don’t want to wait. So Clarke, we have SO much to do, send me your schedule? We’ll have to spend all week getting stuff ready!”

“Of course, Octavia. Sending it now.” Clarke pulled out her phone and tapped a few times on the screen. “Done. Anything else right now?”

“Yeah, make sure my brother doesn’t have a heart attack, maybe? I really want him there and he won’t be able to if he’s in the hospital.”

Clarke quit trying to hide her laughter and answered, “Yep, I’ve got him. He looks like a ghost right now, but I’ll make sure he’s there, even if I have to drag him there myself.” She grinned at him and he let himself get lost in the brilliance of it, if only to distract his mind and rising anxiety.

“I’m sure he does. Chill out, Bell, it’ll be fine. Love you both! See you in a couple days at family dinner!”

His sister hung up the phone and they stared at each other again before the oven started going off. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. 

“Go sit down at the table, I’ll get this out.” She waved him off and he was grateful for it, as his legs felt like they would give out at any moment. He rested his forehead on the table and after a few minutes, he heard two plates being set down. He lifted his head at the aroma and saw Clarke take a bite and moan a little. “This is amazing. I’m a wonderful cook,” she smirked at him.

“Huh. Who knew?” he joked back. He finally picked up a fork and took a bite himself, noting how delicious it indeed was. “Not bad for your first try.”

“Not bad? It’s freaking awesome.”

He chuckled and they ate for a while longer. Their moment in the kitchen seemed to have passed and Bellamy couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He wasn’t sure if she had swept up or not in the tension and emotional weight, or if she was feeling something similar for him like he did for her. He could still feel the warmth of her body so close to his, and the look in her eyes as he gripped her hip. But as it was, he was too chicken to outright ask and he wasn’t sure when they’d get another moment like that.

So to distract himself, he asked instead, “Did you want to open the bag your mom gave you?”

She froze and her face flushed with nervousness. He reached out a hand and placed it on her arm. “I’ll be right here.” Clarke took a deep breath, and nodded. She got up and went to her room, returning with the bag and set it down on the table between them. 

She hesitated, and then reached inside, pulling out a card and a small box. She opened the card and read it aloud. _"Clarke, honey, I hope you have a wonderful birthday spent with those you love.”_ Her eyes flicked up to him for an instant, then back down. _“I thought you might like to have this. I couldn’t get it to work, but it is special all the same. Love, Mom.” _

She set the card down, and opened the box. Tears sprung to her eyes instantly and she let out an audible gasp. She reached in and pulled out a man’s watch. It looked old, but well loved and taken care of. 

“Clarke?”

“This was my dad’s. He wore it every day. I… I didn’t even know my mom still had it,” her voice was barely a whisper and she ran her fingers over the face. She glanced up at him with wet eyes and cheeks. “It's like I have a piece of him back. I can’t believe it.” His heart soared for the relief she must be feeling. Bellamy saw first hand how devastated she was when she lost it all, and he was grateful that maybe she'd be able to use this as an opportunity to patch things up with her mother if she wanted to.

They sat there like that for a while before they broke for bed. He gave her a hug, and relished how it felt to hold her in his arms again, gave her a kiss on the cheek and whispered to her before they parted, “Happy Birthday, Princess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys! I know, I know, you all hate me now, I get it, it's okay. I can take it. But seriously if you hate me now... ;)
> 
> Happy birthday to Clarke! She ended up with quite the day, didn't she? But weirdly, this whole chapter ended up in Bellamy's POV, which totally wasn't intentional, originally. I usually try to put both in each chapter, but I was having some chapter break issues, trying not to make them so long, so I had to break it here. Hope it was okay!
> 
> And aww, I loved being able to put the watch in this story. I wanted to give Clarke a piece of her dad back and I thought it was important that Abby be the one to give it to her, so I put his watch in there. 
> 
> Also, what kind of hijinks are these crazy kids going to get up to in Vegas?? Fun fact, I lived there for a while, so it was fun to pop it in this story.
> 
> See you Friday, or earlier. I'm really bad at sticking to a posting schedule, but hey, at it's usually sooner than later, right??


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so originally I intended for Vegas to be one chapter. However, because I have no self-control and only seem to be able to write ridiculously long chapters, I had to cut it in half. So that means, you get a bonus chapter tomorrow or Sunday! 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Clarke hardly got to see Bellamy at all in the week leading up to Octavia’s wedding. They were only going to be gone a couple of days, but a few of the group, including the two of them, had shifts that were going to need to be covered. Bellamy was busy working overtime and helping Lincoln get his stuff together and moving Octavia’s stuff into Lincoln’s house, while Clarke was out with Octavia every moment she wasn’t at the hospital.

She knew Bellamy was trying to hold it together for his sister’s sake, but that he was struggling a bit with the idea that he was walking her down the aisle to give her away in a few short days. He may be only 30, but he acted like someone who was twice that when it came to change. She wished desperately for some time to talk with him, see where his head was at, but they were just too busy.

Her birthday had been an emotional one, to say the least. She was dreading that day, hoping for it to pass in relative peace, but she had to admit that it was nice telling Bellamy about it. He had understood, like she knew he would, and hadn’t made a big deal about it. He just did things for her in his own small way and she loved him for it. 

Being in love with a best friend was a struggle. She found herself fantasizing about him pushing her up against a door or wall and kissing her senseless, or climbing into his lap while they sat on the couch watching a movie. And then came her birthday and the kitchen and she’d been daydreaming about a moment like that for so long, she’d half convinced herself that she made it all up and it hadn’t actually happened.

But she was still unsure what it meant and she was too much of a coward to ask him about it. Maybe it was a one-time thing and he was grateful that Octavia had called when she did. Clarke wouldn’t have blamed him. She felt like such a mess still and while she never felt better than when she was in his presence, she didn’t want to put that pressure on him. He was dealing with a lot right now with O getting married and she decided to just give him some space for the moment.

Maybe when they got back and had a chance to settle down, they could talk about it. However, in the meantime, she could practically feel the trail of fire his palm had left behind on her leg and hip still and the heat that had pooled in her stomach. She had almost finished closing the distance herself so she could finally feel his lips on hers but while _she_ knew what she wanted, it was what _he_ wanted she was trying to figure out.

Plus, now there was going to be an open room at Harper and Raven’s and Clarke was stuck trying to figure out if she should move apartments or not. Bellamy had offered her his spare room after the fire because there was no other place for her and he might like to have the place to himself again.

It was her back and forth musings like this that got her into trouble while shopping with the girls for Octavia’s dress on Tuesday.

“Hello? Earth to Clarke?” Raven was waving a hand in front of her face and she realized she had been spacing out and missed a question. 

“I’m sorry, I totally missed that. What?”

“What do you think of this one? I know it won’t be super hot there still, but is this too long? Should I go shorter?” Octavia asked her. She didn’t want it to be all white and it had been a challenge to find one that had green accents without looking like a prom dress. 

She was currently wearing one that was made almost entirely of off white tulle, with plunging neckline and open back. There were hints of green tulle throughout the long flowy skirt.

“That looks incredible Octavia. And I think the lightness of the tulle will help with keeping you cool. As will the sexy open back,” she winked at her friend and it made Octavia giggle a little. 

“Okay, I think this is the one! I’ll get them to bag it up and we can go to TonDC for some drinks!”

“Oh, you just want to see your future hubby and tease him about the dress,” Emori teased her. 

“Mayyybe,” Octavia responded and that made them all chuckle.

Harper nudged her in the ribs after Octavia had disappeared back into the dressing room. “So where were you just then? Looks like you had something pretty important on your mind.”

Clarke tried to play it off and shook her head. “Nope. Just you know… work stuff. And travel stuff. Nothing important.”

Raven narrowed her eyes at her and suddenly Clarke felt like she’d rather be in an interrogation room under suspicion of murder than under Raven Reyes’ glare.

“You’re lying. Your face does this twitchy thing whenever you’re trying to skirt a question.”

_Crap_. When did Raven get to know her tells so easily?

“Raven…”

“Just spit it out Griffin, I’ll get it out of you one way or another.”

“It’s seriously not a big deal guys.”

Emori raised her eyebrows at her. “Okay, now I’m super curious too. What is it?”

“Fine…” She couldn’t believe that she was about to say it and tried for anything to avoid this line of questioning, but Raven was right, she’d never stop. “Bellamy and I kind of… sort of… almost… maybe… kissed?” She felt her face go bright red and avoided all of her friend’s piercing gazes.

It was quiet for a good minute before she heard Emori finally said something. “I fucking _knew_ it!” 

“What do you mean, you _almost_ kissed?” Raven asked. 

“Wait, it was almost? You didn’t actually kiss?” Emori asked. Clarke finally looked up to scowl at them.

“It was last Friday when he was showing me how to make lasagna…”

“Ooh, sexy,” Raven teased. Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Anyway, we were just about to, but O’s phone call about the engagement interrupted and the moment was over.”

“What’d I interrupt?”

“Clarke and Bellamy almost kissed last Friday,” Harper volunteered up.

Clarke closed her eyes and waited to be berated from his sister, but all she got was a squeal and, “Fucking _finally!_”

“Oh my gosh you guys! You can’t tell me you all have been waiting for this to happen,” Clarke said in disbelief, hanging her head in her hands.

“Are you kidding? Of course we have, it’s been in the cards for _months_,” Octavia said, exasperated. “I’m just sorry I interrupted!” 

“Octavia! Maybe nothing would’ve happened. He looked pretty relieved when your call came in.”

“Oh please, he was probably just super anxious. He’s big on avoidance.”

“Anyway, we haven’t talked about it and he doesn’t seem particularly interested in having that conversation.”

“That’s because Bellamy hates facing his feelings. Especially if he’s not sure if they’re reciprocated,” Raven pointed out. Her words gave Clarke a little bit of hope, but she tried not to let them get too high.

“And hasn’t he been busy all week, getting ready to leave, like you?” Harper brought up. She had a point. 

But Clarke’s head was spinning and the last thing she needed was one of them slipping this conversation to him. “Can we just stop talking about this, please? And don’t say anything to him? Especially if he regrets it, I don’t want him thinking I’m some lovesick teenager.”

“I really don’t think you have to worry about that, but sure, if that’s what you’re comfortable with, we’ll keep quiet for now. But if you two don’t pull your heads out of your asses soon, we’re going to step in,” Raven threatened her.

“Yeah, yeah, got it,” Clarke mumbled back to her. While she had more optimism about it than she did earlier and it felt good to say it all out loud, she was still nervous. 

She was so in love with him, it was bordering on ridiculous. She wanted nothing more than to tell him everything. But if it didn’t work, would she lose him? Would it be awkward? He was this amazing, brave, selfless man that had held her together every time she felt like falling apart and he was safe and kind and loved his family with his whole heart. She reaffirmed her decision to talk to him when they got back. She had to try. 

\--------------

They boarded the plane in the wee hours of Friday morning, most were walking zombies since Octavia had chosen a flight that left at five in the morning. It was a four hour flight and she said if they were only going to be there for a few nights that they were going to get there as early as possible.

Like the chicken she was, when it came to seating assignments, she made sure she was squeezed in between Raven and Harper. The last thing she needed was to talk about their almost-kiss on a plane where, if he turned her down (gently, she was sure, but still), then they’d be stuck sitting next to each other for another few hours. 

She caught him looking at her though when she sat down, and she felt bad for the briefest of moments. He was still one of her best friends and here she was avoiding him like a high schooler. She knew Raven saw what was happening because she rolled her eyes so hard that Clarke practically heard them roll out of her head. 

They connected gazes and Clarke couldn’t help the smile that showed up on her face. It was impossible to be looked at by Bellamy Blake and _not_ smile at the way he made her chest warm. She saw his lips twitch up in response and his ears turn red, as he tore his gaze away from her to listen to whatever Jasper was saying next to him. 

The flight was pretty boring, for the most part. They all took naps, or watched the complimentary movies on the back of the seats. When they stepped off the plane, they were all completely ill-prepared for the weather that awaited them. While it was October already, apparently that didn’t matter to the Las Vegas sun. 

They all shed their jackets immediately and while most had just brought carry-on luggage, Octavia, Lincoln, and Bellamy had extra stuff for the wedding, so they went to baggage claim while the rest went to get the rental cars. Clarke volunteered to go with O and Lincoln, and unfortunately for Clarke’s nerves, Bellamy offered too.

Raven gave her a look, but Clarke looked away quickly and headed after the other three.

“So what’s first, O?” Clarke asked. “This is your weekend. Well, yours too, Lincoln, obviously.”

“Oh, I’m perfectly happy to do whatever Octavia wants to do. She’s got quite a list written down. I’m pretty excited about checking out the Stratosphere though, I hear the view is beautiful from up there.”

“Yep, that’s on the list,” O beamed at her husband to be and Clarke swelled with happiness for them. It didn’t take a genius to see how happy they were to be doing this, even if she knew Bellamy thought they were rushing it. O had told him earlier in the week, “If you know, then you know, and why waste time not being together?” She glanced at Bellamy and wondered if that’s exactly what the two of them were doing.

Octavia continued, “But, first is lunch, because I’m so hungry, I swear I’m going to eat my own hand.” She heard Bellamy chuckle. “And then I thought we’d check out the hotel. We picked Treasure Island because the pirate show is supposed to be so fun to watch! And then…” she continued on and on as they got closer to the baggage claim, listing off places Clarke had never heard of, like some fountains, a fake eiffel tower, and a volcano show. 

She was more focused on the fact that the back of Bellamy’s hand kept brushing up against hers as they walked.

Once they had met up with the rest of the group, who had thankfully swung around with the cars, they climbed in the more empty one, driven by Raven, and off they went.

***

Bellamy didn’t get it. What was so special about this place? It was a bunch of lights and people flipping porn at you in the streets as you walked, and crowds so thick you had to constantly keep track of the group you were with so you didn’t get lost. 

That last part, however wasn’t so bad, as it gave him an excuse to keep an eye on Clarke without seeming stalker-ish.

He had been dying to talk to her all week, but she was busy with work and his sister, and he was stuck working overtime to get his shifts covered and helping Lincoln. At some point, Kane was going to put his foot down and not let them take time off like this anymore. 

While he was disappointed that Wells wasn’t able to make the trip, they were able to have an interesting conversation before he left. In addition to having to look after his father anyway, he volunteered to cover for Raven, as she was having a hard time finding a cover for her shift and Wells had insisted that her presence at the wedding was more important than his.

They were just about to leave for the day a couple days ago, when Wells stopped him. 

“Hey man, you got a minute?”

Bellamy’s heart started pounding, sure this was about Clarke. Did she talk to him about the fact they’d almost kissed? Was he about to big brother him and ask his intentions, or worse, tell him to back off? Him and Wells had become better friends recently, but he knew that the bond he and Clarke had ran deep.

“Of course, what’s going on?” They started walking out to the parking lot.

“I just wanted to talk to you about the trip. I’m sorry I can’t make it. Will you pass on my congratulations to Octavia and Lincoln though?”

“Oh, yeah, no problem, of course.” He breathed a sigh of relief. “Was that it?” he asked.

“Well, and I wanted to offer something to Octavia. My dad has owned a storefront over on Rover street for quite a while. He intended to turn it into a bookstore, but then he got sick and now…” he hesitated. “Anyway, I told him that Octavia wanted to open her own tattoo shop and so he said he’d cut her a good deal on it if she wanted it.”

“Wow, Wells, that’s really generous, that’s a great location, I’ll let her know.”

Wells nodded, then narrowed his eyes. “So, what did you think I was going to talk to you about? You got really red when I asked if you had a sec.”

_Shit._

“Oh nothing.”

“You’re a shitty liar Blake. Clarke, right?” He raised one eyebrow up at Bellamy. “Yeah, I’ve seen the way you look at her. You think I don’t? She’s practically my sister. Once upon a time, I thought maybe we’d… anyway, I’m well versed in what that look is about.”

“Uh, look, it’s nothing, okay? I know she’s still dealing with all the shit life has thrown at her lately and I’m not planning on complicating that, okay? At least, not anytime soon.”

“Interesting that you’d see it as a complication. Because, I’ve seen the way she is around you. I haven’t really talked to her about you, but I see how she is. She’s happy, breathes deeper and is lighter when she’s with you. You keep her centered, grounded. She’s lucky to have you.”

“Yeah, I think you’ve got that backwards,” he said softly. Because, it was true. Clarke kept him anchored down. He knew he could be himself with her, and just being in her presence, calmed him, kept his head on straight. And if he did spiral, he knew she’d be there to snap him out of it.

He thought about this conversation all the way from Arkadia to Vegas, and then over to the hotel. They all got ready to go to dinner, and the boys went to the girls’ room to start walking over together. Murphy and Emori were the only two that had a room to themselves. The other four girls were sharing a 2 king suite and him, Jasper, Monty, and Lincoln were sharing an identical room across the hall. Lincoln and Octavia had a room reserved the next night for themselves after the wedding, but Bellamy tried not to think about that too much.

“Come on, you guys, you ready? I’m hungry!” Jasper shouted through the door. 

Emori pushed her way through the crowd of boys to rap her knuckles on the door. “It’s Emori, let me in.” The door cracked slightly and Emori slipped in. 

“Great. Now we’ve lost one.” Jasper threw up his hands and acted like he was going to die of starvation.

Only a few minutes later, the door opened and while they hadn’t dressed up for dinner, he felt a little drab in what he had decided to wear, which was just a v-neck and a pair of nice jeans.

He caught Clarke’s eyes and he wondered if there was ever going to be a time when she didn’t take his breath away. He doubted it. Her cheeks flushed but she looked away and they all headed downstairs. 

After dinner, which had made Bellamy warm slightly to the city since the food was absolutely delicious, they all wandered down to the street to get a good spot for watching the pirate show before heading off for drinks. None of them were particularly big gamblers, except for their poker game of course, so their plans consisted mostly of touristy shows and local bars.

The show started and they were so close, they almost got blasted with water from the fake cannon shots and while it was still warm out, he did not envy the actors that had to feign death and fall in the water. It was entertaining though.

They finally got to a bar and he, Lincoln, and Murphy went to go order drinks while the rest grabbed the last booth. It was a squeeze, fitting them all in, but O had assured them that they’d mostly be up dancing, so it wasn’t a problem.

Sure enough, four rounds later, Raven and Octavia dragged Clarke, Harper, and Monty out to the middle of the floor, despite their protests. They joined Murphy and Emori, who had been out there for a couple songs already. A local girl named Maya then came over to ask Jasper to dance with her. They were all pleasantly buzzed, but this was not the kind of dancing Bellamy liked doing, so he just watched in amusement with Lincoln, whose expression matched his, as the girls spun each other around. 

He watched Clarke throw her head back and laugh as Raven grabbed her hands to dance and her smile was so wide and brilliant, he found himself wishing he could taste just a little bit of the sunshine radiating off her being.

Lincoln must’ve just caught him staring, because he leaned over so Bellamy could hear him over the music and said, “So you going to go over there and dance with her, or what?” Bellamy turned in surprise, the normally quiet man didn’t usually just come out and say stuff like that.

“I don’t know what you mean, they all look like they are having enough fun with each other.”

“Sure. Look, I don’t want to assume anything, but we’re going to be brothers tomorrow, and from what Octavia has told me, you two seem pretty made for each other.”

“And what exactly did my sister say?”

“Just that you’re both happier than she’s ever seen either of you. That your complete opposites, but in your differences, you balance the other out. That you both steal glances at each other without the other seeing, and constantly stand closer together than is ever necessary and honestly, I see what she means. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you even consider dancing before, but it looked like you might actually do it for a minute there.”

“No, see, that would mean a level of courage I haven’t worked up to yet. Plus, I mean, we’re friends, best friends, and I’d hate to ruin that.”

“Courage is never something you’ve had trouble with. And isn’t that the best kind of love? The one that starts as best friends? Maybe you should just trust your gut.”

He cocked an eyebrow at Lincoln, who had sat back in seat, content to have said his piece. The man may be quiet, but apparently he’s far more observant than Bellamy had given him credit for. He was going to make a great husband and he was grateful he and O found each other.

He ordered another round of drinks for the table and the group that had been dancing finally made their way back over to the table to grab their next drink and head back out. Raven and Octavia tried (in vain) to talk him and Lincoln into dancing, but they decided to head over to the dart board and pool tables instead. Eventually the rest joined in and Bellamy noticed that Clarke was starting to sway a little, or it could’ve just been him not being able to focus, as he’d had his fair share of drinks as well.

“Hey, Princess, feeling alright?”

“Are you kidding? I feel great!” she tried to put a hand down on the table, but missed and went down to the floor hard. She burst out laughing and Bellamy chuckled and extended a hand down to her. “Okay, maybe not as great as I thought,” she slurred a little.

“You want a glass of water?” 

“Actually, what I could go for is a burger and fries,” she winked at him. “Oh! And a large milkshake.”

He wasn’t quite drunk enough to flirt openly, but drunk enough to maybe toe that line. “That does sound pretty good. You want to head out and grab some?” He didn’t think _now_ would really be a good time to bring up what happened in the kitchen, especially with them both so inebriated that he wasn’t even sure that they’d remember a good chunk of this evening anyway, but he missed her. They’d spent so much time this last week busy and away from each other, he missed just getting to be with her and talk with her.

“Ah! Yes, let’s go, that sounds great!” She leaned over to Raven and whispered something in her ear, smiling and he saw Raven cock an eyebrow at her and smile and nod. Clarke turned to him and gripped his arm and they started walking out.

They found a diner down the street which, despite the late hour, was still open. He was beginning to think this city never truly shut down.

They sat at the booth the waitress directed them towards and before she could turn to let them peruse the menu, Clarke had already ordered two chocolate shakes for them. The waitress just smiled and shook her head and walked off.

“Hope that’s okay, I remembered chocolate being your favorite,” she told him. He saw her blush a little, but that could’ve been from the alcohol. He was surprised they were able to even see straight with the now six rounds of drinks they had in them.

“So you doing okay? Wedding is tomorrow. The last one…” he trailed off, not wanting to bring up anything too sad, but wanting to check in all the same.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s a completely different situation this time and to be honest, I’m a different person than I was four months… five… however long it’s been now.” She shrugged and went to work on the french fries that the waitress had just plopped on the table. “How about you? Your baby sister is getting married… is that weird for you?”

Bellamy took a drink of his water and a bite of his burger before answering. “A little,” he admitted. “I mean, it was like yesterday she was wearing overalls and pigtails, and now she’s getting married. And I have to admit, it makes me think a little...” he swallowed hard, feeling like he might not have the right to feel this way, but knowing he could tell her anything and she’d understand. “I’m so much older than she is, I just always thought I’d be the one to settle down first. Not that I’m not incredibly happy for her, but sure, it makes me a little sad too,” he blurted out before he could stop. Somehow talking with Clarke about him getting married was not really where he saw tonight headed.

Clarke looked thoughtful for a moment and, almost like she wasn’t even really talking to him, said, “I’m sure you’ll find someone.” She focused better. “You know, you’re pretty great.” He tried not deflate at her implication that he’d find someone _else_ when all he wanted was _her_, but he was too drunk to really process through it. “You know what? Let’s go,” she said suddenly. She perked up and started rummaging through her bag, digging out some money and her phone. “Come on.” 

Clarke set the money down on the table and grabbed his hand and started heading for the door, typing something in her phone. “Clarke, what are we doing? And I can pay for myself.”

“Uh huh. I know, don’t worry about it. Over here.” He let her lead him into the convenience store next to the diner and bought a bottle of bourbon before he even knew what she was doing. Then they were back out to the street, where a car had pulled up. “Great timing, right? Get in.”

Clarke gestured to the car and he looked between the car and her with what he was sure was a dubious look on his face. What was she doing? Who was this? Where were they going?

She sighed and rolled her eyes, as if she could read his mind. Which, to her credit, might not have been too difficult if he said his thoughts out loud instead of in his mind like he thought. The food he ate hadn’t soaked up enough of the alcohol yet for him to know which one it was. 

“I have a plan. Your sister isn’t the only researcher around here, and so I have somewhere I want to go. I called a Lyft, because we are both not in any shape to drive. Don’t you trust me?”

He looked at her, feeling more sober than he had just a minute ago, and said, “Always.”

She smiled one of his favorite smiles, full of sunshine, and they both climbed in.

Turns out, she wanted to see the stars. She explained in the car that she wanted to find a place that was out of the city lights enough to see them all. That place happened to only be about 10 minutes out. It was a little grass covered hill at a park. Since it was so late, they were alone, so they laid out on their backs next to each other and stared up. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw so many of them. 

Arkadia didn’t have awful weather, but there were clouds in the sky about 90% of the time, so even during the summer they didn’t get to see a lot of stars. Here, there were thousands peppering the sky. Bellamy turned his head to look at the girl next to him and felt as if there was no where else in the world he’d rather be. 

Again, he was afraid he’d spoken his thoughts out loud as she suddenly turned her head and blushed a little, looking at him, smiling softly, but said nothing. She grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers and turned her head back to the sky.

“The stars are my favorite. Every time my dad would take me on one of our adventures, I’d always look up the best place in the area to stargaze.” She was still slurring her words together a little, but he was able to keep up okay. “I love Arkadia, but I miss the stars. My dad and I would lay out on blankets and try to find constellations. And then, we’d make up our own.” She laughed softly and he squeezed her hand.

“My mom and I loved stars and constellations too. I used to read astronomy books for fun as a kid.”

“You did not! Nerd!”

He chuckled. “I did. She was so patient. Even after her long days at work, this was before the drugs and stuff, she’d wake me up if it were clear enough and we’d drag blankets out to the backyard and even through the clouds she’d asked me to show her what new one I’d learned about that day. It’d be just the two of us.” He gazed off in the distance for a moment, getting lost in the memory.

“I always tried to take pictures of them, but it was beyond my skill level. I never seemed to capture the true beauty or expanse of them.” She paused and looked at him again. “You want to hear a secret?”

“Tell me.”

“I bought another camera.” He sat up and faced her, knowing what a big deal that was. His head spun slightly with the movement, but he pushed it aside.

“You did?”

She sat up too. “Yeah, I haven’t even told Octavia yet. I wanted to surprise her with pictures of her and Lincoln at the wedding.” Clarke looked away for a moment and picked at some blades of grass. “Plus, I wasn’t sure I’d actually be able to go through with it. It’s been so long. But I wanted to try. I think I’ve been stuck too much in the past and how much it hurt. And Wells said something about my dad and how he would want me to move on.” She took a swig of the bourbon that she’d bought and passed it over to him. He was still buzzed plenty, but took a drink anyway. “So this is me, trying. I’m nervous though. Which is, I think, why I’m telling you all of this. Because I’m pretty sure I won’t remember this tomorrow,” she laughed. 

“Well, I hope _I_ do.” He knocked shoulders with her and he wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the way he felt about her that made him so brave, but he put an arm around her and guided them back down on the grass to stargaze just a little longer. She rested her head on his chest and he hoped she passed off his irregular heart beat to the bourbon. Her golden hair splayed across his abdomen and she let out a little contented sigh.

Just when he thought he could muster up the courage to say something more to her, closer to how he actually felt, she announced that they should probably get back to the hotel and once again, he decided to put it off until tomorrow. He was getting close, though, so close. Lincoln’s words ran through his head on a loop, what it would be like if he let himself be (openly) in love with his best friend. 

_That would be the best kind of love, wouldn’t it?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that concludes Vegas Part 1! Also, the 100k mark!
> 
> I love that you all seem to be still along for the ride with me, even though I'm making you wait an inhuman amount of time for our lovebirds to finally kiss. I promise, I make it up to you ;) 
> 
> See you soooooon! <3


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vegas Part 2....
> 
> Octavia's wedding!
> 
> Also... *evil laughter*
> 
> Enjoy... ;)

Clarke woke up with a pounding in her head. She was passed out on the bed, the light streaming in through the windows, and Harper was snoring softly next to her. She sat up with a groan that she tried to suppress with her hand before waking the other girls in the room. 

She tiptoed to the bathroom and stared at her raccoon eyes and mussed hair, squinting a little still. She fumbled until she found some tylenol and knocked it back with a full glass of water. 

Clarke couldn’t even remember getting back to the room last night. She remembered the bar, the dancing, and that was so fun and light and happy, celebrating her friend the night before her wedding… which was now that day.

_Wait._

She started remembering chocolate milkshakes and being in a strange car. Bellamy was with her, right? Anyone else? Clarke searched her pounding head for anything else, suddenly very nervous that she let her feelings for him slip at some point. But her memory was being spotty at the very best and the last thing she remembered was the bourbon and the stars and the grass.

She thought she might have mentioned the camera she’d bought this last week, but she was struggling for anything else.

_Are you sure about this?_

Bellamy’s voice shot into her head, but without any context she couldn’t quite reach what he was referring to. Maybe their trip to the park? Which, in hindsight, was probably not the best thing to do while drunk.

_It’ll be fun, trust me!_

That was her voice, this time, but still without the full memory, it felt like a dream or something. Clarke looked around her body for a tattoo or something and froze, when she saw a small star the size of a quarter in black ink on her ankle. She shrieked, completely forgetting about the sleeping girls on the other side of the wall as she tried to contort her body into a position where she could get a closer look. 

“What the fuck is going on in here?” Raven came barreling around the corner, looking almost murderous. Clarke looked wide-eyed at her friend and the second Raven saw Clarke’s expression, her own switched from angry to panic. “Seriously, what the hell is going on?”

“Raven, I think I somehow managed to get a tattoo last night!”

“What do you mean, you _think_? You don’t know?”

“Well, there’s one on my ankle, so I must’ve! But I don’t remember! A lot of last night is a little spotty,” she admitted. _Shit_, she really hoped she didn’t say anything to Bellamy that she should’ve kept in her head.

An echo of her voice came unbidden through her thoughts again. 

_To remember the night._

Raven dipped her head down and looked at it. “Fuck, I can’t see anything straight, hold on, my fucking head is pounding. O! Get your ass in here.”

“What the hell? You two know it’s my wedding day, right? Whatever happened to beauty sleep?” Octavia came into the bathroom rubbing her eyes, followed by Harper.

“Please, like you need sleep to be beautiful. Clarkey here got inked up last night,” Raven said smugly and now all Clarke wanted was to smack her. But when she tried, she tripped due to only standing on one foot and being hungover as hell.

She put her head in her hands and they sat down next to her on the floor. “Stop, there’s no way any reputable artist would’ve given someone a tattoo that was too drunk to even remember it happening.” But when Octavia glanced at her ankle, her eyes went wide too. “Holy shit Clarke.” She put her face closer to Clarke’s ankle and sighed. “Okay, you’re safe.”

Clarke glanced wildly around at everyone, who’s expressions mirrored her own. “What the hell do you mean, look at it!”

“I am. It’s not tattoo ink, it’s marker. It’ll probably scrub off easily.” Octavia grabbed a washcloth off the sink, wet it down, and started rubbing at the star. “Okay, maybe not so easily. It’s not Sharpie, but it’s not exactly a crayola marker either. But see, it’s fading? And there’s no pain, right? Not a tattoo.”

Sure enough, the star had started to fade, but it didn’t disappear completely.

“So you don’t remember getting this?” Harper asked.

Clarke shook her head. “No. It must’ve been when Bell and I went out after the bar.”

Raven pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. “And what exactly _do_ you remember about your night with Bell?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Nothing happened! Nothing could’ve. We just went to a diner for some food, then I called a Lyft… wait, I bought bourbon, _then_ called an Lyft…”

“You went somewhere?! Where did you go? And with _more_ alcohol? No wonder your memory is so spotty,” Octavia remarked, helping her off the floor. Together they all wandered into the other room and sat around on the couch and bed.

Harper grabbed something off the dresser. “Well, that explains where this came from,” she said, holding up a half empty bottle of bourbon.

_Holy shit, they drank that much?_

“Yes, yes, I acknowledge it was irresponsible. But look, we’re fine! We went to a park that had a hill to look at the stars…”

“Romantic,” Raven teased.

“Shut up, it was not,” Clarke dismissed her. Truthfully, what she _did_ remember about the park had a lot to do with snuggling and holding hands and his heart hammering away against her ear and she supposed it _could_ be considered something in the ballpark of romance. If she squinted at it. 

“Anyway, after that, we were headed back here, but I don’t remember actually _getting_ to the rooms. Were you guys here when I came in?”

“We must’ve been. You weren’t here when we went to bed. I remember shooting you a quick text asking where the hell you two were. You just sent me one back saying ‘stars’ which, now that makes sense,” Raven told her, offering up her side of events. Clarke just sighed and threw her head back.

“Hmm… well maybe Bellamy remembers more,” Harper suggested, trying to be helpful. 

Clarke nodded enthusiastically. Yes, surely he remembered more than her. But after getting ready to go get their nails done, she noticed the bottle still sitting on the dresser on their way out and suddenly wasn’t so sure he would.

\--------------

Unfortunately she didn’t see him all day. Which was fine, her lack of memory of something so insignificant (if it were a real tattoo, that might’ve been a different matter) paled in comparison to helping Octavia get ready for her wedding. They got their nails done that morning, then went to the local flower shop to pick out a bouquet. Thankfully, Octavia had done her research and there were a few flower shops in Vegas that were able to accommodate last minute arrangements.

Nyko’s friend’s place was about 20 minutes outside the city. It was a giant house, with a huge field and a stone gazebo. The ceremony would start close to dusk, when the sun started dipping down, and Clarke could see the strings of twinkle lights and weaves of flowers wrapped around the gazebo’s pillars. White tulle was draped delicately around the railing and trailed down to the ground. The trees in the background had lights and lanterns hanging from the branches. White chairs were laid out in two small rows in front, and speakers were set up off to the sides. It was stunning, and fit her friend perfectly. 

Octavia gasped when she saw it and Clarke saw tears threatening to leak out from behind her eyelids.

“What do you think, sis?” Clarke heard a voice from behind them. A familiar, deep rumble that was quite possibly one of her favorite sounds in the whole world. 

Octavia spun and threw her arms around her brother’s neck. Next to him was Lincoln, grinning at her. O threw herself into his embrace next and Clarke saw him whisper something in his future wife’s ear that made Octavia smile wider than Clarke had ever seen and even blush slightly. “You two! How… how did you pull this off? This is exactly what I wanted! How did you even know?”

From behind them, Murphy, who had just walked up, piped in, “Hey now, it wasn’t just the two of them. Your fiance here got us up at the buttcrack of dawn, which would’ve been helpful information to have _last night_, but I digress.” Octavia smiled at him and gave him a big hug as well, and Murphy tried to maintain his scowl, but Clarke could a smile sneaking through.

“Raven and I have been texting back and forth all week, getting the information of what you’d always wanted your wedding to look like and I coordinated with the owner here. Bellamy helped bring all the supplies and decorations,” Lincoln told them.

“And here I thought your extra bag was just your shoe collection,” Clarke teased him. He turned to look at her for the first time since they’d all gotten there.

“Only half of it was, Princess,” he teased back. His eyes crinkled a bit at the edges as a breeze blew a curl in her face and he reached out to tuck it behind her ear. As he did, she caught sight of the inside of his wrist, which had an identical star to the one on her ankle. Her breath caught and she quickly looked back to him as he withdrew his hand and tucked his wrist back under his sleeve. “Well, O, you guys better go get ready, you’re getting married in an hour.”

Octavia nodded and grabbed Clarke and dragged her off before she could ask him about it. But she turned back to catch one last glimpse of him before they entered the house to find him already watching her with an unreadable expression on his face.

_Are you sure about this?_

The memory of his voice shoved itself to the front of her mind again, but as quickly as it came it left, only bringing a brief image of Bellamy in front of her with a look she couldn’t quite place and stars in the background. 

\--------------

An hour later, they were all gathered back at the gazebo, save Octavia and Bellamy, chatting excitedly and Lincoln looked more nervous than she’d ever seen him. He kept shifting from foot to foot and looking around as Jasper tried to talk to him about the music, which he and Monty were in charge of. 

The owner of the property, Derrick was his name Clarke found out when they had gone into the house to get ready, and Derrick’s wife Luna came out and told everyone it was time to get it started. He’d be the one actually performing the ceremony. The sun had started inching closer to the horizon, the sky lighting up orange and pink, and the lights came on the gazebo and trees, bathing them all in a soft, twinkling light. 

Everyone took a seat, Octavia, Lincoln and Derrick were going to be the only ones standing and Jasper hit a button on his phone and _The Luckiest_ by Ben Folds started playing softly and Clarke could already tell she was going to be a mess. She snapped pictures of everyone taking their places and got prepared to capture Octavia as she entered.

She thought it might be a little uncomfortable, to be honest, to be at a wedding after the one that blew up her life so many months ago, but it wasn’t difficult at all. Because that horrible, awful day led directly to this. To a family who cared about her and she loved back, to watching one of her best friends say I do, and to being more in love than she’d ever dreamt was possible.

They all turned and she saw Bellamy leave the house with Octavia on his arm. They both stood tall and beautiful and strong, though it didn’t escape her notice that Bellamy’s eyes were glistening slightly as his eyes never left his sister. Muscle memory came back to her easily when it came to the pictures, not wanting to miss a moment. 

They got to the front and Bellamy gave his sister a kiss on the cheek and took his seat. She took a few more pictures before taking a break for the rest of the ceremony and sat in the empty seat next to him. On instinct, Clarke reached for his hand, knowing that he was trying his hardest to hold it together and she wanted to give him a fraction of the strength he’d always given her. 

He took it quickly, squeezing firmly, and he finally tore his eyes away from his sister and looked at Clarke. His eyes were soft, and he looked so proud tears instantly sprung to her eyes. He leaned over and whispered in her ear as Derrick began, “Thank you,” and gave her a small kiss on her cheek that made her shiver despite the heat. Her heart thundered in her chest and she squeezed his hand back in response and turned her attention back to the ceremony. 

When it was almost time to share their first kiss as husband and wife, she popped up from her seat and tried to take a picture from almost every angle she could. They all cheered and shouted and she heard Murphy whistle loudly from behind them. They were all grinning ear to ear and Clarke’s tears that had threatened to spill over finally started leaking down her cheeks. She wiped hastily and felt a swell of joy for her friend.

“We did it!” Octavia shouted as they parted. “Let’s party!”

Jasper switched the music from slow and harmonic to more upbeat and Octavia pulled her new husband out on the floor. “I don’t care that you don’t like dancing, you’re dancing with your _wife_, mister.” Lincoln just smiled and put up no protest and swung her out on the space that had been cleared of chairs and wrapped her in his arms. Others joined them and Clarke stared on at the newlyweds, mesmerized, and watched them spin around, so incredibly happy, only having eyes for each other. 

She felt him before she saw him, brushing up behind her. “You think you’ve got a dance in you, Griffin?”

She turned and grinned up at him, “You know it.” He gripped her hand and spun her around and while the song it had switched to wasn’t particularly slow, it wasn’t too fast that they didn’t have to do much more than sway around as they joined the others that had gone out to dance alongside the happy couple.

He looked down at her. “You look very beautiful tonight, by the way.”

She blushed at the compliment. “Oh thanks, but it’s just a simple dress.” 

“Not on you it’s not.”

_Is he flirting?_ Her heart somehow both stopped and felt like it would pound out of her chest and they inched closer as the music switched songs to a cover of _I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)_ sung by Sleeping at Last and they slowed down a little. “You don’t look so bad yourself, Blake,” she told him, stammering a little, caught a little off guard from the blatant compliment he'd just paid her. And truth was he looked closer to a god than a human, but she wasn’t sure how to appropriately say that.

He cocked an eyebrow. “Hmm, thanks.”

She wasn’t sure if it was the right time to ask, but she couldn’t help herself. “So it seems we have matching tattoos.” She gestured down to her ankle and he looked down, laughed loudly.

“I suppose we do. Any memory of how we got them? I couldn’t get mine to come off completely,” he told her.

She deflated a little, she was really hoping he remembered. “No, not really. Just flashes here and there.”

“Me too. Must’ve been while we were at the park or after we got back,” he concluded. 

They danced around a little while longer and she stared up into his eyes as if she looked hard enough, she’d be able to figure out what happened, if anything _did_. It could’ve just been as simple as her coloring a stupid star on his wrist and her ankle when they got back to the hotel. But she couldn’t shake the feeling she was missing something. Every time she thought she almost had it, it’d disappear again. She could feel it sitting just on the edge of her memory when she heard Raven.

“Mind if I cut in?”

“Not at all,” Clarke gave her friend space and stepped out of Bellamy’s grasp, feeling an immediate chill as she always did when she left his warmth. “I should get back to taking pictures anyway.” 

“I’m thrilled you decided to get another camera. And I know it means a lot to Octavia too,” Raven said softly. Once again, she was grateful for the support and understanding her friends gave her.

Clarke blushed a little and left them to their dance as she went up to the gazebo where she left her camera. It felt good and so right to be taking pictures again. It wasn’t far off lands and nature landscapes she was taking like her dad preferred, but it felt right all the same. It was a beautiful way to start down this path again and she felt ready. 

She might even be ready for a couple other things too.

***

“So how’re you doing, Rave?” Bellamy asked her. It didn’t escape his thoughts that Clarke wasn’t the only one who might be rattled a bit by the wedding. He knew Raven had moved on with Wick now and that was apparently going very well, but he wasn’t able to make the trip out here, despite Octavia insisting he was welcome. “I’m sorry Wick couldn’t make it.”

“Me too. But I’m okay. Better than okay, actually, I’m so happy for O. She really deserves this.”

“So do you, you know that? You deserve to be this happy too.”

“Oh I know,” she winked at him. “And one day, I will. But right now, I’m happy with where I’m at. Wick is… he’s amazing. He gets me and is one of the kindest and smartest people I’ve ever met. Not to mention he can match wits with me pretty damn well.”

“Well, sounds like a match made in heaven then,” he teased.

“Very funny. But if that ever gets back to him, I’ll kill you. And then where would Clarke be?” she smirked.

He narrowed his eyes at her. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh I think you know. She told me about your, uh, cooking lesson,” she grinned smugly at him. “And I couldn’t help but notice how close you two have been lately.” 

His heart thudded heavily in his chest. “Yeah, I guess we are pretty close.”

“And? You going to tell her at some point you’re in love with her?”

He took a deep breath, giving up on the pretense. “Is it that obvious?”

“Please, Bell, everyone knows. I think the only one still unsure about it is _Clarke_.”

He nodded. “I’m working up to it. I promise. I just don’t want to pressure her or make her think I’m taking advantage.”

“And that is very noble of you, but something’s gotta give at some point. I just don’t want to see either of you hurt.”

“Believe me, I don’t either.”

“Hmm okay then. I’ve said my piece.”

“Please, you’ve never been content with just saying your piece,” he pointed out to her.

She pretended to act offended and smacked him lightly on the shoulder.

He glanced over at the woman they’d been talking about and watched as the lights around them lit up her face and smile and he smiled to himself contently. 

His sister’s day had been perfect, and she looked so happy and radiant and while he had been so nervous when he found out only a week ago that she was getting married, it was very her and he was glad that they were able to make this happen. 

Derrick and Luna insisted that they be the ones to clean everything up and shooed them off with best wishes. Octavia hugged her tightly, tears in her eyes as Lincoln shook hands with Derrick and made sure they knew how grateful they were. 

Bellamy caught a glimpse of his wrist and the star that adorned it. He had been freaked out momentarily when he woke up that morning, until he realized it was only marker and not the real deal. He tried to remember how he got it and wondered if Clarke remembered even getting back to the hotel. It’d been a long time since his memory had been so spotty; he apparently couldn’t hold his liquor like he used to. 

Murphy had made fun of him mercilessly once he saw it and he’d tried to get it off, but only succeeded in getting it to fade slightly. He was relieved to see Clarke when they got to Derrick and Luna’s, having suppressed the urge to call her and make sure she was okay all day. He knew he’d have heard about it if she wasn’t, so he tried to just let it go. It wasn’t a big deal and he had enough to focus on anyway.

They got back to the hotel after the wedding and crashed, having been up way too late the night before. Murphy hadn’t been lying, Lincoln got them up incredibly early to get the ceremony site ready. 

He had the bed to himself now, with Lincoln and Octavia in their own suite and he was actively trying _not_ to think about it when he heard Jasper across the room from the other bed say, “So… what do you think Lincoln and Octavia are up to right now?” Bellamy shot up and threw a pillow at him, hard. Monty just laughed and Bellamy groaned.

The next morning, he woke to his phone buzzing on the nightstand next to him and he felt around blindly for it. He cracked an eye open and saw a message from Clarke telling him they were all downstairs eating breakfast and asked if the three sleeping beauties wanted to join them. He scoffed at her mockery but groaned and sat up, feeling like he was twice his age. 

“Monty, Jasper. Breakfast.”

“Five more minutes Mom,” Jasper slurred. But Monty rolled over and fell out of the bed, waking Jasper up more fully.

Bellamy chuckled and jumped in the shower. He noticed the star on his wrist and while he was thankful it wasn’t an actual tattoo (Octavia would’ve killed him if he had anyone else tattoo him besides her), he couldn’t shake the weird feeling it gave him. 

He finished getting ready and the three of them headed downstairs, joining all but Octavia and Lincoln.

Murphy was the first to mention it. “The newlyweds are still upstairs. I have a feeling we won’t be seeing much of them today.”

“Ugh Murphy, can we not talk about that?” Bellamy shuddered. But his friend just shrugged.

“I was just saying! I thought I’d mention that I was pretty sure they’d have… other things to do today than hang out with us.” Emori reached over and smacked her boyfriend in the back of the head for him. “Hey!”

“I don’t think Bellamy appreciates hearing about his sister’s sex life, babe,” she told him. Bellamy cringed.

“Or the word ‘sister’ and ‘sex’ in the same sentence either apparently,” Raven piped in, prompting Bellamy to hang his face in his hands.

They loaded up their plates and sat around talking about how beautiful the wedding was and how happy they were for the couple. Bellamy wondered what it would be like when the day came for them to reminisce about _his_ wedding.

He’d always wanted to be married, have kids eventually. And what he told Clarke was true, even if he was a little drunk when he said it, there was a part of him that really thought he’d be married before his sister. His life just seemed to go by so fast and he didn’t really start thinking about it before now. 

He’d had no one in his life that it’d even been a consideration. Until now.

He’d never been in love like this before. Not even with his college girlfriend Gina, or Echo. He’d never seen himself long term with either. But here he was, not even _dating_ Clarke and his mind couldn’t stop making all kinds of plans. Picturing her in a white dress, flowers in hand, ring on her finger. He was jumping too fast, he knew that, but he couldn’t help it, despite how hard he was trying to.

After breakfast, they all split for a while. Murphy, Emori, and Jasper wanted to go check out the various casinos, Monty and Harper wanted to go see the gondola rides at the Venetian. They were still actively denying their feelings for one another and while Bellamy always shook his head at the idiots who obviously loved each other but wouldn’t admit it, he now felt like a bit of a hypocrite for thinking that.

Raven and Clarke decided to try out the roller coaster at the New York New York and he decided to go with the first group to the casinos, roller coasters weren’t really his thing and he thought he’d just be a third wheel with the girls anyway. They all decided to meet at the Rainforest Cafe at MGM for a late lunch. 

He was just putzing around, mainly hanging with Jasper, watching him attempt to not lose all his money to video poker when it was time to meet up with the rest of them. He hadn’t lost much, but he definitely didn’t make the same big haul that Murphy apparently did. He even offered to buy everyone lunch with his winnings.

He had left his group to go to the bathroom and when he came out, his eye caught Clarke hanging out at one of the slots, talking to a guy Bellamy had never seen before. He clocked her uncomfortable body language instantly. The guy was clearly hitting on her and she was trying to face herself away from him to show her disinterest. Bellamy drifted a little closer so he could hear what the guy was saying and tried to put himself in Clarke’s line of sight so she could call him over if she needed him, but he couldn’t quite catch her eye. 

“Come on, you don’t even want one drink? It’s on me, baby,” the guy asked Clarke. Bellamy cringed at the asshole’s term of endearment and he saw Clarke do the same.

“No, really, thanks for the offer, but I don’t really feel like drinking right now and I’ve said no a few times now so I’d appreciate it if you moved on,” she turned him down. That _should’ve_ been the end of the guy, but apparently he couldn’t take a hint because he tried again. 

“So how about later? You want to come up to my room and we can order in?” 

Bellamy inched closer and caught Clarke’s eye. Her gaze widened when she saw him and he could see her shoulders relax in relief. 

“No, and I’m not sure what my, uh, boyfriend would think of that?” she tried, hoping it would scare him off.

“Well,” The asshole leaned closer and told her. “I won’t tell if you won’t. Besides, boyfriends come and go anyway.” He put a hand on her shoulder, and she pulled away so violently she almost fell out of her chair and Bellamy was _done_ with this guy.

He strode over there and put his arm around Clarke and gave her a kiss on the side of her head. “Hey Princess, thanks for waiting. Our table is almost ready.” He turned and glared at the guy and tried to imbue as much ferocity into it as possible. “Who’s this? I see you’ve already met my wife... I’m Bellamy.”

The guy gave him a once over and Bellamy stood tall and while he didn’t always try to be intimidating, he also knew when he wanted to be, he was.

“Wife, huh? Why’d she say she only had a boyfriend?”

“Does it matter? You make a habit of hitting on people who aren’t available, asshole?”

“Besides, we just got married. Still not used to saying husband, yet,” Clarke tried to explain, turning and looking at Bellamy with a grateful, full smile and he couldn’t help but smile back.

“Hmm. Well, mazel tov to the happy couple.” He lifted his drink in mock salute.

He turned to leave, but Bellamy caught his arm firmly and lowered his voice. “You know, the next time a woman says no to you, you need to listen to her, whether she’s available or not.” The guy tried to pull his arm out of Bellamy’s grasp, but he just squeezed harder. “I’m serious. Don’t even _think_ about hitting on a woman who is saying no to you again.”

“Whatever jackass.”

Bellamy forced himself to let the guy go but he could feel anger rippling down his body in waves. A small hand curled around his arm then and he looked down at Clarke, who’s expression was kind and soft and he could feel his emotions cooling down instantly. 

“Thanks, Bell. What a dick,” she remarked, sounding almost as pissed as he was.

“That’s putting it mildly,” Bellamy muttered.

“You know he even followed me from a machine a few rows over?”

“Maybe I should’ve hit him.”

She chuckled. “And get kicked out? That idiot would’ve loved that. I’m glad you didn’t get him the satisfaction. It’s a good thing you wandered by.” She paused. “So… wife, huh?”

He could feel his ears and cheeks flush a little and he reached up and rubbed his neck. “Well, he, uh, didn’t seem to much care about a boyfriend, but I figured he might get the picture if you were married.”

“Especially to someone that looks like you.”

He laughed a little embarrassingly, “Uh, right. Hope I didn’t make you too uncomfortable anyway.”

“Definitely _not_ uncomfortable.” She clamped her mouth shut and flicked her eyes away and Bellamy cocked his head at her, a little confused. _Was she flirting a little?_ “So, should we get to lunch?” she deflected.

“After you, _babe_,” he said mockingly.

“Why thank you, _honey_,” she teased back, linking arms with him and setting off in the direction of the restaurant.

They all sat down and started catching up with how their mornings had gone. When Clarke got to the guy who hit on her, Murphy started howling with laughter.

“So now you and Blake are married? Well, that’s just… _so_ awesome. To the happy couple!” He lifted his glass. 

“Murphy, we’re not actually married, please tell me that you know that.” Bellamy rolled his eyes at his friend.

“What, you don’t think I’d make a good wife?” Clarke feigned offense, obviously kidding, but he suddenly felt like he was hearing an echo, like she’d joked about that before.

_What, you don’t think I’d make a good wife?_ He could even see a flash of her laughing with that radiant smile of hers as she said it.

Bellamy shook his head a little, trying to rattle the weird sense of deja vu out. “No… I, uh… I mean…” He couldn’t get his words to work properly all of a sudden.

It was Raven who answered for him. “What I think Bell is trying to say is, of course you would.”

He nodded, not being able to make sense of what was happening in his head at the moment. He could see worry flash past Clarke’s features briefly, but he suddenly felt the need to excuse himself. “Uh, I’ll be right back, sorry, go ahead and finish up without me.”

He made his way to the bathroom and splashed water on his face. He stared up at his reflection in the mirror and then it came pouring back.

They were in the field the first night they were there, naming constellations, having gone through half the bourbon when she sat up from her spot on his chest. Bellamy pushed himself up on his elbows to look at her.

_“We should start heading back to the hotel.”_

_“Sure, let me order another Lyft.” He pulled his phone out and had to blink a few times in order to focus on the screen but as soon as he pulled the app up, he noticed her fidgeting a little. “You okay?” he asked._

_“Yeah.” She still looked nervous for some reason. “I just… had an idea. Instead of going straight back to the hotel. And it’s crazy and out there and impulsive and I think I’m only saying this because it’s probably because I’m drunk and won’t remember this tomorrow anyway.”_

_Now it was his turn to be nervous. “Okay… what is it?”_

_“We should get married,” her eyes glinted in the moonlight and took on a mischievous quality and Bellamy couldn’t believe what he’d just heard._

_His jaw dropped open. “You’re kidding.”_

_“Only partially? I mean, we’re best friends, right? It doesn’t have to be any more than that,” she fidgeted some more. “But it’d be impulsive, and crazy, and fun… and maybe kind of great.”_

_“You don’t think O would kill us?”_

_“Actually, I think she’d think it was hilarious… wait, did that make sense?” she squinted, crinkling her nose in that adorable way she does._

_But she was probably right. His sister would absolutely love it. And obviously he would love it. But… he was having trouble thinking straight. Could they really do this?_

_“What, you don’t think I’d make a good wife?”_

_“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Just… are you sure about this?”_

_She hesitated, but only briefly. “It’ll be fun, trust me.”_

_“I do, of course I do.”_

He came out of the memory and had to hold the bathroom counter for support. No. No way. _No fucking way. _

Fuck, fuck, _fuck._

Did he seriously marry Clarke? 

Are they fucking _married?_

He tried to get his breathing under control. Okay, chances are, it was just a dream. Just his subconscious mixing up what he _wanted_ to happen with what actually did. Besides, they’d have to have a marriage license and everything to make it legal. No way they would’ve been able to get one. 

Unless he found something irrefutable that indicated they _had_ gotten married, he had to act like nothing happened. It’s not like he could just ask her anyway, she didn’t remember it either.

He took a deep breath and walked back to the table. Everyone was just about done but when he sat next to Clarke and she put a hand on his arm softly, he jumped like he’d been electrocuted. 

She leaned over and asked quietly, “Are you okay? You’re acting kind of funny.”

He tried his hardest to give her what he hoped looked like a reassuring smile, but she cocked her head, clearly concerned still. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

But every time he looked at her, he felt like he was seeing her through a new lense and it was hard to separate what he was remembering with what ran through his mind just a few minutes ago. When lunch ended, he made some excuse to go back up to his room; he couldn’t even remember what excuse it was. He was just focused on the task at hand; there had to be some proof _somewhere_ of what happened.

He saw Clarke look at him with worry etched in her expression still, but let him go without stopping him. When he got upstairs, he turned the room upside down. He looked in nightstands, garbage cans, even under his pillow. He emptied his suitcase out on his bed and searched amongst his clothes and other things he had brought with him. 

When he got to the jeans he wore that night, he checked the pockets and could feel something in his back pocket. He put the jeans down without taking it out and just stared at them. His throat felt thick and his heart was pounding. 

There was so much warring happening in him that he felt like he couldn’t quite get a handle on his emotions. On one hand, it was _Clarke_. He loved her with everything he had in him and had no doubt as to whether he _wanted_ to be married to her. But he wasn’t sure if she was in the same place he was, because he hadn’t even worked up the courage to have that conversation with her, and _fuck_ what if he kissed her after and he doesn’t even remember it? 

Though he was pretty sure any kiss with Clarke Griffin he’d remember no matter how drunk he was.

When he couldn’t take it anymore, he carefully pulled the paper out of his pocket and unfolded it and he stopped breathing entirely when he saw the words _Marriage License_ at the top. 

He scanned it quickly, and noticed the words under the heading _One Stop Shop for all Your Quickie Marriage Needs_ and their messy signatures scrawled at the bottom. 

He collapsed in one of the chairs and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to figure out what he was going to tell Clarke. This got really complicated, _really_ fast. 

He opened his eyes and the first thing they landed on was the fading star on his wrist and he set the paper down and ran his thumb over it and was assaulted with more of his missing memory.

_They got back to the hallway between their rooms and he felt like beaming. He couldn’t believe this woman was his wife now, and he was sure he should feel something like regret, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty. Sure they got married as friends, but there was something there anyway, even if they hadn’t named it yet. _

_“What are you thinking about?” she asked him with a soft smile._

_“My wife,” he answered honestly._

_Clarke giggled. “I know that this was crazy, but hey, when in Vegas, right?”_

_He laughed and agreed. “Yeah, I guess so. One of us was bound to do something crazy while we were here, might as well be us.” He suddenly thought of something. “We don’t have any rings though, how will we remember we got married? Since I doubt we’ll be remembering most of this tomorrow.”_

_She scrunched her eyebrows together in deep thought and fuck it was adorable. “Wait here!”_

_He’d wait forever for her, but instead he replied with a simple, “Okay.”_

_She ran into her room and returned with a marker. _

_“You’re going to draw rings on?”_

_“No, that would be silly,” she said like this whole fucking thing wasn’t silly enough already. She reached out for his wrist and he let her take it and watched as she drew a star the size of a quarter on it. She colored it in and then sat on the floor in the middle of the hallway and beckoned him down with her. She placed her foot in his lap and gave him the marker._

_He raised an eyebrow at her questioningly. “You draw one on my ankle,” she told him like it was obvious._

_“Why your ankle?”_

_“You’re really going to start asking 'why', now?”_

_“Good point.” He drew a star on her ankle like she requested, and couldn’t help but rub his thumb over it when it was done. He felt goosebumps rise on her skin, and was pleased to find that he seemed to have the same effect on her that she had on him. _

_This might have been crazy and reckless and spontaneous and when he was sober he’d probably be incredibly embarrassed he let himself do this, but he would never regret marrying her. It was physically impossible, no matter how this turned out._

_He helped her to her feet again and he looked at the star on his wrist, trying to commit it to memory so he wouldn’t forget. _

_“To remember the night,” she said gently._

_He looked up at her and noticed fire in her eyes and she looked into his like she was searching for something. He let his eyes wander down to her lips, just briefly, and since he chickened out on kissing her when they officially said ‘I do’, he still wondered what it would be like. _

_But even drunk he knew their first kiss needed to be when they were both sober and he had just enough self-control left to hold back. Her breath hitched though and she moved closer and he felt his resolve failing miserably but was saved when another door slammed a little further down the hallway and they jumped apart._

_“So, uh, I’ll see you for breakfast?” she asked._

_“Yeah, Mrs. Blake, I guess you will.”_

_Her cheeks flushed a deeper pink that alcohol was not the cause of and she placed her hands on his shoulders and stood on her tiptoes so she could reach his face and kissed him softly on the corner of his lips. He fought the urge to turn his face so he could kiss her properly and watched as she disappeared into her room._

Unlike last time his memory had come back, he had been more prepared for this one and it wasn’t quite the shock coming out of it. He brought his hand up to the spot she had kissed him.

_Mrs. Blake._

Shit, how was he going to tell her?

***

Bellamy was acting weird ever since she made the wife comment in the restaurant and it was starting to freak her out a little. She thought they might have _something_ starting but if a little joke like that freaked him out so much, maybe she was way off base.

Maybe he was going to let her down easy and just wasn’t sure how to do it. 

When he had practically run up to his room for an hour after lunch and no one saw him until dinner, she started to get worried. Raven and Murphy had offered to go check on him, but she told him to just give him some space and that he was probably just having a hard time dealing with his sister being married. 

Lincoln and Octavia came to join them at dinner, and to endure the endless array of jokes from Murphy (much to Bellamy’s obvious discomfort). Lincoln blushed profusely, but Octavia predictably just looked smug. 

After dinner, they were supposed to head to the airport for a red eye back to Arkadia and then O and Lincoln would head up to the cabin for a few days for a honeymoon. 

Clarke was sitting next to Octavia during dinner when she remembered she hadn’t given them her gift yet. “Hey, Octavia, could I get a second?”

“Sure, Clarke, of course.”

She pulled her off to the side and handed her an envelope. “Happy Wedding!” Clarke told her.

Octavia looked at her confused and pulled the check out. “Clarke… what is this?” she asked skeptically.

“The insurance money from the fire.” Octavia opened her mouth to protest but Clarke stopped her. “It’s for your shop. I asked Bellamy how much you and Lincoln still needed to buy Wells’ dad’s space. O, you’re so talented. You’re incredible and you deserve the chance to show the gift to everyone else. Plus, how else am I finally going to get the tattoo you promised me?” She winked at her friend.

“This is… amazing, Clarke, really, seriously. I can’t believe… but I can’t accept this.”

“I thought you might say that. You absolutely _can_ and _should_ accept it. But if you’re really struggling to take it outright, then think of me as a silent partner. Or an investor, whatever.” Clarke saw Octavia’s eyes spring up with tears. “I want you to know how much I love you, how much I value you, and how much I believe in you.”

Octavia launched herself into Clarke’s arms and squeezed her tight. “Thank you, partner,” she whispered in Clarke’s ear. “I love you too.”

She caught Bellamy’s eye over O’s shoulder and he smiled at her but it didn’t touch his eyes. She was going to have to talk to him sooner or later and she tried not to feel her heart constrict over it. 

A little while later, they and all their stuff was piled in the rental cars and they headed to the airport and boarded the plane. She noticed he was avoiding her, though she didn’t have much room to talk since she had done that very same thing to _him_ on the way there. He had maneuvered himself between Murphy and the window and she was across the aisle in the same row with the aisle on one side of her and Harper on her other. 

Most of them had fallen asleep by time they got up in the air and she looked over to see his eyes shut, but she knew him well enough by now to know that he wasn’t sleeping.

“Hey… Bell,” she whisper-yelled to him. He didn’t move, but she saw his chest stutter when she spoke so she knew he heard her. 

She narrowed her eyes and pulled her phone out.

** _Clarke:_ ** _ I know you’re awake._

His phone vibrated on the top of his tray when the message went through. He still didn’t move. 

She crumbled up a napkin and threw it at him, but it ended up in Murphy’s lap.

Murphy elbowed him. “Blake, your girlfriend is trying to get your attention. Please answer before she decides to throw something with a little more substance, would ya?”

Bellamy sighed and finally opened his eyes. He avoided her look but picked up his phone.

** _Bellamy:_ ** _ I’m trying not to be. What’s up?_

_**Clarke:** Why’re you avoiding me?_

_**Bellamy:** I’m not._

_**Clarke:** Right. Then why won’t you look at me?_

As if to prove a point, he finally looked up and in her direction, but his gaze didn’t quite catch her eyes. Clarke sighed. “What is going on? And don’t say ‘nothing’ or you’re ‘fine’, I know you... something is up,” she whispered.

He glanced at Murphy, who had fallen back to sleep, snoring softly, with Emori leaning on his shoulder. “I… I don’t want to talk about it here,” he finally said.

“Is it about those stupid comments we were making earlier about us being married? We were joking… I...” she was suddenly very nervous she finally botched it all up. “I don’t want it to ruin anything with us.” She looked away and glanced back at Octavia and Lincoln, sleeping away. 

It was amazing how much things could change in a short amount of time. Just over a week ago, they almost kissed, and then they spent this incredible weekend flirting, and enjoying time together, spending time under the stars and she loved him. She was _in_ love with him. One day, she would’ve liked to have all their friends gathered for _their_ wedding. But that seemed farther and farther away with each passing second. 

“Clarke,” Bellamy said. She finally swung her eyes back to him half expecting there to be coldness, but instead she was met with his warm brown eyes and a soft, if uncertain, expression. He breathed deep and held her eyes with his own. “That’s not what it’s about, okay? Well, it kind of is, in a roundabout way. Look, you didn’t ruin _anything_, I promise. Just, can we talk about it at home?”

There was a timidness in his gaze, but she could see he was being sincere. She nodded, not trusting her voice, and turned away and closed her eyes to try to get some sleep. Whatever was going on was going to have to wait another few hours and she couldn’t help but be anxious about it. 

Her phone vibrated and she opened her eyes to look at the message.

** _Bellamy:_ ** _ Sleep well, Princess. _

She glanced over at him, but he was already fast asleep. 

Sleep came a little easier this time and she drifted off and didn’t wake until the plane alerted them that they were landing in a few minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... how's everyone doing? ;)
> 
> Seriously, though, I hope you all enjoyed the crazy adventure that was Vegas!
> 
> How do you think Clarke will react? Will they stay married? Will I ever JUST LET THEM BE TOGETHER? 
> 
> Find out Monday ;)
> 
> P.S. Fun fact: There is no waiting period when getting a marriage license in Nevada. However, we're going to just ignore any other legal inaccuracies about a quickie Vegas wedding. I will confirm, they ARE married.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so late! I'm on Pacific time, so technically it's still Monday here, but I know a lot of you are already on Tuesday so I'm sorry I couldn't get it up earlier. I really tried, but my day ended up being longer than anticipated.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who left comments on the last chapter! I'm so happy you all enjoyed the ride!
> 
> Anyway...onward!
> 
> Enjoy friends ;)

They picked up Bellamy’s car from the garage and Clarke took the passenger seat since they were both headed to the same place. He dropped off Murphy and Emori and they spent the rest of the drive in silence with Clarke staring out the window at the quiet early hours of an Arkadian morning. At one point he reached across the console and grabbed her hand, squeezing briefly before returning to the steering wheel.

She loved the little touches they did with each other. Like they drew strength and warmth from the other. No matter what he was going to talk to her about, she hoped that didn’t mean the end of that. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth.

He grabbed and shouldered both their bags out of the back before she could protest so she settled for unlocking the door when they got upstairs. Everything was where they had left it, but somehow, it felt different. She glanced at the counter where they had almost kissed and wondered for the millionth time what would’ve happened between them if O hadn’t called. Or had called even just a couple seconds later.

He put their bags in their respective rooms and came back out. She braced herself against the island and he leaned against the counter across from her, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Whatever it is, Bell, you can tell me. I just want to know that we’re okay.”

His eyes snapped to hers and in two long strides stepped forward into her space and placed his hands on either side of her face. Her breath hitched. Or stopped completely. If she was honest, she wasn’t paying much attention to _what_ her body was doing as she got lost in the intensity of the moment. 

“We will always be okay. I don’t care what…” He shook his head a little. “We will figure it out. Together.”

“Figure out _what_, Bell? You’re freaking me out,” she almost pleaded.

He let his hands drop and she closed her eyes and sighed. She heard the crinkling of paper being unfolded and his voice cracked. “Figure out… this.”

She opened her eyes to see that he had backed up some and was staring down at the floor. A piece of paper had been placed next to her on the island.

She picked it up and she could see him fidgeting out of the corner of her eye.

_Marriage License  
One Stop Shop…_

She scanned the rest and gasped when she read the signatures at the bottom.

“No. No way. This is... are you telling me... we got _married_?” She looked from the paper back to him repeatedly, panic rising in her chest. He hesitated but didn’t speak. “Bellamy Blake, fucking _say something_.”

He walked back over to her and held his wrist out for her to see the star from a couple days ago had almost faded completely. She glanced down at the fading star on her own skin.

_We should get married._

_Are you sure about this?_

_I do._

_We don’t have any rings though, how will we remember we got married?_

_To remember the night._

_Mrs. Blake._

The entirety of the night she’d forgotten hit her like a ton of bricks and she felt panic rising in her throat. She gripped the counter so tightly, her knuckles turned white. Her eyes shot open to see him looking at her reluctantly. “Clarke?”

“I don’t… what… holy shit.” She darted down the hall and slammed the bedroom door behind her. 

_Was this real?_ She remembered stretching up to kiss him and chickening out last second and kissing the corner lips instead, so close to where she really wanted to kiss him. She remembered him tenderly holding her ankle as he drew a star on it in lieu of a ring on her finger. She remembered looking in his very drunk eyes and saying I do, meaning it more than he would ever know.

What terrified her the most about the whole thing though was that she remembered it was _all her idea._

She was half out of her mind that night, flooded with feelings for him that she wasn’t really sure how to handle well, trying to figure out when to tell him she loved him, and a stomach full of bourbon. She’d not been entirely serious about the proposal at first, but her stupid alcohol-addled brain latched onto it as a good idea and somehow she had managed to convince him to go along with it. Before she knew what she was doing she had dragged him over to a chapel that _oh so conveniently_ had licenses and people to perform and sign off on the license in the same place. 

He had kissed her cheek when they said I do and she could still feel his lips pressed against her skin even now.

Her head shot up when she heard him knock softly at the door. “Clarke? Please… please talk to me. I’m so sorry. We can get an annulment. We can fix this. I just…” He sounded so sad and guilty and she felt so bad for running away from him. All she wanted was him and she’d handled it all wrong.

She strode over to the door and tore it open, and upon seeing how vulnerable his expression was, she flung her arms around his neck. He stumbled unexpectedly and it took him a second before he embraced her, but once he did, he held her tightly.

It could have been seconds, minutes, hours, _days_ for all Clarke knew, but at that moment, all she cared about was the way it felt for him to hold her.

At some point, tears started falling from her eyes and he cradled a hand against the back of her head and held her tighter still, like he needed the connection as much as she did. He walked them into her room and they sat down on her bed. After a few minutes of sitting there, exhaustion took them over and they laid down, never breaking contact, but not saying anything either. She had no idea where to even start.

They must’ve been dozing because the next thing she knew, light was streaming in through the windows, telling her it was probably mid morning and she finally worked up the courage to look up at him. His eyes were a little wet as well and her heart broke for him. 

“Bell, I’m so…” she started. How was she going to express the depth of how guilty she felt? “I’m so sorry. I can’t believe… you shouldn’t be here, you should be so mad at me. I wouldn’t blame you if… I’m so sorry,” she said again, and she tried pushing him away, but he kept a hold of her waist.

“You’re… _sorry?_” he asked, incredulous, like she hadn’t talked him into the commitments to all commitments before she’d even told him she loved him.

“Well, yeah. It was my idea, and I talked you into it. If I had just...”

“Clarke, I was drunk too. Is this why you’ve been so upset? Because you feel guilty? Because you think you _forced_ me to marry you?” he clarified, still in a disbelieving tone.

She nodded and looked away. 

“Clarke,” he said, trying to get her attention. She stayed focused on tracing the firehouse symbol on his shirt that she could practically draw by memory by now, she’d seen it so often. “Clarke. Look at me.” She sighed and looked up. “You didn’t force me into anything. I…” he hesitated. “I was a part of it as much as you were. We can fix this, if you want. And we don’t have to figure it all out right now anyway. We can take some time, okay? We’re both exhausted.”

“Are you sure? You’re not suddenly repulsed by me and want me out immediately?” she half joked.

“That is definitely no where _near_ the realm of the words I would use to describe how I feel about you.” He got nervous, the way he always seemed to when he got a little too close to that line they both had been careful to not cross. “Let’s just get some rest for now. I’m not sure about you, but I didn’t really sleep all that well on the plane. And I don’t feel like I have the energy right now to do anything or think about anything except sleep.” 

Bellamy sat up with a groan and stretched. He started getting up when Clarke asked, “What are you doing?”

He cocked his head at her. “To sleep? Didn’t I say that? Or am I so tired that was in my head?”

She chuckled a little before responding, “No, I meant _where_ are you going? I mean, you’re my husband, right? Might as well stay.” She tried to shrug like it was no big deal and a joke and he chuckled, laying back down next to her, though giving her a little more space than before. She gave him a look and tucked herself into his side and he wrapped his arm around her, her head on his chest. 

“You were right though,” he said as she started to drift.

“I always am,” she smirked into his shirt and she felt his laughter rumble more than she heard it. “What about this time?

“It was fun, though, getting married. Once, you know, I remembered it and got past the shock.”

“Yeah, I guess it was sort of fun. And impulsive and crazy. I don’t do a lot of that, so, yeah, it was fun.” There was a part of her not covered in guilt that kind of liked the idea that she had done something so rash and unpredictable, even though it had created a huge mess and if their friends found out they would definitely never let them live it down.

Sleep came easily this time and Clarke didn’t have to wonder what the reason was. 

***

All in all, she took it about as well as Bellamy expected. He was worried about her when she’d run off, and his guilt and anxiousness took a front seat until she jumped into his arms and he was able to tamper them down some once they’d talked a little.

He woke up later that day to the phone on the nightstand ringing. Clarke groaned next to him and he realized what position they were in. His arm was slung around her waist, his face immersed in her curls. It was the best night of sleep he’d gotten in a while and it didn’t take a genius to figure out why.

This crazy marriage was messy at best, and it may be an unconventional way to start a relationship, but oh well. Everything in their lives and how they got to this point was messy anyway. But he knew he loved her and he was pretty sure she at least had feelings for him and he was just so tired. Tired of pretending he didn’t want to wake up like this every morning.

She burrowed back into him, sighing slightly and he tightened his arm. His phone went off again and they groaned in unison. 

“Ignore it,” Clarke scowled into the pillow. 

“What if it’s something important?”

“Sleep is important.”

He chuckled, but pulled back from holding her and he heard her whines of protest as she tugged the covers tighter to compensate for the loss of his warmth. “Yeah?” he asked into his phone. 

_“Hey, uh, is this Bellamy?”_

“It is. Who is this?”

_“Um, my name is Myles, I work at Station 134, usually on the opposite shift as you, but I was covering you the past couple days.”_

“Oh, yeah, Myles, I know who you are, what’s up?”

_“Well, I was supposed to work tomorrow, but my mom is sick and I need to stay home to take care of her. I know you were supposed to be on vacation for one more day, but…”_

“Nah, man, it’s fine, of course I’ll come in.”

Myles sighed in relief. _“Great, thanks.”_

“No problem. See you around. Thanks for covering this weekend.”

_“It was pretty slow anyway, so it wasn’t a big deal.”_

They ended the call and Bellamy tossed the phone towards the end of the bed, noting that he didn’t plug it in earlier, so it was just about dead.

“Everything okay?” Clarke asked, sitting up next to him.

“Yeah, just someone needing a shift covered tomorrow.”

“Hmm. Okay, well… I’m working tomorrow too. Do you want to maybe have dinner after and talk about… everything?” Her voice kind of cracked, probably partially from having just woken up and partially from nerves. 

He reached across and grabbed her hand. “Yeah, that sounds good.” He started rubbing circles with his thumb and cleared his throat. “So, breakfast?”

She scrunched her nose up and he resisted the brief urge to reach up and smooth it out. “Bellamy, it’s like 7 in the evening,” she pointed out.

“So? Breakfast for dinner is delicious.”

“Are you making it?”

“Well, of course. I said it was going to be delicious, right?” he joked with her and he was relieved to see that any tension that came from the big marriage reveal hadn’t stuck around. If he was going to admit to her he loved her, that he was _in_ love with her, that he really did want to spend the rest of his life with her, then he wanted them to be in a good place.

She smacked his head with a pillow and he laughed and grabbed her ankle and tugged her over to him. “Hey!” he exclaimed as he started tickling her.

“Bellamy, no!” She giggled and squirmed, showing a surprising amount of strength for being so small.

“Well! What did you expect!” He continued his assault until she got the upper hand and ducked away and climbed behind him. She reached her arms around his waist and started in on him.

“Okay, okay I give! Your food is delicious too, I’m sorry!” He twisted away and grabbed her wrists to stop her. Tickling was the fastest way to get him to give in, and she seemed to have figured that out if the smug look on her face when he looked at her over his shoulder was any indication.

“That wasn’t so hard to admit was it?” She was at his ear and he swallowed heavily. His heart started pounding and he guessed hers was too when he saw how heavy she was breathing. It was a charged moment, one that he _almost_ took advantage of.

Bellamy released her wrists and stood, reaching for her hand. She took it and used it to pull herself up and they walked together to the kitchen to get their food. They continued flirting and bantering their way through their meal and when they were done and it was time to say a real goodnight and separate into their own bedrooms this time, he allowed himself a slight moment of weakness and reached for the side of her head with one hand and leaned over to give her a lingering kiss on the cheek. 

She released a breathy _Mmm_ that threatened to crumble what little restraint he had left and whispered back to him, “Good night, Bellamy. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

\------------------

The morning passed pretty easily for the most part, thankfully Raven was on shift today as well so they have each other to talk to and do various chores with.

He was trying very hard to prevent mentioning that he’s currently _married_. 

She prodded him a little bit for information, but he tried to remain as vague as possible. He didn’t want to tell anyone before he knew what was going on in Clarke’s head. But he could use some perspective and by the time lunchtime rolled around, his need to talk to someone about it overruled his previous decision to keep it to himself.

He didn’t know how to bring it up because it was awkward as _fuck_ and to be honest, he was expecting her to yell at him a bit. Not that he didn’t deserve it.

He just about had the words in his mind phrased the way he wants them to sound, but he got caught off guard when she came around the corner, asking, “Hey, have you seen the ladder for the truck 3? Is it out getting fixed again? I mean, honestly, one of these days one of us is going to fall off of it.”

“I got married,” he blurted out. He winced and inhaled sharply as he watched different emotions flit across her face. Shock, disbelief, anger, more anger, acceptance, and finally, apparently, hysteric. She burst into a fit of laughter that sent her to grip the nearest truck for support. “Raven! Come on, it’s not funny!” he whined a little.

“Are you fucking with me? Because this is...whew!” She tried to wipe the tears from her eyes and calm herself down. “This is… nope, not yet.” She burst out laughing again and Bellamy couldn’t help but crack a smile too. “You couldn’t just ask her on a date?” she finally asked.

The fact that she clearly didn’t need to ask _who_ he got married to spoke volumes.

“It happened during the night we couldn’t remember. We were _really_ drunk and we… I don’t know, I guess we thought it would be funny.”

“Whew boy, well you are right on that point.” She finally regained some of her composure. “So does she remember now too?”

“Yeah, I told her the night we got home.”

“Well this explains why you were avoiding her on the flight back,” Raven pointed out with a cheeky grin.

“I wasn’t avoiding her.”

“Okay, sure. Anyway, what’d she say?”

“Mostly she just freaked out and apologized. It was sort of her idea but I told her it was both of us that made the decision and she didn’t need to be sorry.”

“Well, yeah. Considering both of you basically _want_ to be married to each other anyway but are too chickenshit to say anything, so you go and do this.” Raven shakes her head. “I swear, Blake… this is an impressive level of avoidance, even for you guys.”

“Please, Raven, even if she does have feelings for me too, she can’t possibly want to be married to me. At least not yet. Isn’t it too soon?”

“Are you kidding? Have you seen the way she looks at you? Acts around you? You two already _act_ like you're together, even if you don’t do any of the, you know, fun stuff.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes at her, but _was she right?_ He thought back to the way they were with each other just last night. He knew why _he_ wanted to be around her, make any excuse to hold her, touch her. But she was the one who invited him to stay, who stayed snuggled in his arms and told him to ignore his phone, who whined when he pulled away.

“Do us all a favor, and just have a freaking conversation? And be honest with her, okay? I promise, it’ll work itself out. But only if you actually _talk to each other._”

“Yeah, okay, Rave. I’ll -” he was interrupted by the alarm sounding off indicating they had a call. It was a vehicle that had spun out of control and down a mountainside. “I’ll talk to her, okay?” he finished as they climbed into their gear and headed out.

***

Clarke had a very busy morning in the birthing unit, but was pleased to get a text from Wells saying he was bringing her a late lunch. She told him it’d have to be fast, but that she would love to see him. But when he told her he was excited to hear how her trip and the wedding went, she froze.

She knew he meant _Octavia’s_ wedding, but it reminded her that she came back from the trip married as well. What was she going to tell him? _Should_ she tell him? She had fallen asleep last night feeling bad about talking Bellamy into it, and Clarke knew it was crazy and they should take the time to go through the proper steps, but she couldn’t find it in her heart to actually regret it.

It wasn’t exactly normal to get married before even having kissed your spouse, but who cares? Their relationship has always been a little quirky anyway. But obviously she needed to figure out where he stood in all of this before moving forward. If he didn’t want to be married to her, then of course she’d step aside and give him an annulment or divorce, or whatever. 

“Yo, Griffin! You ready for this? Chinese!” Wells entered the lobby and was immediately glared at by two different pregnant women walking around trying to progress their labors.

She laughed but tugged him off to the side. “You are going to die if you bring that in here. I’ll meet you up in the caf, okay? Let me just let the nurses know where I’ll be and to page me if they need something.” 

He nodded and tried to hide the bag more discreetly, slinking off in the direction of the cafeteria. Twenty minutes later, she was sliding into the seat across from him and grabbing some chopstix when he narrowed his eyes at her.

“What happened?”

She shrugged. “What are you talking about? The trip? It was… fun. The wedding was gorgeous, Octavia and Lincoln were stunning, the city was bright and loud and we had a good time.”

“That’s not what I meant. Something’s different.”

“I started taking pictures again? I took your advice and bought a new camera and took some pictures of O’s wedding. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it’d be. I still need to go develop them at some point though.”

“That’s amazing, Clarke. Truly. I knew you just had to jump back in at some point. Your dad would be really proud of you.”

“Thanks, Wells.”

There was a beat, then, “But that’s not what I’m talking about.”

She avoided his eyes the best she could, but she finally sighed and said, “Wells.”

“Clarke.”

“Wells.”

“Spit it out Griffin.”

“I may have, accidentally, maybe, sort of, married… Bellamy.”

He just stares at her for a moment. “You couldn’t just ask him on a date?”

She sighed and tipped her head back. “We were drunk, Wells, and I had a crazy-ass idea that we should get married and that it would be funny,” she tried to explain.

“Oh, believe me, it’s fucking hilarious,” he told her, losing his composure.

“Wells!”

“Well, what did you expect? You two are hopelessly in love with each but for some reason refuse to fess up to it.” 

“He’s not hopelessly in love with me.”

“That is the biggest piece of bullshit I’ve ever heard.”

She scoffed. Even if he was, that didn’t mean he wanted to be married, right? This was such a mess.

“Just tell him the truth. Take a leap. I know you’ve been hurt, really fucking hurt, in the past, I get that. But I think you’ll find he isn’t going to just let you fall.”

“That was pretty cheesy, even for you.”

“Well, you know, it works.” He winked at her and she just laughed. Her pager went off and she sighed again, knowing it was probably time to head back down to the labor and delivery unit and pulled it out to check on it.

“Why the hell is the ER paging me?”

***

Bellamy and Raven’s truck pulled up to the site. When he heard the alert sound, he thought it'd be a small embankment, maybe all they’d need was a strong tow to pull the car up. 

He definitely did not think it would be teetering on a random tree sticking out of a cliffside.

The small sedan was obviously incredibly unstable and they all immediately grabbed their climbing gear and he and Raven started strapping on their harnesses and helmets. Kane had called down to the car to alert the passengers that they were there, and that they were getting ready to get them out of there.

“I don’t like this. That car could go any second and then it free falls 500 feet,” Kane remarked, helping get the truck into position. “Riley, Nelson, get those backboards ready, we don’t know what shape the passengers are in.” 

The call had come from the daughter in the backseat, but the call had cut out before Monty could get any more information. They found out there were three people in the car that they knew of, but they didn’t know whether they were injured or conscious or anything.

“I’m ready. Hook me up.” Raven handed the hook to Kane who hooked it onto the fire engine, followed by Bellamy’s hook.

Together they walked to the to the edge and peered over. The tree was wedged in between the branches of a thick tree. Any movement and the branches could start breaking, sending the car down to the ravine below. They turned around and started rappelling down slowly, each taking either side of the vehicle.

As they approached, Bellamy peered inside and saw a blonde girl in the backseat, looking around wildly. His heart stopped for a moment thinking it could be Clarke, and was relieved when he got a glimpse of her face. “Hey there, I’m Bellamy, what’s your name?” She looked at him and instinctively started shifting closer to him, throwing off the balance of the car. “Whoa, whoa, hey. Try not to move okay? We’ve got to get it stable before we start shifting any weight around.”

“I’m - I’m Josephine. Jo - Josie.”

“Okay, Josie, we’re going to get you out of here, okay? Are you hurt? I see a scrape on your head?”

“I - I think that’s it. Nothing else hurts except maybe my neck? It’s just a little sore though.”

Bellamy nodded. “Okay, we’ll take a look, but it might just be whiplash. Your parents are in here too? Rave! You got eyes on Mom and Dad?”

“Yeah! Both have pulses but are out cold. Dad looks stuck, I’m going to have to climb in at some point. Get that car hooked up,” Raven called from the other side. He shifted around until he found an anchor point on the undercarriage of the banged up car. It wouldn’t do much, but it might at least hold it until they could get the people out. He heard her radio for the backboards to be lowered down.

“Okay, Josie, we are going to get you out of here. I’m going to have you move as carefully as possible. I’m going to reach in and hold you around the waist. When I say go, you jump in one solid jump and wrap your arms around my neck, okay?”

She nodded furiously and started inching her way out. “Raven! I’m getting the girl out, you keep an eye on the parents and I’ll be back down in a sec.”

“Got it. Parents are still stable.”

“Okay, Josie, ready?” She nodded again. “One… two… now!” Josie pushed off and he heard the car groan and creak with the movement, but it stayed in place thankfully. She wrapped herself around him and he secured the extra rope harness around her waist and gripped her with his arm. He radioed in to Kane to pull them up and once she was safely with Riley and Nelson getting checked out, he rappelled back down.

“Give it to me, Rave, what’s first?” he asked knowing she will have already analyzed the situation and formulated a plan. The backboards were still dangling nearby.

“I’m going to get in the back, and cut off her belt from behind, holding her steady and guiding her out from between her and the dad.” 

“You sure? Rave if you get stuck in there…”

“I’m hooked up, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, let’s do this,” Bellamy agreed. He didn’t like this, never liked when one of them had to get in somewhere unstable, but that was the job. 

She carefully and slowly climbed, making sure to step lightly. As she started cutting, the mom started coming around. “Wha - what’s going on? Josie? Russ? Oh my -”

“Ma’m, we’re with the Arkadia Fire Department and you’ve had an accident. You need to stay as still as possible so we can get you out of here, okay?” 

“Jo - Josie? Where’s my daughter?”

“She’s fine, minor injuries, she’s already been taken to safety. What’s your name?” 

The woman nodded and responded, “Si - Simone.”

Raven finished getting through the belt and braced herself against the seat as she helped the woman shift up and out the window. Her ankle was caught on something though, so Raven had to wedge herself down over Simone and pull it out. As soon as it was free, she started shrieking, clearly having broken it. Bellamy maneuvered the board into position and started easing the woman on it, trying to calm her down. 

They got Simone strapped on and calmed down and he radioed to the top to start pulling her up. “Two down, one to go,” Raven said. Bellamy was already tired, but the dad was still unconscious. 

“Okay, I’m changing sides. How’re you doing, Rave?”

“I could use a drink.”

He chuckled and shifted to the driver's side of the car to help get the dad out. Raven climbed into the front to assess what was going on. The steering wheel had been shoved into his lap, pinning him into his seat. “Damnit! Bell, I’m going to have to figure out a way to cut this wheel off.”

“Wait, I have an idea.” He reached in through the window and used the seat positioning controls to put the seat as far down as it would go. Just as he removed his arm, the car lurched violently, throwing Raven into the dash like a rag doll. “Raven!”

“Ow, shit! I’m fine, I’m okay, might’ve twisted my knee though.”

“Okay, get out of there, I’ll call for someone to sub in.”

“We don’t have time for that. I can do it.”

“Damnit Raven. Okay, be careful.” He reached in through the backseat from behind the man and wrapped his hands under the man’s armpits and thankfully, putting the seat down gave them just enough room to wiggle him out from under the wheel. 

Raven stayed at his legs and helped him maneuver out of the back window and onto the backboard. Once they got him strapped in and sent up, he turned back to Raven. “Okay, get out of there. This thing is going to give any second.” She nodded and started to carefully make her way out, but he could see her wincing with the effort. She definitely hurt her knee worse than she was letting on.

The car lurched again and started sliding. He could see the branches cracking and breaking, but Raven wasn’t free yet. If the car tried to go down with her still inside, she’d be slammed into the back of the vehicle and her rope could snap or she could be crushed with the weight of the car.

The car slid more and he saw the branch break completely and the crunching of the metal reached his ears. 

“Raven, no! Get out! Get out now!” he shouted as he saw the hook he’d attached to the vehicle break and the car broke free of the tree and he lunged down to grab Raven before she fell with it.

***

Clarke’s heart was pounding. They never paged her to the ER unless a pregnant mother went there instead of the birthing center, which happened, but was rare. Still, she tried to hedge her bets on those far odds anyway, because the alternative was that someone she knew and loved had come in injured and she didn’t want to think about that.

As she rounded the corner, with Wells on her heels, she started hearing shouting.

“Get off me! I’m fine, it’s not that big of a deal. Go help everyone else!” Clarke could pick Raven’s fiery voice out easily. 

She got to the curtain and slipped inside. “Rave! What the hell? Holy shit your leg, what happened?!”

“My leg feels _fine_. I probably just twisted it. But these crazy people keep trying to get me to hold still just so they can tell me that.”

“Well, Raven, that’s their job,” she tried to gently point out. “You’re probably in shock; that’s why it feels fine. But I can see from here that you more than just twisted it. So let them look at you, _please?_”

She scowled at Clarke. “Fine. They can poke and prod for five minutes, then I’m outta here. Did Bellamy tell you to come in here? He tried to stay, but they made him go to his own room. I told him to go worry about his own injuries and that I’d be just fine.”

“Bellamy? No, I got a page to come down here and when I heard you shouting I assumed you called me. He’s here? And injured?” her voice cracked.

Raven’s expression sobered and she sat up a little, “Yeah, he was hanging off the cliff with me. The car started falling and he grabbed my hand last second. I’d be dead without him, but his head was bleeding and he was clutching his arm and abdomen when they loaded me up in the ambulance.”

“Oh my… shit. I -”

“Yeah, yeah go. Wells’ll stay with me until Wick gets here.”

“Yeah, I’ve got her, go see your hubby,” Wells waved her off.

Clarke turned and glared at him and heard Raven remark, “Oh, so you know those two idiots got hitched too, huh?” before she stormed into the rest of the ER searching for Bellamy, scared out of her mind. She scanned the tags on the curtains quickly and finally found the bed he was in. When she walked in, she saw him lying on the bed with his eyes shut. 

He was hooked up to a monitor already and as she rushed over to him she noticed his head had a small laceration that had been stitched up. “Bell? What the hell? Are you okay?” She started scanning the rest of his body for other injuries and noticed he was favoring his right arm as he cracked his eyes open and noticed her panicking.

“Hey there Princess. I’m glad they actually paged you, they told me they weren’t really supposed to but I kind of pulled the husband card, hope that was okay.”

“Are you kidding? Of course it’s okay, I would’ve done the same thing,” she smiled softly, relieved to see him awake and alert. But her anxiety started rising when she realized what _could’ve_ happened and she started getting angry, even though she knew it wasn’t his fault. Deciding it wasn’t the time to get into it with him, she asked instead, “What the hell happened? Rave said something about a cliff?”

“Uh, yeah. Is she okay? They won’t tell me anything.”

“Yeah, overall I think she’ll be fine, but her leg… that might take some recovery. I left Wells with her. I didn’t want to scare her, but it didn’t look all that great and of course she’s giving the nurses and ER docs a run for their money, insisting she’s fine.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes. “Of course she is.”

“So what’s going on here?” she asked, gesturing to his injuries.

“I’m just waiting on scans now, actually. I’m a little banged up, got a nasty cut on my forehead. They don’t think my rib is broken, but it might be bruised and they aren’t sure what I did to my wrist.”

Clarke sighed. Okay, it definitely could be worse. But for the first time, she’s realizing just how scary his job is. How it only takes one thing to go wrong and she’d lose him. He’d be gone and whether they were together or not, that would devastate her. 

He got his scans and was discharged a few hours later. Thankfully his wrist was just sprained, but it would need to be splinted for a while, and his rib was bruised like he thought. She spent the time they spent waiting going back and forth between the two rooms, trying to tamper down the rising anger and fear working their way through her veins, knowing it was ridiculous.

Raven, unlike Bellamy, was much worse off like Clarke had feared. Her leg was broken in two places, including damage to her knee and was going to need surgery.

Clarke had never seen the ER staff so scared of a patient as they were of Raven Reyes. Thankfully, she had been moved out of the ER to a regular room already so the string of swear words Raven had let out when she received the information didn’t get overheard. Bellamy was fading fast though, so after they got Raven settled and Emori had shown up to stay with her overnight (and Harper volunteered to work her unit to stay close by as well), Clarke walked him out to her car to take him home.

Her heart and her head were still fuming and she was having a hard time controlling her emotions. She was so irrationally _mad_ at him for picking such a dangerous profession, and then she was mad at herself for being mad. Bellamy’s desire and love for protecting and saving people was one of the things she loved most about him. They were supposed to have some big conversation that night about what to do about their quickie marriage and all she wanted to do was rant and yell.

This was going to go great.

***

Bellamy ached _everywhere_. It had been a long time since he’d felt this shitty after a call. He had plenty of scars, plenty of injuries, but this one was scary. Not physically as much, but as the car plummeted away from them, he had just barely managed to grab Raven’s hand and tried to hold on as tight as he could. He basically hauled her up to him with one arm, holding fast around her, since her leg was hanging limp and she couldn’t use it for traction. She looked so pale; it terrified him.

It also terrified him how close he had also come to losing his own life. If the rope had snapped under the strain or he had been in the car instead of Raven… any number of things could’ve done him in and the only thing that ran through his mind was _Clarke_. He’d never get to tell her how he felt. Never tell her how loved she was by him. How he wanted to kiss her every second of every day. How he wanted to wake up next to her every morning. How she was his _home_, in every sense of the word.

She drove them home and while things had seemed okay when he first saw her in the ER, he detected a slight undercurrent of tension and he couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. It didn’t help that he was so freaking exhausted and the pain meds they’d give him when he first arrived were wearing off, so he felt every ache and protest from his body every time he moved.

Despite how tired he was, he was concerned that they weren’t going to get to have the conversation he wanted to have, the one where he finally felt ready to say what he was feeling and the one that he thought she might be ready to hear. This just seemed like yet another road bump in their backwards, confusing relationship.

They walked in the apartment and she threw her keys down on the counter and opened the fridge, fishing out a bottle of wine for her and a bottle of water for him. She rolled it across the counter towards him without a word and without looking him in the eyes.

“Clarke?” he tried.

“You should probably get some rest. You’re going to be sore when those meds start wearing off - oh, that reminds me, here.” She turned towards the cabinet, reaching for the bottle of aspirin they stored there, handing him two, still not looking at him. “This should help.” 

“Clarke.”

“Are you hungry? I could try to make something? I’m not you, but I can fry some eggs up okay.” She frowned at the open fridge and he stepped around the corner towards her. 

“I’m not hungry… Clarke. Would you look at me?” He saw her grip on the fridge handle tighten until he could see her knuckles turn white. He lifted his good hand up to hers and tried to pry it off, but she reacted violently to his touch and jerked her hand away as her gaze finally met his.

What he saw just about broke him. Her eyes were glassy and fire was brewing behind them as tears threatened to spill over. Her jaw was clenched and her expression was stone. But he knew her well enough by now to know the stone was just a mask, and that this was the expression she wore when she was trying to hold herself together. “Clarke,” he said one more time, a little lower and softer than before.

“No. Bell, don’t. I’m fine. I’m just…” She tried to look away.

“Are you mad at me?” he asked. Her eyes snapped back to his and now he was sure she was mad. “What the hell did _I_ do?”

“You… you almost died, Bellamy!” 

“You don’t think I know that? It's not like it was my fault. And it was scary as hell, but I’m okay. This is the job. It’s dangerous. You don’t get to be mad at me for that.”

She shoved at his chest lightly making him grunt and she backed up a few paces and crossed her arms. “I don’t _get to be mad?_ Are you serious? You spent the afternoon dangling off a cliff and… and you just don’t get to die! You…” She shook her head a little and raised her voice, “You have to be more careful!”

“Clarke, I was doing my job. I’m as careful as I can be, but sometimes I have to do risky things in order to save lives,” he pointed out, raising his voice to match hers, adrenaline pumping through him. 

It was the wrong thing to say.

“Yes, and rushing towards the danger is always a good idea!” she said sarcastically, gesturing wildy with her arms.

“For the last damn time, it’s my _job!_”

“You were dangling on the side of a fucking cliff, Bell!” she said again. “People need you in their lives! Do you know what this would’ve done to Octavia? Or Raven? What this would’ve done to… all of us?” she demanded. 

“Clarke, all of you would be fine without me,” he tried, but that only seemed to make her angrier. He threw his hands up. “What the hell do you want me to say? I’m not going to sit behind a desk my whole life because something _might_ happen.”

“Of course not, that’s ridiculous.”

“This whole conversation is ridiculous Clarke! You rushed headlong into danger too, when _you_ almost died!” he reminded her. His anger flared hot too, at the memory of hearing that she was still in the building. Suddenly he understood the way she was feeling a little bit more. He’d felt that illogical build up of rage when he realized the woman he was in love with might die. 

“I’ve been in danger before, I’m going to be in danger again. Why are you doing this? This can’t just be about how dangerous my job is, it’s always been like this and you’ve never reacted this way,” he nudged her, trying to encourage her just say it.

She chewed her lip until he was sure any harder would draw blood. She swallowed thickly and looked at him, wiping away an escaped tear. There was no more anger in her eyes and all that seemed to be left was fear. He couldn’t force her to tell him, he had to let her decide if she was going to let him in or not; all he could do was ask. “Clarke, please, talk to me?”

The tears started falling quicker then, and she was crumbling in front of him but all he could do was watch. “I… I _can’t_, Bell. I’m so scared. Damnit!” She smacked her hand down on the counter in frustration.

“Scared of what, Clarke?” he asked softly, prompting her on.

“We… we can’t lose you,” her voice was shaking and all he wanted to do was hold her but he was frozen, waiting for her to finish. The air was thick around him and the only thing he could do was wait, and it was agony. “I… _I_ can’t lose you.” Her voice hitched, but her eyes never left his.

He stepped forward and she took a half step back, surprised. “Why?”

_Say it._

“You’re my best friend,” she tried.

“No. Raven is your best friend too and is way worse off than me, why aren’t you yelling at her too?” he prodded. 

_Say it._

“Maybe I will,” she tried to deflect again. But he knew her, knew her soul, her heart, her mind. He realized he’s known it all along. They were it. _This_ was it.

“Clarke. Why can’t you lose me? You have plenty of friends, you’d be fine.”

“Bellamy,” her voice was cracking and she looked up at him as he finally stepped closer to grip the side of her face with his good hand, wiping away the tears with his thumb gently. He could practically feel her heart pounding to match his, and saw the blue in her eyes projecting her timidness, her fear, her fire, her determination and he needed her to _say it._

“Why, Clarke? Why can’t you lose me? Why are you so scared?” His voice was so low it was practically a whisper now.

She closed her eyes in a heavy blink and when she opened them, she opened and closed her mouth a few times before finally speaking. “I - I Iove you, Bell. I - I’m in love with you, completely. I can’t lose you.” 

She had barely finished getting the words out before his lips were on hers, kissing her in the way he’d been dreaming about, but it felt better than anything he could’ve imagined. Any pain, any fear that he had been feeling disappeared and he was surrounded with _Clarke_. Her scent, the feel of her skin, the taste of her lips. He tried to imbue every loving thought, every feeling, every ounce of himself into the kiss, and she kissed him with equal passion right back, clinging to his shirt and his waist. 

His good hand never left her face, but his splinted hand reached around her waist, tugging her closer and closer until there was no space left but it still wasn’t close enough. They finally broke for air only going back so far as to touch foreheads and it felt like he had separated from a limb, the sense of loss was so great, even though she was only inches away.

“Bellamy,” she breathed out, his name coming out quiet, but heavy and he had never loved hearing his name more.

“I love you too, Princess. In case that wasn’t clear,” he told her softly. He had _so much more_ to say, but for now, he just needed her to know.

“Yeah?” she said like she might not quite believe him, but hopeful all the same.

“Yeah. I’m all yours.”

She smiled that radiant smile of hers, the one that made her eyes sparkle and could light up the night, the same one he’s been wanting to taste for as long as he could remember. 

So he closed the gap between them and did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FREAKING FINALLY! Trust me when I say I am just as excited to finally get here as I'm sure most of you are! It was quite a journey and it's not over yet, but they KNOW! They KISSED! Woohoo! Hope it the long, excruciating wait was worth it!
> 
> Also, just a warning... the T rating will have to change for the next chapter hehe. I'll remind everyone when I post 21, but just wanted to let you know I'll have to switch it ;)
> 
> So now, we're getting closer to the chapter I'm writing because I've been updating like crazy, so it will probably be Thursday or Friday before I get 21 up. Sorry!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! We've got another one up! This one is pretty long and I underestimated the time it would take to edit it, so I'm sorry it's a little later than I wanted to post it. But I caught some big errors on my part so I'm glad I took the time to do it.
> 
> Also, please note the rating change ;)
> 
> Lots of fluffiness in this one, but you guys deserve it with how long I made you wait <3

It wasn’t all that graceful, as neither one could stop smiling as they kiss so there were a lot of teeth involved, but Bellamy didn’t care. It was perfect, slow and deep, and it wasn’t until Clarke tilted her head and ran her tongue against his lip that it started turning more passionate. He granted her what she wanted and the kiss deepened. His hands left her face and waist and dipped down to her thighs, picking her up effortlessly, even with limited use of one of his wrists. 

She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck as he spun them around, placing her down on the counter. No longer supporting her weight, his hands found a home on her hips and she rocked slightly into him, digging her heels into his back, driving him crazy and causing him to grip her as tight as he can. His lips left hers and she protested briefly before she started moaning as he kissed her cheek, jaw, ear, and slowly made his way down her neck. 

She tipped her head back to give him better access and ran her hands from his neck down to his shoulders, then on to his abdomen but the moment her fingers grazed his ribs, he winced involuntarily. 

“Shit, sorry,” she apologized immediately and he inhaled sharply.

“I’m fine.”

“No, Bell,” she sighed. “You have a bruised rib and sprained wrist, not to mention stitches in your forehead. We can do this another time,” she said quietly and Bellamy couldn’t help the whine that escaped. 

She chuckled breathily, and kissed him one, two, three more times before untangling her legs and scooting back a bit. Her lips were swollen and red and her eyes were glowing and she was smiling at him.

Once he was out of the blissful bubble he had let himself fade into, he realized how tired and sore he was. He groaned as Clarke hopped off the counter and grabbed his good hand, intertwining their fingers and bringing it up to kiss the back with a small smile. Even sore and in pain, he was entranced, like he was in a dream and briefly he wondered if he was. He waited what felt like so long for this and all he wanted to do was to get lost in her.

She guided him down the hallway and stopped at the junction between their two rooms. She looked shy all of a sudden, but her voice was certain and steady as she asked him, “Stay here tonight?”

Why would he ever say no to that?

***

Clarke woke up in the early morning and registered that it was still dark outside. She was warm, which was unusual for her lately, as once the weather started turning towards late fall, the temperature seemed to plummet. As she finished coming to, she realized the furnace to her back that was keeping her bed warm was Bellamy. 

He had an arm slung over the top of her and their legs were tangled under the blankets. She felt a smile creep on her face as she remembered the night before. Clarke thought that once they got home, they’d fight and go to bed frustrated and without any answers or solutions as to what to do. They were both tired and cranky and it could’ve turned bad quickly.

Instead, apparently what they needed was the fight, their guards to be down so they could finally say the words. She knew what he was doing when he fished for her true answer last night. She knew he wanted her to say it and she had never been so scared and so sure at the same time before. It was _Bellamy_, he was never going to hurt like she’d been hurt before; he was her best friend, her home. 

Once she started saying it, it came out easy. It was simple, and they hadn’t had any real conversation about it yet, but she could feel every ounce of love that he poured into his kisses and touches. Her skin had felt like it was ignited by shockwaves every time she felt his fingertips graze her skin. All she wanted was all of him.

But then her fingers had grazed his ribs and he winced and she remembered that he was injured. It took every single shred of self-control she had to back away from him. Heat at pooled in her stomach and it was torture to stop and force herself to cool down. 

Clarke turned over gently, trying not to wake him or jostle him. When they were laying face to face, or rather her face to his chest, she lightly ran her fingertips over his chest, finally allowing herself to wonder what it would feel like to do that when he didn’t have clothing blocking their contact. 

She let her mind wander for a minute, trying to convince herself not to wake him up, but she started losing that battle when he started making little noises and moans in his sleep that shot straight through her whole body. She knew they couldn't do anything too strenuous, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t enjoy themselves a little bit…

She started to slowly pepper kisses on his chest over his shirt and she could feel him stir and his heart rate increase as he slowly started waking up. She got to his collarbone and she felt his hand tug her closer and slip under her shirt that had ridden up her back a bit. She kissed his bare neck and felt his adam’s apple bob. She kissed his jaw and felt it clench. 

She kissed the corner of his mouth and by that time she was pretty sure he was already awake because his lips started twitching upwards and his breathing started to become more shallow.   
Clarke whispered against his lips, “I know you’re awake, Bellamy Blake.”

He shook his head a little bit but didn’t open his eyes. “Nope,” he responded.

She smiled a bit and she knew he could feel it, because he leaned forward subconsciously, trying to catch her lips, but she moved just out of his reach. “Oh really? Well, then I guess I should get up and get on with my day and let you sleep.” She pretended she was going to roll away, though she had no real intentions of ever leaving that bed if she could help it.

“Mmm okay, I may be a little bit awake,” he called her bluff. He secured his arm around her back and she felt it flex in position to hold her to him. He furrowed his brows and lunged forward to capture her lips with his and in one fell swoop he was on top of her. He kissed her deeply and passionately and she found herself getting lost easily.

He slowed his kisses down and dipped his head to kiss the hollow spot behind her ear, and whispered, “Good morning Princess,” making her shiver.

He propped himself up on his good hand so he wouldn’t crush her, but really Clarke could think of worse things. “Hey,” she smiled at him.

He smiled widely, and it lit up his eyes, despite the fact that even in their dark bedroom she can see that his pupils were dilated. 

“You should go back to sleep. You’ve got injuries to heal up,” she told him.

“And miss being awake kissing you? Yeah, that’s not going to happen,” he retorted, making her blush. Something about the way he said it out loud made it all the more real and all the more intense and she stretched up to kiss him lightly again. 

“There’s no rush, Bell, I’m not going anywhere, promise.”

She saw his eyelids droop a little and she guided him back down and wrapped her arm around him with his head on her collarbone. She carted her hand through his curls, scratching his scalp gently and he fell asleep in seconds, despite his protests. 

It feels surreal, there in the darkness of her bedroom with the man she is in love with draped across her small frame. It was something she’d only imagined and somehow the memory of the fear she had only last night of this very thing seemed distant. All she felt while laying there with Bellamy in her arms was pure peace. She knew that in a few hours they’d have to actually leave the room and the apartment and go check on Raven, but she wanted to shut the rest of the world out for just a little while longer.

\----------------

Not three hours later they were at it again; it seemed he was unable to keep his hands off of her as much as Clarke was of him. She felt the pull inside to touch every single part of him as soon as possible, but she needed to temper that with _some_ logic. They were in love, that much she was absolutely sure of, but they needed to figure out what was going on.

And she couldn’t keep tempting fate with his rib and wrist. She wanted him to heal and if she didn’t allow him his rest now, it would be that much longer before she was able to fulfill her desire to explore him more... fully, and him her.

When they finally tore apart, his eyes were glued to her retreating figure as she excused herself to the bathroom and as soon as she was alone, the excitement of what they’d experienced came rushing through her. She seemed to have a permanent smile affixed to her face and she was not complaining. 

She poked her head around the corner of her room to look at her bed, sun now pouring through the windows and was dismayed to find him gone. Clarke frowned, wondering if he’d gone back to his own bedroom when she heard the grinding of coffee beans in the kitchen. She tiptoed her way in and saw him with his back to her and she could see the frustration in his shoulders as he tried to fill the coffee pot with one good hand. She had her fair share of hand injuries lately and knew how irritating it was.

Clarke walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, being mindful of his ribs. She kissed the spot between his shoulder blades and she could visibly see and feel his body relax. He set the pot down and turned around in her arms, looking down at her.

“You know, I had almost convinced myself that I imagined everything that happened last night.”

“Nope. Definitely not. Unless you’re regretting it? You _were_ pretty tired and on pain meds,” she pointed out. 

He tightened his arms around her. “Not a chance. I…” he hesitated and swallowed, slightly avoiding her eyes. “I’ve been in love with you for a while now, actually. And I can’t really imagine a time I won’t be.”

Her heart soared and she felt tears start prickling at the corners of her eyes. She bit her lip, “It’s funny how things can change, huh?”

He chuckled. “You know, yesterday I was hanging off a cliff and today I’m kissing you, yeah you never do know where you’re going to end up.”

“I don’t know. I think that as soon as I realized I was in love with you, I think I always knew where we’d end up, even though I was scared to want it so much… does that sound too presumptuous?”

He smiled widely and leaned down to give her a long, sweet kiss on the lips. “No, Princess, I feel the same way.”

She stepped out of his embrace and a frown replaced the smile. “We should probably go check on Raven. She’s probably irritating the nurses and doctors to no end. And her surgery is scheduled for later.”

He pouted, but responded, “ Yeah, you’re probably right, I want to be there for her too.” 

She nodded. “Okay. I’m going to take a quick shower and then I can help you wrap your arm so you can too?” 

He got a mischievous look on his face that told her _everything_ he was thinking and just the images it conjured up was enough to make Clarke blush furiously. “You know, we could save time if we showered… together?” 

She noticed his eyes turn darker and heat pooled in her and she couldn’t help the anticipatory smile that she knew was in her expression. “Yes, that would be a very efficient use of time,” she began, stepping closer, and she knew _exactly_ what she was about to say would do to him. “However, when I do finally get _all_ of you, Bell, it’s not going to be a short encounter; I’m going to want to take my time.” She gave him a sly smile. “So I’ll be right back,” she said in a low voice, reaching up on her tiptoes to close the gap between them intending to give him a soft kiss, but the moment their lips touched, he reached behind her head threading his fingers through her hair and held her to him, deepening it.

Their tongues intertwined and he backed her up against the wall and kissed her fiercely. He didn’t leave her lips though, pulling back after a couple of minutes and this time she saw barely any brown left in his eyes.

Clarke smiled and slipped away glancing back to see him still watching her with a cheeky grin on his face. It was going to be… difficult to keep her hands (and her lips) off of him.

***

About an hour later, they were both dressed and ready to head back to the hospital. Bellamy thought that his self-control was hard to handle _before_ they admitted their feelings to each other, but it was nothing compared to knowing what it felt like to hold her, to hear her say I love you, to kiss her, and then to have to stop doing those things.

All he wanted to do was explore and kiss every inch of her, but he knew they had other issues that were pressing and they had all the time in the world to get there. She was right, there was no rush. She said she wasn’t going anywhere and neither was he. 

He emerged from the bathroom and searched her out to find her sitting on the couch in the living room typing away on her phone. “You ready?”

She turned and smiled a smile that he now knew was meant for him, and replied, “Yep. I was just texting Harper. She said Raven is finally calming down and accepting that she’s going to need surgery and PT. She’s still pretty grumpy though, so we should be prepared.”

He nodded and approached her, leaning on the back of the couch. “So, what should we say to people? About… about us?”

She furrowed her brow a bit in concentration and Bellamy fought the urge to kiss it. If he started kissing her on the couch he may not stop for a while and Raven needed them. And they had things they needed to figure out. 

“Well, we never really got a chance to talk last night… and _about_ last night,” she pointed out. “To be honest, I don’t really know what to say.”

He thought it over. She had a point. They didn’t really know where the other stood officially. He didn’t really need a label, especially with the fact they were already married and in love, but what happens if she’s not quite ready for marriage? Do they date, but get a divorce or annulment? What even is the difference between the two? He loved her, she loved him, but that was as far as they’d gotten before the tension in the room boiled over and they couldn’t keep themselves apart for more than two minutes.

But could they really show up at the hospital and act like last night hadn’t happened? 

“Yeah, we should talk. Maybe tonight? When we get home after the surgery?”

She winced a little, “I told Emori last night before we left that I would take the overnight shift with Raven tonight. I’m so sorry, I had no idea… that we would end up the way we did.”

He tried not to deflate too much knowing he’d end up back here tonight, alone. “Oh. Well, okay then. Maybe tomorrow after your shift? Kane told me to take a couple days so I’m not back at work until Saturday.”

“They’re going to let you work with your injuries?”

“Yeah, I’ll be on desk duty for a while, until I’m strong enough for the field again, but I should be fine to push papers around by then.” 

Clarke nodded. “Okay, we will just have to wait until tomorrow to talk to anyone about what’s going on.” She tilted her head all of a sudden. “Did you tell Raven we got married?”  
Bellamy could feel his eyes widen and he cleared his throat. “Um, yeah. Sorry, it kind of came out while we were at work yesterday. I think she’s known for a while how I feel and I was trying to process in my head and it wasn’t really working, so I blurted it out.”

“What’d she say?” Clarke asked. He couldn’t get a read on whether it bothered her or not.

He chuckled a bit nervously. “She basically asked why we couldn’t just date first.”

He watched carefully for her reaction and for a moment, he wasn’t sure if she was going to be angry or what. But then she cracked a smile and started belly laughing. Not for the first time, he marveled at how it had quickly become his favorite sound in the world. “Wells said the same thing!”

“You told Wells?”

She wiped at her eyes as she calmed herself down. “Yeah. He basically already knew something was up the minute he saw me and prodded me until I gave it up. We got _married_, Bellamy!”

“I am acutely aware of that, thank you,” he said, joining her laughter.

“I guess we’ve never really been a normal pair, have we?”

He reached out and tucked a stray curl behind her ear that had come loose during her fit and she smiled softly as his fingers lingered on her cheek. He relished the idea that he might get to do things like that intentionally now, things he was so used to keeping an eye on so he didn’t overstep. It was relieving knowing that might be over now. “No, Princess, we are not.”

\----------------

A little while later, they finally arrived at the hospital and while they held hands in the car and parking lot, they parted and tried to keep an appropriate distance from each other as they entered the floor Raven was on. 

They _may_ have made out in the elevator just a bit though.

They walked into the room that Raven was in and Clarke took the couch with Emori and Bellamy leaned against the door frame. He saw Wick sitting in a chair next to Raven leaning back. He was in regular clothes instead of his paramedic outfit, so he must’ve had a day off.

“I’m headed down to get some coffee. This one does _not_ do well when she’s injured,” Emori declared.

“Hey, I’m not that bad!” Raven called after her, throwing a ball of paper at the door after her, which Bellamy had to duck away from.

“Hmm, if it isn’t the happy newlyweds! You guys, does this mean we get another party?”

Clarke started blushing and Bellamy started fidgeting, but neither responded right away. His eyes narrowed at Wick and Raven must’ve seen, because she added, “Well, I know I can’t really talk to most of our normal group, but I had to talk to _somebody_ about it!”

Wick smiled smugly, “Yeah, man, I hear congrats are in order!”

Bellamy rolled his eyes and ignored him. “Can we just focus on you, right now, please?”

Raven shook her head. “Hell no. Especially since I’m sensing… something happened.” She narrowed her eyes at the two of them and they both immediately looked away, which, in hindsight, he realized only made them look more guilty. “Are you two fighting or something? Because you guys are on opposite ends of the room avoiding each other and usually you two are joined at the hip,” she pointed out.

Clarke walked over to her. “So when did they schedule your surgery for, Rave?” she asked, trying to change the subject. 

“3pm. Then they said I’ll have to stay overnight for observation and they’ll spring me tomorrow,” she told Clarke. Bellamy was going to jump in with a question of his own before Murphy walked in and interrupted him.

“Hey - oh! Raven, you’ve never looked better,” he said sarcastically.

“Bite me, Murphy.”

“Well, someone slept well. What’s up Wick?” Murphy nodded in Wick’s direction, which Wick returned. Bellamy was just grateful someone else was in the room. Murphy looked around at the rest of the room and looked back and forth between him and Clarke. “You two okay? Why are you so far apart?”

Raven laughed and Murphy looked at her like he was missing something. It was Clarke’s turn to roll her eyes. “Geez, we’re not _always_ next to each other,” she mumbled and Bellamy stifled a chuckle.

“Eh, you kind of are,” Wick piped in.

“Thank you, very helpful,” Clarke told him, pursing her lips at him. Raven just beamed at her boyfriend, and Bellamy caught Wick winking at her, making his surrogate sister blush a little. If they weren’t making fun of him, he might have found it sweet. Instead, it was just irritating. Especially since they were picking up on something that he and Clarke thought they’d be able to hide.

He apparently never realized just how close people had gotten to use to seeing them.

“Okay, guys, whatever is or isn’t going on between me and Clarke isn’t why we are here today,” Bellamy announced, and Clarke nodded enthusiastically in agreeance. “Raven, do you need anything?”

“Ugh, out of here would be nice, but short of that… Harper ran home to grab some clothes for me. I can’t wait to get out of the dreaded hospital gown. I know I’m hot, but no one looks good in hospital clothes.”  
“I’d beg to differ babe,” Wick leaned over and told her. 

Murphy rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes, you two are adorable. Where’s Emori?”

“Right here! And I bring coffee. I even have one for you,” she said smiling brightly at her boyfriend. “Something told me you’d be showing your handsome face sooner than later.”

Murphy smiled back at her and wrapped an arm around her and kissed the side of her head. He looked down a little, clearly a little embarrassed. He never could take a compliment well, choosing to operate more comfortingly under sarcasm. But with Emori, he always seemed to accept it okay, and Bellamy loved watching his friend have someone who got him, and supported him, and helped him work past his issues.

He looked around the room, and he realized that it was filled with couples and he felt extremely awkward all of a sudden. He caught Clarke’s eye and she seemed to have had the same realization. Emori and Murphy had settled themselves on the couch and Wick had saddled up closer to Raven on the bed and were whispering about something. 

What he wouldn’t give to cross the room and pull his girl into his arms as well. 

_Soon._

The rest of the day was spent laughing and trying to distract Raven from her hunger. She couldn’t eat before surgery and the term _hangry_ took on a whole new meaning. They ended up rotating, as more and more of their friends showed up to show their support. At some point, Wells also popped his head in and after more than one statement that insinuated information they didn’t want out yet, Clarke dragged him down to the cafeteria to get some lunch for everyone. 

Just after lunch, Bellamy finally heard from Octavia. He knew coverage was spotty up at the cabin and that she was probably, _ahem_, busy, so he hadn’t been worried, but he knew if he didn’t at least try to get ahold of her to let her know what happened, she’d be livid. And Octavia mad was not something he wanted to have to deal with.

** _O:_ ** _ Hey bro, sorry i didn’t see these yet ;) what’s up? and can’t it wait until we get back?_

_**Bellamy:** Uh, no, actually. But before I get into it, everyone is fine._

He had barely hit send before she was calling him. He excused himself and headed down the hallway.

“Hey O.”

_“What the hell do you mean, everyone’s fine? Bell, what happened?”_

“Okay, calm down. What I mean is everyone is or will be okay. But… Raven and I had a bit of a rough time on a call yesterday and landed ourselves in the ER.” He could hear her shouts of protest on the phone, but he pressed on, “I’ve already been discharged, just some stitches, a bruised rib and a little sprain in my wrist.”

_“Oh my… Bell!”_

“But Raven… she broke her leg in two places and is headed in for surgery in an hour.”

_“Holy shit! Okay, Lincoln and I are leaving now and we’ll be there in three hours. Text us with updates -”_ He knew she was going to say that and interrupted. 

“O! Seriously, she’s fine. And you know she’ll be pissed if you leave your honeymoon. I’ll give you any and all updates. It’s not that major of a surgery, she’ll be fine.”

_“Put her on the phone.”_

“O, I’m in a hospital…”

_“Bellamy Gaius Blake, put Raven on the phone,”_ she demanded. He sighed and turned to head back to Raven’s room, and saw Clarke and Wells headed back in as well. Wells gave her a wink and headed in, while Clarke came over to him. She peeked back to make sure no one could see them, and wrapped her arms around him quickly and gave him a kiss on the chest.

He smiled at her and nodded when she mouthed _Octavia?_ at him. She grabbed the phone out of his hand.

“Hey, O! How’s the honeymoon?”

She said something that made Clarke scrunch her face and he was very grateful that he couldn’t hear whatever it was Octavia said. 

“Okay, too much info O.” She paused for another moment, then responded, “Yeah, yeah, we’re headed there now. You know I’m all over this, she’s going to be fine,” she told her. He dipped down and gave Clarke a quick kiss on the forehead and together they headed back to the room.

“Octavia,” Clarke told Raven, holding the phone out to her. 

“Hey O. No, I’m fine, everyone is overreacting, it’s like a scratch.” She listened for a second, then responded, “Octavia Blake, so help me if I see your face in this hospital tonight. You are NOT cutting your honeymoon short for my stupid leg, you hear me? Clarke is staying with me tonight, and I go home tomorrow. Wick is staying in your old room so he can help when Harp is at work.” She paused and O must’ve acquiesced because Raven started smiling. “Yep, babe, don’t worry, it’s going to take more than bum leg to keep me down.”

Murphy snorted and Bellamy shook his head. How true those words were. If anyone was going to force herself to bounce back from a broken leg by sheer will, it would be Raven Reyes. 

She hung up the phone and handed it back to Bellamy and then the doctors were coming to start prepping her so they all gave her hugs and were kicked out to the waiting room. He sat next to Clarke on instinct, placing a hand on her thigh. Her arm automatically came up to rest on the nape of his neck, her fingers playing with his hair there. 

He didn’t even realize it was happening until he caught Murphy’s eye and the man tilted his head with a smirk and suddenly Bellamy realized that they were not acting as if they were still just friends. He didn’t know what they were exactly, but they passed _just friends_, at the very least, the moment he lifted her on that counter last night.

He jumped up, startling Clarke and announced he was headed to get some coffee for everyone, a hand coming up to scratch the spot on his neck she had just been playing with.

***

Clarke and Harper, being a doctor and nurse at the hospital, knew enough people to where they were able to get updates before most people would. The doctor was a good friend of Abby’s, and even though Clarke wasn’t exactly on the best of terms with her mother, Dr. Jackson was still kind and she knew that he’d be honest with her. 

It only took three hours for him to finish the repair and Clarke was relieved; he’d warned them that depending on the severity of the break, it could take four hours or longer. She jumped up from her seat next to Bellamy when she saw him walking down the hallway towards them. When he had come back with coffee for everyone, he sat down in the chair he’d vacated, but kept his hands to himself. After he’d gone, she caught Wells and Murphy snickering and she realized they may have been a little too touchy-feely with each other. 

It had been barely a day since they’d first kissed, but it was like once the dam had burst, there was no keeping them from each other. And the weird part was, it felt completely natural. The first time he had stayed with her after what happened with Finn, she found him making coffee in the kitchen like it was the most normal thing in the world for him to be doing, that it was jolting. They were barely friends, but something about it felt like it was where he was supposed to be.

This was the same way; being with him, stealing little kisses and touches, felt like the world had clicked into place. It was already instinctual for them. 

Jackson finished crossing the hall to them and put up a hand when everyone in the room had darted to Clarke’s side. Everyone had shown up, her and Bellamy of course, Wick, Murphy, Emori, Wells, Harper, Monty, Jasper, even Kane had been there briefly to check in on her, but he had to go back to the station. And Octavia had been texting Bellamy non stop since she had gone in.

“Okay, so Raven is tough and I’m incredibly confident that the breaks will make a full recovery. They weren’t as bad as we’d feared. However,” Clarke took a deep breath. “There is _some_ damage to her knee that may impact her in the future. We’re hopeful that it will heal without any residual effects, but there’s just no way to predict it. She may not feel a thing, or it may cause some persisting chronic pain for a while.”

That wasn’t the worst thing. She’d have to recover for about six to eight week for the breaks, and then they’d evaluate whether she’d be able to return to work. And the knee thing sucked, but hopefully with PT she’d be able to hardly notice it. They all breathed a sigh of relief and thanked Jackson, and he told them that one of them could go see her, but not everyone for a couple hours. They all let Wick be the one to go; the man was practically jumping out of his skin the entire surgery. Raven hadn’t said anything about it yet, but she was sure they were headed for the real deal and her heart swelled with the thought.

Once they’d all trickled in and given Raven their love, they’d all left to go home, leaving just her, Bellamy, and Raven in the room. 

Bellamy got up and headed over to where the two girls were lounging on the small hospital bed together. Clarke had climbed into the bed with Raven to comfort her once she’d noticed she had started tearing up trying to not let the prospect of recovery get her down. 

“Okay, I’m going to head out too. I’ll be back in the morning, with breakfast and coffee. Unless you need me to stay?” he directed the question at both of them.

Clarke got up and walked over to him, putting her hand lightly on his arm. “It’s fine, go home. You’re probably exhausted.”

“Why? You two spend all night making out or something?” Raven joked. Clarke and Bellamy exchanged a look and avoided looking at Raven which only made her sit up a little more with wide eyes and a grin that spread from ear to ear. “Holy _shit_.”

Bellamy rubbed his face with his hand and Clarke just chuckled. “I’m gonna to go,” he told her, completely ignoring Raven. 

“Mmhmm. You go, I got this, see you in the morning.” Clarke smiled up at him.

Bellamy hesitated briefly and his eyes flicked over to Raven, who Clarke could see was trying not to laugh, before leaning down and placing a quick kiss on her cheek.

She watched him go and turned slowly around to face the music. She could see Raven’s body tense from trying to hold it together but as soon as they locked eyes, she smirked and said, “_Really?_”

Clarke sighed and walked over to the couch, flopping down heavily. “I know, I know. I was just so freaking _mad_ he’d gotten hurt and it was irrational and misplaced, but I couldn’t stop being so scared that something worse could’ve happened. And I would’ve never ended up telling him what he meant to me.”

“So you kissed him. Very logical of you.” She tried to return her composure, but Clarke could see the excitement in her eyes. 

“Well, he kind of called me out first. He kept asking _why_ I was so mad and I kept trying to talk around it, but he wasn’t really letting me, so I... told him I loved him.”

Raven’s eyebrows shot up her forehead. “You did? Hence the making out. Huh.”

“Is that really all you have to say? Raven Reyes, responds with a _huh_?”

“Well, it was just a matter of time. It’s not exactly _shocking_ Clarke, even though I was a little surprised just a few seconds ago. We were starting to think that we were going to have to lock you two in a room somewhere in order to get you to admit it, but yeah. You two have been dancing around each other for what feels like forever. It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

“You really think that?” It was what Clarke had been feeling, but hearing from someone else was something else entirely.

“Clarke, you guys are like two halves to a whole. It’s obvious. That man has been in love with you for, like, as long as he’s known you, save the first few days. And sure, you both avoided it like crazy, but babe; it was kind of inevitable.”

Clarke chuckled a little. “Does everyone think this?”

“Murphy and Emori even have a bet going on about it.”

She buried her face on the couch and groaned.

“Clarke?” she asked and Clarke poked her head out.

“Yeah?”

“This is good, you know. He’s a good man, I’m just… _so_ happy for you guys. Life has thrown some _shit_ at you, especially lately and you _still_ managed to open your heart and fall in love; this is a good thing.” Clarke saw her wipe a tear that was threatening to spill over and she was struck once again with just how much her friends loved her.

They didn’t spend much more time talking about it, Raven started fading fast after that and quickly fell asleep. Clarke laid awake on the couch a little while longer, thinking about what she was going to say to him when they finally got a chance to talk things through.

\----------------

That moment didn’t come for a couple days. Clarke had a shift after spending the night in the hospital and Bellamy hung with Raven until it was time to take her home. Wick had spent the night before moving some of his stuff into Octavia’s empty room and getting the place set up for her so when Murphy, Clarke, and Bellamy helped her into the apartment, he and Harper were ready for her. 

“Ugh, I might regret this. Are we at the point in our relationship where you are allowed to see me looking like this?” Raven shied away a bit from him, but returned Wick’s welcome home kiss.

“Oh shut it Reyes, there is no situation that you would ever look less than completely perfect to me,” he told her and they exchanged a sweet look, with Raven smirking a little.

Clarke and Bellamy exchanged a look as well, and Murphy made gagging noises as they went into the kitchen to get dinner made for everyone. Though it ended up being more Bellamy and Murphy batting Clarke’s hands away everytime she tried to do something, joking that they wanted the dinner to be edible.

She pretended to act offended, but was perfectly happy to use the excuse to stare at Bellamy’s ass and muscled back as he had his back turned to her stirring something on the stove.

He caught her staring once, and didn’t make eye contact, but she could see his lips curve up at the corners. At one point, Murphy had caught her staring too, and mumbled, “Just get a room you two,” under his breath, prompting Bellamy to smack him in the shoulder.

A room didn’t sound like an awful idea actually, but by the time they finally got home that night, they were both too tired to talk much. They collapsed into bed with only a small kiss, both too drained to even attempt to deepen it. 

The next day, Clarke had to work again, but Bellamy was off for one more day of recovery and when she walked in the door, he had made lasagna and gotten out a bottle of wine. 

She walked up to him and kissed him deep, still in awe that she gets to do that. Of course, if they decide to slow things down, she may have to refrain in the future.

Once they had finished eating and Clarke had a glass of wine in her, they settled on the couch.

“So, I guess we should probably talk?” she asked. He looked nervous, and she sighed. “I know this is awkward and I’ve been feeling like we are okay, but Bell, if you’re not, or want to pump the breaks on this…” she trailed off trying not to sound like she’d be disappointed and his eyes snapped to hers.

“Are you kidding? Clarke. I love you. I meant it when I said that. You’re it for me.” He said it simply, like it was obvious instead of an earth-shattering revelation to her heart. 

“Really? Because I’m broken and still healing and a fucking _mess_ most of the time. I’d understand if you wanted to take a step back.”

He scooted closer. “Clarke, I love you,” he repeated and _damn_ she’d never get tired of hearing that. “I don’t care about any of that. You are one of the strongest, most genuine people I’ve ever met. You’re stubborn, and relentless, fiercely independent, but incredibly kind.” Clarke was pretty sure she’d stopped breathing at this point, but he kept going, his hand having come up to stroke her arm on the back of the couch. “Yeah, you’ve got some shit in your past, but I have just as much and the fact that you are sitting here, having worked so hard to move past it proves that strength. You are without a doubt the most beautiful, sexy woman I’ve ever known. You’re my best friend, and the woman that I love.”

He looked straight in her eyes and she found herself falling into them, into him. “Anything and everything, I’m all in.”

Her heart was pounding and she pulled in a deep breath before closing the space between them, no longer able to hold herself back. She straddled his lap and he kissed her back just as passionately, gripping her hips the best he could with one good hand, holding her in place. 

Her arms were wrapped around his shoulders and she pulled back a fraction of an inch and waited until he opened his eyes so she could look at him just as earnestly as he had her to say, “I’m in too. I’m scared, but I know that this, us, we’re right. And I’m not going to run from it anymore, because I know that I’m safe with you.”

“I’ve got you, Princess,” he whispered, a promise that shot straight to her soul. She was back to kissing him and trailed her hands down his chest until they hit the hem. 

She slipped her hands under them and started exploring his skin and it was like electricity shot through her entire body with the contact, heat pooling furiously between her legs, demanding attention. She twisted her hips _just so_ and he let out a low growl in the back of his throat. He pulled back and looked at her in the eyes, pupils blown wide and reached behind his head to pull his shirt off in one fell swoop and Clarke’s heart stopped.

He was so _beautiful_. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen him without a shirt, but there was something different about that moment, more intimate now that she knew she could touch him, and explore him. A flash of nervous embarrassment flashed behind his eyes and she knew he was uncomfortable with being studied like that. She ran her hands over his chest and abdomen, a self-satisfied smirk on her lips when he would twitch as she’d get too close to a tickle spot. Clarke bit her lip and looked back up at him as her hands left his body and gripped the hem of her own shirt, pulling it off to join his on the floor. 

She could see his jaw clench and work nervously, but his eyes got impossibly darker and never left her face. “There. Now we’re even,” she told him, trying to abate his nervousness. When his breathing deepened, and her hands had been placed back on his chest, he whispered so quietly, she had to lean in to hear him better. 

“Are you sure?” 

She kissed the hollow behind his ear, feeling his eyes slide shut. “Yes, I’m sure. Take me to bed, Bell,” she said softly in his ear.

“Yes, ma’m.” That seemed to be all the prompting he needed, because suddenly he was standing, her weight supported by one arm under her ass and another across her back and he was back to kissing her like he needed her as badly as he needed oxygen. 

He brought them into his room and while they’d spent most of their nights sleeping in her bed, Clarke was glad that he’d brought her to his. The entire room filled her senses with him and still, it felt like it would never be enough.

He practically threw her down on the bed, leaning down over her to kiss her neck and shoulders, his hands roaming over her like she had him. When his thumb brushed the underside of her breast, her back arched and he started kissing further down, coming to her cleavage. “Bell,” she breathed, a slight whine under the tone.

He looked at her and smirked and reached behind her back, unclasping her bra and tossing it on the floor. He propped himself up and looked at her and now it was Clarke’s turn to flush with trepidation. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Princess,” he breathed and the way that he was looking at her actually made her believe it. 

Had he always looked at her like that? It was so loving and passionate and she wondered how she ever doubted whether he loved her back. It was in his gaze, in his touches, in his words and his voice, in his actions. It was like she could physically _feel_ his love for her with her entire being and while she never put much stock in soulmates, she was beginning to understand the concept. They were made for one another. Two halves of a whole. _The head and the heart._

Their approaches to situations were different, though often they’d reach the same conclusions. Clarke was (mostly) rational, thinking things through, always looking at every angle and idea before making a decision. Bellamy used his heart, his emotions, and raw instincts to make the call. They needed the other to balance them out. Together, they matched perfectly.

He resumed his exploration of her body, and when she moaned for more, he deftly undid their pants and they took turns helping the other out of the rest of their clothes until they were finally laying together with nothing left to hide between them, emotionally and physically.

They took their time, Clarke trying to be mindful of his injuries and just reveling in finally being together and making the other feel their love in every move they made. 

And they finally came together, chasing each other’s high with Clarke’s leg wrapped around his hip, his hand on her ass urging them as close together as possible and it was like the blending of their two souls and she’d never felt as cherished as she felt in that moment.

He collapsed down on top of her, shifting his weight so she wouldn’t feel the brunt of it. They didn’t speak for a little while, both of them still catching their breath and enjoying the moment wrapped in each other’s arms. He trailed his fingers up and down her arms and when she shivered, he sat up just long enough to bring the comforter that had been kicked away back on top of them. She settled down into his side and looked up at him while drawing pictures on his abdomen with her finger. 

“What’re you thinking about?” she asked him after feeling their hearts approach a reasonable pace.

He smiled and looked up at the ceiling, “What I want for breakfast,” he finally said. He peeked back down at her and smirked. She slapped his chest lightly, making him chuckle. “Okay, okay.” He cleared his throat. “I was thinking of what to call you now. My girlfriend, wife? Neither really seems to encompass what you mean to me.”

“I know what you mean. But, I don’t know, call me whatever you want. Whatever feels right in the moment. I was never a fan of labels anyway. We’re together, that’s all we need, don’t you think?”

“Yeah. Together.”

“So… what do you want to do about the marriage? We kind of did this out of order.”

He breathed a laugh. “Yeah, that’s for sure. Although, it turns out I did get married first, so that’s good.” Blake sibling rivalry at its finest.

She laughed. “Oh man, what do you think she’s going to say?”

“She’s going to explode. But in a good way, a happy way, I think. She’ll get all fired up and loud and squeaky -” Clarke started shaking with laughter and he joined her. “But she’ll be glad we finally figured it out. She’s been after me for a while to be honest with you.”

“So why weren’t you?” she asked, not angry, just genuinely curious. She felt his arm tighten around her. 

He sighed. “I don’t know. I… I didn’t think you’d be in the same place, even if I had little glimpses here and there that you might be. When we met, I was so awful to you and while I knew you had forgiven me and we’d moved on… I didn’t want you to think I was taking advantage of you. You had so much going on, the last thing you needed was me complicating things for you.”

“Well, I think I complicated it enough for the both of us when I proposed to you,” she smiled brightly up at him.

He smiled again. “Do you have any idea what your smile does to me? Every time you direct it my way, I feel like I’m dreaming. It lights up the whole room; like I’m staring at the sun.”

If she was the sun, he was the moon, lighting up the dark strong and sure.

“You’re amazing, you know that? And damn sexy with those speeches,” she marveled at him, referring to his declarations just before they’d slept together. 

“Yeah, well, speeches are kind of my thing,” he boasted.

Clarke laughed and pushed herself up and let the blankets pool to her waist. She leaned over and kissed him, slow, but deep. She pulled back a moment. “I love you, Bellamy Blake, all of you, always.”

She felt his heart start to race again. “I love you too, Clarke Griffin.” 

They spent until the early hours of the morning showing each other just how much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was my first time writing a sexy scene of any kind and I didn't want to be too explicit with it so I hope it was okay!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, my littlest was sick this weekend and it was just crazy as usual so it took a bit longer to get this one out. 
> 
> But this fic just past 500 kudos and I'm in complete and utter gratitude to each one of you every single day! Thank you thank you for coming along with me on this ride!
> 
> Hope you enjoy this one! Catch you on the flipside <3

They woke the next morning and Bellamy was confused for a moment, having spent the past few nights in Clarke’s room. But he immediately felt her body wrapped around his side and the previous night came back into focus. 

If she weren’t lying next to him naked except for one of his shirts she’d thrown on when they were finally ready to fall asleep, he would almost think it was a dream. But never in his wildest dreams could he have imagined the breathtaking beauty that was them finally coming together. It was as if he was holding his breath his entire life and could finally breathe. 

He tightened his hold on her, the contact more to remind himself that they had made it here. What he’s been wanting for months now, he can finally let himself have. They both don’t have work today, but Octavia was headed home and they knew they should go check on Raven as well, but he couldn’t bring himself to unravel from her embrace, content to just stay in bed.

Clarke started to stir, groaning and squinting and he leaned over to kiss the top of her messy curls. Not long ago, he wondered what it would be like to wake up like this. They’d shared a bed, but it was nothing like what he was feeling at that moment.

“Please just a little bit longer,” she murmured and tightened her hold, wrapping her leg up over his to hold him place.

“Anything you want Princess,” he whispered down to her. 

She curled back into him and seemed to fall back to sleep until a few minutes later when she _harrumphed_ and leaned up to kiss his jaw. “Well, looks like I’m awake anyway.”

She was always grouchy in the mornings and he looked forward to finding out other things about her now that they were together. Things that just friends wouldn’t know. He chuckled at her and she smacked his chest and scrunched her face at him. She rolled over so she was sitting on top of him and he became acutely aware of her wearing nothing under the shirt. 

“Morning, Princess.” She gave him a sly smile and leaned over to kiss his chest before sitting up again.

He ran his hands up and down her thighs, which were squeezing against his abdomen, just inches too far forward from where he would’ve liked. He let his good hand linger when he’d reached high enough to graze her, causing her to blink heavily.

He caught a glimpse of his splint, and frowned. He wanted to use both of his hands to show her all the ways he could make her feel good, but he was still stuck with splint for another week or two. She followed his eyes down and picked up his injured hand and kissed her way across his knuckles.

“How’re you feeling this morning? Should we have waited a few more days?” she asked, running her hand lightly over his ribs as well. It tickled more than hurt and her fingers left a trail of goosebumps behind.

“Hell no. I’m fine. No pain, really, aside from the occasional twinge, but trust me when I say _nothing_ would’ve kept me from last night. I…” he felt himself going a little red, trying to find an accurate way to describe the way it made him feel.

“I do believe you’re blushing Bellamy Blake.” She leaned over and kissed his chest upwards towards his neck and words were suddenly _very_ hard to come by. She reached his lips and he reached to grip her head with his hand, deepening it. They lazily kissed for a while, content to just enjoy the glide of their lips on one another when his phone went off on the nightstand. 

They both paused and turned their heads towards the offending device. Neither moved, hoping it would stop and they could continue, but it buzzed again and Bellamy sighed and moved to grab it, seeing a whole chain of messages he’d missed from his sister. He scrolled back to the first in the series, starting late last night.

**12:30am _O:_** _ Hey big brother, we’re leaving bright and early, see you when we get in._

**6:02am _O:_** _ On our way. See you in a few hours._

**7:36am _O:_** _ How’re you not awake yet? You’re always awake by 7_

**8:43am _O:_** _ Hope you’re okay, starting to get worried. Be at Raven’s in a half hour._

Bellamy sighed, knowing that he’ll have to have a good excuse to give her why he didn’t wake up at his usual time this morning when he turned his attention to the two messages he’d actually heard going off a moment ago.

**9:12am _O:_** _ Okay, Linc and I decided to swing by your place first. He thinks I'm ‘overreacting’, but I need to check on you myself._

**9:15am _O:_** _ Okay, I’m here, on my way up._

“Shit! Oh shit!”

“What? What’s going on?” Clarke said, alarmed.

A heavy knock sounded at the door and they froze, looking at each other. “Octavia,” he told her and she flew off of him and darted across the hall to her room. He looked frantically around for his pants and Clarke came back in like a hurricane, snatching up the pants she’d been wearing last night, but not before grabbing his face so he’d pause to look at her.

“I love you. I haven’t said it yet this morning and you deserve to hear it every single time you wake up.” He just about melted when she said that and wrapped her in his arms, despite the insistent knocking at the door. They kissed quickly and he responded with an _I love you_ of his own and finished dressing. 

They had just gotten to the hallway when O turned the knob and opened it. He lunged forward and grabbed it, standing in the doorway, startling her. “Oh Bell, what the hell? Why haven’t you answered any of my texts?” She gave him a hug and he locked eyes with Clarke over her shoulder, who just shrugged. Octavia turned towards Clarke and launched herself into her friend’s arms.

“What, I don’t get to sleep in every once in a while?” he tried and turned to his new brother-in-law who was busy smirking at him. “Lincoln,” he greeted, shaking his hand.

“Hey Bellamy. Sorry, I tried to get her to just wait for a response, but you know your sister. Hope everything is… okay.” He had a weird tone to his voice and he kept glancing between him and Clarke and he tried to resist the urge to reach up and scratch his neck. 

“It’s so wonderful to see the both of you, really,” Clarke told them. “Come in, we were just about to make coffee.”

Actually, what they were _about_ to do did not involve coffee and he’d really like to get back to that. Not to mention he really needed a shower (hopefully not alone). But sure, coffee it was.

He caught Clarke’s gaze at him again and she bit her lip slightly as they entered the kitchen, making him think that he wasn’t alone in his thoughts. 

“So, O, welcome back. How was the cabin?” He winced slightly at his own question, hoping she’d keep it mostly general. 

She got a cheeky grin, but responded with what he hoped she would. “It was beautiful, as always. It even started to snow up there, and Bell, with all those windows, it was amazing.”

“Oh I bet that was incredible! I loved it in the summer, I can’t even imagine how perfect it’d look covered in white. I should go take some pictures sometime this winter.” She glanced over at him and he got the mental image of the two of them at the cabin with a roaring fire and snow falling and he had to physically keep himself from suggesting it out loud.

Clarke started filling the mugs as they went to sit down at the table. Lincoln put a hand on Bellamy’s arm and lowered his voice, simply telling him, “You may want to grab your shirts off the floor by the couch before your sister sees them.”

Bellamy’s eyes widened and darted over to where they’d started shedding their clothing the night before. He looked at Clarke and tilted his head over that direction and started inching over there without O seeing. 

“So, O, I haven’t found time to develop the wedding pictures yet, but I was thinking this week of heading over to a developing studio a friend of mine owns and getting a couple of them going, is that okay?” she asked his sister trying to distract her. Thankfully it worked and he was able to grab the shirts and stuff them behind some pillows quickly. When he got back to the table, he could see Lincoln trying to suppress a smirk.

“That sounds amazing! Seriously, I can’t believe you did this for us. I’m so honored, and so proud of you Clarke,” Octavia gushed.

Clarke ducked her head shyly and it was hard not to wrap his arm around her and kiss her cheek. They hadn’t talked about how and when they were going to tell people and he didn’t want to until she was ready. But he was damn proud of her too.

“I knew she could do it,” he did offer in, and enjoyed the flush of red that appeared on her face.

They talked a little while longer, before they decided it was time to head over to Raven’s to check in on her too. They left with a hug and a wave and as soon as they had left, Bellamy shut the door behind them and grabbed Clarke by the wrist and hauled her to him. 

She came willingly and met his fevered kiss with one just as passionate. It was like making up for lost time and he wasn’t sure how well he was ever going to be able to keep his hands and lips off of her.

“Mmm…” she sighed, after they parted and stood holding each other. “I guess we shouldn’t be too far behind?” she asked. 

“Ugh, probably. You want to shower first?” he asked.

“Well, we could save the water and shower together…” she trailed off and he was reminded of just a couple days ago when he’d made the same suggestion. He was tempted to tease her like she did to him, but he wasn’t strong enough to resist the temptation.

***

The time that they took in the shower was definitely longer than if they’d just showered separately, but it was still the best shower she’d ever had, so it was undoubtedly worth it.

They pulled up to Raven’s and noticed not only O and Lincoln’s car in the driveway, but Clarke saw that Murphy and Emori and Wells were there too.

They walked in to mostly cheery faces, except Raven’s, who was decidedly very grumpy. She was with Wick and Emori on the couch and Octavia was lounging on the armchair when they walked in and threw up a hand in greeting before she turned her focus back on the TV. The two of them joined Murphy, Lincoln and Wells in the kitchen.

“So, I see it has not been a good morning so far?” Clarke asked.

Wells shook his head. “She’s been a little more… stubborn than usual that’s for sure.”

Murphy snorted. “And if by stubborn you mean cranky and hotheaded, then sure. _Stubborn._” 

“Shut up Murphy!” Raven called from the couch. 

They helped make lunch and while they tried to keep their distance and their hands off each other, Clarke couldn’t help but keep glancing at Bellamy. Despite the cooler weather, he was still in a tshirt and now that she knew exactly what his arms felt like as they flexed and his hands as they roamed her body and his lips as they explored her skin, she was having trouble focusing. 

He kept glancing at her too, and his lips would turn up slightly every time he caught her staring. She started deliberately brushing past him when she’d walk near him to get something out of the fridge or off the counter and every point of contact sent shocks through her body and turned her on. 

After lunch, she excused herself to the bathroom, but before she could close the door behind her, a hand snaked in the crack of the door, stopping her. Bellamy quickly side-stepped his way inside and closed the door, locking it. 

“Bell, what’re you doing?” she asked quietly.

She didn’t have to wonder long though because before she knew it, his lips were on hers like he was starved for her. He wrapped an arm around her waist and spun her around so her back was against the door. She matched his fervour with her own vehement need. His lips ghosted over her jaw and her ear and resumed their intensity on her neck. 

“Bellamy,” she breathed. She couldn’t focus, couldn’t think about anything except the way his lips felt on her bare skin and her body hummed with need. 

“Mmhm?” he responded, never breaking contact.

“We - we can’t. There are - mmm - people just a few feet away,” she tried, but kept stumbling over her words as he bit and sucked along the column of her throat and palmed her breasts through her shirt.

“Don’t care. Need you now, Princess,” he said huskily.

His words and voice shot heat straight to her core and she fisted her fingers in his hair, pulling lightly every time his lips found a particularly sensitive spot.

He straightened up and kissed her lips again, mouths opening instantly and she hitched a leg up around his waist and his hand automatically came down to her thigh to support her. 

She moaned and she felt his lips at her ear again, asking softly, “Do you have any idea what the way you’re looking at me out there is doing to me?”

She smirked at him. “Maybe a little bit.” She bit her lower lip and twisted her hips just a little, making brief contact with him and she had to stop herself from committing all the way. There was no way they’d get away with having sex in the bathroom without anyone noticing. “We have to go back out there.”

He paused and finally pulled his lips from her body and tilted his forehead on hers. “Do we have to?” he whined a little and she saw that his pupils were fully blown.

She gently put her leg down and put both of her hands on his face, kissing his lips softly a couple times, trying to get her body to come down from the high it was currently chasing. 

There was a knock at the door just behind her head making them both jump and bonk heads.

“Clarke? You okay in there?” she heard Octavia ask. They rubbed at their foreheads and she clamped a hand over his mouth. 

“Um, yep, I’ll be out in a sec.”

“Do you know where Bell ran off to? I can’t find him anywhere.”

She suppressed a giggle and tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. “Yeah, he said he had to run out to his car for something. I’m sure he’ll be back in a minute.”

“Oh, okay. You want to help me finish grabbing the stuff I left here?”

“Uh, huh, yep. I’ll meet you in your room.”

“Okay, cool.”

Clarke heard her footsteps walking away and slumped in relief. Bellamy gave her a kiss on the forehead and chuckled. “Okay, I’m going to leave, so wait like 20 seconds, then follow?” she whispered to him.

“And what was I supposed to be getting from the car?”

“I don’t know! Make something up.” She smacked him lightly on the shoulder and unlocked the door, slipping out and closing it behind her. She walked down the hallway towards Octavia’s room, sighing. She didn’t even actually _go_ to the bathroom.

She was so caught up in her thoughts and the emotions still coursing through her that she didn’t even notice Murphy walk past her until his hand was on the knob of the bathroom door. She spun around, eyes wide.

He turned the knob and all she could do was watch as he swung the door inward and came face to face with Bellamy, who was on his way out.

Murphy’s eyes narrowed. “Blake? Wait -?” He looked confused for a moment, before turning to Clarke (who definitely resembled a deer in headlights), then back to Bellamy. His expression was blank and Clarke was frozen where she stood, trying to make her brain form words.

But all Murphy did was walk back past Clarke and out to the living room. She and Bellamy locked eyes for a only second before rushing after him, getting there just in time to hear Murphy announce, “Emori! You owe me 50 bucks!”

All eyes were turned to them and she swore she could hear a pin drop, the only noise coming softly from the TV. Emori started scowling and said to them, “You guys couldn’t hold out for another _two days_?! I was so close.” 

“Um, what?” Bellamy asked, looking just as stunned as she was. She remembered Raven mentioning a bet but somehow she didn’t picture it happening quite this way.

Raven was practically bouncing up and down on the couch clearly so excited she no longer had to keep this secret and Wells just smiled and shook his head. Lincoln and Wick were both looking around nervously. Clarke noticed Octavia was still missing the same time she appeared from around the corner with a box in her hands.

“Whoa, what happened? Everything okay?” she asked, trying to gauge the reason for the mood of the room, setting the box on the ground.

“Oh everything is just right in the world, actually,” Murphy teased cheekily. And before anyone could stop him, he added, “Bellamy and Clarke are hooking up.”

Clarke buried her face in her hands and turned into Bellamy’s chest, who’s arms wrapped around her. She could feel his low rumble of laughter as he kissed the top of her head.

“Hooking up? Oh... I thought you meant the fact that they got married,” Wells said simply, shrugging. 

Clarke head whipped around, Bellamy’s arms still around her waist, his chest at her back.

And then the room descended into chaos.

"_WHAT?!_" - Octavia.

“Fucking _married_?” - Murphy.

“_Finally_ it’s out!” - Raven.

“Was I not supposed to say anything?” - Wells.

“About time!” - Emori.

“Fucking _married_?” - Murphy again.

“Oops, sorry!” - Wells again.

“That was fucking _torture_ keeping this to myself!” - Raven again.

“YOU GUYS ARE WHAT?!” Octavia shouted, finishing off the exclamations. 

Clarke had been afraid to look O in the eye the entire time but she turned to her now and saw nothing but twinkling in her new sister-in-law’s eyes as she abandoned words and whatever questions she’d been trying to ask and started screeching and jumping up and down. She wretched Clarke from Bellamy’s grasp and wrapped her in a tight hug.

Because she was so tiny, Clarke was constantly forgetting how freaking strong she was until she was struggling for oxygen. “O - can’t - breathe!”

“OH! Sorry!” she loosened her grip but stayed in the embrace for another breath before pulling back, just enough to look at Clarke. “We’re really sisters now?” Her eyes looked so hopeful, like this was something she truly wanted Clarke to confirm.

Clarke wasn’t sure _what_ she expected from the younger Blake sibling, but the fact that she sounded like she wanted so badly for Clarke to say yes warmed her heart. “Yeah, I guess we are.” 

Octavia smiled broadly in a grin that took up half her face and wrapped Clarke up in a hug one more time. She heard O say softly in her ear, “_Yes!_”

She moved on to her brother then, who Clarke noticed was watching them with glistening eyes. Octavia wrapped her arms around her brother’s neck and Bellamy’s arms embraced his sister and lifted her up a little. She saw O whisper something in Bellamy’s ear, but it was too faint for her to hear what it was. When they pulled away from each other though, they were both smiling, so she was sure it was a good thing.

Wells came up to her and gave her a hug and apologized for spilling the beans and she assured him it was going to come out anyway so not to worry about it.

Raven was still wearing a shit-eating grin from her position on the couch, and Wick was laughing. 

Lincoln had walked up and given Clarke a hug as well, and then went to shake Bellamy’s hand.

The last two to react were Murphy and Emori, who were leaning next to each other against the counter, just watching them. She squared herself to them. “Alright, Murphy, give it to me,” she told him.

Murphy’s face turned up in a sly smirk. “Well, I think it’s Bellamy’s job to _give it to you_ now.”

Octavia smacked him in the shoulder. “Shut up Murphy, don’t be gross! That’s my brother!”

Emori held out her hand to her boyfriend who low-fived her and said, “To be fair, she did leave herself wide open for that one.” 

Murphy started snickering and mumbled just barely coherently, “That’s what she said.” He held his hand out to her this time and she low fived him.

Octavia rolled her eyes. “Anyone ever tell you two that you belong together?”

The two of them just grinned at each other.

Octavia grabbed Clarke’s wrist and tugged her over to the living room. “So tell me everything! How did it happen?!” Murphy opened his mouth to say some other smart-ass disgusting comment about their sex life she was sure, but Octavia glared and pointed at him and said sternly, “Don’t.” 

Murphy’s mouth clamped shut.

“Uh, actually…” Clarke found herself a little lost for words and looked over at Bellamy for help.

“We got married in Vegas, actually. The first night we were there,” he told his sister.

“No fucking way!” she exclaimed. “So the part of the night you couldn’t remember…” she turned back to Clarke.

“... was that we had gotten married. The stars were our version of rings, I guess.”

Murphy was in stitches then, bowled over, hugging his stomach. “This… is… too… good!”

“This is amazing!” Octavia declared.

“Well, we didn’t really even realize we had done it…” Bellamy explained. Murphy laughed harder. “I remembered just before we left and told Clarke when we got home. But we didn’t get a chance to really talk about it for a couple days, until after our accident.” He gestured to Raven and himself. 

“I was so mad at him, that he almost… anyway it just kind of came out when we were arguing. I just couldn’t not tell him anymore. I wanted him to know how in love with him I was.”

“And then what happened?!” Octavia asked. Bellamy and Clarke exchanged a glance and she added, “Nevermind, I don’t want to know.”

Raven finally piped in, previously content to allow people their reactions. She was the only one who knew they were not only married, but had _kissed_ too before now. “So since you two stumbled into this backasswards, are you _staying_ married or starting from the beginning?”

They looked at each other. “Well,” Bellamy started, turning back to the group. “I think that no matter how it started, we’re together now and we’re going with that. I know for myself, I’m all in. She’s who I want to spend the rest of my life with. She’s my best friend, the love of my life. It was fast and we kind of just jumped before looking, but I don’t regret a second. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life and I don’t care how unconventional it is.” 

The room was quiet for a second and Clarke’s heart stopped and the grin fell from her face. Not because she didn’t like what she was hearing, quite the opposite. She knew he loved her, knew he wanted her, heard him say it over and over again in the bubble they’d created over the last couple of days. But he’d just declared his love for her to everyone and it suddenly felt more real.

He was looking over at her for her reaction, a little anxiously, like he was having the same realization of what he just did. So she stood up from the chair she was on and walked over to him, took his face in her hands and told him, “I’m all in too.” Then she closed the space between them and kissed him deeply, full of emotion and he responded immediately, melting into it like they were the only two in the room.

Until Raven asked, “So who’s going to break it to Jasper? He’s going to be so bummed he missed this,” and they all burst into fits of giggles.

\----------------

Clarke woke up the next morning perfectly aware of being in Bellamy’s arms, an embrace she was becoming more and more familiar with. 

They’d gotten home the night before and practically fallen into one another, all the tension from their encounter in the bathroom never having dissipated completely. They grabbed and pulled at each other’s clothes, kissing happily and laughing at how uncoordinated they were being, especially with Bellamy only having one hand not splinted. They fell into bed and she resumed her position from that morning, straddling his hips and kissing his chest, being careful of his ribs that were still healing.

She kissed a pathway all the way down and back up again and he flipped her over and spent the next while kissing her much the same way until neither could take it anymore and they crashed together.

She could feel her body still humming with pleasure from even just the memory as she laid there awake for a minute, when she realized what had woken her up; his phone going off on the nightstand repeatedly. She smacked him in the chest lightly, waking him up. 

He groaned and mumbled grumpily, “Is there ever going to be a morning we don’t wake up to that damn phone going off?”

“Ugh, just make it stop,” she told him, burrowing her face deeper into his bare chest. 

He reached across and picked it up. “What?” His breathing changed and his heart sped up against her cheek and she peeked up at him to figure out what was going on. He got quieter as he asked again, softer and more serious, “What? No. That’s… that can’t be right. Are you sure?” 

He sat up a little straighter and Clarke removed herself from his arms and sat up next to him. “Bell? What’s going on?” she whispered.

He just shook his head and got up out of bed, wedging the phone between his shoulder and ear and started pulling his pants on. “I’ll be right there.”

He was as white as a ghost and she was sure whoever was on the other end of the phone did not deliver good news. Clarke stood as well and searched around for her clothes. Wherever he was going, she was going too. 

He tossed the phone on the bed after ending the call but still didn’t say anything as he pulled a thermal over his head and grabbed his coat off the hook. When he moved to get his shoes and still hadn’t said anything, she spoke up again.

“Bellamy? What is going on?”

He ignored her and continued with getting his shoes on and she finally raised her voice louder. “Bellamy!”

He looked up and gave her a confused look like he had forgotten she was even there, his eyes a million miles away. A rock settled deep in the pit of her stomach. 

He opened his mouth and closed it a few times like he either wasn’t sure how to say what he was going to say or he was working up the courage to say it at all. When he finally found the words, he told her, “My - my mom was admitted to the hospital this morning. She’s in surgery for a burst brain aneurysm. Clarke, I think - I’m going to lose my mom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the fluff and bliss before this next part! You didn't think it was going to be _all_ rainbows and sunshine did ya? ;)
> 
> See you hopefully Friday, maybe Saturday!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Happy Saturday! 
> 
> So here we go! 
> 
> If you'll notice, I finally put an estimated date that this fic will end on, based on where I'm at with writing. I've had to slow down the updates, because we are finally nearing the end and i want to make sure I do the ending justice! So as of now, I think this will end with 26 chapters, though that might extend to 27 if it ends up taking longer to wrap it up than I think it will. Y'all know I have no self control lol.
> 
> I'm going to miss this fic SO much! But I have a couple other fic ideas running around my brain, so you won't be able to get rid of me that easily ;)
> 
> So hang on, this one gets a little sad, but you know these two, they'll figure it out ;)

Bellamy felt like he was having an out of body experience. Or a nightmare. He felt numb, lost, hurt.

He thought he had all the time in the world to reconcile with his mother. When he’d decided a little while back to finally start trying to repair some of the issues between them and to give her another chance, he figured they could wait until their annual Christmas get together to talk about it. But now he wasn’t sure she’d even be here for Christmas.

It wasn’t like he didn’t understand that things could happen at the drop of a dime, he was a first responder after all. Death, injury, emergencies were basically the entire job description. But still, he had a whole plan in his mind. Christmas would give him enough time to talk Octavia into joining him in his efforts. She was married now and she hadn’t even wanted their mother to be there. 

He’d talked to O in the week leading up to Vegas about it, whether she should call and at least _tell_ her. Octavia had brushed it off and said she’d just deal with it when they got back. Octavia went through so much more crap than he did, so he didn’t think it was his place to really question her decision about it. He had to give up his childhood to raise his sister, but at least he got to have _some_ good memories. He got to have a mother for a little while, whereas Octavia never remembered any of that. And being a girl being raised by her older brother (even with Raven’s help) she missed having something that Bellamy would never completely understand.

Their mother wasn’t there to help her with all the things a mother is supposed to with a daughter. Bellamy did the best he could, but he could never replace that for her. And he knew how mad she still was. With Octavia’s stubborn and independent nature, he knew that forcing her to take that first step when she wasn’t ready would never work. But now he was wondering if he should’ve pushed harder.

He was originally going to wait so he could give her space and to start planting the idea. Now, not only was Octavia married, but he was too and his mother might never get a chance to see any of that, never get the chance to have a relationship with her children again, see them happy and in love and the thought made Bellamy sick. 

He and Clarke had told (most) of their friends about their relationship just last night. He didn’t even blink when he told them just how much he loved her, how he wanted to share and spend his life with her. It was as simple as it was that sunshine brings warmth and he’d tell everyone in the world if he could. 

They fell asleep wrapped up in the other’s arms. The phone call that woke them up didn’t even seem real; it was from someone named Charmaine Diyoza, his mother’s sponsor apparently. 

When he got up to get dressed to go to the hospital, he could only vaguely hear Clarke in the background trying to get his attention. He felt like he was underwater and he couldn’t focus on anything. There was a pounding in his head drowning out all his thoughts and emotions and attention and he just went through the motions of getting dressed until Clarke finally broke through the haze.

He looked at her, but nothing was making sense and he knew she was looking for an explanation, some kind of information that was making him act this way. But he couldn’t muster up the strength to speak out loud, feeling like he’d break in half if he did.

But Clarke was not one to just leave things be, especially not if someone she loved was acting like he was so he somehow managed to stammer out the barest of summaries of what he’d just heard. He also dimly realized that once he said it, the doctor in Clarke would automatically know what the odds of survival were for this kind of condition and her reaction would be telling. A bomb going off in his mom’s brain didn’t exactly sound like it would have anywhere near a hopeful prognosis and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle it. He felt guilty enough for the way he’d been treating her and not pushing Octavia harder to forgive her that the idea that they may never get the chance just made him feel disgusted with himself.

Her mouth dropped open and that was as much as he could deal with before he was pushing past her and leaving the apartment. He knew that she would want to help, want to comfort and support him, and he loved her, was so _in love with her_ for that, but he didn’t feel like he deserved it. Deserved her. He also knew she wouldn’t be far behind though, so as soon as he reached his car, he made himself pause for a few minutes and sure enough, Clarke came flying in the parking lot, throwing her jacket on as she ran. She froze when she saw he was still there, waiting for her. 

But instead of jumping in the passenger seat, she approached the driver’s door and opened it. He looked at her with confusion until she held her hands out for the keys. 

“Bellamy, you’re not driving like this.”

“I’m fine,” he mumbled out.

“You’re not. Scoot over.”

“Clarke!” he said in a volume a bit higher than he’d intended for it to sound and mentally chided himself. “If you’re coming, get in or I’m leaving.”

She shot him a look that he hasn’t seen directed at him for months, and he knew that he needed to start getting his emotions in check before he ruined this with her. She sighed and walked around to climb in the passenger seat. 

He peeled out and was on the road for only five minutes before she spoke again. “Did you call your sister?”

No, he hadn’t. It was his first thought when he hung up the phone, but the same nauseating feeling he got when he tried to explain what was going on to Clarke had settled in his stomach when he thought about explaining it to O. He was afraid. Afraid of saying what was happening out loud, afraid that his sister wouldn’t even care. Part of him still hoped this was a giant misunderstanding.

She should know, though, so he spared a quick glance at Clarke, and caught a glimpse of her fidgeting nervously, like she wasn’t sure how to talk to him. And then a terrifying thought broke through all of his musings, that she might be _scared_ to talk to him, and that made him feel even worse. 

“No,” he answered her a little too harshly, then forced himself to soften his voice. “Would you mind doing it? I, uh, I just…” he felt himself going red and panic started seeping into his voice and she must’ve noticed, because she reached across the center console to lay a steadying hand on his leg. 

“Of course,” she told him, pulling her phone out of her jacket, her other hand never leaving his leg. He dropped his splinted hand down to hers for a moment before returning it to the steering wheel. She gave him a sad smile and put the phone to her ear. 

“Hey, O.” She paused. Bellamy hated the undercurrent of sadness her tone had and O must’ve picked up on it, because Clarke continued with, “Yeah, no, we’re, uh okay.” She side-glanced at Bellamy when she said it, but he tried to just ignore the conversation as best he could. “Listen, could you come to the hospital?... No, I promise, we’re not hurt, just, can you meet us there?... Okay, see you in a few.” She hung up the phone and pocketed it again.

She didn’t mention what it was about the entire time she was on the phone and that didn’t escape Bellamy’s notice. He knew that Clarke was aware of the animosity between O and their mother and that O might not come if she knew who it was. While it might be a little manipulative, she deserved to at least find out in person; they didn’t have time to stop at her place first either. And he wanted her to find out from him, but he wasn’t sure he'd be in any condition to once he got there and found out just how bad the situation was.

Thankfully Clarke knew right where they were headed once they got there, as Bellamy still felt like he was drifting somewhere above his body. Clarke was right; he probably shouldn’t have been driving, in retrospect. They walked up to the nurse’s station on the neurology floor.

“Good morning!” the nurse said to them, a little too chipper for the state he was in and he had an irrationally petty thought that it was only because _she_ didn't have a mom who she’d had a rough and complicated relationship with just be admitted for major brain surgery. “Can I help you two find someone?”

He pushed it aside, thankfully having just enough presence of mind to know he was misplacing his anger and told her, “Aurora… Aurora Blake. She was admitted this morning?”

The nurse nodded and turned her attention to the computer, typing a few keys, presumably his mother’s name, and looked back at him with something akin to pity in her eyes. He hated pity. “Ah, yes. And you are?”

“Her… son.” He could feel the fog he felt after the phone call start creeping back in around the edges and he tried to maintain his composure. 

“Okay, she’s still in surgery, but the doctor will be out after to explain more to you. The waiting room is around the corner to the left. Here is her patient number and the screen in the room will let you know where she is with her procedure.” The nurse tried to hand him a piece of paper, but he just stared at it dumbly, not being able to make his limbs work correctly, until Clarke stepped in to take it, thanking the head nurse and started guiding him around the corner.

They reached the waiting room and he sat down heavily in one of the cars while Clarke hovered nervously, bouncing from one foot to the other. She kept checking her phone and after about twenty minutes, she told him his sister and Lincoln had arrived and she was going to go down and get them.

She was only gone ten minutes when he saw his sister storming around the corner, concern in her eyes. “Bell! What in the hell is going on? Why are we here?”

He glanced at Clarke, but she shook her head. “I haven’t told her anything yet, I wasn’t sure if you wanted to or not.”

“Tell me what? Bellamy Blake someone better tell me what the fuck is going on before -”

“O, it’s Mom,” he cut her off. His sister’s eyes went wide and she gasped. Lincoln reached out to set a hand on her shoulder, but O just let it drop. 

“Mom?” she laughed sardonically. “Mom is here? She OD again?” Her expression turned into a scowl immediately and the concern in her eyes was replaced with disdain. 

“Octavia…” Clarke began quietly. 

“No, Clarke, you don’t know her. This always happens! Do you know how many times we’d done this when we were younger? She promises to stay sober, then we get a call saying she OD’ed and is in the hospital. I can’t do this Bell,” she turned her attention back to him now and continued her rant. “And I don’t appreciate being tricked into coming here. And using Clarke to do it? Come on, Bellamy. I thought something had happened to you! Or Raven!”

“O, I wasn’t trying to trick you -”

“Sure as hell could have fooled me…” she interrupted.

“Damnit Octavia. Shut up, sit the hell down and listen to your brother!” Clarke snapped suddenly and Octavia looked so taken aback that she clamped her mouth shut and did as Clarke said.

Bellamy sighed and sat down next to her. “Octavia, I didn’t try to trick you -” Octavia looked ready to argue but he held up a hand. While he hadn’t finished sorting out his own emotions, Octavia was his responsibility and it was up to him to explain. He could muster enough strength for that. Just like when they were little and he wasn’t sure where their next meal would come from, he could step it up when it had to do with Octavia and push his own fears aside. “Mom isn’t here for an overdose. She had a brain aneurysm that burst and she’s in surgery,” he stumbled a little bit over that last part, a part of him still in a bit of denial.

“A brain aneurysm…” O said slowly.

“Yeah. I don’t know much more than that, I just got here myself. Her sponsor called me.”

“I… I don’t understand. How did this happen?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” he said again, hanging his head in his hands.

“Clarke?” He heard Octavia ask.

She hesitated. “Well, the exact cause of brain aneurysms are unknown, technically, but there are things that can mean you’re at greater risk for one,” she said carefully. Despite her vagueness, they all knew what they were referring to.

“Lemme guess, drug and alcohol use?” Octavia asked, the snark back in her tone.

“Octavia…” Bellamy started in a warning tone. 

“No, Bell. This is amazing. I can’t believe you’re defending her! She did this to herself, you heard Clarke -”

“Actually, that’s not exactly what I -” Clarke started before Octavia cut her off again.

“I… I can’t be here right now. And I don’t want to be.”

“Too damn bad Octavia! She’s your mother!” Bellamy was starting to lose it a little. Sure, Octavia had every reason in the entire world to be mad at their mother, to not want to see her and write her off. But he needed her. He needed his sister. And this was serious. “Stop acting like a child and grow up!”

Octavia looked like he’d just slapped her and he added it to the list of things he felt guilty about. The list was getting long and he was barely holding it together, knowing that he was going to break at some point soon. And he shouldn't be near _anyone_ when that happened.

Octavia turned on her heels and stormed out. Lincoln put his hands apologetically. “I’m sorry, I’ll talk to her. She just doesn’t handle stuff like this well. Call or text me with any updates?” he directed at Clarke who just nodded her head.

Once they were alone again, Clarke drifted over and sat next to him. She put a hand on his shoulder and while it comforted him, like she always could, he still felt like spiraling out of control and wasn’t sure how much longer he had before he wouldn’t be able to contain it anymore.

***

Clarke was at a loss. She’d never seen Bellamy act like this before and she was so nervous she was going to do or say the wrong thing. She wanted to help, wanted to give him encouragement and hope and instead, all she’s done so far is make things worse and keep her mouth shut. 

And don’t even get her started on Octavia. She knew the girl had fire and was impulsive and stubborn, but this was a completely new side of her. She remembered all the conversations she’d had with both her and Bellamy and knew there were things she could never begin to understand about their relationship with Aurora and she felt so out of her depth. Clarke had shouted and snapped at her and what Octavia probably needed was compassion. 

Her mother was a world-class neurosurgeon so unfortunately, there wasn’t much she could say that would help the situation. It was exactly as bad as it sounded. A bomb literally went off in their mom’s head and even if she somehow made it through surgery and they stopped the bleeding, there was no telling how much cognitive function there would be when or if she woke up.

It was for that reason that she’d tried to keep her mouth shut and when she finally opened it to share some of her knowledge of what was happening, she said exactly the wrong thing. While it was true that heavy drug and alcohol use could contribute to brain aneurysms, it was also true that no official cause has ever been determined and it had just as much a chance of being genetic and something that she was born predisposed to.

But instead of saying any of that, she’d just spouted off the least helpful part of what she knew. The part that Octavia definitely didn’t need to hear. She wanted to bang her head against the wall. After all that Bellamy and Octavia have done for her, to help her heal and pick up the pieces everytime she felt like she was broken, Clarke felt like she was failing miserably at returning the favor.

He was clearly having a difficult time; he had even been short with her a couple of times, which was so unlike him that she didn’t even know how to process or respond to it. She knew he didn’t deal with stressful situations well, especially when it had to do with someone he loved so she understood that it was misplaced and he was struggling to process things himself. Still, she was nervous how bad this would actually get. Especially if the worst happened and he lost Aurora.

Once Octavia left, she sat down, confident at least in giving him physical support. He looked wrecked and on the verge of breaking down.

“Bell? Can I get you anything?”

He just shook his head and sighed, retaining his posture of putting his head in his hands. 

“Maybe I can help fill in some blanks.” A woman spoke from above them and while Bellamy barely acknowledged the woman that walked up, Clarke locked eyes with her. She was clearly pregnant and wore a plain white shirt, leather jacket and jeans. Her eyes were hard and commanding and she stood with the confidence of someone who had been fighting her whole life and was waiting for another fight any minute. Clarke stood.

“Who are you?”

“My name is Charmaine Diyoza. And even from across the room I could tell that you are Aurora’s son, Bellamy? And the fiery tornado that blew out here is Octavia, I assume?”

Bellamy’s head snapped up. “You’re one who called me. You’re my mom’s…”

“Sponsor, yeah. Have been for about 8 years now. Strong woman. And you two are just about the spitting image of her. Figured I’d let everything die down before making my way over here.” She shook hands with Clarke and still speaking to Bellamy, nodded in her direction. “This your girl?”

Bellamy’s eyes flickered to hers briefly before returning to Charmaine’s. “Yeah.”

Charmaine just nodded in understanding. “You can call me Diyoza. So they tell me that Aurora should be out of surgery sometime in the next couple hours. Glad you came. Wasn’t sure if you would.”

“Of course I would,” Bellamy snapped.

Diyoza just shrugged, completely indifferent. “Didn’t mean offense. Just that you don’t seem real interested in being a part of her life so…” she trailed off. Clarke actually believed her that she didn’t mean it as an insult. She could tell pretty easily that Diyoza was simply blunt and didn’t beat around the bush, saying things that maybe sounded rude, but were just facts. 

Still, Clarke winced, knowing that what she’d said was like a slap in the face to him.

“Did you have anything actually helpful to say?” Bellamy asked, clearly starting to lose his hold on his temper. 

“Thought you might have some questions about your mother. I’ve been having coffee with her once, sometimes twice a week for 8 years.”

“Aren’t sponsors supposed to be kinder, more gentle and understanding?” he asked, sarcasm in his tone.

Diyoza just snorted. “Not my style. I prefer the in-your-face, brutal honesty approach. Your mother appreciated that. The sponsor she had before me was a coddler and it didn’t get her real far. So one day in a meeting, I opened up about my life and what I’ve had to do to survive... and my eventual attempt on my own life,” she gestured to her neck where a thick scar was visible just under her chin. “And she came up to me after the meeting and asked if we could get coffee.”

Clarke couldn’t tear her eyes away from Bellamy. He looked completely focused on Diyoza’s story, but his eyes still had sorrow and anger bubbling just below the surface.

“Did she talk about us?”

Diyoza’s eyes softened for a moment. “She did. You both mean the world to her. Every time a firefighter is on or in the news, she’s always looking for you, Bellamy. She’s saved every article she can find with your name in it. And every picture of Octavia’s tattoos that she designs when they’re posted, she prints them out and saves them too.”

Bellamy looked like he’d been punched in the stomach. He didn’t say much after that, just an acknowledgment of what she’d said, and sat in back in his chair looking more defeated than Clarke had ever seen him. Diyoza didn’t return to her place on the other side of the room, choosing instead to sit across from them. 

They were silent for the remainder of their wait, though Clarke would occasionally get up and get the both of them something to drink. After about an hour and a half, a surgeon wandered into the waiting room.

“Is Aurora Blake’s family here?” he asked. Bellamy snapped to attention and the three of them walked over. “You all family?”

“I’m her son, this is her sponsor, and this is… my wife. You can talk to all of us.” Clarke tried not to read into him hesitating to call her his wife, as they were still so new that it was obviously going to take some time to get used to it. 

The doctor led the way into a small room where they could discuss what had happened. “Okay. So by the time she’d reached my table -”

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but before you explain what happened, can you at least tell us if she’s alive or not?” Clarke asked, knowing that Bellamy wouldn’t pay attention to any of the details if he was on edge not knowing. 

“I’m sorry, yes, she is. For now. Now by the time she reached my table, her brain had already suffered significant bleeding. While I was clipping off the aneurysm, she arrested on the table -”

“_Shit_,” Diyoza mumbled under her breath.

“But we were able to get her back and I was able to finish the surgery with no other complications.”

“But?” Bellamy asked, sounding weary.

“But she hasn’t woken up. It’s not uncommon for it to take some time after a trauma like this. And it may just be that her body needs a chance to recover. However, I want to prepare you that it is also possible she will slip into a coma.”

“A - a coma?” Bellamy stuttered. “How - how long would she be in one of those?”

The doctor hesitated. “It’s impossible to say. It could be only for a few days or…” he trailed off.

“Or she might never wake up.” Diyoza finished.

Bellamy closed his eyes and she could see a slight shake start to rumble his body. “And, uh, do you… do you know _how_ she got the aneurysm in the first place?”

“No. Not yet. We’re still waiting on some labs to come back. I understand her medical history though and am exploring every possible explanation.”

Bellamy nodded and glanced around nervously. Clarke wished he would meet her eyes. She could always tell what he was feeling by the look in his eyes, but it seemed like he was determined not to let her in.

“I can let one in at a time, so would you like to go see your mother?” 

Bellamy nodded again but before he could go, Clarke reached out and gripped his hand tightly. His eyes finally met hers and what she saw in them made her feel like she was the one breaking in two. There was so much pain, and sorrow, and guilt hiding in there and she knew he blamed himself for what happened and if she never woke up that it might be something he never recovered from fully.

“I’ll be right here,” she assured him. 

He looked away and detached their hands, turning to leave but he turned back at the last moment and leaned over to kiss her cheek before following the doctor out. Clarke just stared after him, hoping that he’d be okay and be able to handle what his mother was sure to look like so soon after major surgery. She looked down at her hands in her lap and reached one up to the spot on her cheek. She could still feel the echo of his kiss and tried to hold on to the things they’d spent the last few days telling each other. 

They’d been all over each other and in such a state of bliss over the last few days that now that they were back in reality, they were going to have to figure out how their new relationship fit into it. She took a deep breath and stood, just then realizing Diyoza had spent that whole time just watching her.

“Can I help you?” Clarke asked, perhaps a little brisker than she’d intended, but the woman was just _staring_ at her. 

Diyoza just shrugged, unbothered that she’d been caught watching. 

They stood and exited the small room and Diyoza went to get something to eat while Clarke hovered awkwardly in the waiting room. She debated whether to call their friends or not, she wasn’t sure what was appropriate in these kind of circumstances. She settled for Octavia, at least.

It rang and rang and Clarke was sure it was going to go to voicemail when she finally picked up. “She alive?” 

“Stop being a jerk, Octavia. I know you don’t like your mother, that you’re still mad at her for the way you grew up, okay? But if you’re not going to be here for her, at least be here for your brother? He’s… spiraling. He is so lost and so angry and he needs his sister. Yes, she’s alive. Get here, now.”

She hung up, took a deep breath and hoped that she’d be on her way. She paced around the waiting room, glancing at the door for Bellamy every few seconds, but he never came out. She finally got a text from Lincoln saying they were on their way and she breathed a sigh of relief. If there was one thing to say to get past O’s anger, it’d be that her brother needed her. Clarke felt like she was failing him and she needed the backup.

Clarke couldn’t stop seeing the anguish in his eyes when she looked at him. She knew he was blaming himself, despite the fact that none of this could be anyone’s fault. She’d seen the same look when Raven was hurting after Finn. He didn’t always handle things in the healthiest of ways, especially when he felt like he couldn’t do anything to fix it. 

He’d always been there for her when she needed it, and now he needed her and she was not going to leave him to deal with this alone, no matter what.

Octavia and Lincoln walked in and went up to Clarke. Octavia squared up to her, and Clarke braced for the worst, but instead, O told her, “First of all, I owe you an apology. This isn’t your fault, I shouldn’t be taking this out on you. But you’re right, Bell needs me and I’m going to be here for him. Not for her, but for him.”

Clarke sighed. “Thanks, O. And I know you still have issues with your mom, believe me, I get it.”

“_No_, Clarke, you don’t,” she said sadly. There was no rudeness in her tone now, only heaviness. “Until your mom started acting like an ass, you had the perfect family. Parents who loved you and stuck around. My mom was _never_ there, at least not in any of my memories. This is what I do remember. Once when I was 9, I broke my arm. Bellamy was only 15 so he set it the best he could at home, but he was too afraid to take me to the hospital and get me taken away from him when they found out we hadn’t seen our mother in a week. It wasn’t until my mom came home _three days_ after I broke my arm that we finally made it to the doctor. He looked at it suspiciously, of course, and asked why it had taken so long to come in, but Bell must’ve said something to him because he never reported it.” She chuckled dryly. “My mom didn’t even stay for the whole appointment, just long enough to check me in and then she bolted again. She couldn’t be around all the drugs without trying to steal them. Bellamy had to lock up the pain meds they gave me so she couldn’t get to them. Not that it didn’t prevent her from trying.”

Lincoln reached out and gripped her hand for support and both Clarke and Octavia’s eyes had tears in them. “I’m…” O started, trying to hold herself together. “I’m glad she’s alive, I am. And I”m not saying _never_… but I’m here for my brother.”

Clarke nodded and stepped forward, wrapping her in a tight embrace. Octavia returned the support with the arm not holding Lincoln’s hand and they released each other, going to sit in the chairs. She saw Diyoza sitting in the corner, watching the exchange, but she never said a word. 

Octavia was right, Clarke _never_ had to deal with any of that. She and her mother never got along and Abby was stifling and a hypocrite and cold, but she was at least _there_. She didn’t have to worry about where her next meal would come from, or getting adequate medical attention. It didn’t diminish Clarke’s own struggles and pain but it wasn’t the same. 

Clarke touched the watch on her wrist, the one she wore most days. Her father was there, too, until he wasn't. He loved Clarke, taught her, took her on adventures and showed her the beauty of the world. And despite what her mother put them through, he loved her mother and he’d want Clarke to see the watch as an olive branch and at least _try_, before it was too late.

Clarke stood and walked down the hallway a bit, pulling out her phone, finger hovering over the call button on her mother’s name. Once she made her decision, it only rang once before her mother picked up.

“Clarke? What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

“Hi Mom. Um, I’m okay, but, uh… I am at the hospital. My… Bellamy’s mother was admitted this morning with a ruptured brain aneurysm.” Abby, being a neurosurgeon, would know exactly what that meant. Clarke held her breath, not sure how her mother was going to respond. When she did finally say something, it wasn’t what Clarke was expecting.

“I’m on my way. Be there in an hour.”

Clarke breathed out a sigh of relief and of nervousness. She knew Abby would be able to look over the case and see if there was anything that could be done to improve Aurora’s chances, and it might be a good starting point for the two of them. 

But then Clarke realized she’d have to tell her mother that she was _married_ now. Married to a man that the last she’d heard of was just a friend, and Clarke swallowed heavily and hoped she wasn’t making a mistake. 

\------------------

Sure enough, an hour later Abby came around the corner and walked up to Clarke. And to her surprise, she pulled Clarke into an immediate hug. It took Clarke a second to return it, as she wasn’t used to this kind of support from her mother anymore. 

“Thanks for coming, Mom,” Clarke said a little anxiously. She saw O’s look of surprise with a little bit of her protective flare coming out in the way she narrowed her eyes at Abby. 

“Of course. Let me see what I can do, okay?” It was freaking Clarke out a little bit, how calm and kind her mother was sounding, almost like she was when she was little. Clarke nodded and her mother looked around the room. “Where’s Bellamy?”

“Oh, he’s in with his mother. I haven’t seen him for a couple hours though. I’m a little worried about him. This is his sister and brother-in-law though, Octavia and Lincoln,” Clarke told her and pointed them out.

Abby left Clarke and walked up to Octavia. “Yes, I remember you from a few weeks ago. I’m so sorry about your mother. I called on my way over and they know I’m coming in to lend my assistance and I was able to get briefed on the case. I’ll run some tests and review the surgical notes and see if there’s anything more to be done, alright?” 

Octavia was still acting suspicious towards Abby and Clarke really couldn’t blame her. It was like being the twilight zone, though medicine was always where Abby was the most comfortable so maybe it made sense that she was taking charge.

“Thanks,” Octavia said to her a little curtly and then to Clarke, “Tell my brother I’m here and I love him, okay?”

Clarke smiled and nodded towards her and followed her mother in. There was only supposed to be one visitor at a time, and only immediate family, but as soon as Abby told the nurse who she was, she didn’t question Clarke’s presence. Clarke had thought about using her own doctor privileges as a way to circumvent the rules, but there were strict rules about the Neuro ICU and only doctors that were supposed to be there could be. Harper wasn’t even working that day so she couldn’t even ask her.

The closer they got to Aurora’s room, the more anxious Clarke got. How would Bellamy react? Would he be mad that she got her mother involved, or grateful? Did he want space and wasn’t ready to see Clarke? Or relieved that she’d been able to come join him?

It turned out the answers to those questions didn’t matter at all; when they got to the room, it was empty, save for Aurora.

Bellamy was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Argh! More angst! Lol not for too long though, promise. 
> 
> For most of this fic, we see Bellamy supporting Clarke through all of the crap she's dealing with, I really wanted a situation where Clarke gets to support him too, especially since he isn't used to being the one who needs it. And it was a situation that allowed Clarke to open up her mind to forgiving and starting anew with her mother too.
> 
> I know Octavia was harsh, but she doesn't always think before she speaks and I thought, given how much she'd been through with Aurora, that her personality would allow for a harsher response than Bellamy's. Because, as much as the Blakes are similar, they are very different in how they deal with things.
> 
> Anyway, don't hate me too much! ;) See you Monday or Tuesday!


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So to no one's surprise, I had to up the chapter count to 27 instead of 26 or chapter 25 was going to be 12k beast lol.
> 
> So you get an extra chapter ;)
> 
> This one is a little late, I'm so sorry! Especially leaving you all on a cliffhanger like that, eek! The weekend kind of got away from me, and I didn't have a chance to get it up before now. Hopefully I'll have 25 up by Friday or Saturday!

Clarke walked back in the hallway and over to the nurse’s station her and Abby passed on their way in. “Hello? Hi,” she said, getting the attention of the woman sitting behind the desk. “There was a man in the room with Aurora Blake, her son Bellamy? Did you see where he went?” she asked, nervously. Maybe he just went to get some air?

“Oh, yes, he left a little while ago. He sat with his mother, talked for a bit, and then he left out the exit at the end of the hallway and told us to call him if there were any changes in his mother’s condition.”

“Oh, uh thanks.” Clarke walked back to Aurora’s room in a daze. He _left_? Why would he not tell her? Where would he go? She pulled out her phone as she watched her mom flit around the room, checking various machines and paperwork. There was supposed to be no cell phone usage in the Neuro ICU, but she could still text.

** _Clarke:_ ** _ Where did you go? Are you okay?_

It got marked as delivered and she fiddled around with the phone, sending texts off to Murphy and Raven as well asking if they’d seen him and to tell them what was going on before putting it back in her pocket. She hated breaking the news to them that way, but she needed some back up.

Clarke turned her attention back to her and Bellamy’s mothers. Once she started focusing on them, she realized how surreal it was, to see the two of them in the same room, no idea that their son and daughter were married. That was a conversation for another day, though.

“So, Mom, how is she doing?” Clarke walked up to the side of the bed and sat down, placing her hand on top of her mother-in-law’s. It was cold, but soft. The monitors beeped steadily, and Clarke glanced up and read off the numbers and her vitals in her head, noting that she was still stable. She knew enough about the neuro unit, growing up under her mother, how hard it could be to recover from a burst aneurysm. But still, it happened often enough that she held onto hope and prayed to whatever gods were out there that she’d heal quickly.

“She is stable, but I’m sure you see that. I’m just reading the surgical notes now. The doctor that performed it is very good and it seemed he did everything he should’ve. I’ll send her for a round of updated scans in the morning to check on the progress, but he was right; at this point, it’s just a waiting game unless something shows up in her blood work or scans. Sorry, sweetie. I’m sure you wanted to hear more.”

“No, Mom, that’s great. Thank you for coming all the way over here,” she kept her eyes focused on Aurora, but she felt her mother’s eyes trained on her.

“It’s no problem at all,” she replied. Then Clarke felt the air shift a little and looked up at her mother and noticed that she looked hesitant, like she wanted to say something else. It was an unusual look for her, but Clarke just waited, knowing that if she decided she wanted to say something, she would. She wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to hear whatever it was she was going to say though. 

“So, Clarke, I wanted you to know that I meant what I said when I was here a few weeks ago. I regret how things have been between us, and would like to figure out a way to move forward.” 

Clarke was stunned; this was so unlike the woman she’d come to know. She was so used to pushing her mother away and Abby letting her, that she wasn’t sure how to handle what her mother was saying. Usually, any apology that her mother did give her, was somehow overshadowed but some other undercutting remark. She just stared at Abby, not entirely sure how to respond. This was what she’d partially hoped for by calling her earlier, but she didn’t think it’d actually happen.

Abby continued, “A couple weeks before I came last time, I started talking to someone about... well, everything and I’ve come to realize that I haven’t really been fair to you over the years and I’m to blame for a lot of the distance between us. I’ve said some _really_ awful things to you, things you didn’t deserve. And I’m… sorry. I have a lot of things I need to work through, and I’m not expecting anything, but, I needed you to know.”

Clarke was pretty sure she’d stopped breathing and her jaw landed on the floor. She struggled for words, her mind was a jumbled mess, with everything that was going on fighting for forefront attention.

It’s what she’d always hoped to hear from her mother though, so somehow she found her voice and told her, “Thanks Mom, I, uh really want to try to work on things too. I just… can we talk about it later?”

Abby straightened up and Clarke could see her compartmentalization skills in full force. “Of course, absolutely. We can discuss this all another time.”

Clarke just nodded and turned back to Aurora while Abby went to go discuss additional tests with her doctor. After a couple minutes of silence, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and almost dropped it on the floor in her rush to get it out.

** _Raven:_ ** _ No, I haven’t seen him or heard from him. I’m sorry. What the hell is he thinking? _

_**Clarke:** I know, but I think he’s just not processing it all well. _

_**Raven:** Yeah, he does that… he always thinks the entire damn world is on his shoulders and he’s at fault for everything. I’m sorry I can’t be more help._

_**Clarke:** Raven, you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing right now - healing. Keep doing that. I’ll find him._

After she tried calling him with no answer two more times once she left the ICU, Clarke walked back out to the waiting room and as soon as Octavia saw her, she jumped up. 

“Did you see him? How is he?”

“Gone. He’s gone,” Clarke snapped, more forceful than she intended. She sighed. “I’m sorry, it’s just - he left out a separate set of doors and he isn’t answering his phone and I don’t know what to do. He’s always been there for me and now I just feel like I’m failing him.” She rubbed her eyes and fidgeted uncomfortably.

_Some wife she turned out to be._

“He’s gone? Damnit Bell. Okay, let’s go look for him,” Octavia said. Looking back at her husband, she added, “Stay here and call us with any updates on Mom?” 

“Of course,” Lincoln told them. O leaned down to give him a kiss.

Clarke saw Diyoza get up from where she was still sitting across the room and approach them. She offered her hand out to Octavia first, then Lincoln. “Charmaine Diyoza. I've been your mother’s sponsor for the past 8 years. I’ll be here too in case she needs anything.”

Octavia’s eyes immediately narrowed suspiciously at her, but after a moment stood down and nodded once. 

Clarke sent a quick text to her mother letting her know she was leaving to go find Bellamy. 

When they got to the hospital parking garage, Octavia suggested they split up to cover more ground. Octavia went to check TonDC and Clarke went to go check their apartment. She knew even before she pulled her car in that direction though that if he didn’t want to be found or to talk then he wouldn’t be there.

\-----------------

Clarke sighed when she got home and her suspicions were confirmed. She flopped down on their couch and ran her hand over the soft fabric, remembering all their movie nights, all the times they sat just talking and enjoying each other’s company and remembering just a couple nights ago that they finally expressed how they felt and how complete and at peace she felt.

She threw a pillow at the wall in frustration and it rattled and knocked over some books on a shelf. She sighed again and got up to go pick them up and put them back when something that had been hiding under the cabinet the books had fallen next to caught her eye. She got down on her hands and knees and pulled it out. It was something rectangular and heavy, wrapped in loose brown paper.

She brought it over to the couch and set it down on the coffee table. She unwrapped it carefully, gasping when she saw what it was. It was the singed photograph of the Falls of her father’s that she’d found when she went through the charred remains of her apartment. She had been meaning to take it in to be cleaned up but hadn’t gotten the chance yet. There were still so many painful memories surrounding it that she hadn’t mustered up the courage to do it yet.

But here it was, perfectly restored and preserved in a frame. A nice one, too. This had to have cost a ton of money. It was beautiful, the damage around the edges barely noticeable. Whoever had done the restoration was talented. She turned it over and there was a small note on the back of the frame.

_I hope this is to your satisfaction. I did the best I could.  
The woman you’re doing this for must be pretty important to you._

Clarke closed her eyes and tears leaked out from under her lids. She loved this man so much. He always shared in her burdens, her fears, her pain. He never made her feel broken, or less than. He took care of her when she was hurting, and was strong enough for the both of them when she couldn’t bear the weight of facing things alone.

He was hurting now. He was feeling the burden and shame that came with the broken relationship with his mother, fearing that he might never get the chance to reconcile with her. She knew that whatever and however he was acting right now was a result of pain and fear and just like when she tried pushing _him_ away, he was pushing _her_ away. And just like he did for her, she would be strong enough for the both of them this time. 

Her phone rang and she fumbled a little, trying to wipe her face and get her phone out at the same time. She saw Murphy’s name pop up on the screen.

“Murphy? Did you hear from Bellamy? Is he okay?”

_“Slow down Griffin, I’ll do you one better. I’m with him right now.”_

Clarke breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh thank you!”

_“Well, don’t thank me yet…”_ he trailed off and she could hear his hesitation.

“Murphy? What’s going on? Where are you?”

_“I got a call from a buddy over at Dead Zone.”_ Dead Zone? That was a bar over on the bad side of town. _“He told me someone with Blake’s description was causing issues. He was loud and drunk and was about two seconds away from starting a bar fight and getting his ass kicked out.”_

“Holy shit, are you there now?” As much as she loved him, she felt rage and adrenaline start working their way through her veins.

_“No… he’s at my house now. Just get here and I’ll explain the rest when you’re here.”_

“I’m on my way.”

He was important to her too, and she was going to show him that, even if it meant kicking his ass a little first.

***

Bellamy had walked into his mother’s hospital room and his eyes instantly filled with tears. She looked so sick and so frail and helpless and all he could think was that it was his fault. He wasn’t sure exactly how brain aneurysms worked, but maybe if he had been seeing her more regularly than he would’ve seen _something_, some kind of sign that this was happening. Then they would’ve caught it early enough and she wouldn’t be in this position.

He tried to actively rebel against the idea that this might be the last chance he’d have to say whatever it was he wanted to say to his mother. A few more minutes and she could be gone. But there was a not insignificant part that was anywhere near ready for that. 

He was supposed to have time. Have time to apologize, to forgive, to get to know each other again. He wanted a mother, the one who would stargaze with him in the backyard, the one who took them to beaches and spent hours taking pictures of him and O. Diyoza said she’d been clean for over 8 years now. 8 years that he spent expecting her to relapse, only for her to surpass those expectations. 8 years he could’ve spent more than just an obligatory Christmas dinner making awkward small talk and wishing he was anywhere else. 

His mother had a disease. One that she spent a lot of work overcoming and now she would never know how proud he was of her for working so hard and how sorry he was that he never tried harder. How sorry he was for not setting a better example for his sister. How sorry he was that he didn’t see this coming. 

He felt like he was jumping out of his skin and before he knew it he was rushing towards the exit stopping only to tell a nurse to call him if anything changed. He wasn’t even sure it was the same way he’d come in, only that there was a giant neon sign over a door that said EXIT. He needed air and he needed it now. He felt like he was going to drown in the grief and regret coursing through him.

He rushed out to the parking lot and before he realized what he was doing, he was pulling out his phone and ordering a Lyft. Some part of him knew he shouldn’t just leave Clarke there, but he at least wasn’t going to take their car. He knew that he should try to explain what was going on, but like the coward that he was, he couldn’t face her. Not like this. He was so disappointed in himself, always proud of how he could hold things and their group together when someone was struggling, he couldn’t bear for her to see him breaking. He couldn’t bear to see how she’d react. 

As soon as he got in the car, he told the driver he wanted to go to the Dead Zone, a seedy bar on the outskirts of Arkadia, and he knew most people wouldn’t think to look for him there. He used to go there when he was younger when he needed to blow off steam alone. The driver gave him a judgmental look but Bellamy couldn’t find it in himself to snap or to care. He deserved to be judged.

He ordered 3 shots right off the bat when he got there, ignoring the look the bartender gave him, downing them without thinking twice. The 3rd went down a little numbly and he could feel the alcohol already taking effect when his phone rang. He pulled it out, seeing it was a text from Clarke asking where he was and a pang of guilt worked its way through his emotions and he added it to the list of people he was failing.

_Mom   
Octavia  
Clarke_

Their names ran on repeat in his head and since he couldn’t manage to make any good decisions apparently, he drowned his sorrows in two more shots and then asked for a glass of bourbon. It was a bad call, because the second the bourbon hit his taste buds, he was reminded of the night he got married. He loved Clarke, was so in love with her, but he couldn’t bear to let her down, which she most certainly would be if she saw him like this. 

He felt the alcohol in his gut like a fire, working its way through his veins and when he noticed someone hitting on a girl a little further down the bar that was obviously making her uncomfortable, he acted without thinking and charged over to them, forcing the guy back and slamming his head down on the counter.

“The woman doesn’t want y - you, back off man!” he stammered.

“You crazy asshole, let me go!”

“So you can keep d - doing this? Not a chance!”

“Fuck you!”

The bartender had come over at that point and pulled him off and he struggled against him, but the guy was no slouch and was even bigger than he was. Bellamy shook him off and went back to get another couple shots.

“I think you’ve had enough,” the guy told him, but Bellamy wasn’t through. Not yet.

“Am I paying you for advice or alcohol?”

The guy narrowed his eyes and Bellamy really thought he was about to get kicked out, but to his surprise, the guy poured him three more and told him to make it last because he wasn’t getting any more past that.

He pounded two and laid his head down on the dirty bartop. His phone rang again and this time, he noticed it was a call instead of a text. Clarke’s face popped up and he hit ignore before he could dwell on it for too long. But when it rang again, he set it down and allowed himself to watch it ring. Her contact picture was one that she’d taken herself, stealing his phone one night while watching movies on the couch, insisting he needed pictures to go with his contacts. Her smile was wide and carefree, the kind that made his heart warm.

He knew she’d be worried, Raven had already texted him too, so he knew that she was calling people to find out where he was. The last thing he wanted was for _anyone_ to see him like this. Right, he should add Raven to his list too.

_Mom  
Octavia  
Clarke  
Raven_

The bartender leaned over and saw him watching his phone ring without answering, and told him, “Maybe you should answer it. Looks like your girl is worried, she’d want to know where you are.”

He just ignored him and picked up the last shot and downed it. The bell over the door rang again and in walked Murphy. Bellamy saw him glance around until his eyes landed on him and he stormed over to where he was sitting. Bellamy groaned.

“So what’re we drinking?” he asked, holding up two fingers to the bartender. 

The bartender walked over and set two glasses down and filled them up. “Hey Murph. Thanks for coming.”

Murphy just nodded to him and downed one, nudging the other one towards him. “This one is for you. You can either take it, and keep wallowing in self-loathing or come home with me and deal with it. Your choice man.”

“I should’ve known you had connections here. Should’ve gone somewhere else,” he mumbled, grabbing the shot and downing it. “Go home Murphy, you shouldn’t be here.”

“No, _you_ shouldn’t be here. You’re better than this, and I know you know that. You aren’t this guy and you’ve got a lot of people, including your _wife_, worried about you.”

“Never should’ve married her. ‘m just going to e - end up hurting her. S - she deserves better than me, than this,” he said, gesturing to himself sadly.

“Come on, I don’t think she’d agree with that. You’re one of the best people I know,” Murphy tried, a little less harsh, but just as firm. Every word just felt like a razor blade to his heart though.

Bellamy snorted. “Go home to Emori, man, get the hell out of here. I’ll be fine.”

“Sure you will be. Bellam -” he started to say before getting cut off by the man Bellamy had confronted earlier.

“This your boyfriend?” he asked, taunting Bellamy. He was prepared to ignore the ass, but then he shoved at Bellamy’s shoulder a bit and he acted without thinking, swinging his arm that wasn’t splinted around and connecting with the guy’s jaw. 

“What the _actual fuck_ man?!” he shouted, charging Bellamy. He was prepared to get into it with him, he had a lot of rage he’d love to release, but the bartender pulled him back at the same time Murphy stepped in front of him, blocking his path.

“Murphy, get him the hell out of here before I call the cops!” Then, addressing the other man, “Dax, get your ass out too!” 

“Let’s go! NOW!” Murphy shoved at him, no longer giving him a choice but Bellamy tried shaking him off anyway before he caught sight of the fury in his eyes. Murphy had never yelled at him like that before, preferring sarcasm and biting comments more than actual anger.

He stumbled out the door, shielding his eyes from the brightness of the sun, almost tripping into the street until Murphy caught him and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. He was twice Murphy’s size, but training had made the man strong and resilient and he was somehow able to shoulder Bellamy’s almost dead weight just fine. 

Bellamy’s head was spinning and he could barely put one foot in front of the other as he practically fell into Murphy’s passenger seat. 

“The fuck are you thinking man? Cops? Bar fights? Come on!” Murphy slammed his hand into the steering wheel making Bellamy jump. 

“Screw you! I’m thinking I fuck up everything. No matter how hard I try I’m always failing _someone_. First it was Octavia when we were growing up, then Raven with Finn, and now my mom might… and Clarke.” Bellamy groaned, even just saying her name made him hurt. “I’m a screw up and you should’ve just let me go to jail.”

Murphy smacked him on the back of the head. “If you don’t know all the ways everything you just said was complete bullshit, I don’t know what else to say. Let’s go.” 

He pulled out of the parking lot and Bellamy gripped his stomach with the sudden motion, feeling like he might be sick. Murphy just rolled his eyes and pulled over to let Bellamy open the door to throw up what seemed like half the alcohol he drank. 

He must’ve passed out in the car because the next thing he knew, a cup of cold water was being thrown on his face by Emori, who was standing over him with a scowl on her face.

“What the hell?!” he exclaimed.

“First of all, I’m sorry about your mother. Second of all, what the hell were you thinking? Get inside.” He knew Emori had bite, no one would be able to put up with Murphy otherwise, but very rarely had it ever been directed towards him.

He sulked and tripped his way up their steps and collapsed on the couch, eyes heavy. Both of his hands throbbed, one from overuse of his sprain, and the other from the punch. But he couldn’t find it in himself to take care of either, and he let the pain lull him to sleep, hoping that when he woke up, it would have all just been a terrible dream.

\-----------------

Unfortunately, it was not, and Bellamy felt like he’d only just closed his eyes when a familiar voice, full of fire and anger, pulled him back to consciousness. He cracked one eye open just enough to see blonde hair swinging wildly around, her arms gesturing towards him and back to Murphy. Even in his state he could hear the storm brewing and knew he was in for it. Which was fine, he deserved whatever ringer she was going to put him through.

“What the hell happened Murphy? He looks completely wrecked!” She sounded pissed, and he was sure she was, but he could make out the concern underneath her tone. 

“I got there and Clarke, he was not doing well. I’ve seen him go through some shit before, but not like this. He punched a guy and according to the bartender, slammed his head into the bar. He’s lucky the guy didn’t call the cops!”

“ ‘e deserved it,” he mumbled from the couch, before he could stop himself, knowing they’ll have heard him. “I deserved it,” he added too quietly for them to make it out he was sure.

Clarke turned towards him now and there wasn’t enough alcohol in the world to drown out the way she was glaring at him. “Oh look who’s awake!” she directed to him, storming over to him. She glanced down at his hand and lifted it up to the light, her touch light and gentle, but her gaze still held more fury than a thunderstorm. “Damnit Bell.” She shook her head.

She turned back to Murphy and Bellamy closed his eyes again, the strain on his eyelids too much for his body to handle. Every limb and piece of his body felt like he’d been hit with a train. He prayed for her to mention something, _anything_ about his mother, but was too cowardly to ask outright.

“Dry him out. I’ll call Octavia, she’s been checking bars too, and Raven, she’s been worried.” He knew she’d be her worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. 

“Got it,” Murphy told her. 

_Damnit._ Octavia and Raven were worried where his sorry ass was too. Another thing to add to the list.

“Thanks Murphy. Both of you. All things considered… I’m really glad he’s okay.”

“You want to take the guest room? You’re not looking too hot yourself, Clarke, you should get some rest,” he heard Emori add gently. His heart hurt at that because even through the rage he saw the stress and exhaustion in her expression. He was supposed to be the one holding everything together and now he was breaking it all apart. But he felt frozen. Like no matter how much he wanted to gather her in his embrace, he was paralyzed.

He could hear hesitation in her response. “Um, yeah. That’d be really great, thank you. I need to check in with the hospital again first though. And Lincoln. He stayed behind with Aurora and my mother and Aurora’s sponsor, Diyoza.”

_Abby?_ Her mother was here? Why?

Something in the back of his mind reminded him Abby was a neurosurgeon but he couldn’t focus his thoughts around it.

“How _is_ Aurora?” he heard Murphy ask more softly than he was used to hearing his friend speak. Bellamy stopped breathing while he waited for the answer.

“She’s… the same. We’re still just waiting to see if she wakes up. Seems strong though. Like her children,” she said a little sadly, but admirably. Not that there was anything to admire about him. At least not at this moment. What he wouldn’t give to be able to prove her right.

He heard Murphy _hmm_ in agreement and he felt a pang of guilt shoot through him at the comparison of him, O, and their mother. His mother was strong, but he’d never given her the chance to show him. And now it was probably too late. 

Bellamy groaned a little and rolled over to bury his face more fully in the couch cushions.

He felt her before he heard her, but suddenly her hair was tickling his face and she was kissing his cheek. “Hey, it’s going to be alright, okay, Bell? I love you,” she whispered to him with more compassion than he deserved. 

_I love you too_ he wanted to say but couldn’t get it out past his lips.

He hoped she knew.

When he woke up in the morning, he’d make sure she knew.

***

After getting off the phone with both Octavia and Raven, Clarke took a deep breath before dialing her mother. 

Octavia was fuming and wanted to storm over there to yell at Bellamy, but Clarke knew they had already fought earlier and she didn’t want them to stress their relationship any more, so she assured her new sister that she’d take care of him. Clarke was upset too, but she understood. The guilt that was obviously weighing him down, deserving or not, was threatening to crush him and he hadn’t handled it well. She knew the feeling well.

It was easier to run than to deal with the influx of emotions he was trying to keep a lid on and he was lashing out. He was the one who took care of everyone else and wasn’t used to needing someone to take care of him. Still, she thought they were in a place where he didn’t need to run from _her_. She found herself so angry that he would risk so much by getting into some bar fight and almost getting arrested.

She collapsed into Murphy and Emori’s guest bed, exhausted. This week had been so long and so much had happened Clarke felt like she’d get whiplash if she thought about it too deeply. She still had so many conversations to have, but the most important, most pressing, was the conversation she was going to have with the sleeping man on the couch in the morning. 

She checked in with her mother, who assured her that she was keeping a lookout for Aurora and was even going so far as to sleep in the oncall room. 

Clarke dared to hope that this time it might actually be different with Abby. Maybe they could indeed find some path to a peaceful relationship eventually. Her dad would like that. _She_ would like that.

The next morning, she made sure to wake up early, wanting to beat Bellamy awake. She got dressed in the clothes she had thrown in a bag the night before after she’d gotten the call from Murphy and headed downstairs to start breakfast. She reached the last step as she hit _send_ on a message to her mother and then one to Octavia, and stopped short when she saw Murphy already in the kitchen.

“Wha -?” she began, glancing to see Bellamy still out like a light on the couch.

“Well, I just figured since you’re useless in the kitchen -”

“Hey!”

“- and you both could probably use a decent breakfast. Emori made coffee before she left for work, so there’s still a good half pot left. Coffee in the cabinet above the maker if you need to make more.” Murphy switched off the burner and stacked the last of the pancakes on a plate. He grabbed his coat off the chair and a pancake from the top of the stack and took a large bite.

“Thanks, Murphy… that was nice of you.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve been known to black out and do something helpful from time to time…” He winked at her. “I’ve got to get to the station, but keep me updated, yeah?” he added. “Blake knows how to lock up. Try not to kill each other? We just had these carpets cleaned,” he teased. 

She nodded and chuckled nervously and he walked out, leaving just her and a sleeping Bellamy. She walked over and sat on the coffee table next to him, brushing an errant curl out of his eyes. His hair had grown shaggy and was going to need a cut soon, but she loved it when it was a little unruly.

“Bellamy…” she started, whispering gently, placing her palm on his face. He looked so wrecked and stressed. He had the slight sheen on his face as his body worked to get rid of the alcohol he’d drunk the night before. 

He started stirring, burrowing into her hand a little and finally cracked open an eye. “Hey,” he said hoarsely. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to sit up but winced with the movement. “Shit, my head hurts.”

“Well, that would probably be the handiwork of all the alcohol you consumed in a hurry last night.” Clarke got up after gesturing to the bottle of water and aspirin she’d left for him and stood with her arms folded.

His eyes opened wider as he adjusted to the light of the room and looked at her. She faltered in her confrontation briefly when she saw the sorrow and regret sitting in his eyes.

“Yeah, that was probably not the smartest thing I could’ve done. Clarke… I…”

“Not smart? Yeah, I’ll say. Bellamy, you _left_ me. You left your sister, your mother. If you needed air or space, I would’ve gotten that. But you just left without a word. What the hell?” He winced and she tried to temper the anger flaring up in her voice. “I know you’re hurting. But Bell, you almost got _arrested_,” she pointed out.

“Yeah, there was this guy all over this girl who didn’t want him and…”

“Damnit Bellamy, I’m glad you stood up for her, but you didn’t need to assault the guy.”

“I know, it just seemed like the right thing at the time,” he said, standing up and running his hands through his hair. She didn’t want to lecture, she really didn’t, but she wasn’t sure how to talk to him. She’d never seen him so unraveled like this before. 

Clarke stepped closer, putting a hand on his elbow. “I know it did, I’m sure he deserved it. You weren’t thinking, you just acted. But Bellamy… we didn’t know where you were or if you were okay. I talked O into coming back to the hospital to support you and she was so worried. I know things weren’t easy with your mom. You don’t think I get difficult relationships with mothers?”

“I know you do… but you still have time with your mom. I wasted my chance. It’s not the same.”

“Bellamy,” she looked him in the eyes, holding his gaze. “I love you. I will always love you and be with you and support you. You don’t have to do this alone. And you don’t know that your chance is gone. You left before giving her a chance to wake up. I know it’s scary, but -”

“Scary? It’s downright terrifying, Clarke!” He walked backwards away from her and she threw her head back in frustration. “I spent this whole time thinking that I forgave her, that O was the one holding the grudge, but did I do anything about it? I kept putting it off and putting it off.”

“So let this be a chance to -”

“Who knows if I even _have_ a chance?” he asked, interrupting her. He started getting agitated and pacing around; it was like he wasn’t even really talking to her anymore. “I’m the one who is supposed to be the example, not the screw up. I help everyone _else_ out, I’m the one who carries the burden, who takes on the hard stuff. I just… I felt like I was underwater, I saw her all pale and… I didn’t think! I couldn’t think. I just needed to get out. And now… damnit, this is all my fault! If I had been a better role model for O, maybe she would’ve had a mother these past few years… if I had not waited so long myself, maybe I could’ve seen signs of this happening to her and stopped it…” he hesitated as he stopped and turned back to Clarke. She held her breath. “If I had stopped Finn a long time ago like I should’ve, you and Raven… You deserve so much better than this, than me. I’m so sorry.” He collapsed back onto the couch and hid his face in his hands.

That was enough. “Stop. Stop that right now. None of this is your fault.” She pried his hands off of his face and held them firmly in her grasp. His gaze was despondent. “Octavia is a grown woman. She can make her own decisions, you don’t control that. Just because she was your responsibility growing up, doesn’t mean her choices aren’t her own. And you were hurt, badly, by your mother, but there is no way you could’ve seen this coming even if you saw her every damn day; there was no way you could have prevented it. And as for Finn… I thought you realized already that it wasn’t your fault.”

“No, I realized it wasn’t _your_ fault. Despite what I’ve said before, I guess there’s still a part of me that blames myself.”

“Bellamy. You can’t take the entire world on your shoulders.”

“I can try.”

“It will kill you. Which would kill me,” she said simply. He perked up a bit at that, and she knew that would get his attention. “You’ve got such a big heart Bellamy, and you feel things deeply. But you aren’t alone. I am here. We face things, together. We shoulder burdens, together. We’ve been through a lot together, you and I. And we will figure this out too, together.” His eyes were wet with tears and she felt her own eyes filling up as well. “You don’t get to tell me what I deserve or what I don’t; I can make those decisions for myself, and I told you, I’m all in. That hasn’t changed. So please, don’t leave me again. You’re too important to me.”

He nodded. “I’m - I’m so sorry, Clarke. I love you so much, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he repeated as he fell into her arms and she held him and rocked him gently, nuzzling into his shoulder. His arms would always be her favorite place to be. 

She wished he could see himself like she sees him. He took things on that weren’t his crosses to bear, all in the name of love and family, willing to protect them all at any cost, and it was that love and strength that she was drawn to. These things weren’t his fault or his responsibility, but he chose to help and lead anyway, and the world was a better place for it. She loved him completely. He was hers, and she was his. They were united and they always would be.

“Okay, let’s eat some of these pancakes Murphy cooked up and get back to the hospital,” she said after a few minutes.

“Murphy made us breakfast?” He was smiling again, a little sad still, but lighter than before and _damn_ did she miss the way he smiled at her.

“Yeah, it confused me too,” she joked, chuckling. They headed over to the stack and ate it quickly, both anxious to get back to the hospital. She sent a quick text to her mother and Raven and Octavia, that they would meet them there in an hour. 

Before they broke apart to go get ready to leave (she’d brought him a change of clothes as well), she drew him in for a long, soft kiss, just enjoying the feeling of his lips as they glided against hers, fitting perfectly. She knew they had a long day ahead of him, but she would spend every second if he needed her to, showing him that she wasn’t going to leave him. That they were in this together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I know this one was more sad, but I hope the ending conversation was worth it. I love it when my babies are together and united <3
> 
> Plus, Abby trying to make amends!
> 
> Next, we get to find out what's going on with Aurora and some other spoilery stuff, but we've got some fluffier Bellarke in that one, so yay!
> 
> Your support means more than words will ever begin to describe, and I'm so glad people are still in this with me! Much love to you all! <3


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Happy weekend!
> 
> It's been so wonderful to hear from so many of you and I hope you know every one of you means the world to me!
> 
> Disclaimer: I am not a medical expert and researched the best I could, but I apologize if I make any technical errors in this!
> 
> Enjoy!

Bellamy stood under the shower stream at Murphy’s house, trying to shake the despair that was still hanging around his emotions. He felt worlds better than he did the day before, but he still felt like there was a cloud hanging over his head, ready to pour water down on him the second he made a mistake. He’d already made so many in the previous 24 hours that he felt like one more would release the storm.

But one flash of memory of Clarke’s perfect smile, her touch, her voice, and the support she gave him that he could feel down to his very soul, and it felt like the sun had started breaking through the gray.

He knows he has never truly been alone. He’s always had O, Raven, Murphy, and every other member of his little delinquent family. They’ve given him love and strength and an enduring support that he knew he could always count on. But with Clarke, it was different. She was his partner, his literal other half. She was the one that made the burden and responsibility he felt, however occasionally unnecessary, lighter. 

He felt his love for her down in his bones, woven into his DNA like it had always been there, dormant until they were both ready for it.

Now they were, and he had the good fortune of it happening just before everything with his mother. Because if he was going to face it, all of it, he wanted to do it with her by his side.

He admired her strength. When the dam had finally broken the day before, he was sure it would be too much for her. She didn’t need his brokenness to deal with. He was so afraid that she would see just how much he didn’t deserve someone like her and take the opportunity to walk away. 

He was wrong. _So_ wrong. 

Really, he should’ve seen it coming. He’d expected her to be pissed, and she was. She had a wrath that could rival Octavia and still, she showed him compassion. She forgave him when he didn’t expect her to, _again_, and he was in awe that he got to call her his. 

He was terrified still, of what they’d find when they got to the hospital. He still had so many questions. But he got out and toweled off, got dressed (extremely grateful for the clothes Clarke had brought him), and talked himself through the motions, trying to remind himself to take it one step at a time. 

He came downstairs, where he saw Clarke on the phone, precariously holding a mug of coffee in her hand, trying to drink and talk at the same time. Her brows were furrowed in concentration and she was nodding, like whoever she was talking to on the other end could see her. She turned and saw him, and her face instantly relaxed and she smiled.

“Yes, no, I got it. We’re about to walk out of the door. Yeah, We want to hear it in person,” she paused, waiting for them to respond. “Thanks Mom.” 

_That’s right, Abby is here._

She hung up her phone and set her mug down. She picked up two travel mugs and walked over to him holding one out. “Thanks,” he told her, and leaned over a little hesitantly, giving her a kiss on the cheek. He knew he didn’t need to feel awkward, that they were okay, but he still felt bad about last night. Her eyes narrowed for a fraction of a second before her expression returned, probably sensing his apprehension. 

“Of course. Now let’s get going. I’ll explain everything you missed on the way, but the tests are in and I told my mom I wanted her to wait to tell us until we got there.” She tugged on his hand and started leading him out the door. Off the confused look he must’ve given her, she continued, “Yeah, my mom is here. I hope it was okay that I called her.”

They walked outside, shutting the front door behind them. He knelt down to the lawn gnome wielding a knife that Raven had gifted Murphy and Emori when they’d bought the house, and pulled out the spare key, locking the door. The rest of them all rolled their eyes when they saw it, thinking it was more Halloween decor than anything else, but Murphy and Emori loved it and it has sat very proudly protecting their home since.

“Well, I trust you, so I’m sure it’s fine. This is her field, right?”

“Right. This is the kind of thing she’s done I don’t even know how many hundreds of times, so I thought it might be a good thing to reach out to her. She’d know what to do and the right questions to ask.” They got in the car and Clarke started backing out of the driveway.

“And has it been okay, her being here? As grateful as I am for you watching out for my mother while I… I don’t want her to make you feel uncomfortable.”

She put a hand over his. “It’s actually been fine. She’s… I don’t know, sort of different I guess? So far she’s been really helpful and weirdly supportive.”

“Good. So…” he felt his mouth go dry. “How… how _is_ my mother?” he asked quietly. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to hear the answer, but he had decided to step it up, so whether he was ready or not, he needed to hear it.

“As far as I know, she’s about the same. My mom ran quite a few tests first thing this morning and put a rush on the results so she could see if there’s been any changes. That’s what she was telling me on the phone when you came down, she got them in. I told her we should hear them in person, together.”

He nodded, and ran a hand nervously through his hair. “So does she… does she know we’re _together_?” he asked.

Clarke bit her lip. “Um, no, I don’t think so. At least, I haven’t said anything to her. Everything was…” she glanced over at him. “A little crazy, so I thought it could wait. Although, she tends to have some weird psychic ability with these things so I’m sure it won’t be long before she figures it out. Is that… is that okay?” She turned into the hospital parking garage.

“Of course it is.”

She looked like she let out a breath she’d been holding and they parked and turned to each other. “Okay. You ready?” she asked.

“No,” he answered honestly. “But I can do it. As long as you’re with me.”

“Always.”

\--------------------

They walked into the waiting room, where Octavia was already there with Lincoln. Most surprisingly, though, Raven and Wick were also there. His instinct told him to chide her for risking her recovery by traveling, but he was so happy to see both his sisters, that he let it go. She was strong and didn’t need all of them hovering all over her all the time anyway.

“Hey guys,” he said a little nervously and felt Clarke slip her hand in his, holding tightly. “I’m… really sorry for how I reacted and worrying everyone.” 

“Hey, you’re human. You had a human reaction to a traumatic situation. We’re just glad you’re back,” Raven told him from her wheelchair, and Octavia walked over to him.

“I’m - I’m not super thrilled that you bailed, but I get it, you know I get it. And I technically bailed first, so I really have no room to talk. But we’re both here now. I love you big brother, and we will get through this, as a family.” She turned to smile at Clarke and Clarke reached out with her other hand and gripped O’s too. 

Movement to his right made him turn in that direction and he saw Abby walk up to them. She immediately zeroed in on their joined hands, and the way he and Clarke were standing with each other. He wondered briefly if she was going to say something, but she just returned her face to her neutral doctor expression.

“Okay, now that I see we’re all here, let’s go have a chat in the other room for some privacy.” She nodded towards the hallway that led to the room they were in before, the one the doctor brought them to after the surgery.

They all crammed themselves in the tiny room and Bellamy had to take a deep breath, and tried to calm his nerves. He never let go of Clarke and the pressure with which she held his hand never let up. He was drawing strength from her, trying to put one foot in front of the other. Still not letting go, she adjusted so their arms were intertwined as well.

“Your mother is much the same as yesterday,” Abby began. “She is stable, and her vitals haven’t wavered from that. She still hasn’t woken up, but she is breathing on her own; I removed the vent myself this morning.”

“That’s really good,” Clarke whispered to him.

“With the extent of the bleeding, we weren’t really expecting her to wake up yet anyway, though. It could be today, it could be in a week. Her brain will take however long it needs to rest and recover from the trauma it’s been through.”

“Or she might never wake up?” Octavia asked, and there was more panic in her voice than he had expected there to be, her usual indifference towards their mother edging away to genuine alarm. No matter what she’d been through, this was still her mother and it sounded like that might finally start to be sinking in.

“Well, that’s certainly a possibility, yes, but I want to be clear. There has been no indication that scenario will indeed play out. I understand that she used to put her body through some… abuse?” Abby asked, clearly already aware of the past drug and alcohol use. Off Bellamy’s nod, she continued, “Well, I also understand that she’s been sober for 8 years, and in that time, whatever she’s been doing has healed her body tremendously from those substances.”

He let a choked breath, tears welling up in his eyes and he pinched his eyes with his splinted hand, the one not holding Clarke’s, and tried to stop them from welling over. She really did it. She got clean and healthy. What he wouldn’t give to see his mother smile or hear her laugh again.

Clarke leaned her head on his shoulder, and he saw Abby notice it, but she still said nothing about it.

“There is one more thing. In the labs that came in this morning, I noticed that Aurora’s electrolyte levels are imbalanced. Now, it could be nothing, but I sent blood work back for more detailed information.”

“What does that mean? She didn’t drink enough water? Like she’s dehydrated?” Octavia asked.

“No, actually, it’s a little bit more than that. Okay, so the aneurysm that ruptured was in the hypothalamus region of the brain. Anywhere between 1 and 3 days after surgery, in about 51% of patients with this kind of aneurysm, they can develop something called hyponatremia in that area.”

“Hypo… what?” He asked. Nothing she was saying was sounding all that great but he tried to hold steady until she was finished.

“Mom, English please,” Clarke requested. Bellamy knew that Clarke understood her mother, but he was grateful that she seemed to realize that they didn’t.

“Right, sorry. Hyponatremia. It’s a condition that throws off the blood’s sodium levels, or electrolytes. This can cause delayed consciousness or coma if it isn’t found and treated promptly. The hypothalamus region is responsible for, among many other things, regulating body temperature, hormones, and the management of your physiological cycles, like when you go to sleep and when you _wake up._”

“And did you find it early enough for treatment?” Clarke asked.

“Well, I found an indication that that may be the case, but I have one more blood test waiting to come back in order to make an official diagnosis. Once that happens, hopefully later today, I can order them to begin treatment and medication to balance out the levels. It’s intravenous, so non-invasive.”

“Then she’ll wake up?” Bellamy asked, hopeful. It sounded like they had a plan finally, instead of just waiting around and he didn’t think he’ll ever be as grateful for Dr. Abigail Griffin as he was in that moment. And grateful to Clarke, for calling her. He knew that couldn’t have been easy, but she did it anyway, for him.

“That’s the hope, but that’s if hyponatremia is indeed the cause. But I’m as confident as I can be that it is. Once treatment is administered, symptoms will start reversing anywhere from immediately to a month.” She waited for that sink in for a minute before continuing. “Now, unless you have any more questions, would you like to go in to see her?”

“Bell…” Octavia spoke softly to him. “Do you mind… do you mind if I go in to see her?” His sister shifted her eyes around anxiously, like she wasn’t allowed to ask or would be judged if she did. 

“Of course you can. I’ll be out here when you’re done.”

“Actually, you both are welcome to go in now. The one person rule expands after the first 24 hours. It is immediate family only, though, until we are sure what is happening.”

He nodded again and they all left, heading back to the waiting room. He turned to face Clarke and wrapped her in his arms holding her tightly, and, giving her a chaste kiss, finally let go. He noticed Octavia doing something similar with Lincoln.

“I’ll be right here, whenever you need me,” she told him.

“Thanks, Princess,” he said softly, and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. He felt bad, leaving her to deal with Abby, who was certain to say _something_ once he was out of the room, but he knew Clarke could handle it.

He wrapped an arm around O’s shoulders and together they went to go see their mother.

***

Clarke watched him go, reassured that Octavia was with him this time, but nervous all the same. She didn’t really think he’d run again, she trusted him when he said he said he was sorry, but it made her a little jittery knowing that she wasn’t next to him. It was ridiculous to feel that way, she knew that, O was his sister, and this was their mother, O had more right to be there for him than she did. But it was Clarke’s instinct to stand by him, with him, that it felt a little disconcerting. 

Instead, she wandered over to Raven and sat in a chair next to her. “How’s the leg Reyes?” 

“Still bumming me out, but I’m dealing. I’ll be okay. I wouldn’t miss being here for the two of them for the world. And I was bored out of my mind anyway.”

Clarke chuckled dryly. “I’m sure. Wick not interesting enough for you?” she joked, and Wick looked mockingly offended.

“Oh, believe me, he is about the only parts of my days that _aren't_ boring,” she said cheekily, a blush forming on Wick’s face then. She turned a little more serious, and asked, “So how are you and Bell doing?” 

Clarke sighed, but it was a happy one, albeit a bit tired. “We’re okay. Or we will be. He’s struggling and I just want to do what I can to support him. It’ll be a learning curve, but we’re both in this, no matter what and we’ll figure it out. It’s been a bit of a long week though,” she joked dryly.

“Yeah, you’re telling me. This time last week, we were on our last day of Vegas.” Raven threw her head back in exhaustion. 

Clarke laughed and let out a breath. “Yeah, I hadn’t even told Bellamy I was in love with him yet.”

“Holy shit that puts things perspective, doesn’t it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, most of us had gotten so used to the fact that you two were together for so long now, even if you weren’t _together_, that it’s easy to forget how little time it’s actually been since the two of you came clean. I’m glad you two figured it out.”

She nodded and smiled. “Me too.” But she was a little sad still, thinking of all the time they wasted that they could’ve just enjoyed being in love instead of playing the back and forth. But a part of her also noted that these things have a way of happening when and how they were supposed to, so looking back and regretting anything was pointless. What mattered most was learning from it and moving forward.

Abby walked up to her then, a little hesitant, and asked, “Um, Clarke, sweetie, do you have a moment?” Clarke looked at Raven who just shrugged.

“Sure, Mom.” She got up and followed her mother over to the other side of the room. Lincoln took up the chair Clarke had vacated, and started talking with Raven and Wick. She knew her mother had most likely seen them kiss and was probably about to interrogate her.

“I didn’t think it appropriate to ask until now, and you certainly don’t owe me any answers, but… Just friends, hmm?” 

She hated being right sometimes.

“Well, we were, but… now it’s slightly a bit more than that.” Well, _more_ than slightly, but baby steps.

“Hmm. How much more?”

“Mom…” she started, but Abby held up a hand.

“Like I said, you don’t have to tell me, but something has clearly changed since I was here last. The way you two are looking at each other, and the way you two were interacting, I mean it was obviously he feels deeply for you, and you for him. I haven’t seen that kind of love in a long time…”

“I know it was fast, and it might seem a little weird, but I am so in love with him. I feel whole, and strong with him. He’s patient, kind, and stubborn as hell.” Clarke bit her lip, trying to quickly ascertain whether she should let her mother in or not, but she’d committed herself to trying to with Abby, so she decided to go for it. “ There’s - there’s no easy way to say this but, we, uh, we got married, actually. Last week.” Her mother’s eyes snapped to hers and Clarke felt herself holding her breath, waiting for the lecture to rain down.

“You did?” her mother asked, a little breathlessly and Clarke saw tears form in the corners of Abby’s eyes. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw her mother cry and it made her feel a little off-kilter. 

She nodded. “It was very last minute,” she told her, trying to spare the details of how they ended up married. “But this is right. We’re right. I - I hope you can accept that.”

“Clarke, all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I lost my way, let other things be more important than making sure you knew that. And I was _so awful_ to you the last time I was here. I said some things that were completely out of line, but I’m trying now. I’m trying harder to be better. Trying harder to put you ahead of whatever it was that I thought was the way you _should_ be. So, if you’re happy with Bellamy, then I will try to be okay with that, alright?”

Clarke nodded. She knew it was a lot to process; hell, she _was_ even still processing through it all.

“He loves you?”

Clarke smiled, the way she always did when she reflected on the love that Bellamy had shown her. “Yeah, he does. More than I thought was ever possible.”

“Hmm, well... okay then.” Abby leaned over and gave her a completely unexpected hug. They still had a long way to go, but the support that her mother had shown her in the past day gave Clarke hope, finally, that they’d get there.

\--------------------

** _Bellamy:_ ** _ Hey Princess, you doing okay?_

Clarke smiled at her phone. It’d been over an hour since he and Octavia had been back there and she was going out of her mind only _slightly_. She could see Lincoln fidgeting next to her too.

** _Clarke:_ ** _ I should be asking you that._

_**Bellamy:** Guess I beat you to the punch then. _

_**Clarke:** Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Abby knows about us though._

_**Bellamy:** Figured she might when I kissed you... it go okay?_

_**Clarke:** Well enough. _

_**Bellamy:** Good. We’re doing okay too. O and I will be out soon, okay? Love you._

_**Clarke:** Love you too._

Clarke felt a peace wash over her as she read his texts. He seemed okay, and the fact that Octavia hadn’t stormed out yet was probably a good sign. Raven and Wick had gone down to the cafeteria to get something for everyone to eat, all the while joking how Raven’s sitting position was perfect for stacking large quantities of food on. 

Abby had gotten word a half hour ago that Aurora had indeed developed hyponatremia so after Abby got the treatment started and stuck around for a while to make sure there were no complications, she went to check into a hotel. She wanted to stick around Arkadia for a while to make sure there were no other complications that popped up over the next few days.

A half hour later, she saw the doors open and Bellamy and Octavia walk towards them. She and Lincoln hopped up simultaneously. It was clear the both of them had been crying and were exhausted. Despite his slumped shoulders though, he walked steadily over to Clarke, and embraced her, wrapping her into his chest completely, a hand coming up to tangle in her hair. She could feel him taking a deep breath and inhaling her scent. 

She held on as firmly as she could and when they finally pulled back, they only went so far as to touch foreheads. She took his face in her hands, his own hands automatically reaching around her waist to hold her and she rubbed her thumbs over the stubble that had started forming on his chin as he closed his eyes. He hummed into her caress and they stood like that for a moment longer, drawing strength and love from one another like it had been days instead of hours since they’d last held each other. It was like once those floodgates had opened, they couldn’t get enough.

“How is she?” Clarke asked them as she and Bellamy finally disentangled themselves. 

“She looks good, actually. She has more color than yesterday and without the breathing tube it almost looks like she’s just sleeping.”

“Well, for all intents and purposes, that’s exactly what she's doing.”

Bellamy nodded. He looked so spent, but somehow he seemed lighter, more optimistic. “Do you want to go see her?” he asked her.

“I kind of do, is that okay?” she responded. 

“Of course,” he replied. 

They walked in through the doors and as they passed the nurse’s station, the head nurse told them, “Oh sorry, honey, it’s immediate family only for the next day still.”

“Oh it’s alright, I’m a doctor here,” she tried, hoping that they’d let her past.

“I know, Dr. Griffin, but unfortunately the rules still apply, unless you’re working on Ms. Blake’s case?” the nurse asked her and it almost sounded like she was on her side and wanted to let her through but her hands were tied.

Bellamy looked at Clarke and gripped her hand a little tighter. “She is family; she’s my wife.” Clarke’s gaze snapped to his and she saw his eyes filled with love and determination. He wasn’t just telling the nurse, he was telling her too, reaffirming his love for her. It made her smile, which in turn put a smile on his face as well.

The nurse just nodded and waved them on. They walked into Aurora’s room and she saw that Bellamy was right, she looked much better than yesterday. Because she was able to focus on his mother this time, instead of finding Bellamy, she noticed how similar the three Blakes looked. Octavia had her long straight hair, and many of the same facial features. Bellamy looked like her too, he had her same hair color (and, she suspected, eye color) and her dark skin. She even had some freckles like him, but Bellamy had many more than she did.

“Hello, Aurora,” Clarke began, and sat down on one side of her. “My name is Clarke, it’s wonderful to meet you. I look forward to being able to talk to you sometime soon. We’re all here waiting for you, whenever you’re ready.” She looked up at Bellamy and saw tears in his eyes as he looked at them and she could only imagine what he was thinking.

“Hey Mom. This is the woman I was telling you about earlier, my wife. You’re going to love her,” he told his mother.

“You know, that’s the second time in five minutes you’ve called me your wife,” she pointed out to him, a smirk on her face.

“It is,” he agreed, shrugging a little. “You are.” Clarke dipped her head down and could feel a blush creeping on her cheeks. He walked over to her and bent over so he could kiss her. “ I love you,” he said with absolute certainty in his voice.

“I love you too Bellamy.”

\--------------------

Unfortunately, a week went by and Aurora still hadn’t woken up. She could see Bellamy getting more and more agitated as time passed and she was trying her best to keep him calm and tell him that it was still possible that her body just needed more time to heal. Abby backed her up as well, telling him story after story of burst aneurysm patients that took even longer to regain consciousness, but woke up just fine. She tried to remind him it could take up to a month for the treatment to work.

Bellamy looked less than convinced though, and she could see him starting to lose any optimism he had by the time the week had passed. He spent every moment he could in the hospital, working only part time down at the station doing mostly desk work since he wouldn’t be cleared for active duty for a few more days because his wrist and ribs were still healing. Thankfully it was healed enough that he only had to wear the brace part time though. The cut on his forehead had healed pretty well and the stitches had been cut out a couple days ago.

Aurora had been cleared for regular visitation now too, which meant most of their family had been in to support her and keep her company when Bellamy, Clarke, or Octavia couldn’t be there. Every single one of their family had been by to help out, and Harper had even made sure to keep a close eye on her whenever she was on shift.

Clarke had to go back to work too, checking in on her breaks and lunches. Diyoza had even been in frequently and she and Clarke had some good conversations about Diyoza’s impending birth after the year. 

Octavia was perhaps the most surprising one, finally going to visit Aurora on her own. Clarke had walked in the room once while she was talking, telling her about Lincoln and their ideas for the new shop that she was in the middle of purchasing from Jaha.

Abby came back every couple days, not able to abandon her teaching duties completely, but able to schedule them around her visits to Arkadia. She and Clarke hadn’t had a ton of time to talk yet, but they were planning on going out to lunch in a couple weeks. 

One of the more interesting parts of the last week was yesterday when Clarke walked into the waiting room after using the restroom and saw Abby and Bellamy waiting for her. 

She hung back when she heard her mother ask, “So I hear I have a new son-in-law?”

She saw Bellamy’s eyebrows lift and then his face settle into an expression she was becoming familiar with, one that he used whenever he talked about his feelings for her. “Yes, ma’m. You do,” he confirmed.

“It is clear how much Clarke loves you, Mr. Blake, and I assume you feel the same? She’s told me as much, and while I know I haven’t earned the right to really be in the position of protective mother, I’d still like to hear from you.” She looked sternly at Bellamy and Clarke was trying to figure out if she should intervene and save him from the interrogation when he spoke up.

“Please, call me Bellamy, and I couldn’t even begin to describe the depths of everything I feel for your daughter, Dr. Griffin. She means the world to me, she’s my best friend, and I plan on spending my entire life showing her how in love with her I am. I’ll never stop making sure she knows how amazing she is.” His voice was sure and unwavering and it felt like Clarke’s heart had grown three sizes.

Her mother’s expression had changed from appraising to soft, and it was a look that Clarke hadn’t seen in a long time. “I believe you, Bellamy. I see the way you look at her and act with her, and she with you. It’s like you two are so in sync with one another, I can hardly believe it’s only been a couple of weeks. Hold on to each other, okay? Support one another, put each other first. I didn’t do that and I destroyed a lot of relationships because of it.” She looked away and Clarke caught a glimpse of tears in her mother’s eyes. “I loved Jake, and I wish I could go back and change things, but I can’t. But I do know this, he would have loved you and loved the way you treat his daughter.” 

Clarke got choked up and almost gave herself away because of it. Abby was right; her dad would have loved Bellamy. They would’ve gotten along so well. But she was glad that things were headed in the right direction with her mother now.

“Thank you, Dr. Griffin,” Bellamy said earnestly, and she could see his eyes getting a little wet as well.

“Oh, please call me Abby.” She smiled at him, but then narrowed her eyes and told him, “But I would be remiss to say that if you ever treat Clarke with anything less than everything you’ve got -”

“You’ll come for me?” he guessed and Clarke had to stifle a giggle.

“Oh no, Bellamy. _She_ will. That daughter of mine is pretty fierce if you haven’t noticed.”

He smiled and chuckled a bit. “Oh, yes, I have noticed that. And I have no doubt.”

“But, I will say this. I am a surgeon, who knows _a lot_ about the human body and it’s pain tolerance, so…” she trailed off and smiled.

He laughed and _damn_ she’d missed that sound. She walked over to where they were standing and made herself known. He opened his arms automatically, wrapping them around her when she stepped into him. 

He leaned over. “So how much did you hear?” he whispered.

She chuckled. “All of it, maybe?”

He just laughed again and hugged her tighter.

Clarke laid in bed that next morning, Bellamy sleeping soundly next to her, as she remembered the conversation. Her heart was full, but she was still so nervous that Aurora hadn’t woken up yet and while the doctor said they’d give it a while still before considering any other steps, she knew Bellamy was incredibly discouraged. Thanksgiving was a week away and while there was so much to be grateful for this year, they would love to add one more thing to the list. 

She curled into him, both of them huddling together for warmth since they fell asleep shortly after having fallen into each other arms and bodies the night before. He was enjoying having the use of his wrist again, and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t enjoying it too. The way he’d slide both of his hands down her body, slowing at every curve, his lips trailing behind them, gave her goosebumps just thinking about it. 

She’d taken her own turn after, and enjoyed mapping out all of his sensitive spots and how, despite his firm muscles, he melted into her touch and let her explore with passionate kisses and needy contact. 

Now, though, Clarke was content to place lazy kisses across his collarbone until he started stirring and kissed the top of her head, sighing and tightening his hold around her. 

They had the day off, and were planning on heading over to Raven’s before the hospital. She was getting ready to start PT the week after Thanksgiving, and while she was acting grumpy about it, her leg was healing incredibly well and they were optimistic that PT would greatly help improve the process and Clarke knew she was relieved to hear that at her follow up a few days ago and was anxious to get moving on getting her walking again. She’d been able to switch from a wheelchair to crutches, which was a drastic improvement to her mood, but Raven was Raven and she had no intention of settling.

“Morning, Princess.”

“Hey,” she said simply, smiling into his chest.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to waking up next to you like this,” he told her.

“Me neither. But we should get a move on, I told Raven we’d be by around noon before we go see your mom.” He got a melancholy expression on his face when she said that and she lifted a hand up to his chin to turn him towards her. “What’s that look for?” she asked, furrowing her brows.

“It’s just… she hasn’t woken up yet, Clarke. And every day she doesn’t it gets harder to believe she ever will. I just don’t know how to do this. I know all the doctors said it could take some time still, but...”

“She will, Bellamy. She’ll wake up.”

He sat up a little and looked into her eyes with a look so earnest that she sat up too, interested to hear what he was going to say. “You still have hope?” he asked, sounding like he was almost afraid of the answer.

“We still breathing?”

He sighed at her answer and melted into her arms, and she tried to will all the hope and strength she could into him.

They got up from the bed and got dressed shortly after. She’d started the migration of her stuff into his room a little at a time, since they didn’t really have any spare moments to devote to it. When they got back to the apartment the first night after Murphy’s, when they woke up the next morning, she showed him that she’d found the frame photograph, and while he looked a little embarrassed and unsure about whether he had overstepped or not, she assured him that it meant the world to her. 

And it did. It showed how much he cared about her, and wanted to honor her father. So she’d hung it next to his framed _Illiad_ quote above his bed. Both things that meant so much to them hanging next to each other. It felt right. And he’d been so happy when she showed him. 

They got to Raven’s only a little later than they’d said they would, but Wick had already beat them to the punch and cooked a whole meal for them.

“You didn’t have to go to all this trouble, Wick!” Clarke gushed. It was a beautiful spread, one she hadn’t seen in a while, Sunday dinners were on temporary hold until Aurora wakes up.

“That’s what I told him, that you guys would just be happy with hot dogs and frozen french fries, but…” Raven joked, shrugging. Bellamy swatted at her shoulder. “What?”

“Oh stop, it was no trouble at all, really. Besides, you two could probably use a break from hospital cafeteria food.”

“Please, hospital cafeteria food is like one of my main food groups,” Clarke told him, and she saw Bellamy literally face palm as Raven started laughing. It was light in a way they hadn’t been in over a week and Clarke swore it felt better than a breath of fresh air.

They continued laughing, and she noticed how the smiles didn’t always touch Bellamy’s eyes, that he was still a bit haunted with what they were going through, but she knew he was trying to move forward and have hope. She was reminded just how in love with him she was though. This flawed man, this kind, thoughtful hero, who was patient and caring and made her feel like she could do anything. She reached over, gripping his hand in hers and smiled, one that he returned, and she could see Raven watching them with a smile of her own.

“I propose a toast!”

“Raven…” Bellamy groaned.

“No no, let me do this, Bell,” she insisted. He waved her on and made a show of lifting his glass, making Clarke giggle. “To… being awesome. And in love. And having a best friend who gets you. To putting the past behind you and moving forward. To doing better today than yesterday,” she finished, and Clarke couldn’t agree more. They drank and Clarke’s phone went off in her pocket, startling her a little and making her choke on her drink. 

Bellamy grabbed the glass from her hand, concerned. “I’m o - okay,” she sputtered. Answering her phone, she asked, “Hello?” In her race to answer it before it went to voicemail, she hadn’t even checked to see who it was.

“Clarke, honey?”

“Mom, what’s up? Is everything okay?”

“Yes, but are you with Bellamy?”

“I am…” she trailed off, glancing at Bellamy who had a confused look on his face.

“Okay, good. Both of you need to come to the hospital.”

She started getting up and Bellamy began to follow her lead, panic starting to set in on his face. “Is she okay? What’s happening?” 

“Yes, she’s fine, sweetie. She’s just asking for her son.” 

Clarke froze in her tracks, her heart pounding out of her chest as the implications of what her mother just told her sunk in. She locked eyes with Bellamy and she could feel tears building in the corners of hers. “O - okay. We’ll be right there. Did you call Octavia?” she managed to get out.

“Not yet, I thought Bellamy might want to do that.”

Clarke nodded, even though her mother couldn’t hear her. She reiterated that they were on their way and hung up. She noticed Raven and Wick had gone silent as well and Bellamy looked like he was torn between needing to know what was going on and whether he even wanted to know.

“Clarke? What’s happening?” he asked, quietly and tentatively. He looked like he was holding his breath.

She placed her hands on his biceps and looked him right in the eyes, smiling wide.

“Your mother is awake. She’s asking for you,” she told him simply. 

***

He felt his emotions and body react before his brain could process what was happening. He felt a tidal wave flow through him, and he could feel his body start trembling as he took in the news. The relief he felt was immediate, but it was followed quickly by a slight pang of guilt that he recognized was still hiding in the back of his mind that he was continuing to work through, but after he pushed that aside for now, his joy and excitement at the news took the forefront. His mother was awake. He didn’t know what state she’d be in, and a more negative voice in his brain told him to hold off on his enthusiasm before he got his hopes up too high and knew all of the information, but another voice, one that sounded more like Clarke, reminded him that she was breathing, she was asking for him, so it was okay to have hope. And he chose to listen to that voice, the voice of his wife. He’d always choose her.

“She is?” he asked, when he finally got his voice working again. 

“Yeah, Bell, she is. Let’s go see her, yeah?” she asked, smiling widely at him. He lunged forward though, wrapping her up tightly. 

He nodded into her hair and pulled back enough to give her a deep, intense kiss, his hands having moved to either side of her face.

“Whoa there, there are other people in the room, man!” Wick called over to them, and they parted from each other with smiles on their faces.

“What the hell are you two still doing standing around? Get your asses out of here!” Raven shooed them off.

“Thanks for lunch, guys. We’ll call you when we know more,” Clarke told their friends. 

“Thanks, but don’t worry about us, just focus on Aurora. I’m really happy for you and O, Bellamy.” 

“Thanks, Rave,” he responded, shooting her a smile as they turned to leave.

To go see _and_ talk to his mother, finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots and lots of fluff. That's what you get for sticking with me all this time ;) 
> 
> Next up is getting to meet Aurora! So it's a little bit of a roller coaster and lots of emotion, but at least Bellarke are on the ride together and will continue to be fluffy and soft with each other. And also.... *spoiler*!
> 
> See you soon <3


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all!
> 
> So it's Wednesday and not Tuesday, so I'm a day late but this was a longer chapter and now that we're nearing the end, I'm trying to really hard to be more meticulous about my edits and it's taking longer as a result.
> 
> Enjoy!

They walked up to the entrance of the hospital and his feet froze in place when they reached the doors. Clarke tripped forward a bit, as his sudden stop caused him to inadvertently yank her back. Clarke had texted her mother in the car and they still didn’t have much more information that what they already knew; they were still running tests on her cognitive ability and memory retention, but Abby told them she was awake, responsive, and seemed to understand what had happened and who she was. Clarke had also called Octavia, who said that she and Lincoln would be over soon as well.

“What’s wrong, Bellamy?” Clarke asked, concerned about his sudden freeze.

“What if she’s mad at me?”

“Mad at you for what? Bellamy, this wasn’t your fault, she’s not going to see it that way,” Clarke insisted, shaking her head.

“Right... okay,” He nodded at her assurances, though there was a part of him that still had a hard time believing it, and took a deep breath, readying himself to keep walking. He clutched onto her hand like it was the only thing keeping him alive and she gripped him back with just as much strength.

They rounded the corner into Aurora’s room and, still clutching Clarke’s hand, took in the sight before him. 

She was sitting up, laughing about something Abby had said, who was sitting next to her bed in a chair. Tears instantly sprang to his eyes and anxiety set in as he’d imagined this moment a hundred times over the last week, happening in a hundred different ways, but somehow her laughing was never one of them. The sound warmed his heart and he realized that every time he had tried to imagine her laughing over the years didn’t do the actual sound any justice at all.

“Hey Mom,” he croaked out, and he cleared his throat. His mother turned her attention to him then and Bellamy squeezed Clarke’s hand even tighter, and he had an errant worry that he might be crushing her. 

“Bellamy,” she said simply, a soft smile on her face and he saw her arms twitch, like she wanted to hold them out to him but wasn’t sure if that was okay. 

So he initiated instead, feeling almost like a little boy again running to his mother, and releasing Clarke, took two long strides towards her and wrapped the small woman up and buried his face in her neck. His hug was steady and sure, but he made sure to be gentle too, not wanting to tousle her or cause her any more pain than he was sure she was in. 

Despite her condition, she pulled him to her tightly, putting her small hand on the back of his head like she used to do. Like his sister, for a small woman, she had so much strength.

“You’re awake; I can’t believe it.” He pulled back and noticed that Abby had vacated her chair to stand by Clarke at the door. 

“Dr. Griffin told me you’ve been here every day? I almost couldn’t believe it.” She said it factually, not intending offense, but he knew that she should’ve been able to believe it.

“I told you, Aurora, it’s Abby,” his mother-in-law piped up from behind him. His mother just smiled at her like they were old friends and nodded.

“I’m so sorry Mom,” he started. “I should’ve been around more, maybe I would’ve noticed something before it got to this point…” he trailed off. Even though Clarke had been there to reassure him every time his self-doubt had gotten the better of him and threatened to blame him, he wanted to hear it from his mother.

“Bellamy Blake, now you listen here, you hear me?” He nodded. “This...” she gestured to her bed. “... is not your fault. You are not to blame for the evils of the world. You are a wonderful man, a hero.” Tears started to well up in his mother’s eyes as her voice became firm. “I am so proud of you, Bellamy, for the man you’ve become, despite all that I put you through,” she shook her head a little and glanced away briefly. “I had small headaches here and there, but nothing out of the ordinary, there was no way for any of us to know anything like this was going on. There was nothing you could’ve done. Do not,” and as she said it, she gripped his chin lightly so he would be sure to look at her. “Do not blame yourself.”

He put his head down on the bed next to her, crying now, and she started stroking his hair. He felt Clarke come up behind them, clearly trying not to interrupt, but wanting him to know that she was there to support him too. He sat up and reached his hand back to her and wrapped an arm around her waist, urging her to step forward.

“Mom, this is Clarke.” He smiled up at her and she gave him a small smile back, her face kind and soft. “She’s Abby’s daughter…” he snuck a glance at his mother, knowing that she had most likely clocked their body language towards each other and knew they were more than friends, but she waited patiently for him to finish. “... and my wife.” 

No matter how many times Bellamy called Clarke that, it never stopped giving him a thrill, and he doubted the feeling would ever go away. He’d always feel constantly astounded that he’d get to spend his life with the beautiful woman standing next to him.

Aurora looked surprised, but pleased, and held a hand out to Clarke, which she took, and said, “It is wonderful to meet you, Clarke. I can already see how much love there is between you two. Congratulations, my son,” she said to him, wiping her eyes.

“I’m so happy to see you awake. We were all worried about you, Ms. Blake. Your son loves you very much, and I’m excited to get the chance to know you,” Clarke told her and wiped her own eyes. He even saw Abby tearing up and he marveled how there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.

“Oh please, honey, call me Aurora. You’re family now. And while I know I have a lot of making up to do...” she said, glancing at Bellamy and he put a hand on top of hers. “...I look forward to getting to know you too.”

Clarke smiled at her and turned to her own mother. “So you’ve ran your tests?” 

Previously, Abby had been content to hang in the back and allow the reunion to happen, which Bellamy was grateful for, but Clarke was right; there were still so many questions to consider and answer. 

Abby stepped forward. “Yes, we’re waiting on some updated scans now, but your mother’s cognitive function seems to be intact. She may have some residual short term memory lapses or other issues, but anything too impacting would have most likely been obvious by now,” she told them. Bellamy let a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. They weren’t completely out of the woods, but it seemed like the best case scenario so far.

Octavia appeared around the corner then, Lincoln next to her, looking more nervous than he’d ever remembered seeing her in recent memory, her usual composed facade giving way to clear anxiety. She was fidgeting with her fingernails in front of her for a few moments and she and their mother just stared at each other while everyone remained quiet, waiting for one of them to make a move. 

“Hey O,” Bellamy said, to break the silence. Octavia blinked heavily and shook her head slightly, looking like she was coming out of a fog as she turned to look at him. 

“Bell,” she greeted, finally saying something and stepping forward. 

“Hi, Octavia,” their mother said and he noticed that she was looking nervous herself. Everything was a little awkward as none of them were really sure what to say. 

“Hey,” Octavia managed, stepping forward more, and she was close enough now for Bellamy to see her eyes were wet. “I’m… it’s good to see you awake, Mom.”

Aurora started tearing up and he noticed her arms doing the twitchy thing they had done when he had first walked in too. He vacated his seat, placing a hand on Clarke’s back to guide her towards the corner of the room to give his sister and mother some space. Abby leaned over to them and whispered, “I’ll give you all some privacy. I’ll be in the waiting room if anyone needs me. She’ll need to get some rest soon, but take your time.”

They nodded at her and he saw her squeeze Clarke’s hand and smile, which Clarke returned. He was happy to see them getting along for the most part and found himself one again thankful that Clarke had called her; a fact that he still couldn’t believe he felt.

Octavia had taken the seat he left open for her and reached out to hold their mother’s hand. At the contact, she started breaking down, and then his usually stubborn and strong willed sister was in tears. He saw both of their knuckles turning white with the strength with which they held each other. 

“Shh, my girl, it’s okay. I’m okay,” Aurora comforted her. Lincoln was next to them then, holding onto O’s other hand. “Who’s this kind gentleman?” she asked softly and O turned her head up towards Lincoln.

“We got married a couple weeks ago. Mom, this is Lincoln.”

“Pleased to meet you Lincoln. I’m so happy for you two. Congratulations to all, it seems,” Aurora told all four of them. She smiled brightly, but he noticed it was a little sad at how much she’d missed. While a part of him felt a little guilty, he knew she’d accepted long ago that this was the way things were. But just because that was how they’d been, doesn’t mean that was the way they’d have to be forever.

She addressed them all once Octavia had calmed some. “I know that things between us have not been good, and that’s entirely my fault. You both are wonderful and I don’t have any right to ask, and any right to expect things to change. I have accepted whatever role in your lives that you have and will decide to allow me to have, but I want you two to know how sorry I am and will forever be for what I put you through. The last few weeks don’t magically fix anything and I don’t expect it to. I’m so happy to get to see you two now. And see how happy and in love you both are.” 

Things were quiet for a minute when she finished and to his surprise, Octavia spoke first. “You’re right, this doesn’t fix things…” she hesitated and looked at Bellamy with a small smile. “...but I think I speak for us both when I say that we’d like to at least try to do better. It’s clear that you’ve changed and while I don’t know how quickly I’ll be able to forgive you, it serves no purpose to keep you out of my life.”

Bellamy wiped away a tear at the compassion his sister was showing. It’d been so long since she’d directed any towards Aurora, but he genuinely felt like they might be at a turning point. The last couple of weeks had been so dark and grueling and emotionally taxing, but finally, it looked like things might be taking a turn for the better. 

***

They spent another twenty minutes or so talking but Aurora was fading fast, Clarke could see it. She was trying so hard to keep her eyes open and it was obvious she wanted to suck up as much time as possible with her children. And it seemed to be the same for Bellamy, and surprisingly, Octavia as well. They never took their eyes off their mother, like if they did, it’d be the last time. But Abby was right, they needed to let her rest. Her brain wasn’t used to working quite this hard and needed a chance to recharge.

She gently threaded her hand through Bellamy’s arm to get his attention. She leaned in and whispered, “I think she’s getting tired, Bell, we should let her sleep.” He turned to look at her and the joy that had been in his eyes tempered and concern started creeping in around the edges. “She’ll be okay, we’ll see her later.”

“Right. Of course.” He turned to Aurora. “Mom, we’re going to go, let you sleep for a little while, okay? We’ll be back in the morning.”

Aurora turned to him, eyes starting to close. “Are you sure? You can… okay… you will?”

Octavia piped in, “Yeah, Mom, we’ll be here.” Aurora hummed and was fast asleep only a few seconds later. 

They filed out silently, and after Bellamy and Octavia gave each other a long, much needed hug of support, they parted. Clarke bid her mom goodbye as well, thanking her for all her help. Abby was going to stick around for another week until they could safely discharge Aurora. 

The two of them walked into their apartment, both lighter than when they’d left that morning for Raven’s. Bellamy grabbed her wrist, swinging her around into him, wrapping his other arm around her waist and backing her up against the wall. 

He kissed her deeply, and she could feel the outpouring of love and devotion she’d become familiar with. When Bellamy loved, she’d learned he loved with his entire soul, infusing that love into every touch and kiss and look and action.

He didn’t push it further, just her lips until she let out an involuntary moan and it seemed to spur him on, his mouth leaving hers to kiss down the column of her neck pausing at her cleavage and back up again. He took a step back and Clarke immediately missed the warmth that came from having his body so close and the heat that rushed through her every time he kissed her.

She held a hand out and he took it and let her guide them back to the bedroom, where they lazily kissed a while longer, before the mounting tension became too much and they helped each other rid themselves of their clothes. She could feel them running on fumes, so exhausted from the emotional turmoil of the day and week, but still, releasing those emotions to each other, finding the comfort and strength they could draw from each other gave them the outlet they needed. 

After, they curled back around one another, adding a few more blankets and falling asleep faster and sleeping sounder than they had in awhile. 

\----------------------

It was the day before Thanksgiving, and they were once again visiting Aurora in the hospital. They were trying to get her to be patient, but all she wanted was to be released and go home. Bellamy was telling her something Diyoza said about addicts and hospitals and how they were often nervous to be around so many drugs. Aurora was having twice daily conversations with Diyoza since she was unable to leave for meetings. Clarke knew it meant a lot to Bellamy to see his mother so dedicated to being responsible for her sobriety. 

“Mom, you have to wait for the doctors to give the okay. You don’t want to push it,” Bellamy was pleading with his mother. If there was one thing that Clarke had learned over the last week, it was that Aurora was the origin of the infamous Blake stubbornness. 

“I know, I know, but I’d like to have them give the okay _now_. I’m tired of staring at these same four walls.”

Bellamy sighed and Clarke put a hand on his back. Octavia was out finishing signing the papers on Jaha’s store so work could begin on her new shop and would check in after. True to what she’d told them, she’d been trying her hardest to put their issues aside, but occasionally Clarke would see O’s eyes glass over when a particular memory fought its way to the forefront of her mind and she’d have to go excuse herself to get some air. Bellamy was doing better than she was, but he’d still from time to time have to take breaks as well. Neither were used to being around each other so often. It didn’t help that Aurora was having memory lapses. Nothing too serious yet, but she’d forget a conversation she just had or why she was having more tests run, or who had just been in to see her.

Generally speaking though it was going as well as it could be expected to. Clarke was so proud of both Bellamy and Octavia for sticking with it. Having their mom go through a near-death experience like that woke them both up to wanting to push past some of the weight that’d been holding them both down. Diyoza helped a lot, surprisingly, in that regard, since at this point she was the one that knew Aurora best and she turned out to be a pretty good mediator between the Blakes when things did boil up a little too high. 

It was helping Clarke too, she’d noticed. She found herself actually smiling when Abby entered the room, and her mother had a warm grin to send back to her. Clarke noticed her taking long phone calls in the evening, and when she asked her mother about them, Abby told her it was her therapist, helping her talk through things. Clarke had to give it to her, she really was trying to do better as well, and seeing her mother’s dedication to it made her feel like one day they might be able to work through things too.

Abby was still staying in a hotel, having gotten a more permanent substitute for her classes for a while. She said she wanted to make sure Aurora was completely out of the woods and would leave when she was discharged.

The doctor came in about an hour later, with Abby walking slightly behind him. “Okay, so your scans this morning showed no abnormalities and your incision is healing even better than we could hope for. There’s still the issue of your short term memory losses, but we will set you up with an occupational therapist in a couple weeks to get you some help with that. Normally, I’d like you to stay another 48 hours, but considering the holiday is tomorrow, and after a conversation with Dr. Griffin that I just had, I’ll let you go this evening.”

Aurora bolted upright at hearing that and was nodding enthusiastically. Bellamy seemed less convinced however, and Clarke could practically see the protective wheels turning in his head and knew what he was going to say before it was even out of his mouth. 

“Are you sure? I mean, is it wise to release her before she’s ready? I know it’s Thanksgiving but... I don’t want her to relapse or whatever it’s called,” he inquired. Aurora reached out a hand to her son and gave him an appreciative smile. 

The doctor gestured back to Abby, who stepped forward to address Bellamy. “Her surgery was 14 days ago, and typically at this time, the worst is behind her. Any serious complication that would have arisen statistically would have come up by now.” Bellamy opened his mouth for a retort and Clarke chuckled a little under her breath, but her mother just held up a hand. “Now, I know you’ll still be worried, and there are a few things we’d like to keep an eye on that wouldn’t lend well to releasing her to live alone.” She glanced at Aurora.

Clarke had noticed that the two mothers had been getting along quite well over the last week, often finding them laughing and discussing things. It was an odd friendship, but one that seemed to work okay.

Abby continued, “Aurora, you told me you had a spare room at your house, would it be alright if I stayed with you another week? I discussed it with your doctor, and he has agreed that it would be helpful for me to keep an eye on your recovery, since I know what to look for, and you wouldn’t have to stay here.”

It was kind of brilliant, really. Aurora would get to go home, but would still be under the care of a doctor whose specialty was neurology.

“That sounds wonderful Abigail, are you sure you don’t need to get back home though? You’ve already gone above and beyond for me,” Aurora asked. 

“Oh yes, I’ve already asked for an extension to have my classes covered. It’s really no problem as long as you don’t mind a houseguest.”

“Oh I’d be delighted, that house is so quiet all by myself.”

Bellamy and Clarke exchanged a look. Things were progressing, moving in a good direction with all of their relationships, but that didn’t mean that it would be easy having them together all the time. It would be fine, Clarke told herself, they had each other and it would be fine.

A few hours later, Bellamy was wheeling his mother out to Abby’s car and helped her in the passenger seat. 

“Thank you so much, Bellamy, for everything. This past week has been more than I can even have hoped for.” 

Bellamy smiled at his mother, and it was so heartening to see his reactions to things like that. “Me too, Mom, we’ll see you tomorrow for dinner, alright?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

They turned to leave to their own car and let Abby take her, wanting to give Aurora some time to settle in.

He kept glancing their way nervously until Clarke put a hand on his cheek, stealing his attention. “I know you want to follow her, but as a doctor, trust me when I say that there’s some things that she’s going to need to help with to get her settled and it will take a lot out of her. She’s probably just going to sleep the rest of the night.”

He nodded, understanding, but she could tell he was still itching to be more helpful. It was a quality that she loved, one of the things that first drew them together and made her feel warm and cared for. He’d kind of snuck up on her, but his caring nature had captivated her completely.

The next day would be a busy one so they’d fallen asleep quickly. It was going to be filled with people and family and they were so relieved to get back to a normal family dinner, not having had one for almost a whole month. Somehow, they’d all managed to get at least two hours off at 2 pm to be together. Although some of them had to work in the morning and some in the evening, they’d all get to at least be together for a little while. 

\----------------------

In the morning, Bellamy woke early, so when Clarke rolled over, she found an empty space where he usually was. She opened her eyes and lifted her head, and stretched a bit until she decided to brave the cold apartment and wandered out to the living room. He was sitting, drinking coffee in the living room, waiting for the parade to begin, but the look in his eyes told her he was lost in his thoughts a million miles away. She grabbed her own cup of coffee and joined him.

She curled in next to his side and he automatically grabbed a blanket off the back, tucking it in around her. Winter had set in nicely in Arkadia, and cold seemed to permeate everything except Bellamy, who seemed to always be warm to her. He gave her a sweet kiss, but then returned his eyes to the hosts of this year’s parade.

“You okay?” she asked after a few moments of not speaking.

“Yeah, just thinking about… stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?” 

He looked at her with loving eyes and her favorite lazy smile of his. “The _you_ kind of stuff,” he told her. 

It made her smile in return and she kissed his jaw and saw his eyes close heavily. They were heading to Murphy and Emori’s later. Their space was the biggest and the easiest to fit everyone. They had Abby and Aurora this year too, and while Aurora’s house would actually be the easiest so she wouldn’t have to travel, both Blake siblings had been too hesitant to go over to their childhood home, not quite ready for that yet, and Aurora had more than understood.

“Oh, so your favorite kind of stuff?” she teased, poking him in the side.

“Definitely my favorite kind of stuff,” he agreed. His voice was full of warmth, but there was some undercurrent that she couldn’t quite place. It was a little shaky, like he was nervous. And she couldn’t blame him; no one knew what the day would end up looking like and it was the first Thanksgiving he will have shared with his mother in years. And up until last week, they hadn’t even been sure she’d be alive for it.

She left his arms to go get ready and soon they were both on their way. Bellamy had spent the time she was showering to finish preparing their assigned food for the meal, scalloped potatoes and pumpkin pie, both from scratch. Murphy was handling the turkey, and everyone else was responsible for a side or dessert. 

They walked past the killer gnome and into the house, where everyone welcomed them with hugs or nods or cheers. She saw Aurora and Abby already there, sitting on the couch chatting with Raven, who had her leg propped up. Her mother walked over and gave her a hug in greeting. They walked into the kitchen, and set the food down on the counter. 

She turned around to face the living room and came face to face with Wells, who was smirking at her. “So, I saw the potatoes you brought… should I be worried about salmonella poisoning?” he teased her. 

“Ha ha very funny, Wells.” She smacked him on the shoulder and he pretended she’d really wounded him. “Bellamy made them, so you’re safe. But for the record, I’m not as inept at cooking as everyone likes to think,” she added indignantly. 

Bellamy just laughed next to her and leaned over, wrapping an arm around her waist and giving her cheek a kiss. “Absolutely, Princess.” She pretended to shove at him, but he held onto her firmly. “I’m going to go say hi to Mom, okay?”

She nodded and smiled at him and watched as he walked over the couch to give hugs to Raven and Aurora. She saw his mother light up at his presence, and she added it to the list of things they were grateful for this year. She turned her attention back to Wells, who was grinning conspiratorially at her.

“What?” she asked, suspicious.

“Nothing, just… you look happy. Who would’ve thought it would be Bellamy Blake to put that smile on your face.” He bumped shoulders with her and she couldn’t help but smile wider.

Clarke tipped her head down on her oldest friend’s shoulder. “You’re telling me. It’s been a year for the books, that’s for sure.” She frowned when she saw Bellamy fidgeting like he was nervous or something and was talking to Murphy in the corner, probably about dinner. He’d been acting nervous and distracted all morning, and she’d just assumed it was because of Aurora and Abby being present this year, but maybe it was something else. She’d have to ask him when they got home later.

“How’s it been with your mom?” he asked, pulling her attention back to him.

“To be honest, a little weird. It’s like I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know? I’m just so used to her being cold and distant, and it’s like she’s done this weird one eighty. It’s giving me whiplash.”

Wells hummed a bit in response and watched Abby. “I know what you mean… after your dad passed, she became scary and intimidating and now… she gave me a _hug_ when I walked in and I don’t know, Clarke, maybe she really is trying. Everyone makes mistakes.”

“Yes, but hers were really really _big_ mistakes.”

“Right, that’s true. Definitely unforgivable. No way forward, for sure,” he nodded sarcastically.

“Stop, that’s not what I meant,” she said playfully back. “Do you think there’s a way forward for us?”

“I think it doesn’t much matter what _I_ think, as much as it does _you_ and what _you_ want. But… yeah, if there’s anything that watching my dad get sicker and sicker has taught me, it’s that we all have such a short amount of time with each other and regret and anger and resentment can just suck up too much of it.”

Clarke pondered that for a while and thought about her dad’s accident or Aurora’s surgery; no one could have seen those things coming and how tortured Bellamy was thinking he’d never get another chance. She wanted another chance with her mother, she’d just been uncertain whether she’d really changed. 

But maybe if she doesn’t give her a chance, she’ll never find out.

If she hadn’t given Bellamy another chance after the animosity they’d had when they met, she might never have found with him what she did. Or, maybe they would end up here anyway, but it would have been a much harder road if she hadn’t forgiven him that day.

Raven, who had become quite the pro on her crutches by now, made her way to them. “Hey Clarke!”

“Hey Rave, how’re you doing?”

“Well I’m ready to eat my weight in mashed potatoes, but _somebody_ -” she yelled over shoulder at Murphy, who flipped her off in response, “ - says I have to make sure to leave some for everybody. So, I’ve been better.”

Clarke just chuckled. “Well, Bell brought his scalloped potatoes, so maybe if we combine those with the mashed, and the sweet potatoes too, you can at least get close.”

Raven’s eyes lit up. “You really _are_ the best!” Raven leaned over and smooched Clarke on the cheek.

“Well, what are friends for if not to help them eat an unhealthy amount of carbs?”

“That’s what I’m saying!” Raven agreed. “Now tell that to Murphy,” she grumbled. 

Bellamy came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Tell Murphy what?”

“That friends help friends eat a shit ton of potatoes.”

Bellamy laughed and said, “I told you we should have brought two dishes of the potatoes!” Clarke swatted at his chest behind her. “Seriously, Raven could skip the turkey entirely and just have potatoes and it’d be a successful Thanksgiving dinner for her.” 

Jasper and Monty walked in then, and set one of the largest tupperware bowls Clarke had ever seen in front of them.

“There refrigerator space for this, Emori?” Jasper asked, tapping the lid.

“Should be some in the garage, but that’s a giant batch this year, Jasper!” Emori exclaimed. 

Murphy came up beside them and rolled his eyes, but grabbed the container and headed out to the garage. “I’ve got it…”

“My man!” Jasper said pointing finger guns at his back. And then to answer Emori’s question, he told her, “Well, we have a bunch of extra people, and I would hate it if anyone was deprived of this masterpiece!” he declared.

“Um… what exactly is it?” Clarke asked, feeling Bellamy’s chest rumble behind her. 

“Frog Eyed Salad,” Jasper told her with a wink. 

“There’s not _actually_ frog eyes in it though, right?” Wells asked, eyes wide.

“Mayyybe…”

“Oh don’t tease him, Jas…” Octavia said coming up beside them, setting down her apple pie on the counter. “You’re going to freak him out.”

“But that’s half the fun!” Jasper insisted.

“It’s a dessert,” Monty said coming up to his side, him and Harper hand in hand. Everyone’s eyes shot down to their intertwined fingers, making the two of them blush furiously. “Oh yeah, also… Harper and I have kind of decided that… we’re officially together now.”

With that, everyone started screeching and laughing, pulling them all in for hugs and kisses. Jasper declared it a “Celebration of Love” and started passing out glasses of what could only be his latest batch of moonshine. When Clarke took a sip, it brought her right back to the cabin that first week of being with everyone, and while it was only six months ago, it felt like she’d lived an entire lifetime since. 

The chaos drew the attention from the mothers in the living room and when they figured out what was going on, Clarke saw them smile at the group.

Wells piped in, after the initial cheers had died down, “Okay, but no one answered my question about whether Jasper actually used frog eyes in his dessert and I’m getting a little concerned…” And when still no one answered him except Jasper who just wiggled his eyebrows at him, he sighed heavily and gave up trying to get answers.

While Clarke helped Murphy, Emori, and Octavia get the many, _many_ sides on the table, Bellamy was in the kitchen carving the turkey when Clarke heard him cry out.

“_Shit!_”

She turned her head towards him and even all the way from where she was standing near the table she could see blood starting to seep out of his finger. She rushed over and grabbed some paper towels from the roll on the counter and wrapped it around his finger, and held it up near his head.

“Just put pressure on it for a second,” she told him.

“It’s fine. Just a little scratch,” he tried to assure her.

“You never slip up with knives, what happened?”

“Nothing. I’m fine. It’s not a big -”

“Couldn’t even carve the turkey, Blake?” Murphy interrupted.

“Shut up, Murphy.”

“Must be all those nerves, I should’ve known,” he razzed at Bellamy, who just responded by glaring at Murphy pointedly.

_Nerves?_ “What’s going on, Bell?” she asked, voice low.

“Nothing, Murphy’s just being an ass like usual,” he directed over to his friend.

“Is it your Mom?” she asked, guiding him to the bathroom to rinse his finger under the sink faucet.

“No… it’s actually been really nice to have her here. I can tell she’s a little awkward, afraid of saying the wrong thing I think and not sure what topics are on or off limits, but honestly, neither do O and I so we’re just going with it for now.”

“Well, it won’t all be fixed in one week, it’ll take some time to be comfortable together,” she turned off the water and held up the cut to the light. “It’s just superficial, no stitches necessary,” she declared, wrapping a band aid around it. “So you going to tell me why Murphy said you were nervous? You’ve been acting off all morning.”

“Oh who knows,” he waved her off, avoiding her eyes. She sighed but decided to leave it be; when he was ready to talk to her about it, he’d do it. 

“You know I love you right?” she asked, narrowing her eyes a little bit in jest.

“Oh Princess, you have _no_ idea…” he trailed off, and lifted his hand to cup the back of her head, pulling her in for a kiss. She slid her eyes shut and allowed herself to get lost in it for a moment until she realized they should join the rest of their family at the table.

They all get seated, Bellamy at one end of the table, and Murphy at the other and everyone that was used to Family Dinners in their usual spots. Extra chairs had been added for all the extra people, since there were now 15 of them, since Wick, Aurora, and Abby had joined them for the first time. It was a tight fit, but they somehow managed to get everyone squeezed in.

Wells even surprised them all with the addition of _his_ father who wouldn’t be able to stay long, but wanted to share in the holiday with everyone. Seeing him and Abby reconnect was an interesting reunion, as they went way back as friends since before Wells and Clarke had even been born. They looked very pleased to see each other and were catching up like no time had passed. She enjoyed watching Wells be happy to be seeing his dad smile and have a good time. 

They sat down at the table and in typical fashion, one of them said grace; this time it was Octavia’s turn. Clarke held Bellamy’s hand and couldn’t help but notice that it was a little clammy and she was worried that maybe his mood was off because he was getting sick. 

When Octavia finished, everyone started passing plates around and dishing up, except Bellamy who was just sitting there watching them, his leg bouncing up and down. Suddenly, he stood and everyone’s head whipped towards him, wondering what he was doing.

“Bellamy? You okay?” she asked, concerned. He rubbed his hands up and down on his jeans a couple times, but she saw him take a deep breath and he leaned over, giving her a sweet kiss in front of everyone. When he pulled back, any nerves that had been present in his expression had disappeared, giving way to a steady, peaceful gaze.

“I’ve never been better,” he assured her and while she didn’t know what exactly was going on, his voice was sure and full of strength and since she trusted him more than anyone else in the world, she forced herself to be patient, waiting for whatever was coming. She caught Murphy’s expression out of the corner of her eye, and noticed that he was the only one who didn't seemed surprised.

Bellamy cleared his throat. “So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I just want to say how grateful I am that all of you could be here today. I know it’s Murphy’s house and I should leave the toast up to him, given his affinity for speeches -” half the table snorted at Bellamy’s joke, including her, considering Murphy’s hatred of speeches. “- but I begged him to let me, and he thankfully gave me the floor.” She saw him sneak a peek at her and smile broadly, causing her smile and blush in return. 

“This year, at least the last half of it, has been full of ups and downs and I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a season as crazy as this one.” Everyone chuckled and he continued, “But it’s also been the best season of my life. Because it led me to the love of my life.” He looked at her again, and held her gaze, and her heart sped up. Her smile disappeared from her face in anticipation, and her face became warm as he continued his speech, now only speaking to her. “Clarke, you came into my life like a hurricane. Strong, and powerful, and wild and you changed every aspect of everything I thought I knew about life and love. It was like I was missing a part of my heart I never even knew was supposed to be there. I’ve never known anyone to be more thoughtful, loving, kind… and stubborn as you are. You constantly leave me completely breathless, and I love every single part of you. Every, single, part. I want to spend every second of my entire life loving you. Clarke, and I could live a hundred lifetimes and it wouldn’t be enough. You’re what this world should be.

“We’re already married, technically. But I need you to know how much I want it, want you. I want us to take care of each other, to find each other in the middle of whatever darkness we go through, to walk through life together and celebrate the many joys that life will bring us, together. So, I want to make it official, in front of our family. I want you, all of you, all of it, every day, to love you for the rest of my life. So, Clarke Griffin... will you marry me, again?” 

Somewhere in the middle of the most romantic declaration of love she’s ever heard, Clarke had stopped breathing. It seemed like she wasn’t alone, as she was sure she could hear a feather drop on the floor it had gone so quiet. A tear slipped down her cheek and she inhaled sharply, and wiped at her face messily with the back of her hand. His gaze never left hers, holding her, strong and sure in the way only he could look at her. 

Her entire life, past, present, and the future she allowed herself to imagine with him flew through her mind. She stood and walked up to him, gripping his hands with hers. “Oh Bell... I’d marry you a thousand times if you asked. I want every single moment of forever with you too,” she said softly. 

She wasn’t even sure if the rest of the table could hear her, and she didn’t care. At that moment, it was only the two of them, in their own little world, everything else melting away to give room for the brilliance and intensity of the moment. He let go of her hands to wrap them around either side of her head and he dipped his head down to kiss her.

This kiss felt different, somehow. In all the kisses they’d shared before now, she was sure she’d felt the extent of how much he loved her, of what she meant to him.

They were nothing compared to this one. 

She’d never even known love like this existed. Maybe in fairy tales, a prince waking his princess up, a cheesy true love’s kiss that broke curses, or epic stories of two souls instantly recognizing the other. Love didn’t even feel like an accurate enough word for what she felt when his lips captured hers this time. 

The kiss was quick, chaste but dazzling, and when she opened her eyes, she caught sight of the smirk that used to drive her crazy with frustration, but now only drove her crazy for other reasons. He released her and took a half step back and pulled out a small box from his pocket. Clarke gasped. 

He cracked it open and inside sat the most beautiful ring that she’d ever seen. It had a dark blue diamond in the center, a color that reminded her of the night sky and the white gold band was styled to look like rope almost, woven around matching smaller blue stones.

She looked from the ring back up to Belllamy who wore a wide grin. “What do you think?”

She couldn’t help but break into a smile she was sure was the biggest one she’d ever worn before. “It’s perfect. But something tells me you knew that. Because you know me,” she said simply, struck with how true that was. He nodded and held out his hand for hers, which she gave him readily. He slipped the ring on her finger and she’d never realized just how empty her hand had felt before now. 

They finally turned back to their friends and family and like a pin popping a bubble, they all suddenly erupted into an uproar and Clarke was sure they could be heard from across town. Octavia was the first to jump up, wrapping her brother in a huge hug and Clarke barely caught the “Good job big brother,” she gave him before Wells reached her.

His smile was wide and he wrapped her up in a hug, congratulating her before Octavia butted in for a turn.

Everyone took turns congratulating them, laughing and full of smiles. She watched as Aurora approached Bellamy a little hesitantly, obviously still unsure of what her role is in his life now, but he responded by giving her a hug and kiss on the cheek, and tears spilled out of his mother’s eyes as she placed a hand to the side of his head told him how proud she was of her. 

Clarke turned towards the next person vying for her attention and noticed that it was her own mother. Abby stood awkwardly, much like Aurora had, settling for placing her hand on Clarke’s arms.

“Congratulations, honey. I’m so happy for you two. The things he said… people only dream of a love like that. Hold on to it,” she told her, a little wistfully.

“Thanks, Mom. I intend to.”

Raven was next, hobbling her way over to the two of them, Wick a little ways behind her. 

“Rave! We could have come to you!” Clarke exclaimed and saw Bellamy roll his eyes in agreement.

“Okay, first of all, congratulations you two. Second, I’m fine. Seriously, I’m kicking this injury’s _ass_. And finally, I hope you two know I’m taking all the credit for this thing,” she said gesturing between the two of them.

Bellamy threw his head back and laughed. “Of course you are. But please enlighten us?”

“Well, if I hadn’t been so awesome and invited Wells to the wedding, or even _had_ a wedding at all, you two might never have met. Also, I believe it was my idea to invite her to the cabin in the first place. So there you go. You’re welcome very much,” she took a bow and Clarke smiled. 

“Thank you very much Raven, for being one of the best friends I could have ever hoped for.”

Raven blushed then, her bravado slipping and tears forming in the corners of her eyes. “Geez, Murphy, did you cut a bunch of onions in here or something?” She sniffled and wiped her eyes.

Murphy scoffed, “Sure Reyes, blame the food instead of the fact that deep down you’re just a big ole romantic.”

“Am not.”

“You knew, didn’t you? That he was going to do this?” Clarke asked, turning to Murphy. 

He shrugged. “Maybe.”

She hummed at him, narrowing her eyes at him. “Thanks, for everything. You’re a softie too, you know.”

“You’ll never be able prove it,” he told her and gave her one of his now trademark side grins. He then pulled her in for a hug, surprising Clarke. She’s not sure she’s ever actually hugged Murphy or seen him be physically affectionate to anyone except Emori, really. Even after her apartment fire, the hug he gave her was awkward and off to the side.

He whispered in her ear while they were hugging though, telling her, “You break him, I break you though.” He pulled back and winked at her in a way that told her he was joking. Probably.

She chuckled. “That’s not something you’ll have to worry about,” she responded.

They sat to eat at that point, Clarke and Bellamy stealing glances and smiles at each other over their meals. She knew their friends were watching them and biting their tongues at their obvious cheesy romantic shows of affection, but Clarke didn’t care. She could take a million jokes and it wouldn’t dim the way she was feeling.

She felt like she was on top of the world, and she never wanted to come down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww! I hope everyone enjoyed the fluff! I love writing these two just stupidly in love!
> 
> So I have a question for everyone. Would you rather have a giant 8-9k final chapter or split it in two 4-5k chunks instead? I'm working on the final one now, and I added a scene that I hadn't originally intended on which made the chapter longer than I planned. But I've already extended the story by an extra chapter so I don't want to jerk you guys around anymore. My instinct is to split it, because I think it'll be more impactful that way, but let me know what you think.
> 
> Here is the ring that inspired the one he gave her if anyone is curious! http://bit.ly/2OMRyEo
> 
> And frog eyed salad is totally a real dessert and it's freaking amazing. ;)
> 
> Anyway, you all have an awesome week and I'll see you again in a few days!


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! I went ahead and split this last one. So here is 27 and we'll end on 28. I am having some struggles with the last one, there's so much I want to tie together so it's a little slower going getting it finished. I'm hoping to have it ready to post on Wednesday, but that's just going to depend on how it goes the next couple days. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me through this journey!

All through dinner, Bellamy kept catching glimpses of the ring he’d put on Clarke’s finger not even an hour ago. It was radiant, _she_ was radiant, and despite how his nerves almost made him back out of the whole thing, he was entranced. The light would catch it and it shone almost as brilliantly as Clarke’s smile. The smile _he_ put on her face. The feeling of pride and love he was feeling was completely unlike anything he’d ever felt before.

It was cheesy, he knew it was. He wasn’t sure if she would think it was stupid, or unnecessary. They were already married after all. But after all they’d been through in the past few weeks, hell since they’ve known each other, they deserved one normal thing. She deserved to have the wedding she’d always dreamt of, in front of all their friends and family. 

So he’d dragged Murphy along with him on their lunch hour one of the days they’d worked this last week and gotten a ring. They’d gone to three different shops, Murphy getting increasingly annoyed that he hadn’t picked one yet (though, Bellamy had caught his eyes wandering towards rings that were nowhere near Clarke’s style, but looked suspiciously like ones that he’d expect Emori to wear). There was no weight behind Murphy’s annoyance though, his voice every time he whined about how long it was taking betrayed his excitement. For all of Murphy’s bluster, he knew his friend was excited for him. Especially when Bellamy mentioned doing it at Thanksgiving.

After dinner and a few generous helpings of dessert, including Jasper’s frog eyed salad that ended up, hilariously, being one of Wells’ new favorites, they started their goodbyes. Abby had taken Aurora home just after dinner; she’d been too tired to stay much longer, her recovery still taking its toll on her. When she’d come up to him after the proposal and told him she was proud of him, he’d expected to still feel resentful and defiant, and really all he felt was a surge of hope.

Hope that they’d one day get to a place of peace between them. Octavia had been the biggest surprise on that front, he’d expected her to tolerate but largely just ignore their mother, but instead, she’d even sat down next to her at dinner, helping her load her plate up and smiling and everything. It was a little sad that it had taken a near death experience for the both of them to finally accept that they needed to work through the issues they’d long buried, but either way, they were doing it now. 

He grabbed Clarke’s hand as they walked out to their cars, the both of them sneaking glances and smiles at each other as they walked. He relished the feeling of the ring on her finger as he held her hand.

They got home, and they weaved around each other as they put the leftovers away, leaving the baking dishes they’d taken to Murphy and Emori’s in the sink. It was cold, and Clarke’s nose and tips of her ears were still red from being outside. 

It was adorable and he couldn’t help but come up behind her as she was shutting the fridge and squeeze her hips, his fingers just brushing the skin under her shirt. She arched back into him and he dipped his head down to kiss the hollow spot behind her ear. He wrapped one of his arms around her waist, securing her to him and she tilted her head back to rest on his shoulder, giving him better access to her neck, on which he placed greedy kisses up and down the column. 

When that spot had been given sufficient attention, he spun her around and hoisted her up in his arms and captured her lips with his. Kissing her felt different now, there was a weight behind it, a permanence he could practically taste. She wrapped her legs around him, hooking her ankles behind his back and rocked into him, eliciting a low growl from inside his throat that he didn’t even know he was capable of making until she started drawing them out of him. He carried her with one hand wrapped around her back and the other on her ass to the bed where he lightly tossed her down with a smile and a smirk. 

She shook her head and said with her voice low, “You know one of these days I’m going to wipe that smirk right off your face.”

He smirked wider in response, “You love my smirk.” He joined her on the bed and lifted her shirt to kiss her stomach and felt her react by squirming and letting out a moan that he was pretty sure was supposed to be a protest.

“Be - Bell…”

“Yes, Princess?” he asked, teasing her as he ran one finger up her thigh tantalizing close to where he knew she wanted it and his other hand played with the waistband of her pants.

“Shut up a - and take my pants off,” she commanded in a voice that shot straight through him and he felt himself losing the small amount of control he was trying to hold onto.

He crawled up her body and placed one kiss, two, then three, to her lips watching as her pupils eclipsed the blue of her irises and he felt desire wash over his entire body like a wave as he craved more of her. 

“Yes, ma’m,” he responded, as he had when they’d done this the first time. He dipped down and kissed her lips fully, his tongue running along her lips to deepen it as his hand reached between their bodies and unbuttoned her jeans, slipping his hand inside.

He felt her breath stutter as he began and didn’t stop until she was writhing so much underneath him that he had to use the weight of his body to hold her to the bed as her body found what it searched for.

He took his hand back, and sat back, watching her come down, and gently removed first her clothes, then his, and leaned back over her, relishing the feeling of the way their skin felt with nothing between them. They kissed for a little while longer before he started moving, setting an intense pace and it didn’t take long before they were crashing together, feeling just as profound as it had every single time they’d come together and Bellamy was certain, down to the bottom of his heart and in his bones, that he’d never tire of being with her like this.

“Happy Thanksgiving,” he told her cheekily, kissing the blonde messy curls on top of her head as they laid together, clothes still on the floor, both trying to get their breathing under control.

She chuckled, “Yes, there is certainly a lot to be thankful for this year.”

She had her left hand draped across his chest, drawing lazy pictures with her finger and he snatched it up and lifted it to his lips to plant soft kisses against her knuckles. He gave her one more on her ring finger just above the ring and then lifted her hand away from his face to look at it. The blue of the diamond stood out against her delicate pale skin.

“You sure you like this one okay? We could always take you to go pick a different one out?” he asked, suddenly a little self-conscious that maybe she only said she liked it because they were in front of everyone. “Or if you’d rather a more traditional clear diamond, or a different setting…”

“Bell, stop. There is no ring in the world that would be more perfect than this one, seriously. I love it. I can’t even believe you did this; you had so much going on this week.”

“Well, we’re married, and will soon be married again, won’t we? You should get to have a ring. And I kidnapped Murphy to come help me pick it out. I almost took Wells, but he wasn’t working the day I was available to go during lunch.”

She stared at the ring, and shook her head a little. “So that’s what you two were conspiring about earlier…”

Bellamy laughed, “Yeah, he was checking in on me because apparently I was acting ‘fucking weird and she’s going to think something’s actually wrong, so cut it out’ are the words he used.”

Clarke shifted so she could look up at him. “Well, he wasn’t wrong, you _were_ freaking me out! You were so distracted and I don’t know, just acting _off_. At first, I thought it was because of your mom, but then you cut yourself carving the turkey and I started getting worried.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“I know,” she told him, turning from his face to curl back into his side. “So what was it? Were you afraid I was going to say no?”

“Not exactly, but yeah, I wasn’t sure if you were going to think it was stupid, since we are technically already married. I just want to give you everything. First, you deserve to remember our wedding as a day with our friends and family and second, just remember it in its entirety at all. But if that’s not what you want…”

“Bellamy, I don’t need anything but you beside me for the rest of our lives, building a home and family together. But… yeah, a wedding could be fun,” she told him with a little blush on her face.

“Good. Then that’s what you get.”

They laid in a peaceful silence for a couple more minutes. He could practically hear her thinking, turning something over and over in her head before saying it out loud, but he tried to just be patient while she thought whatever it was over.

“I was thinking…” she began.

“Uh oh.”

“Hey now!” she said, slapping his chest softly and making him chuckle.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. What were you thinking?”

“Now I’m not sure I want to tell you,” she teased, sticking her lip out in a pout.

He ran over it with his thumb and said, “Please, Princess? I want to know what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours.” And he tried to give her his most charming smile and he saw the crack in her resolve, her pout turning into a blush.

“Fine. I was _thinking_…” she started, almost daring him to say something about it. “What about Christmas Eve? Think we can pull off a wedding in a month?” she asked, eyes wide as they bore into him.

“I think we can do whatever we want to do. It’d be a nice way to end the year and to start the next one.”

“That’s what I was thinking. I just don’t want to wait.”

He knew she was probably thinking the same thing he was.

Life was fragile. It could be here one second, and gone the next. No one is guaranteed to live into tomorrow and why waste it not being with the person and family you love?

“Then Christmas Eve it is,” he agreed. Her entire face lit up and the brilliance of it mesmerized him every time. He couldn’t help but lean over and try to bask in the warmth. Just as their lips connected, both of their mouths already curled up in smiles, his phone rang.

He groaned and looked over at the offending device and saw it was a telemarketer probably calling him about student loans he didn’t even have. He shut it off and turned back to his wife/fiance/love of his life and gave her a chaste, slow kiss. 

“Let’s just let the world spin on without us for a while, okay?”

“Sounds perfect to me.”

***

It was a week before the wedding and Clarke felt like she was a chicken running around with her head cut off.

Not only did she have a wedding to plan (albeit a smallish one) and a hospital to work at, but she was balancing her time helping Raven to PT when Wick couldn’t make it and checking in on Aurora every few days.

Aurora was progressing well still, and meeting with a cognitive rehabilitation therapist for her various short term memory problems. It wasn’t impacting her life too terribly much anymore, though the first couple of weeks being home was rough on her. She’d forget things like leaving the water running, or doing some chore halfway and not finishing it, to more dangerous things like leaving the stove or iron on. It was helpful to have Abby there for the first week and Diyoza the week after until she found ways to remind herself to check those things. 

Clarke had met with Abby during the week of her stay with Aurora, and they had lunch at a little cafe near her and Bellamy’s apartment. When they got there, neither one had spoken for a full five minutes, both too nervous and hesitant to be the one to start. Eventually, Abby had begun, stating that she was the one who had the most to apologize for. 

It went on from there, and while they did argue a few times, it was far more civil than any conversation the two of them have had in years, and they were able to air a few things out. They hadn’t repaired much of anything yet, but with their feelings out in the open finally, Clarke knew it was a step towards reconciliation, which they both wanted.

Still, that conversation had been extremely emotionally exhausting and she’d sequestered herself in her apartment for two days trying to process it all. They had been talking about a really dark time in her life and bringing up all those memories had brought a lot of those emotions back. 

Bellamy had been patient and kind with her, letting her lead the conversations without trying to input in unless Clarke asked him for his opinion. He’d held her while she sobbed and told her stupid jokes to get her laughing when she felt trapped in her own head. He didn’t pressure her to ‘get over it’ or process faster; he just let her work through it at her own pace and watched movies with her and distracted her with cooking lessons and stories of the various calls he and the team had been out on that week.

His love and support were like lights at the end of a tunnel, guiding and healing her. After a couple days she started feeling like herself again and jumped back into life, this time knowing that she needed to prepare herself for the onslaught of those emotions the next time her and Abby continued working on things. They’d agreed to meet once or twice a month after the new year, depending on their schedules, and Clarke was grateful Abby wasn’t pushing harder. She was hopeful for this new relationship with her mother, but needed to take it slow and it seemed like Abby was in the same place, or at least allowing Clarke the space she needed.

Bellamy was doing the same with his mother, though he preferred to take out any frustrations he had with conversations on a punching bag at the firehouse’s gym. He, Octavia, and Aurora had met and started in on a couple serious conversations, but they kept it shorter and not as in depth as Clarke and Abby, not wanting to jeopardize the rest that Aurora’s body was still requiring. 

The gym was where Clarke found him that evening after she’d expected him home an hour earlier, but he had texted her that he was fine, but that he was going to be home a little later than usual from the station. 

He’d been really quiet the night before, after having gotten home from having dinner with his mother and O, and he assured her he was okay, but she knew that he was lost in his head and memories and she wanted to make sure he was okay, so she decided to pop in at the station with some Chinese take-out so he’d at least be able to eat dinner.

The station was darker than the last few times she’d visited, usually to bring him, Raven, or Wells lunch, since the sun set so much earlier these days and it took her a little bit of searching before she started hearing the _thump thump_ of the bag. She found him sweaty and shirtless, punching the shit out of one of the bags, everyone else having gone home already or out on a call. 

She leaned against the door jamb, allowing herself a moment to watch him since his back was to her. She bit her lip and watched as the muscles in his shoulders and back rippled as he landed punch after punch. His dark, tanned skin flexed and glistened and his hair swung wildly. He was sexy as hell but since she knew he was going through some tumultuous stuff, she shook her head trying to calm the instant backflips her stomach was doing before she threw him against the wall and had her way with him.

She cleared her throat to announce her presence. “Hey Bell.”

His arm stuttered towards the bag, as he tried to stop it mid-punch, turning to look at her with raised eyebrows. “Clarke? What are you doing here? I figured you’d be going out with Raven or something.”

“Yeah, I thought about that. And we might still go later, but I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

He sighed and glanced around nervously, like he was embarrassed, and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m okay, I just couldn’t shake this… I was upset and needed to work it out. I figured this was better than running off to a bar.”

“It’s okay. I get it. We all work through things differently. Thanks for texting me to let me know though.”

“I didn’t want you to think I’d just run off again.”

She took a beat to just look at him before walking up closer to him. “You told me you wouldn’t do that again. And I trust you.” She smiled at him. “You want a spotter?”

He smirked at her. “You sure, Princess? That bag is heavy…”

“I think I can handle it.”

She had thankfully dressed casually when she decided to come down to the station, in jeans, a hoodie and sneakers. It wasn’t the best gym wear, but it would do. She shed the hoodie to the t-shirt underneath and stepped behind the bag, holding it as he tried a few punches out.

“That’s all you got? I mean, why even have muscles like that if you aren’t going to use them?” she teased him, her eyes glancing quickly at his arms and abs and back up, hoping it wasn’t obvious. 

He shook his head and rolled his eyes at her, but she could see in his eyes that her appraisal hadn’t gone unnoticed like she hoped. “Oh I think you are well versed in what these muscles can do,” he said cheekily, his voice dropping low. “Besides, you’re standing _right there_. I’m not going to even chance hurting you.”

She swallowed heavily, barely holding on to her self-control. “I am not fragile, Bellamy.”

“I know,” he responded, but still made no move to continue hitting the bag.

Clarke sighed. “Fine. I’ll take a turn then.”

He stepped back and gestured towards the bag. “Be my guest. You want me to hold the bag?”

“No no, I wouldn’t want to _chance it_,” she mocked with a smile thrown over her shoulder. He smiled back at her, understanding that she could be just as stubborn as him.

She threw a few punches but even after a couple her knuckles started smarting and she was reminded that she didn’t really know what she was doing. The only thing she’d ever punched was Finn’s nose and her hand had been banged up for a week. Still, she’d started something and she couldn’t just let it go. 

“A little higher,” he said, obviously not able to watch her punch incorrectly anymore.

She adjusted her arms. “Like this?” she asked. 

He shook his head, “Higher.” He walked closer and wrapped his body around her back. She could feel the warmth of his chest through her shirt. He gripped her arms and put them up nearer to her face. “You’ve got to protect your face when you’re sparring. And it makes the jab land in the correct spot and not at an angle, which could damage your hand.”

She hummed her response and did as she was told and he let go of her arms but didn’t go far, just rested his hands on her hips, standing firm in his spot behind her. She tried out a few more punches, internally resenting that he was right; it was a more comfortable angle to punch from. She leaned back into him fractionally, not drawing attention from it, but she knew he was thrown by the sudden intimacy of the moment, probably not expecting this to be how his night went.

He stepped back. “Yeah… good.” He averted his gaze from her, and she could practically see his self control holding on by a thread like hers. She was winning this weird stand-off between them and tried to turn her focus back to the bag and _not_ how badly she wanted to jump him.

“Okay, so -” she started as she turned to face him again, but he interrupted what she was going to ask by covering her lips with his and all of sudden, he was _everywhere_. His hands roamed her body and tugged her closer, even rougher than she was used to. She met his fervor with her own insatiable need that had been gaining traction since she’d gotten there. She shoved him back against the wall and kissed him, hard, and it wasn’t long before he was bending to swiftly pick her up and spin her so she was the one pinned between his body and the wall.

She left his lips kiss a path from his jaw to his ear, earning her a moan as she combined her kisses with her nails raking against his scalp. “Fuck, Princess.”

“Good idea,” she whispered in his ear and a low growl sounded in his throat. 

A door slammed somewhere, reminding them of where they actually were and he set her down, kissing her softly as they both fought to regain control of their panting. They both laughed all of a sudden, a deep sound that started in their eyes and ended with them clutching their stomachs. Laughter that only increased when Kane walked past the gym and they realized that they’d almost gotten caught by his _boss_.

She smacked his shoulder as they regained their composure and walked him back to the bag. “Okay, now, seriously, don’t hold back. Come on, I’ll be fine, I trust you,” she reminded him.

He gave her a dubious look, but nodded anyway and tried out a few, increasing his strength until he was focused on the bag completely and she saw the tension that was rolling off his body when she’d gotten there earlier start to dissipate. Her arms were getting tired, but she held steady as she let him work out his frustrations and heavy emotions.

Twenty minutes later, he stood up straight and started removing the wraps from his hands and moved to put his shirt back on. When she let out an involuntary whine at the disappearance of her view of his muscles, he gave her a smug look and she felt her cheeks warm. She threw her hoodie back on as well and he slung his bag over his shoulder and an arm around her, kissing her temple. 

“Thanks for that.”

“Feel better?” she asked.

“I do. Much better. You didn’t have to stay.”

“I know, but there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Besides, the view was pretty great, so…” she trailed off and he chuckled into her hair and placed a kiss on her hair.

“See something you like?”

“Maybe,” she shrugged, making him smile wide.

They made their way home and after reheating the Chinese food she’d brought that they didn’t eat at the gym, they left it sitting in the microwave forgotten again while they finished what they’d started during the punching lesson earlier.

\---------------------

The next day Clarke had the day off and after saying goodbye to Bellamy as he left for work, she knocked on Raven’s door. Wick had to work that day, so she and Octavia had volunteered to take her to her PT appointment. 

Octavia swung the door open, mid-laugh and screeched when she saw Clarke. That woman never seemed to be short on energy. She pulled Clarke in for a hug, rocking a little like Bellamy does with his hugs.

“Hey, O. Didn’t you move out and in with your husband or something?” Clarke teased.

“Very funny. I got here just a few minutes ago.” 

“Hey Clarke!” Raven called from her room.

“Hey Rave. You ready to kick some ass at PT?” 

“All day every day,” she said, coming out of her room, ponytail swinging behind her. “They’re fitting me for a brace after the work out, so I don’t have to hobble around on these dumb things anymore,” she said, gesturing to her crutches. 

“How’s your leg been doing lately?” Octavia asked. She has been so busy with renovations on the shop that this is the first PT appointment she’d been able to make.

“It sucks, but I’m dealing with it,” Raven shrugged, trying to act unfazed, but Clarke knew she was having a rough time. Raven was always one to hold her head high and push aside the pain, but the emotional toll it was taking on her was great. 

Clarke knew that Raven was strong and probably had iron running through her veins instead of blood, but there was nothing like watching her go through a PT session. Raven worked so hard every step of the way and Clarke and Octavia cheered her on. However, Clarke watched Raven’s jaw clench every time she landed on her leg wrong and pain would shoot through her.

“_Shit!_” Raven swore after falling to the ground for the fifth time.

“It’s okay, you’re doing great,” the physical therapist, Becca, told her.

“I’m not doing great,” she snapped at Becca. Then to herself under her breath Clarke heard her say, “So simple, you can _do_ this.” Raven stood back up, cringing, and slumped over the support bar.

Becca looked over at them and slowly stepped back as Octavia and Clarke approached.

“I don’t need cheerleaders,” she told them preemptively when they got to her.

“We know. What’s going on? What happened to that Raven Reyes confidence?” Clarke asked, trying to put some levity in her tone.

“This is useless… what if…” Clarke saw her wipe quickly at her face. “What if I’m just broken?”

“Raven…” Octavia began.

“No, for real. What if my leg never gets better? What if I can’t save people or ever go back to the station again? Who will I be then? Just another grunt.”

“The Raven Reyes I know doesn’t quit. You want to see what a hero looks like? Look in the mirror, babe. You _are_ a hero, even if you never run into another burning building,” Clarke told her.

“I won’t be... not like Bellamy, or Murphy, or Wells.”

“Hey, I’d choose Raven Reyes over those three hacks any day and twice on Sunday,” Octavia smirked, earning a chuckle from Raven.

“Raven, you can do this. If there is anyone in this world that can, it would be you. The world has tried to beat you down and break you but you _always_ find your way to the surface. This isn’t any different. You aren’t alone, and you’ve got this.”

Clarke could practically see the moment her mindset shifted. She could see the fire in her eyes and the steel that went all the way down to her soul. She nodded and turned back to Becca, who was looking at her with soft eyes. 

“So what’s it going to be? Did you make a choice?” 

Raven nodded. “I could stop and give up and be on crutches or a wheelchair the rest of my life. I could choose the pain, let it rule me and break me. But I don’t run. I don’t choose pain. I choose life. I choose to fight.” Raven turned to look at Clarke and Octavia, who had returned to the side of the room. 

Clarke started tearing up and smiled wide at her friend, who nodded once before kicking PT’s ass the rest of the session. They watched as she got fitted for a brace that would allow her to walk without crutches, though she’d still have a limp. She was supposed to only take it off during her exercises, but at least she’d get around easier until she recovered fully.

They finished up and decided to make a quick pit stop at Octavia’s shop to see how it was coming along. She had stashed a bottle of wine in the back so they sat around for the rest of the afternoon, talking and drinking and enjoying time spent together. Clarke had been so busy, she missed these smaller moments. The ones that she got to just enjoy being alive and with her friends. 

She crashed on the couch when she got back home, Bellamy walking in the door to find her like that shortly after. 

He chuckled at her. “Did I lose you?”

She groaned. “Almost. I’m so tired I feel like I could melt into this couch.”

He sat down next to her, pulling her legs into his lap and stretching an arm across the back of the couch. “How was PT? Raven okay? I feel bad that I’ve only taken her a couple times.”

Clarke sighed and sat up. “It was okay. She got her brace, which I think will help. But it’s taking a toll on her, you can tell. Don’t feel bad, you’ve got your Mom to take care of. Raven has lots of people around her to help.”

“I’m glad she has you,” he told her.

“I’m glad I have her,” she said back.

He only hummed in response and was quiet for a moment before he cleared his throat. “You ready for next week?” 

She opened one of her eyes to squint at him. “Yeah… why? Aren’t you?”

“Yep… just making sure you aren’t getting cold feet.” 

She jabbed him with one of her feet on his lap. “Nope, nice and toasty.”

He grabbed the foot that was poking him around the ankle and tickled it until she was squirming and smiling next to him. “Good. Because you’re stuck with me.”

“Stuck, huh?” she retorted when she was able to slip out of his grasp. 

“Yep. I’m never letting you go now.”

“Hmm,” she hummed. “I like the sound of that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love incorporating canon conversation in this fic, and I got a two-fer in this! Both the Day Trip bunker rifle conversation and pieces of various Sinclair/Raven convo.
> 
> So who's ready for this wedding?!


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, I'm a liar. 
> 
> And I'm a terrible estimator. So since this came in at 11k words, I'm splitting this last chapter into two parts. The next (and officially last) will be posted tomorrow. I'm so sorry for the back and forth everyone!
> 
> Also for the long wait. It was MUCH harder than I imagined it would be to wrap it all up.
> 
> Enjoy :)

Bellamy woke up Christmas Eve morning alone. He rolled over to the spot where Clarke slept, still warm from her only having gotten up a few minutes ago to hop in the shower. His head hit her pillow and he inhaled her scent still lingering on it. She smelled like a mixture of orange and lime, from her shampoo, and something a little more woodsy, from nothing other than just _Clarke_. The smell brought back the first time he realized what she smelled like, the morning after the apartment fire. She was wearing his clothes and he’d gotten closer to her than he ever had before then, and remembered that she had smelled like a mix of the two of them. 

He had just realized his feelings for her ran deeper than _just friends_ and it had thrown him for a loop. He remembered the instinct that seemed like second nature to take care of her. 

So much had changed in so little time and he knew that by the world’s standards, they were doing everything backwards, moving too fast and not giving their relationship enough time to evolve before making the commitment he had already and was going to make again today. 

But what’s enough time? At what point does it become acceptable to realize you want to spend your life and every lifetime after with someone? A year? Two? It was different for everyone and just because this was faster than some doesn’t mean that they were any less made to build a home and a life and a family together. Because he wanted all of that with her and there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that it was meant to be with her.

_A family. _

Kids. 

He’d always wanted kids. And just for a moment, while he was still somewhere in that waking place between dreams and reality he allowed himself to picture a little girl with her blonde hair and his brown eyes. Or a little boy with freckles like him and blue eyes as blue as the ocean like Clarke. They’d scoop them up and camp in the backyard on the clearest night of the year and spend hours pointing out the constellations like Bellamy and Aurora used to and then make up some new ones like Clarke and Jake did. 

Bellamy could read the _Illiad_ to them until they practically had it memorized like he did, and Clarke could teach them to take pictures and capture the beautiful moments of their lives to look back on forever. They’d spend weekends up at the cabin with Aunt O and Aunt Raven and Uncle Lincoln and Uncle Wick and any kids they might have. It’d be filled with children laughing and jumping and reading and drawing and dancing.

His heart felt completely at peace. Part of him was racing, knowing what was going to happen later that day, but in a good way. In a joyful, anticipatory kind of way. They’ve been in love for months (even if they didn’t know it), but it felt like they’ve been waiting for this day for their lives to truly begin. 

He sat up when she came back in from the bathroom, towel around her body. They’d both come home late the night before, Murphy and Octavia insisting on bachelor and bachelorette parties, despite the fact that they were technically neither. They compromised though, and settled on a combined celebratory night at TonDC and then back to Murphy and Emori’s for a game night. 

It was weird and hilarious, and Jasper’s tradition of making up the rules to classic games was in full force. After an ill-fated game of twister that left half of them in pain and the other half in laughter, they settled on a mutated game of Risk that lasted 2 whole hours. Jasper decided it was an apocalyptic wasteland and they had to try to find a way to survive on a radiation soaked Earth. Each team represented a different “clan” warring for control of the land. 

Eventually both of the girl clans, Harper and Octavia and Emori being one color, and Clarke and Raven being another, formed an alliance and since the game was made up, there were no rules against it happening and together they beat the rest of the clans soundly. They were all (mostly) good sports about it though, and went to the next game where the boys got their revenge.

It was now the next morning and he watched Clarke float around the room, her wet hair dripping down her back as she pulled some clothes out of the dresser to take the bathroom. She turned, bundle of cloth in her arms, and caught his eye. She beamed and bounded over to him, giving him a soft kiss on his lips. 

“Morning,” she told him, a smile on her face and her eyes bright.

“Hey there,” she said back, grabbing her waist. She tumbled over his lap and he scooped her in and gave her an eager kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, having abandoned her clothes on the bed behind her. When he noticed her towel starting to loosen around her body, he smirked and tugged on it a little. “Need some help with that?”

“Ha! You wish,” she teased, giving him a smug look and wiggling her eyebrows at him. She stood back up and he frowned at the loss of her body draped across his. She tightened the towel and jutted her chin out in the headstrong way that she does that always tells Bellamy he’s about to lose. “Nice try though. But we aren’t even _married_ yet, Bellamy, what kind of woman do you think I am?” she asked, feigning indignation. 

“The _best_ kind,” he responded and he saw her stubborn resolve waver just a fraction before she regained her stance. Clarke bit her lip and her eyes darkened for a second, so he lunged out for her hand to tug her back to him, but she danced away from him, just out of reach.

“Nope. I guess you’ll just have to wait until tonight,” she told him, snatching the bundle of clothes on the bed back and backing towards the bathroom.

He let out a small whine and fell face first down on their bed. He could hear her chuckle as she slipped into the bathroom.

“Trust me, this is hurting me just as much as it is you!” she called from behind the door. 

“I sincerely doubt that!” he shot back. Bellamy dragged himself out of the bed and threw on a hoodie to go start coffee.

Once he started the pot, he got to work on breakfast. It was going to be a long, full day and he meant what he said months ago to Clarke when they first started hanging out about how important breakfast was. 

He was just getting the first batch of bacon off the pan when Clarke finally emerged from the room. 

“Is that - yes! I was hoping you’d make bacon and eggs this morning,” she told him with a bright smile. 

“Oh no, this is for me,” he teased, swatting her hand away when she reached for a piece. “I only make breakfast for my wife, and since we _aren’t even married yet_ -” he shot her words back to her, “- you’ll just have to wait.” 

It was a weak argument, especially because he loved making breakfast for her even before they were married and for all their friends, and she knew that, but he had to try. 

“Uh huh…” she said, walking slowly over to him with a look in her eye that told him just how _fucked_ he was. He narrowed his eyes and tried to maintain his composure, but the closer she got and he saw what she was about to do, his heart started pounding. 

She got close and popped up on her toes so their lips were even and against his mouth, she whispered, “I can’t wait to marry you tonight,” and then she moved forward the last inch and caught his lips in a heated kiss, one that shattered his resolve and had him moving against her hungrily. He felt her hand leave his face and move down his shoulder and arm and all of sudden she stepped back and was gone from his arms, and when he opened his eyes to see where she had gone, he saw her munching on a slice of bacon she had snaked from the plate behind him.

His jaw dropped and he shook his head at her. “I can’t believe you just did that!”

She laughed a little breathlessly but before she responded, a knock sounded at the door. “Oh! The door, I’ll get it!” She winked at him and he rolled his eyes, picking up his own piece of bacon to eat.

Raven, Octavia, Emori and Harper came wandering in behind her and O’s eyes lit up. The instant he saw her expression, he knew exactly what she was after and he was a half second ahead of her and as his sister lunged for the plate he lifted it above his head. She jumped a little trying to reach it but he was much taller than she was and held it out of her grasp.

“Come on, Bell! That’s mean!” she whined at him and stood with her arms folded. He just smirked at her.

“He was teasing me about it too,” Clarke piped in. 

“You teased me first!” he tried to defend himself.

“Why don’t you just kiss one out of him?” Emori asked, ignoring him, and he rolled his eyes again.

“How do you think I got this one?” Clarke asked, holding the remainder of the bacon she’d tricked out of him up for them to see.

Bellamy sighed and set the plate down on the counter. “Fine, you vultures, have at it!” he gave in, waving a hand. 

They all converged on the plate, and before he knew it, it was gone. He set to making more, handing Clarke her eggs that he’d made before she came into the kitchen.

After everyone had finished eating, the girls got up to leave; they were headed out to run some last minute preparation errands before heading up to the mountain. They were going to get married at a spot near the cabin, then they were supposed to spend a couple days up there before heading home, but he had a couple surprises up his sleeve for Clarke. He was hoping that when she found out what they were, things he’d spent the last month planning, he hoped that she’d be as excited as he was while he was planning it. 

The other girls waited in the hallway so he and Clarke could say goodbye. He wouldn’t see her until they were up the mountain, and he found himself more anxious than he expected to be. She wrapped her arms around him and he encompassed her small body in his, kissing the top of her head.

“Have fun with the girls,” he told her in a low voice.

“Oh I’m sure we will. But, I’ll still miss you. I love you, Bellamy Blake,” she muffled into his chest and he felt her place a small kiss where his heart was.

“Love you too, Princess. See you later?” 

“I’ll be the one walking down the aisle.”

“Can’t wait.”

***

Clarke climbed into the passenger seat to the other girls giggling and the minute her butt hit the seat, she found herself adorned with a fake blinking crown and sash that said “BRIDE” in big bold letters. 

“Okay, okay, you girls ready?” Emori asked, putting the car in drive and driving away from the place she’d felt more at home at than any place she’d ever lived. She still felt the ghost of Bellamy’s lips against hers and a small smile crept on her face.

This was senseless, in a way; they were already married. They already knew they’d be together forever. They’d already declared their love over and over and over again. She was sure without a doubt they’d have their whole lives together. 

But the idea of a _wedding_, of walking down an aisle with all their friends and family there to watch them,of saying vows and dancing in a beautiful dress, made her heart pound with joy. Her father wouldn’t be there to walk her down the aisle like she’d thought he would when she was a child, but Wells was there and she’d asked him to take the responsibility. He was one of her oldest, best friends. Her brother, for all intents and purposes, and it’d felt right when she asked him if he would do it. 

She didn’t really subscribe to the arcane notion that she needed someone to ‘give her away’, she wasn’t property, nor did she think any of her friends thought of her as such. But there was something about having someone who’s known her her whole life walk next to her as she committed to Bellamy that was comforting.

After making a pit stop at a nail salon to get all their nails done and a drive thru for their lunch, they took off for the cabin, wanting to arrive early enough for Harper to get a chance to help her with her hair and make sure things were settled. Bellamy and the rest of the guys would arrive a little later after them. Her mother and Aurora too, though they were only up there for the ceremony and would leave that same evening instead of staying the night like everyone else. Unfortunately, Theolonius would not be able to attend, he was simply too weak to make the trip.

But the rest of her little found family would be there and that was enough. These people would be who she was going to spend her life with, and that's who she wanted to be there for this. 

Octavia was the one driving now, Emori and Raven having fallen asleep in the back seat. Clarke was staring out the window, watching the scenery fly by when Octavia spoke up. 

“It’s your wedding day, I’ll let you pick the radio station…” 

Clarke smiled, knowing that O never gave up radio privileges lightly. “Thanks, but this is fine. I don’t want to wake them up,” Clarke told her, nodding at the girls in the back.

O was silent for a moment longer, before asking, “You okay? I’m not going to have a runaway bride on my hands, am I? Being the sister of the groom, that puts me in quite an awkward position.”

Clarke chuckled, “Not a chance. Don’t worry. Just... thinking about my dad.”

“Hmm... “ Octavia nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. He’s here with me anyway, I can feel him. But yeah, he would have loved this day. He would’ve loved all of you.”

“Even Bell? Taking away his only daughter…” she teased.

Clark let out a heartier laugh than the chuckle from before but slapped a hand over her mouth quickly, not wanting to wake Raven or Emori. “Yeah, something tells me he wouldn’t really see it that way. I was a handful.”

“Was?” Octavia smirked, and Clarke saw her peek over at her with a snarky smile.

“Ha ha very funny. Bellamy probably would’ve surpassed me and been his favorite.”

“So he was a nerd too?”

“Definitely.” It felt good to joke about her dad like this. It hurt less, made her less sad than it used to. Something about talking to Octavia about it made her feel like he was still here and knowing without a doubt how happy he’d be for her made her feel more at peace than she’s felt since he passed. Thinking about her dad used to cripple her if she let herself feel too deeply about it and now instead, she found herself joking and laughing and _smiling_ about him. 

_So this must be what healing really feels like._

She’d felt whispers of it over the past few months, ever since her apartment burned down and she was forced to move forward, forced to learn how to live without him constantly surrounding her. She had been so wrapped in her grief, so stuck in the past, in her mistakes that she never thought about what might be on the other side if she ever tried to make it there.

They were the first ones to the cabin and set about quickly unpacking the car. Clarke’s dress was going to be hung in O, Raven, and Harper’s room so Bellamy wouldn’t see it when the boys arrived, but everything else of hers (including the new lingerie that the girls insisted she go shopping for a few weeks ago) went in Bellamy’s room. 

Clarke walked into the house and stopped dead just inside the door. The entire living room was decorated from head to toe in Christmas decor. It was beautiful. Garland was draped along the stairwell and across the mantle of the fireplace, lights were strung high, and a massive Christmas tree was sitting in the center of the giant windows. It was so large that when Clarke stepped up to the base of it, she had to crane her neck to look all the way up. She had no idea how they got it in there, or _when_. There were nutcrackers and snowflake blankets and little angels scattered around the room. It was like stepping into a dream.

It was only enhanced when Octavia walked over to the fireplace and flicked on the gas logs and a roaring fire came blazing to life. The cabin was already heated though, which was good, considering that especially all the way up on the mountain it was so cold that they could see their breath when they were outside. The weather wasn’t calling for snow, but it was so cold, Clarke wouldn’t be shocked if they got a surprise over the next week.

“When did he do this?” Clarke asked no one in particular.

“Remember a week ago, Bell said he was hanging out with me on his day off while you worked?” Octavia asked, a mischievous grin on her face. “We came up together to get the place ready.”

“And then Murphy met him up here and helped him get the tree in,” Emori added.

“Oh yes, that was _hilarious_. Those two are strong, but _damn_ was that an ordeal,” Octavia laughed to herself. “That included a lot of swearing,” she added.

Clarke just smiled and chuckled, a small blush creeping up her face. He had gone to so much trouble for her and her heart swelled at the thought and care that went into this whole thing.

They dispersed and finished unpacking the car. Clarke climbed the stairs to the hallway between all the bedrooms, almost accidentally heading to the room she’d stayed in last time before remembering that she was sleeping in Bellamy’s room this time. _Their_ room now. 

Walking the hallway down to their room felt so surreal. Raven came up next to her and bumped her shoulder and it snapped Clarke out of her musings and she realized she’d been standing bag in hand for more than a few minutes, staring at his door.

“You forget how to open a door, did ya?” Raven asked with a smile on her face, but her eyes were narrowed in the way that they were when she was trying to figure something out.

Clarke shook her head. “You know, I’ve been sleeping in the same room as Bellamy for a while now -”

“Sleeping… is that what they’re calling it?” she asked mockingly.

“- but this feels different. Last time I was here we were at each other’s throats, I was still in love with you-know-who and he was with Echo. I wouldn’t have dreamed of even entering this room, let alone sleeping in it.”

At her mention of Echo, her mind side-tracked briefly to all the things they’d probably done in this very room and all of the sudden Clarke wasn’t so sure she’d be able to _sleep_ with him in here. She shook her head and told herself to grow up and get over it. It’s not like his room at the apartment was any different.

“True, true… quick question, did you ever see this room when you were here before?” 

Clarke turned her head to face Raven. “Yeah, a little. I passed by a few times when the door was open. Why?”

“Before you start freaking out about the way things used to be -”

“I’m not freaking out,” Clarke interrupted and frowned.

“- maybe take a peek inside.” With that, Raven shrugged her shoulders and wandered off down the hallway to her own room. 

Clarke took a deep breath and opened the door. 

Everything had been changed. Not only had the furniture been rearranged, but there was completely new decor. The bedspread, curtains, pillows were completely different. She walked over to what would be her side of the bed and noticed a lamp she had passively mentioned to Bellamy that she loved when she saw it online one night. The comforter that adorned the giant canopy bed, that she remembered he had built, was dark blue with puckers and the canopy had new shimmering silver sheer curtains surrounding it. A giant, beautiful rug that reminded Clarke of the night sky, adorned the floor and there was a picture of her and Bellamy dancing at Octavia’s wedding hanging above the bed. 

She’d discovered it hiding on her camera a couple weeks ago when she’d gone to develop them for O and Lincoln. Raven admitted to having taken it, saying that she didn’t think Clarke would mind having one of her and Bellamy. She was also the one who would be taking some pictures that night of their own wedding.

He had even put some of her favorite books on her nightstand. She wasn’t sure when he’d found time to come up here and do all of this, but she felt tears welling up at the corner of her eyes she was so touched. It was beautiful, and so very _them_. He had a way of always making her feel at home. Probably because _he_ was her home.

***

Bellamy and most of the rest of the guys were almost to the cabin, and while he wasn’t supposed to see Clarke before the wedding started (Octavia’s orders) he was already thinking of how many ways he could slip past their friends to see her, even for just a moment.

He’d spent so much time planning and decorating the cabin, hoping that it would be a nice surprise for her. Christmas was the next day after all, and he wanted her to experience all the magic he could fit in their weekend for her. He even had a present to give her when they woke up in the morning and he felt like his skin was crawling he was so excited for her to see what it was.

They approached the cabin and saw not only the girls’ car, but Abby’s as well. They all got out and grabbed their bags, slinging them over their shoulders as they approached. Just as he got to the top step though, the door swung open and O was flying into Lincoln’s arms. Emori and Harper were not far behind her stepping into their own embraces with Murphy and Monty. He looked around, a little awkward, and stepped past them into the house. 

Sensing what (or, more specifically, who) he was looking for, Octavia came up behind him and popped her head around his left side. “She’s upstairs with Raven, Abby, and Mom. We’ve quarantined her in our room. But nice try.”

“Very funny, O. But you know we’re already married. None of this superstition stuff really applies. Plus, it’s not like you followed any of these silly rules when you and Lincoln got married,” he pointed out.

“True. But you’re more old-fashioned than I am anyway,” she replied with a wink. “Plus, you know how I love to drive you crazy, big brother.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes. “Right, because today is about you and what you want.”

“Obviously,” she said, rolling her own eyes.

“Right. Can I at least talk to her?”

Octavia looked like she was actually pondering his compromise and he knew he had her when she hadn’t responded no immediately. His sister may be hardheaded and a little crazy, but she was also a romantic and he knew what to say to get through to her. 

Octavia narrowed her eyes appraisingly at him. “Fine… you know, I used to think you were too stubborn to ever get married -”

“Hey!”

“- okay, well maybe not _ever_, but still. I knew it wouldn’t just be _any_ girl you ended up with. I should’ve known it would have to be someone just as stubborn and crazy as you are. Maybe even more so. I like this look on you, Bell.”

“And what look would that be?”

“In love,” she said simply, as she started leading them upstairs. “You look lighter, fuller, more at peace than I think I’ve ever seen you.”

“Yeah, well, turns out it’s pretty peaceful when you don’t have to go through the world alone.”

“Yeah it is,” Octavia agreed as they reached the door. She knocked three times and the door opened so Raven’s head could pop out. 

“Hey, O. Bell. What’s going on?” Raven asked and Bellamy craned his neck to see if he could get a glimpse of Clarke in the back. He could hear muffled laughter, but it was too soft for him to pick out what they were laughing at. 

“Romeo here wants to see his Juliet,” Octavia told her, nodding in his direction.

“Ugh,” Bellamy scowled. “Don’t compare us to them, that was a terrible story.”

Raven rolled her eyes and addressed O, “I thought we said they weren’t going to see each other?”

“They still won’t, but he wants to at least talk to her through the door and I can hardly deny him at least that, right?”

Raven looked him up and down. “Lovesick puppy,” she said teasingly. “Clarke!” she called behind her and Octavia slipped in past her. Before Clarke could walk up though, Raven closed the door so that it was barely open a crack.

“Bellamy!” Clarke exclaimed as she reached the door. “You’re here!”

“Hey, you,” he said softly. Just the sound of her voice somehow set butterflies to flight in his stomach and calmed his whole being at the same time. He leaned against the doorway. “I’m glad you got here safely. I just wanted to hear your voice.”

He heard her hum. “It’s nice to hear you too. I know we’ve only been apart since this morning, but it feels like a week,” she giggled quietly. “This house… Bell it’s incredible. I can’t believe you did all of this. And your room…”

“Our room,” he corrected. “I just want you to feel like this is yours too.”

“I do. Thank you.” She was quiet a moment longer before saying, “Stupid Octavia.”

“I heard that!” he heard his sister say.

He laughed. “What is it this time?”

“All I want is you to hold me and I’m confined to this ridiculous room. They’re watching me like a hawk right now.” 

He hummed his agreement before all of a sudden, he heard her turn away from the door and say, “Raven, O! Will you check out the window? I thought I heard rain and that would totally suck.”

It was confusing because when he’d come in from the car not 10 minutes prior, it was clear skies. Not a cloud in sight. It became clear what she was doing though when he had to take a full step back due to her slipping out the door.

“Distraction… huh? Impressive. They don't usually let that work,” he smirked at her.

“Yeah, well, let’s just say I was desperate,” she shot back and wrapped her arms around his torso, a gesture he immediately reciprocated. She looked very laid back, dressed in leggings and an oversize sweatshirt hanging off a bare shoulder. He dipped his head down and placed a kiss on her warm, exposed skin. 

“Clarke? Where’d you - hey!” Raven admonished, finally catching them in the hallway.

Clarke just beamed up at him. “Uh oh, _busted_.”

“Busted is right! You’re lucky it was me and not O catching you two!” Raven stood with her arms folded, but there was no real annoyance under her reprimand and Bellamy could see the tiny smile she was trying to hide.

“Oh I think I can handle my sister.”

“Uh huh, you keep on thinking that, Blake,” Raven placated. “Alright lovebirds, break it up, we have hair and makeup and a dress to get on you, Griffin! Chop chop!” Bellamy frowned immediately as Clarke stepped out of his arms and Raven added, “Oh, I think you can go without her for two more hours.”

“You keep on thinking that, Reyes,” he repeated her words back to her. But he smiled and let them go and returned to making sure things were ready.

They weren’t going far, there was a little path around the back of the cabin that lead to a cliff side. It was a grassy field that overlooked the mountainside below. In the spring and summer it was surrounded with flowers and he made a mental note to bring them back here then so she could see them. The last time they were here, they were barely speaking so he hadn’t thought to bring her over here.

He had spent most of his free time (and when Clarke was working) the last month getting the arch way built at Murphy and Emori’s, since they were the only ones with a garage where he could work. It’d been a while since he’d been able to build anything and he’d almost forgotten the warm feeling it gave him. When he wasn’t punching bags at the gym letting out his frustrations, he’d be working on the arch. It was methodical and gave him an outlet and a sense of accomplishment.

Clarke didn’t know anything about it and he had a slight anxious feeling hoping that she would like it. The first time she’d been seeing it would be when she walked toward him during the ceremony and his stomach was doing flips trying to imagine that moment. 

The moment seemed to take forever but before he knew it he found himself in his blue button down shirt, tie, and dark gray slacks standing just in front of the arch next to Murphy, who was the one guiding the ceremony. He wasn’t ordained, but he didn’t really need to be, since they were already legally married anyway.

He looked out to the white chairs that held his family and friends and they all had soft smiles on their faces. His mother already had tears in her eyes and on one side of her sat Octavia, who had a pack of tissues in her lap, and on her other side was Abby, who was not tearing up, but had a more serene look on her face than Bellamy had ever seen her wear. 

Octavia was eyeing him mischievously, and when he looked at her, she wiggled her eyebrows and he couldn’t help but smile at her. The music started then, and he turned his eyes to the path that Clarke would be coming down, his heart pounding with eagerness.

***

Clarke was standing in the house, checking her makeup and hair and dress in the mirror for the thousandth time and she shook her hands trying to rid herself of the jitters that had started after everyone had left for the field. She’d taken off her ring to give back to Bellamy so he could put it on her finger during the ceremony and despite the fact that she’d only been wearing it for a month, her hand felt so incredibly wrong without it. 

“You ready, Griffin?” a voice sounded behind her and she smiled, her nerves abating slightly. Clarke turned around and saw Wells standing there in his khakis and green button up, waiting patiently.

“Of course I am, I just can’t figure out why I’m so _nervous_ all of a sudden; we’re already married for crying out loud.”

“If it helps, he’s the same way. He was wound so tight, he looked like he might jump out of his skin.” He stepped a little closer to her. “A wedding is a big deal. But.. do you think it could be more _excitement_ and anticipation than actual nerves?”

That’s it. That was the exact emotion she was feeling. It wasn’t nerves, Bellamy was more a part of her than anyone ever had been or would be and there was no doubt that this was what she wanted. It was that she was just simply _excited_ for this moment. Excited for their life together. 

“You’re right… of course you’re right. That’s what I’m feeling.” At saying it out loud, she could already feel her shaking fade into warmth and steadiness. “You know me well.”

“Well… you know, that’s what happens when you grow up with somebody,” he shrugged. “Should we do this?” 

She nodded. Clarke turned quickly to the dining room table and ran her fingers over her father’s watch face one more time before setting it back down. She’d considered wearing it, but had decided against it. 

“You know, I remember the fake weddings we’d have as kids, you’d insist your dad walk you down the aisle, that he needed to ‘practice’ for the real day. He never turned you down,” he laughed a little at the memory, and Clarke smiled and felt a tear gathering at the corner of her eyes. “He’s here, you know. In your heart, in this mountain. Don’t forget that, okay?” Wells said, wrapping an arm around her. He hesitated a moment longer, before adding, “Maybe I could wear it? Just for the ceremony. Then it would almost be like we were both walking you down.”

Clarke’s eyes shot to his and suddenly she was fighting the urge to cry. “I would really love that, Wells, thank you,” she said softly, her voice choking a little. There was no way she was making it through this wedding without ruining her makeup.

Wells put the watch on and extended his elbow for her to wrap her arm around. Clarke grabbed her flowers off the table, took a deep breath and as they approached the door that would lead them down to the path, Wells took his phone out and hit a button signaling the music to start. And they were off. 

It was freezing, she was sure it was, it had to be. It was the dead of winter and she could see her breath every time she exhaled, but as soon as she caught sight of Bellamy standing by the most beautiful arch she’d ever seen that could only be Bellamy’s handiwork, she couldn’t feel it. There was no cold, no shivering, no goosebumps. All she felt was the warmth that started in her heart and radiated all the way to her fingertips and toes. She locked eyes with Bellamy and she felt every last shake and nerve left in her body still completely and she felt perfectly steady and calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you tomorrow :)
> 
> Or later tonight... who knows. I have no restraint, people!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. The end. You guys, my heart is pounding as I type this. This has been such a wonderful, crazy journey for me, and I can't even begin to express how much it means to me that so many people came on this ride with me. 
> 
> The words of encouragement and love from all of you have been amazing.
> 
> Truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
> 
> Without further ado...

If Bellamy thought he’d ever get used to being thoroughly dazzled by the woman walking towards him, he’d be wrong. 

Clarke and Wells stepped onto the path and he could’ve sworn the sun got brighter and warmer just by being in her presence, like it was drawn to her. 

His breath hitched and he felt his heart stop at the sight of her. Her dress was made of lace, weaving intricate floral designs and fell just below her feet to the ground, dragging behind her slightly. It had short sleeves, ending just past her shoulders and it cut into a deep V in the front. Her beautiful blonde curls hung over her right shoulder in a ponytail, with a flower securing the strands together. When she turned to give Wells a hug after reaching him, he saw it braided across her neck and the back of her dress was open. She must be freezing, but she gave no indication that she was. 

When he grabbed her hands they were warm and soft, but her left hand felt so off to him, and he hadn’t realized how used he’d gotten to her hand wearing her ring he’d gotten over the last month.

“Okay, so you all know why we’re here, so I won’t bore you with the details,” Murphy sarcastically began and Bellamy snorted and Clarke just beamed. She was so stunning and he couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face if he tried. “But basically, these two finally figured it out.” They laughed and their friends and family cheered and whistled. “So now, in front of all of us, they have a few things they’d like to say.” Murphy gestured to Bellamy to begin.

He locked eyes with Clarke, who wore a soft smile and he took a deep breath. “Clarke, there aren’t enough words in the world to describe how so very deeply in love with you I am. I want you to know, without a doubt in your heart or mind, that no matter what happens, no matter where we go or what we do, you will always be my most joyful feeling, my truest love. I’ve never loved you more than I do at this moment, and I promise to never love you any _less_ than I do at this moment. It doesn’t matter to me if things get hard, because I know that things will always be worse if we’re apart. I love you, Clarke Griffin, and I’m committed to spending an eternity of eternities with you.”

He saw Clarke inhale sharply and she let go of one of her hands to wipe at her face. Octavia bolted from the front row up to her quickly handing her a tissue. She laughed. “Thanks. Okay. Now how do I follow something like that?” she teased sweetly. “Bellamy Blake, you are the love I never expected. I didn’t know love like the love you’ve shown me and that I feel for you even existed. It feels so true and whole and like it’s interwoven in my DNA to love you. You’re the one I want to spend this and any other lifetime loving, and it will still never be enough time. In the Odyssey, Homer writes, ‘I look at you and a sense of wonder takes me.’ I am in constant awe, every time I look into your eyes, that someone could be so full of life and love and kindness, and stubbornness to rival my own,” she paused and winked at him. “And I am so honored to even know you, let alone get to love you.” 

She finished and Bellamy swallowed heavily. He looked at her, and the whole world melted away. Her beauty, her strength, her love, it was all he saw; he was consumed by the magnitude of the moment. He seized forward, doing the only thing he could think of in that instant and gripped her face with his hands and her arms came up to wrap around him instantly like she sensed what he was about to do and he could feel her flowers on his back. He kissed her ferociously, before his ears finally registered Murphy’s throat clearing.

“Excuse me, whoa!” he exclaimed as they parted. “We aren’t there yet!” he tried to scold, but he could tell there was no weight behind it because when Bellamy finally tore his gaze from Clarke, he saw Murphy trying (and failing) to hide a smile. 

He snuck a quick glance at the rest of his family, and noticed that Octavia had run out of tissues. He looked back to Clarke whose eyes were sparkling and dancing with joy. 

“Well… maybe hurry up, then?” he prompted. 

“Right. Okay,” he clapped his hands. “I believe you both have rings to give each other?” They nodded and Bellamy grabbed Clarke’s from his pocket and he noticed her grab his from where it was tied inside her bouquet. 

They each took turns putting the rings on their respective ring fingers and then when Murphy _finally_ announced them married and that were allowed to kiss each other, he swept her up in his arms, dipping her back with a firm grasp on her waist so she wouldn’t fall. Her arms clasped around his neck, and the smiles they both wore on their faces kept them from making it too passionate a kiss, but it was one of the sweetest and most memorable they’d ever shared. 

When they turned to the rest of their friends, Bellamy was sure the cheering could be heard all the way down the mountain. Clarke’s hand never left his as they were immediately surrounded and embraced by each one.

When they all finally started moving inside, he hung back with Clarke for a second. “Hey.”

She smiled at him. “Hi.”

“Homer, huh? And I thought _I_ was the nerd.”

“Oh you are,” she said with a smirk. “I quoted him for you. Figured you might like that.” She winked at him.

“How did I get so lucky?”

She shrugged. “Must’ve done _something_ right.”

“Oh you’re just hilarious,” Bellamy said mockingly, but he still couldn’t help but lean over to give her a kiss. “So. You ready to party?” he asked, smirking back at her.

“You know it. Although, I have to say, I am equally ready for the… after party,” she said with a wink. He just smiled and shook his head and let her lead him inside.

Octavia immediately came up to them, holding up a hard case. “You two crazy kids ready for this?” she asked.

It had been Clarke’s idea. She didn’t want this to be a complete redo of the night they actually got married, she wanted to honor it, however impulsive and backwards it was. He was hesitant, she’d had to wear him down over the last month, but eventually he’d acquiesced. 

“You sure about this? It’s going to hurt,” he asked Clarke as Octavia set up.

Raven came up next to them and answered for her. “Come on you big baby. Nothing like a little pain to remind you you’re alive,” she said cheekily.

Clarke laughed. “She’s not wrong,” she told him. “Do it for me?”

He sighed and slumped and felt Clarke’s hand between his shoulder blades on his back. “I’d do anything for you,” he told her and it was true. As much fuss as he was putting up over this, he had to admit, it was kind of perfect. It was so very _them_ and it was a beautiful way of remembering each other. A star on his wrist and a star on her ankle. The real thing, instead of drawn on marker. 

_To remember the night._

“So who’s my first victim?” O asked.

“Very funny... I’ll go first,” he offered with a sigh. 

He sat down across from his sister and extended his arm, wrist up. She smiled at him and turned the gun on and touched the tattoo machine to his skin. He liked seeing his sister like this, completely in her element. All joking was gone and she was completely immersed in what she was doing.

That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt like a _bitch_ though.

Despite the fact that his sister was a tattoo artist with tattoos all up and down her arms, he’d never actually gotten a tattoo. There just wasn’t anything he was so passionate about, notwithstanding his love of mythology, that he wanted inked on his body for the rest of his life. 

Until now.

Emori wandered over and handed him and Clarke both shots. “Whiskey. It’ll help, trust me,” she said. He can’t imagine how much her face tattoos must’ve hurt.

It was Clarke’s turn next and she held up her empty shot glass for another go, to which Emori replied, “That’s my girl,” and poured her another shot. 

Since the interior had been decorated for Christmas, they adjourned to the patio for more space after O was finished with Clarke and told them very professionally how to take care of their new art. They had stuck some heaters out there so it wouldn’t be so cold, but even so, Clarke had gone upstairs to grab a sweater. 

Jasper was in charge of music, of course, and when _Look After You_ by the Fray started, Bellamy swung his wife into his arms and they started swaying gently.

“How’s your ankle?” he asked.

“Pleasantly numb,” she chuckled. “Thank you for doing that with me. I know you were hesitant.”

“Eh, it wasn’t so bad. And it was a wonderful idea, I do have to admit.”

“You can say I was right, it’s okay, I won’t hold it against you,” she smirked. He laughed and shook his head and moved from her to spin her around. Her dress splayed out and it reminded him of the gala they had gone to a few months ago when he got to dance with her like this for the first time. 

And now, they were married.

A half hour later, they were gifted snowfall, falling in fat flakes as far as they could see. Clarke’s eyes lit up and she spun wide, opening her mouth to taste some. He chuckled at the sight and grabbed one of her outstretched hands, spinning her back into him as the music changed to something faster. He had his hands on her hips, swaying to the music as the snow fell around them. It never stuck, at least to the patio, as the heaters they had going kept it from accumulating. 

They changed hands eventually, various people cutting in to try to get a chance to talk and congratulate them one on one. He even danced with his mother, who was doing so much better, before her and Abby ducked out for the rest of the party. Once they left for home, Jasper cranked up the volume and Monty started pouring drinks more heavily and most of them were still dancing and eating the meal Murphy had prepared for them when after a while, Bellamy pulled Clarke aside.

He got close, wrapping an arm around her waist and leaned in close to her ear. “I think I’m about partied out, what about you?” he whispered, his lips barely grazing her ear. He could feel the goosebumps spring up across her skin as he ran his hand gently down her side. Her gaze snapped to his and her eyes widened, and he saw her pupils grow just a shade darker. Her lips quirked up on one side and she nodded.

Bellamy turned to the rest of their friends on the patio, wondering if he should announce their exit and endure what he was sure was going to be an endless string of jokes about what they were about to go do. 

“I don’t think they’ll miss us or come looking when they’ve noticed we’ve gone,” Clarke said behind him and he felt her fingers slip into one of his back belt loops and tug a little. “Come on,” she invited. And he was all too happy to oblige.

***

She led him up the stairs and despite the amount of noise going on from the party downstairs, all she could hear was her heart pounding and their footsteps as they walked down the hallway. As far as Clarke was concerned, they were the only two people in the entire world. 

He closed the door to their bedroom behind her with a soft click and a turn of the lock. She could practically feel him getting closer even though he had toed his shoes off already and made no noise. Her eyes slid closed when the first thing to touch her was his lips on her neck. It was soft, so light, so achingly slow that if her skin hadn’t erupted in goosebumps at the contact she might believe he wasn’t doing anything at all. His hand slid around her stomach and she placed one of hers on top, intertwining their fingers.

His kisses grew more frequent and fervent, trailing a line from shoulder to shoulder and down her spine as he knelt down behind her. His other hand guided her out of her heels and traced a line softly up and down her calves. He spun her around and looked up at her as she looked down at him. His pupils were blown, and she was sure hers matched. His face was so open and vulnerable and kind. She placed both of her hands on his cheeks and his eyes slid closed at her touch. She traced her thumb over his freckles before making her way into his hair until she was gripping his head from behind and pulling him up to meet her lips. 

When their lips finally collided, it was like a dam had broken and his hands ran up the length of her torso until it reached the clasp up near her shoulders and she let the dress fall in a heap at her feet, leaving her in just her panties.

He pulled back to look at her and when he met her eyes he said, “I never stop being amazed at how utterly beautiful you are.”

She smiled, raised an eyebrow and beckoned him back. “Oh yeah? Show me,” she challenged.

He guided her back to the bed and they collapsed on top of it, being drowned immediately in the gigantic comforter. It took some awkward maneuvering to pull it back while they were still lying on it, but they laughed it off. Nothing was going to ruin the bubble they were in. 

They spent the next few hours breaking in their new room and fell asleep in their favorite position. Together.

\--------------------

The next morning, Clarke roused first, Bellamy still sleeping soundly next to her. He was shirtless, having only gotten up the bed long enough to pull on his boxers. She had pulled on his blue button up that he’d worn for the wedding the day before. She shifted, and let her fingertips dance across her chest. She placed a kiss on his shoulder and he finally started stirring. 

“Merry Christmas husband,” she said to him when she was sure he was awake. She saw him smile even before opening his eyes and he stretched and ran a hand through his hair which was about as unkempt as she was sure her own curls were.

He finally cracked his eyes open and slid down next to her so they were facing each other, noses almost touching. “Hey. Merry Christmas wife,” he said back to her, voice still hoarse from sleep. 

He moved forward a few inches and gave her a soft kiss on her lips, making her hum contently. “That was the most magical night of my life,” she whispered to him.

“Mine too.” 

“So if it wasn’t Christmas, I’d say we could stay in bed all day, but as it is, we also have guests in the house,” she told him.

“True. But if I had to guess, Murphy probably already has coffee and pancakes going so that’s a plus, and we have a busy afternoon planned anyway.”

She raised her eyebrows at him. “Busy? With what?” 

“Well… I may have one more surprise up my sleeve.” 

She couldn’t help but run a hand down his arm. “What sleeves?” she said cheekily.

“Ha ha. I could go put a shirt on so I have sleeves, if you want?” he asked, pretending to get up. 

“Don’t you dare.” She put her hand on his chest to guide him back down. “So what are we doing this afternoon?”

He chuckled and resumed his position lying next to her. “Let’s just say, don’t get unpacked. We have a plane to catch at three.”

She sat up immediately. He continued laying on his side though, with a hand propping his head up and a smug look on his face.

“A plane?! Where are we going?”

“Please, you didn’t think we were going to spend our entire honeymoon crammed in this cabin with a million other people did you?” he asked, his smug look only growing bigger. 

She smacked him in the shoulder and he tensed and tried to block it playfully, his smile growing wide. “Bellamy Blake! Where are we going?!” she asked again. 

He turned on his back and reached over to pull some papers out of his nightstand and handed them to her. She looked at his suspiciously before glancing down at the documents. They were boarding passes, for a flight that afternoon headed to -

“_Oregon?!_” She felt her eyes grow wide and her voice got higher as she bounced up and down on her knees, causing him to laugh. “We’re going to Oregon?” she asked again.

“I was thinking you could show me Multnomah Falls. What do you think? Ready to go back there?”

There was no one she’d rather share that special place with. She really had married the most thoughtful man in the world. 

Her smile only grew as she told him, “Hell yeah, I am.”

***

Clarke was giddy the entire flight over to Oregon and her eyes were lit up with wonder every time they looked out the tiny plane window, but if Bellamy was being honest, the best view to him was his wife. 

_His wife._

He was sure he’d get used to the term in time, but for now, his heart skipped a little bit every time he used that word. He still couldn’t believe the amazing woman next to him was his wife. That whatever powers that be in the universe paired him with _her_.

“ - and that’s Mount Hood! It’s an active volcano, did you know that? There hasn’t been an eruption since 1907 though…” she trailed off as the mountain came into view through the clouds below them. 

“No, I didn’t know that,” he smiled at her and grabbed her hand to hold as he laid back in his seat. 

It was still Christmas day, and he remembered the beautiful morning they’d spent with their friends. Murphy had even held his tongue about the fact that it was the ‘morning after’ and sure enough, had made enough pancakes to feed a small army. Though, he did make a comment about how they must’ve worked up an appetite after the _party_ so maybe he shouldn’t give the guy _too_ much credit.

The rest of them were all staying a couple more days, but he and Clarke had a plane to catch an hour away so they left shortly after noon. It’d be dinnertime by the time they arrived at Portland International, so he made arrangements to stay at Skamania Lodge, a beautiful place right on the Columbia River. Plus, when they headed to the Falls the next morning, they’d get to cross something called the Bridge of the Gods and the nerd in him thought that was pretty cool. 

They collected their bags and made their way to the ride share area. It was about the same temperature in Oregon as it was in Arkadia, so at least they were dressed appropriately. All the same, he stood behind Clarke with his arms wrapped around her so she’d stay warm while they waited for their ride to get there.

The Lodge had their own restaurant, and sourced their beer from a local brewery. It was a very different atmosphere than Bellamy and Clarke were used to, but it was fun and something different for them. 

Clarke told him stories of the time she was here with her father, and apparently he had made a big deal about the beer as well, and Bellamy could see why, it was really delicious. After dinner, they bundled up and took a stroll around the grounds. The trees there were tall, and green and everything smelled of pine. Once they got far enough away from everything, the entire sky seemed to open up into a starry landscape. 

Bellamy dropped in the middle of the dewy grass and laid back. It took Clarke a few steps, but she stopped and turned around when she noticed he wasn’t next to her anymore.

“What are you doing?” she asked with a chuckle in her voice. 

“What does it look like I’m doing? Join me,” he invited, stretching out a hand towards her. Her body started drifting closer to him, but she didn’t take his hand. 

“The grass is wet, and it’s freezing…” she trailed off but he could see the corners of her mouth twerk up like she’d already decided to join him, but didn’t want to make it too easy.

“Here,” he said, patting his chest. “Put your head here, and your rain jacket will keep it from soaking in through your clothes.”

She narrowed her eyes for a fraction of a second before she was smiling and taking his hand, laying her head down where he had patted. Her hair splayed out on his chest and his hand went up to her head, drifting softly through her curls. 

They stayed like as long as they could stand, just laying together, enjoying the quiet when they were silent and the laughter when they told stories to each other. No matter how much he’d already told her and talked to her, they seemed to never run out of things to say.

One thing that they hadn’t really talked about though came up about a half hour after they had laid down.

“I don’t think I’ve ever asked you if you want kids,” she stated, like she was asking a question, but it came out more fact.

Still, he smiled. Because, who _wouldn’t_ want to have kids with this incredible woman? He tightened the hand he had draped across her stomach.

“Absolutely. You know, there was a while there after Octavia graduated high school and I was in training that I was on my own and responsible for just myself for the first time and I wasn’t sure. But one of my first calls right out of training was a father who had pulled his son out of their burning house and the way he clung to his son in the ambulance, and the way his son looked at him... it was like you could physically _see_their bond and love. And I knew… I knew without a doubt that I wanted that someday.” He felt her nod her head against his chest as they continued staring up at the stars. It was a perfectly clear night, with only a small trace of clouds dancing across the stars. “What about you?”

She turned over on her stomach so she was facing him. There was a small smile on her face and she reached over to caress the side of his face. The tips of her fingers grazed his hair and her thumb played over his cheekbone. He leaned into it, relishing the feel of her smooth skin against his.

“When I was a teenager, that answer would have been no, without question. After my dad died and things became what they were with my mother, I didn’t want to repeat history with my own children. But when I got older and realized that didn’t have to be the way it had to be, I began to open up to that possibility again. And now…” she trailed off, smiling at him wider now. “Yeah, I would love to have kids with you. I want everything with you. You will be,” she blinked heavily then, “_such_ an amazing father.” Her voice broke and it was his turn to cradle her cheek, wiping the single tear that had dropped from the corner of her eye. 

He couldn’t help but grin wildly at her appraisal, and he felt a slight blush creep up on his face. “Well, neither of us is going to have children if we stay out here any longer and turn to popsicles,” he joked and she chuckled loudly and scrunched her nose before returning to her feet. 

They walked back to the Lodge hurriedly, where they both got apple ciders with a shot of whiskey. They spent the rest of the evening in each other’s arms next to the roaring fire in their suite. It was hands down the best Christmas he’d ever had.

\--------------------

“Come on sleepyhead, you’re burning daylight!” he exclaimed to Clarke the next morning, as she groaned, still in bed. He had gotten up early to make coffee and read out on the balcony. It was chilly and foggy, but incredibly peaceful and beautiful.

“Daylight just started, that’s a terrible argument,” she retorted, mumbling into her pillow. 

“Okay…” he tried again, crouching down next to the bed so he was level with her head. “How about… I’m going to drink all the coffee if you don’t get up?” He waved his half full coffee cup in front of her nose and she cracked an eye open menacingly. 

“You wouldn’t dare.”

He made a show of putting his mug up to his lips, but before the liquid entered his mouth, he found his hand empty and looked over to see Clarke drinking out of it with a smirk.

He just laughed and kissed her forehead and she sat up finally, drinking the last little bit out of the mug. He filled it back up for her and left it on the bathroom counter as she ran around the room getting ready. 

Once they had finally gotten dressed and packed for their hike, they called a Lyft and were off. He watched Clarke closely and Bellamy could see how anxious she was. He put a hand on her trembling leg and she looked over at him with a smile of thanks and placed her hand on top of his.

They pulled up to the Falls and despite the fact that he’d researched everything he could about this place in preparing for the trip, the pictures on his computer did it absolutely no justice. It was so tall, with an old arch bridge just in front of it, and it cascaded down in thick streams to the pool below. The sound was soothing and Bellamy only tore his eyes away when he heard a shutter click to his left. He turned to see Clarke lowering the camera from her face with an expression of wonder.

“It’s just how I remembered it,” she said with joy in her voice. “It’s so mesmerizing.”

“I could watch it for hours,” he agreed. “You ready?”

“I’m ready for anything with you,” she told him.

They joined hands and together they made their way up the trail. It was relatively unbusy and once they got started, their adrenaline kept them warm. He enjoyed watching the slight flush that appeared on Clarke’s pale cheeks though as they wandered higher and higher up the trail. She stopped every once in a while, when something would catch her eye or a little animal scurried across their path, to take pictures.

He’d seen her take pictures at O’s wedding, but this was different somehow. She looked so peaceful and relaxed as she lined up her shots and took picture after picture. It was like the camera was simply an extension of her arms and he couldn’t wait to see the trail through her eyes when she developed them. 

Once he’d photo-bombed quite a few to her annoyance, she started intentionally taking pictures of him and then every once in a while she would turn the camera and take some of the two of them as well. It was fun and light and it took much longer than it probably would’ve if they’d been more focused on the actual hiking (instead of stopping to take pictures and kiss), but eventually, they made it to the top.

Once they got there, Clarke dashed over to the railing and looked down at the water below. The sun had risen high at that point and from Bellamy’s vantage, he could see it catch the gold strands in Clarke’s hair and she almost looked like she was glowing. She lifted her eyes up to the sky and closed her eyes and he approached her, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her neck. 

He gripped one of her hands in his and spun her around, catching her in his embrace, her hair fanning out in that special way it does whenever he spins her. She giggled and caught his lips with hers and his brain noted that she tasted like joy. They stood like that for a while, kissing lazily and smiling into each other. He felt completely wrapped up in her in their own secluded place at the top of heaven. 

Their lips eventually parted, but he barely loosened his grip, allowing her only so much space as to turn around in his arms and together they talked about the landscape below. There were trees and blue skies as far as the eye could see, with a slight wisp of morning fog hanging on to the mountains. Cars were hustling busily on the highway below but any noise that they made was drowned out by the waterfall. 

“Is it everything you wanted it to be?” he whispered in her ear.

“It’s more,” she told him, leaning back into his chest.

He tightened his hold on her, her scent filling his senses. The feeling of complete surrender and comfort washed over his body in waves and he melted into this woman... this strong, thoughtful, iron-willed, beautiful wife of his. He wanted to stay here in this moment, lose all track of time and stay wrapped up in her love for as long as possible.

Thankfully, he had the rest of his life to do just that, and he both couldn’t wait and wanted to drag it out for as long as possible, savor every moment, commit every second to memory.

They were _together_, side by side, partners, and soulmates, and they would get to spend forever discovering over and over the many different meanings of what those words truly meant.

_“Endings and beginnings are inseparable, like the moment before dawn and the moment after.”  
-Kass Morgan_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go!
> 
> I hope it was a satisfying enough of an ending for you and that you can imagine all the ways this story continues on and lives forever in their fluffy world ;)
> 
> P.S. A line from Bellamy's vows (love you any more, love you any less) was a line from Kami Garcia's Beautiful Creatures. I just wanted to make sure I credited that appropriately. Also, clearly I do not own any of these characters and the various lines I incorporated from both the 100 show and books.
> 
> Also, fun fact. Look After You by The Fray was my wedding song too, so shout out to my own hubby <3
> 
> I've got a couple more ideas for stories, so y'all aren't getting rid of me that quickly ;) I think my next one will be more canon-universe, so hopefully I'll get to talk and interact with you all again soon.
> 
> If you want to come hang out with me on tumblr, it's [here](https://dayo488.tumblr.com/)! 
> 
> Love you all again ❤


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